Yuletide
Say something, anything, Harry thinks desperately in the heavy silence that follows, but Snape’s face is shuttered once again and the only thing Harry can hear is the thrumming noise of his own blood rushing through his veins.
”It’s way past curfew. You need to get back to your dorm”, Snape says and swiftly swirls around and stalks out of the room.
”Aren’t you going to say something—?” Harry calls after him, but the unmistakable groan of the oak door opening cuts him off and with a sigh he get up and follows the other man into the antechamber.
He tries to catch the other man’s eye, but Snape is stubbornly staring ahead and when Harry takes a step closer to him he grabs him roughly by the shoulder and shoves him out the door. Then without waiting to see if Harry trips over his own feet or not, which he nearly does, Snape slams the door shut again.
Damn it all to Hell, Harry thinks as he glares at the black iron knocker dangling squeakily from the middle if the large door. He’s not really disappointed, or even surprised. It would have been extraordinary if Snape hadn’t thrown him out after a declaration like that. If anything, Harry is shocked, and relieved, that he did so without yelling at him or hexing him first.
With a weary sigh, Harry pulls the Invisibility Cloak out of his inner pocket and pulls it over his head before making the trek to Gryffindor tower.
*
”Wait, wait”, Hermione interrupts him for the third time. ”What did he actually say? When you told him you… you know…”
Harry lets his head drop with a loud thump against his Potions book and groans, garnering an aggressive hush from Madam Pince who always seem to be hovering nearby whenever Harry ventures into the library with Hermoine.
”I’ve already told you, Hermione”, Harry says, well aware of the whine in his voice by this point.
”Shhh”, Madam Pince wheezes again and Harry shoots her a withering glare as he mumbles an apology.
”He didn’t say anything”, he whispers to Hermoine who immediately opens her mouth to interrupt again, but Harry shuts her up with a wave. ”No! I am telling you! He said, It’s way past curfew, you need to get back to your dorm, that’s it.”
”Okay, okay”, Hermione murmurs and continues to put some of her books back on their shelves. ”And then what happened?”
”Nothing”, Harry hisses. ”He bloody threw me out and then I went back to Gryffindor tower and proceeded to not sleep for the rest of the night! That was three days ago and he hasn’t said one word to me since nor looked at me or even been aware I exist, just like before!”
Hermione gives replaces the last of her books, then slides into the seat next to Harry and gives him her most sympathetic look. Harry sighs and cradles his head in his hands, feeling on the brink of insanity the more he thinks about it, and about Snape.
”He hates me”, he mutters sullenly. ”I thought he’d changed his mind about me, but he hasn’t. He really does hate me.”
”He doesn’t hate you, Harry”, Hermione says and Harry can hear the eye roll in her tone of voice.
”Oh yeah”, he says haughtily. ”Then how come he acts like I’m the plague?”
”Because, you put him in a really awkward position that night. I mean, think about it. Not only were you in his private chambers, which I’m sure is completely against school rules and could likely get him fired if anyone found out, but you also poured your heart out to him out of nowhere, and I mean, I don’t know the man that well, but I would wager that he isn’t used to those types of talks, I mean he doesn’t exactly wear his heart on his sleeve now does he? So, of course an out of the blue declaration like that would make him uncomfortable, and probably would have done even if he wasn’t your professor and twenty years older than you…”
Harry blinks a couple of times, trying to wrap his head around everything Hermione has told him and peers up at her from behind his unruly fringe and grimaces slightly.
”So you’re saying I’ve been a complete git”, he says.
”No, not a complete one”, Hermione says and gently pats him on the arm. ”Just your usual, tactless self.”
”Oh great”, Harry says drily and Hermione chuckles. ”It makes sense though. What you said… Thanks Hermione…”
”You’re welcome”, she says and smiles. ”Now, what are you going to do about Slughorn’s Christmas party? You can’t just invite anyone. Rumour has it that Romilda Vane is intending to slip you a love potion…”
Oh god, the party, Harry thinks. He’d completely forgotten about that, and what with the tension between his two best friends, the pressure from Dumbledore to get that memory from Slughorn and everything that has been going on with Snape, and Malfoy, Harry isn’t exactly in the party mood.
”Oh come on”, Hermione says bracingly as if reading his mind. ”I think a party might do us both some good, get our minds off everything else for an evening, it might be just what we need, you know?”
”Yeah”, Harry mumbles doubtfully.
”You just have to make sure you ask someone who has your best interest at heart and isn’t going to try and slip you illegal drugs and take advantage of you.”
”Great”, Harry says. ”Thanks for that visual.”
”Well, it’s true.”
”Think I could ask Snape?” Harry with a sarcastic smile, to which Hermione only rolls her eyes. ”Fine. I’ll ask a friend. Someone cool…”
*
When Harry walks into the Entrance Hall to meet up with Luna on the evening of the Christmas party, an unusual number of very resentful-looking girls seem to have gathered there only to glare daggers at him. Harry tries to ignore them and focuses instead on his date for the evening, feeling a small thrill at the silvery, spangled vision that is Luna Lovegood in dress robes. Ignoring a few titters and giggles from the other girls, Harry gives Luna a friendly smile and offers her his arm. She smiles back in that dreamy way of hers and links her arm with his.
”Ready?”
”Oh, yes”, Luna says.
As they make their way towards Slughorn’s office and away from the staring and gossping of the other students, Harry tries to strike up a friendly conversation with Luna about the rumour of a vampire being invited to the party, only to be reminded immediately that he isn’t talking to just anyone when Luna asks if the vampire in question could be the Minister of Magic himself, Rufus Scrimgeour.
”He’s a vampire”, she says matter-of-factly and Harry feels slightly disconcerted, wondering how he’s supposed to get through the evening without too much embarrassment with Luna on his arm. ”Father wrote a very long article about it when Scrimgeour took over from Cornelius Fudge, you know?”
Harry is saved from having to come up with a reply, because just then they arrive at Slughorn’s office and the sound of laughter and music can be heard filtered through the door.
”Harry, m’boy!” a betasselled Slugorn booms as soon as Harry and Luna have squeezed through the door and past the nearest guests. ”Come in, come in! There are so many people I would like to introduce you to!”
Harry instinctively seizes Luna’s hand and drags her along with him when Slughorn grabs him by the arm and starts steering him through the throng of people at the party, introducing him to various important people, all former students of Slughorn, and Harry recognises quite a few of them from The Shelf.
After a moment, Harry makes an excuse and slips away from the older wizard, having caught sight of a familiar mane of frizzy brown hair in the crowd, he drags Luna with him to intercept his best friend.
”Hermione!”
”Oh, Harry, there you are! Hi Luna!”
Hermione smiles at them both, but her eyes keep flitting about the place nervously, as if searching for something or someone. Harry frowns, noticing the way she wrings her hands in that worried way of hers that he’s only ever seen in the days leading up to a test.
”What’s wrong?” He asks her.
”Oh I’ve just escaped — I mean, left — Cormac… under the mistletoe…” she explains.
Harry quietly thinks it serves her right for asking the smug boy to come to the party in the first place, but bites his tongue. Hermione leads them both towards a corner of the room, where she’ll have a better vantage point and to Harry’s horror they bump into Professor Trelawny who is standing on her own, nursing a glass of cooking sherry.
”Hello”, Luna greets the professor politely.
The woman turns her insect-like eyes on the three of them and blinks in surprise before greeting Luna back. As the two witches start talking about Divination, Harry turns to Hermione but the girl must have spotted McLaggen because she ducks down and slips out of sight almost as quickly as if she would have Disapparated, and the next moment McLaggen sidles up to Harry with his usual air of smugness.
”Heya Harry”, he greets off-handedly. ”Seen Hermoine?”
”No, sorry”, Harry mutters and quickly turns away, forgetting for a second whom Luna is talking to until the tipsy Divination professor pins him down with her enlarged eyes and exclaims his name as though she’s about to predict his death — and Harry should know, she’s predicted his death often enough that he can recognise it by now — and sure enough, Trelawney immediately starts telling him that what with him being the Chosen One, he should definitely take up Divination again.
”Ah, Sybill, we all think our subject’s most important!” Slughorn says as he appears from out of nowhere and wraps an enthusiastic arm around Harry’s shoulders, hugging him a little closer than Harry is comfortable with, as he continues to gush about Harry’s natural potions brewing abilities. ”Instinctive, you know — just like his mother! I’m telling you, Sybill, I have only ever taught a handful of students with such talents — why, even Severus — ”
Harry’s heart seems to skip a beat, then hurries to catch up again, as Slughorn throws out his other arm and scoops up none other than Severus Snape himself, seemingly out of thin air.
”Stop skulking and come and join us, Severus!” Slughorn exclaims with a delighted hiccough and hugs the man close to his side. ”I was just talking about Harry’s exceptional potion-making!”
For a brief moment, Harry’s and Snape’s eyes lock across the expanse of Slughorn’s bulging, velvet-clad chest. Snape’s eyes narrow suspiciously, then flicks away again, and he slithers out of the other man’s grip.
”Some credit must go to you, of course, you taught him for five years!”
”Funny”, Snape murmurs. ”I never had the impression that I managed to teach Potter much of anything…”
”Well, then, it’s natural ability!” Slughorn says. ”Tell me, Harry, what other subjects are you taking?”
Harry starts rattling off his subjects, but is cut off by Snape who says, ”In short, all the subjects required for an Auror.”
”Yeah, so? That’s what I want to be”, Harry says defiantly.
”I don’t think you should become an Auror, Harry”, Luna speaks up unexpectedly and everyone turns to look at her. ”The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They’re working from within to bring down the Ministry of Magic using a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease.”
There is a beat of shocked silence, and then Harry half-chokes on his mead and splutters in surprised delight; It’s been worth bringing Luna to the party just for this moment. Her dreamy eyes and determined tone of voice, and the look on the professors’ faces, Snape’s in particular. Harry coughs and then, feeling the tension and worry of the past few weeks lift considerably, he continues to laugh freely and the absurdity of the scene in front of him. Snape’s eyes flicker from Luna to him, an unreadable expression in his stoic face, and Harry sobers up slightly, but continues to grin.
The moment is broken when a maniacally happy Argus Filch comes dragging a struggling Draco Malfoy by the ear, ”Professor Slughorn! I found this boy lurking in an upstairs corridor, and he claims to have been invited to your party!”
Malfoy manages to pull himself free of Filch’s grip and glares daggers at the old man as he rubs his ear furiously.
”Alright, I wasn’t invited! I was gatecrashing! Happy?”
”No, I’m not!” Filch crows, completely contradicting the look of glee on his face. ”You are in trouble, young man! Didn’t the Headmaster say that any night-time prowling is completely prohibited unless you’re given permission? Eh?”
”That’s alright, Argus”, Slughorn says and waves his hand. ”It’s Christmas after all. The boy can stay.”
The look of abject disappointment on Filch’s face was to be expected, Harry thought but, glancing over at Malfoy, not so expected on the young Slytherin if he was indeed trying to gatecrash the party, unless of course he wasn’t doing anything of the sort… but instead taking the opportunity, now that most of the professors and a lot of the students were busy having a good time, to carry out whatever it was he was up to…
Harry glances over at Snape to see his reaction, and finds the man staring at Malfoy with a look of anger and… something else, worry maybe?
Harry feels a twinge of unease, and irritation.
Filch stomps off, muttering darkly to himself, and Malfoy quickly composes himself and plasters on an insincere smile as he turns to thank Slughorn for his generosity. Snape’s face slips back into its unreadable, stoic mask. But he doesn’t take his eyes off Malfoy, and for some reason it makes Harry want to lob his goblet against the wall, or against Snape… anything to get the man to look away, to look at Harry instead… But he takes a deep breath and composes himself.
After all, it wouldn’t do to get thrown out of the party now that Malfoy has been invited to stay and Harry has an opportunity to study the boy closer.
”It’s nothing, nothing…” Slughorn says and waves a hand dismissively. ”I did know your grandfather after all.”
”He always spoke very highly of you, Sir”, Draco says quickly, but although the flattery rolls smoothly off his tongue, there’s a tension in the boy’s face and for the first time Harry realises that Malfoy looks quite ill, with dark circles under his eyes and an almost greyish tinge to his pale skin.
”I’d like a word with you, Draco”, Snape says suddenly.
Harry whips his head around to stare at him, but just like before Snape only has eyes for Malfoy.
”Now, now, Severus, it’s Christmas, don’t be too hard—” Slughorn starts to protest, but Snape shuts him up with a quick glare.
”I’m his Head of House, and I shall decide how hard, or otherwise, to be”, he says curtly. ”Follow me, Draco.”
Malfoy does as he’s told, looking extremely resentful. Harry feels his heartbeat quicken as he watches them leave, then making a split-second decision he gives Luna a quick excuse and hurries after them.
As soon as he was out of Slughorn’s office, Harry pulls out his Invisibility Cloak and pulls it on, then, running down the deserted corridor, grateful that his footsteps are masked by the music coming form the party, Harry presses his ear to every door lining the corridor, listening avidly for any hint of voices before dashing on to the next one. A small part of him thinks Snape might just have escorted Malfoy back to the Slytherin dorms, but he keeps checking each and every door he passes just in case.
With a jolt of excitement, he hears Snape’s voice, muffled but distinct in its silky yet sharp tone, coming from the other side of the last door in the corridor. Harry crouches down and looks through the keyhole. He can’t make anything out in the gloom, but he can definitely hear Snape and Malfoy talking in hushed voices.
”…cannot afford mistakes, Draco. Because if you are expelled —”
”I didn’t have anything to do with it, alright!”
”I hope you are telling the truth, because it was both clumsy and foolish. Already you are suspected to have a hand in it.”
”Who suspects me?” Malfoy demands angrily. ”For the last time, I didn’t do it. Okay? That Bell girl must have had an enemy no-one knows about — don’t look at me like that! I know what you’re doing, I’m not stupid, but it won’t work — I can stop you!”
There’s a loaded pause, and Harry holds his breath.
”Ah”, Snape says quietly. ”I see your aunt has been teaching you Occlumency. What thoughts are you trying to conceal from your master, Draco—?”
”I’m not trying to conceal anything from him! I just don’t want you butting in!”
Harry presses his ear harder against the keyhole, as Snape lowers his voice even further until its barely above a whisper. Harry can picture him standing close to Malfoy, towering over him, maybe even holding him in place with a hand fisted in the front of his robes… or gently clamped on top of his shoulder… Harry shivers, and forces himself to focus.
”Listen to me, Draco… I am trying to help you. I swore to your mother that I would protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow…”
”I didn’t ask you to, did I”, Malfoy snaps. ”Besides, I don’t need protection! I’ve got a plan, and it is going to work, it’s just taking a little longer than I thought it would that’s all…”
”What is your plan?”
”It’s none of your business!”
”I can assist you—!”
”I have all the assistance I need. I’m not alone.”
”You were certainly alone tonight, which was foolish in the extreme, wandering around castle after curfew, without backup or lookouts, getting caught—!”
”I would have had Crabbe and Goyle with me if you hadn’t put them in detention!” Malfoy exclaims, and there’s a choked quality to his voice, like he’s fighting a sob.
”Keep you voice down!” Snape hisses.
There’s a moment’s silence, and then Harry hears a soft sniffle followed by a sigh and the rustle of fabric. Blood running cold in his veins, Harry imagines Snape’s arms circling Malfoy’s lithe frame and gathering him up, holding him against his chest… Harry remembers what those arms felt like wrapped around his own body, the rough texture of his robes against Harry’s cheek, the thumping of his heartbeat underneath…
Snape sighs again, and when he speaks next his voice isn’t nearly as cold, ”I understand, Draco. You’re quite right to be overwhelmed, with your father in Azkaban and now this… but that is why I am offering to help you, don’t you see that?”
”I can do it”, Malfoy mumbles in a small voice, sounding all of eleven again. ”I don’t need help.”
Harry barely has a second’s warning; suddenly he hears Malfoy’s approaching footsteps on the other side of the door, and he just has time to fling himself out of the way before the door flies open and the other boy strides out of the room and disappears behind the corner.
Harry glances inside the room where Snape is left standing alone in the middle of the room, like a solitary statue bathed in shadows, and for a second Harry’s chest pinches as the sight of his hunched over shoulders and he considers making himself known, just so he can walk over and offer some kind of comfort. But he thinks better of it, knowing that if Snape ever found out Harry had been eavesdropping on him, he’d be livid and then Harry would never have a chance to make things right between them again.
*
”Snape was offering to help him? He was definitely offering to help him?” Ron asks Harry for the umpteenth time since they started peeling sprouts at the kitchen sink of The Burrow a few days later and Harry has to stomp down on a very strong impulse to throw the sprout he's currently peeling at the other boy’s head, and Ron must have sensed his irritation because he quickly raised both hands. ”I’m only checking!”
”Yes, Snape was offering to help him!” Harry says in exasperation.
He doesn’t get what the big deal is all of a sudden, since he’s already told both Ron and Hermoine about Narcissa Malfoy’s and Bellatrix Lestrange’s visit at Spinner’s End, so none of what he’d overheard between Snape and Malfoy had really been news, but for some reason Ron seems to take it seriously now.
”But an Unbreakable Vow…” Ron says, looking almost queasy at the thought and Harry realises that that’s the news, because he never did get around to telling his friends about that. ”He can’t have… you must have misheard him… Are you sure that’s what he said?”
”Yeah, definitely”, Harry says. ”Why? What’s the big deal?”
”Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow”, Ron says.
Harry blinks.
”Eh — Yeah, I’d kind of worked that much out myself, actually… what happens then, if you break it?”
”You die”, Ron says simply, and Harry is suddenly struck with a dizzy spell and has to grab the edge of the sink to steady himself.
*
”Oh, come and stir my
cauldron.
And if you do it right
I’ll boil you up some hot,
strong love
To keep you warm
tonight…”
Celestina Warbeck’s voice wafts out of the wireless and washes over Harry, but the words are meaningless to him, all he can think about is the conversation between Snape and Narcissa Malfoy, a conversation that he’s replayed in his mind a hundred times already, but never before with the knowledge of just how serious it actually was…
Why did you have to make this stupid vow then if it’s such a big deal, he’d said to Snape.
He swallows past the lump in his throat, but it only keeps growing.
”We danced to this when we were eighteen!” Mrs Weasley says, wiping her eyes on her knitting. ”Do you remember Arthur?”
Who cares if Malfoy fails anyway? Harry had said, thinking Snape should just pretend to help Malfoy but not actually do anything about the Vow, the Unbreakable Vow, because what was the worst that could happen? Well, he should have known…
What happens then, if you break it?
You die
Harry wishes Hermoine was here, so he would have someone to talk to. Someone who got it, all of it. He can’t very well tell Ron. It’s one thing to discuss what scheme Malfoy might be up to, and whether or not Snape is trying to help him. But Harry can only imagine what his friend would do if Harry told him how he feels about Snape…
Not that Harry is exactly sure himself how he feels… which is another reason he wishes Hermoine was here, because she’s his only female friend and the smartest person he knows besides Dumbledore. If anyone can help him make sense of everything he’s thinking and feeling right now, it’s her.
”Oh, my poor heart,
where has it gone?
It’s left me for a spell…”
Harry glares half-heartedly at the wireless, but Celestina continues to croon:
”… and now you’ve torn it
quite apart
I’ll thank you to give
back my heart!”