It's Just Survival
Ginny glanced over at Draco as he walked into the bathroom looking distraught. He walked to the sink that opened the chamber and stared into the mirror as he spoke. “Everyone knows the legends of Slytherin; that he didn’t want to teach anyone but pure blood wizards. But, I wonder sometimes if he meant for it to turn into this. All the hate and war and deaths…” He sighed a little. “Do you think he kept that monster down there because he knew one day he’d want to let it out?” His eyes moved to look at her reflection in the mirror.
Her brow furrowed some, not sure why a wizard with his clear views and reputation was asking a question like that. “I…I don’t know. I know the snake only did what it was told, it didn’t just go out attacking people on its own. I guess if he’d wanted to he could have just set it loose back then, right?” She sat up some and shrugged. Draco shrugged as well and let his eyes drift away from her. “Why do you come in here?” She asked him after a moment’s silence and he was tempted to ask her the same thing, but he held back.
“What do you know about my father?” He asked after a moment’s silence and turning to face her. At first, she thought it was going to be another cocky threat regarding telling his father so she just stared at him with a raised brow and let him continue. “He’s a death eater.” It wasn’t the truth in his words that caught Ginny off guard, it was how casually he said it. Then again, it was common knowledge at this point wasn’t it. “They’re going to kill him. And my mum.” Ginny listened with a furrowed brow. Was he serious? Who was they? Voldemort? Other Death Eaters? “He’s failed too many times and our name is mud now.” He let out a wry chuckle he slumped against the sink behind him. “My name is mud…of all things.”
“Malfoy?”
But he kept talking over her, not even sure why he was telling her everything he was. There was something about her that made him feel safe. After all she kept coming back there too. “I knew how to say ‘mudblood’ before I even knew what it meant. I’ll bet that you were raised to love and accept people…” He chucked wryly. “All of you were. I was raised to hate and judge people and was taught that I was better than everyone else because of my blood. My father hates yours, hates all gingers actually.” Draco shrugged as she looked curious. “In my house, you don’t ask questions, you do what you’re told and keep your mouth shut.” He let out a sigh. “I know he’s not the best man, he almost killed my mother…a few times. If I wasn’t his only heir he’d likely have done the same to me. But pure blood and all…” He shrugged again as Ginny sat listening. She stared at him and held back all the emotion she was feeling for him. “But, he’s still my father and I’d do anything for my family. Just like you would.”
Ginny’s eyes locked on his as she opened her mouth to speak. It took her a moment to find words to even use in that moment. “I-I...” She swallowed hard. “I don’t agree with what they believe in – what they are - but…I’m sorry you might lose your family. No one deserves that.” She frowned a little, thinking of when she nearly lost her own father. “Why do you come here, Draco?” She asked him after a beat of silence. “If your family hates mine, if you hate me and my friends…why do you come here and talk to me?”
He turned away, looking back in the mirror for a moment. The candle light made his face look even paler and hollower than it already was. He looked so sick and she hadn’t seen it until just then as she watched him closely. “Truth?” He asked her, looking at her in the reflection. She nodded, and he turned again. “I don’t really hate any of you. But we all have reputations to keep up around here. And the worse it is at home, the harder I try to be the man he wants me to be. He gets furious when he hears things about me from people here. He hears that I’m soft, that I’m not as good in classes as Granger, he hears that I’m not as good at Quidditch as Potter, he hears that someone like you or your brother is regarded higher than I am despite our name and he’s beyond livid. I try to make him proud so he stops taking his anger and disappointment of me out on my mother when I’m not there.”
Ginny didn’t have to ask, from his mention of them being almost killed and the tone he used, Draco made it very clear that was exactly what Lucius Malfoy did to his family at home. She understood then, every time they showed him up, every time Hermione of all people bested him that he was punished or his mother was – for something she could never control. “If treating you lot badly, keeps my mother from getting hurt because she made an unworthy son, then I’ll be the bad guy every year.”
He sighed, sinking to the ground near the sink, wishing he could sink into that chamber and disappear, take his family in there and just be gone. If no one could find them then the pressure would be gone, his father wouldn’t be as angry if he wasn’t so scared of being killed by people who once took orders from him. She thought hard about everything he said to her, about how if Lucius wasn’t so cruel, there was a chance that Draco would be someone else entirely.
It was more than a month of talking in the bathroom before she opened the Chamber for him. It was because he never asked that she considered it. Unbeknownst to Draco, Ginny had opened the chamber many times before and gone back in. There was so much unanswered for her down there and revisiting the place looking for the resolution to the confusion inside her that she could only blame on what happened in there.
They stood over the dark hole in the floor and he glanced over at her. “Scared?” She asked with a little smirk, they had grown more casual with one another over the past few weeks. He rolled his eyes at her and looked back at the darkness. He gave her one last look before he stepped off the edge and let himself fall without a sound. Ginny watched his white blonde hair get smaller until she couldn’t see it any longer and she knew then how much he trusted her. She could have set him up for death if she’d wanted, but they both seemed to know that wasn’t why they kept coming back.
Draco was getting to his feet as she came down and landed on hers, dusting off his pristine robes. He seemed disappointed at first with the state of the place – kicking a few small bones around at his feet and sending dust up around them. “Wonder what it looked like in Slytherin’s day.” He muttered mostly to himself. Ginny lead the way through the rocks, the tunnels, and then the door Harry opened nearly five years before until they were standing before the giant stone face of Salthazar Slytherin.
While Draco stood still staring up at his house founder’s face, Ginny moved to the side, sitting cross-legged on the ground where she’d once lay unconscious. She watched him as he looked around, taking in the massive space that few people in the whole world had ever seen. “I used to wish it was me.” He mumbled, finally looking over at her. “The heir of Slytherin.” She looked to him, brows furrowed in confusion. “No one would have come after me like they did for you, and my father would have been proud of me before I died.”
Ginny frowned, trying to find an honest response to his words. She couldn’t truly say she’d have gone to find him back then but, finally something else came to mind, “Would you have been proud of you?” She asked him softly, “If it had been you, no one would have stopped it, he would have come back sooner, a lot of people would have died…if that happened, would you have been proud?”
“I’ve never been proud of myself. So, I doubt it would have mattered back then at all. Maybe I would have gotten to haunt the school like Myrtle.” And the way he seemed to think this was a good thing concerned her.
“Wouldn’t be much left to haunt.” She replied in a soft tone, but he just shrugged.
“How many times have you come back down here?” He asked her – her landing after the fall had been too good to be a first time. She shrugged and muttered a few times. “Why?” He asked – legitimately curious as to why she continued to frequent a place that tormented her as a child. Ginny sat silent for a while staring up at the stones all around them. She let her eyes move to the water and the stained rock from the blood of the snake to the bones of the creature itself.
“I don’t know. I guess, I just want to understand it.” She glanced over to him and he moved to sit as well. “I don’t remember anything, I woke up here with chunks of my life missing. It’s…difficult, and then there’s parts of me that think I remember and then I wonder if I’m just making it up from stories I heard. I just…feel like something is missing.”
They both skipped dinner and sat for hours talking in the Chamber. After a long beat of silence, Draco took in a deep breath before he spoke, just saying the words was hard for him, never the less saying it to her. “I’m scared.” He barely breathed it out, but in the silence of the Chamber and how close beside her he sat, she heard him clearly. Ginny didn’t need to ask him what he was frightened of – he’d spent enough time telling her about death eaters and his parents and how he didn’t think he’d see them again.
Ginny sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and hesitated for a moment, this was Draco Malfoy after all, but then she reached over and brushed her hand against his. His hands were cold and his eyes darted to her quickly, but he didn’t jerk his hand away. They looked at one another silently when something inside drew her in closer. She didn’t stop to think about what she was doing, or who he was, she just leaned over towards him.
Draco’s eyes went but he didn’t stop her or move away. Her kiss was soft and pure and unlike any kiss he’d ever had before. It was forbidden and strange, but being so close to her felt good - felt right. It took him a second before his eyes closed and he relaxed and returned the kiss. His hand stayed still in hers, not wanting her to let go as the other moved up to brush over her cheek.
His heart pounded, and Ginny’s seemed to jump into her throat as the kiss felt like it was sending fire through the both of them. Her skin tingled at the touch of his hand and everything seemed to move in slow motion making the short spontaneous kiss feel like it was lasting much longer than it actually had. As they pulled back they stared wide-eyed at one another as their hands jerked apart. Ginny licked her bottom lip before she bit down on it not believing what they’d just done – what she’d just done. “S-sorry.” She muttered out, quickly looking away from him as her cheeks went red.
Draco stared at her, of all the people in the whole world to ever kiss him he never imagined it would be Ginny Weasley. He had been kissed many times before…but no kiss had ever been like that one, so chaste and still so intense. He’d never had a kiss so sweet and genuine that made him feel like his stomach was doing flips. “I’m not.” He replied back to her simply.
Draco and Ginny knew better than to let on about anything – even friendship – budding between them. There was too much animosity between houses, between friends and enemies. But every so often, Ginny would look up across the great hall and catch him looking back. They didn’t let their lips smile, but their eyes spoke volumes between them.
Due to poor marks on her last exam, Pansy entered the great hall late for dinner. Her eyes always went straight to Draco in any room, but today when she found him in the crowd she caught the stolen glance. Her eyes found Draco’s but her smile faded when she saw the look on his face. A stare without a smile, but his eyes seemed to shine and that contented expression was not aimed at her – he had never looked at her that way. Her eyes darted across the room, looking for anyone he could be looking at that way. When Pansy found the matching expression anger, jealousy, and disgust flared up inside her quicker than it ever had before. A blood traitor like Weasley? She clenched her fist around her wand buried inside her robes and her hand shook slightly. It took everything in her not to whip out the wand right then and strike Ginny Weasley down.
Ginny watched Draco for a moment, eyes locked together until his gaze changed. His expression changed as soon as Pansy stormed over to him. Ginny watched as Pansy approached in a flash and leaned in, whispering angrily with a pointing finger. His eyes went from content to wide like a deer in headlamps. He quickly turned to Pansy and his eyes flashed in anger as he spoke in the same angered whisper and while Ginny couldn’t hear the words she could see the body language. Pansy’s expression changed from one of defiant pride to sheepish and apologetic. Ginny looked away, she didn’t want to see him like that, she didn’t want to know what they were saying so she just turned her head down and finished her supper in silence.
After dinner Ginny walked towards the bathroom with her head high, confidant and strong but inside her stomach was twisting and her heart was racing. They hadn’t planned to meet tonight, but something about his interaction with Pansy rattled Ginny. She hoped he’d be there to explain, to assure her that talks of the two of them we’re already travelling around the school. She couldn’t hold back a smile when she saw he was already there. She locked the door behind herself before the two moved closer to one another. Draco wrapped his arm around her and let his forehead rest against hers as he took in a deep breath – her scent soothing him and instantly calming all stresses on his mind.
“What happened earlier with Pansy?” Ginny asked him as they sat on the floor together. Their backs against the wall, but they leaned against one another as their fingers linked together. She knew something was off… everyone knew Pansy wanted Draco and would never do anything to make him cross with her.
“She saw me looking at you.” He replied simply, getting Ginny’s attention quickly. They’d talked a lot about not letting people know about them, about how awful everything around them could become if people knew. No one else could possibly understand the connection they felt to one another, the safety they felt together. People would judge it and ruin it. “I told her she was wrong.” He replied, but Ginny just eyed him silently. “Okay, so I said a little more, but it doesn’t matter now. It was just to throw her off.” Ginny nodded, understanding then that he’d spewed off insults he didn’t want to repeat. “Gin…” He began, “No matter what you hear I’ve said or done, you know I’d never hurt you, right?” He asked her softly. “You and me right here is the real truth, everything else is just…survival out there.”
Ginny smiled as she nodded. “I know.” She slid in a little closer as she let go of his hand to allow his arm to wrap around her shoulders before her lips pressed to his jaw.
Deep in the Chamber of Secrets, Ginny’s fingers lingered at Draco’s pale bare chest, moving over the scar slowly. He’d told Ginny what happened with Harry, about the curses and the hate, about Snape coming to save him from what would have surely been certain death. He didn’t shy away from the truth with Ginny, he didn’t refrain from telling her about his own crimes He had intended to curse Harry, he’d intended to hurt him and he didn’t deny it. He hadn’t expected to be lying in a pool of water and blood with a screaming ghost and Snape healing him in the same place he spent so many evenings with Ginny. Draco placed his hand over hers and looked into her eyes. “Gin, I’m okay.”
“I can’t believe you nearly used an unforgiveable.” She told him, disappointment all over her face. “You think you’d still be okay if you’d done that and been sent to Azkaban? Who even taught you how to do that?”
“My aunt.” He muttered, pushing his hand through her hair slowly. “And my father.” He sat up a little more and let out a sigh. “Honestly I wish you’d let me teach you how to do it. You don’t know what could happen Gin, and some shield charm isn’t going to keep a Death Eater away from you. You need to know how to fight back.”
Ginny frowned as she pulled back a little. “I told you already, I’m not doing that spell, and you shouldn’t do it either.”
“Some things you don’t do because you want to do.”
“You wanted to with Harry.” She replied quickly. “I know you two hate each other but you make your own choices, Draco.”
“You going to give him this speech too?” He asked flatly. “Going to scold him about using dark magic.” Her eyes looked down on the scar once more as Draco began to button up his shirt.
“Oh, shut up.” She told him with a shove, only to move right back in to him to kiss him once more. She was angry about the fight, she was disappointed that he would use such a spell, but it wasn’t enough to change how she felt for him. She knew Harry’s spell could have killed him. If the slice had hit his neck, or if Snape hadn’t arrived when he did…she was just thankful he was alive.
In little time the two were kissing passionately and wrapped up so close together it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. When finally he pulled back he slid his fingers through her hair and smiled. “I don’t know how anyone could have something against gingers, you’re so beautiful.” Unlike when he spoke to most others, when Draco spoke to Ginny he spoke soft and gently almost giving her another compliment with just his tone. “You remember what I told you a few weeks ago, right?” He questioned as curfew closed in. “That what happens here is the truth, that out there…”
“It’s just survival.” She completed the sentence, showing she remembered it all.
“Remember that for me, okay? No matter what happens.” Ginny had no idea just how far Draco had gone for survival – that earlier in the day he’d finally mended the vanishing cabinet and his job from Voldemort was coming to a close. She didn’t overthink his words or allow any suspicions arise. She was sure he’d been speaking about the fight with Harry or having to say something nasty about her again to make sure no one found out about them. Death Eaters and attacks on the school and Headmaster never even entered her mind.
“Of course.” She replied as she kissed him once more, knowing she’d never question what they were to one another…it was all too real. He’d been honest with her about something that was, by definition, unforgiveable. He knew she could have been so upset with him she’d have left, but he took the risk anyway just to be honest. Ginny felt at home with Draco, just as open as he was and knew she could be just as honest. She’d told him about her fears and secrets without any worry that he’d use it against her. If anything, he just wanted to comfort her.
Draco stopped and turned just before leaving the bathroom above the Chamber. He took her hand and looked at her in a way that showed how much she meant to him without his even saying the words. “Just remember this, no matter what.” He was gone before she could speak, but she smiled after him. It wasn’t negative to her, it wasn’t worrying. He’d already told her a number of terrible things about his life, what could he possibly do that could turn her away from him now?
When Ginny stepped through the portrait hole she was immediately pulled to a corner by Hermione. “Hermione! What?” But she didn’t finish before the bushy haired girl began to speak quickly about Harry leaving and insisting they all take the rest of the luck potion, he was sure something was going to happen tonight. Everything seemed to happen so fast after that. Several students hid out in their houses, but others went right for the commotion, fighting wizards much stronger than they were without any fear. They were protecting their home, their school and their lives.
Ginny caught sight of Draco rushing past her through the chaos and her eyes instantly filled with tears. The pain inside flashed across her face – she understood now. This was what he meant when he told her that it was all survival, this is what he meant when he told he had to do something or his father would be killed. And as it all hit her like a blow to the chest she screamed out: “What did you do?!” Her voice was shrill, scared, and hurt and immediately caught his attention. He looked back as he ran, his steel eyes caught Ginny’s and the pain that he knew he caused made him want to turn back but Snape urged him on.
She chased after him, pushing her brother out of the way with her wand held high. She dodged a curse flying past her and slid across the floor. She didn’t look to see what made her fall, she just gave chase. Draco looked back again, seeing her red hair flying behind her as she tried to follow…and the red jet coming at her beyond that. She was going to be hit right in the back. “Ginny!” He screamed as Snape pulled his arm. “Protego!” He shot back, barely getting the protection around her in time. She turned to fight back at the Death Eater who’s aimed at her back and by the time she turned back around, Draco was gone.