forever yours

forever yours

He could not leave. Not now. He could not leave her alone. Not now! The redhead stood in her bedroom and stared at the point, where he had stood before. A cold shiver ran down her back and she still heard his words in her head – getting louder and louder. With every second her heart beat slow down. She could not breathe anymore and she could not do anything against it. Her whole body shook like hell. He could not leave her. Why now? She could not be without him. He had to stick with her, protect her. He have to made her laugh, made her cry. Only he could make her angry as he did. So angry, so all she could do was to tear her hair. Only he could make her heart beat like this. Only this young man could do all these things to her. And now he wanted to leave? Now he wanted to disappear out of her life?

She hated him. She hated him for all these little things he was able to doing to her. She hated him for the things he didn’t do even more. Hated the things she never did! The woman pushed her fingers through her hair. She sighed and tried to swallow the big lump down her throat. She tried to fight fiery the tears. Did he know what he was doing to her? Probably not. Why didn’t he know how much she needed him?

“Because … because I pushed him away … all the time.”

There it was – the realization. But it was too late. He said goodbye to her – for good. She would never ever be able to look into his hazel brown eyes again. Never ever to secretly falling apart for every single word he said. She could never ever fancy him. And she always knew. All the time she had been too proud to be honest with herself - or him. She liked the big, charming boy for a very long time. But all the time, she pushed him away. Every little of his pleasing, every little attention – she destroyed everything! So, how should she tell him now, that she could not be without him? That he belonged to her. She needed him like she needed the air to breathe. Her heart broke with every second that passed by, with every second he was gone. She had to tell him, even if it was too late. She couldn’t live with herself if she never had told him. She’d waited too long. Waited for the perfect moment to tell him but it never came and now it was too late, too late.

With slowly steps at first, then she was getting faster and faster, she ran outside the house into the stormy rain. “JAMES!” Her voice was hysterical and full of fear. He could not had left already. She had to tell him!

“JAMES!” she screamed again.

The redhead tried to see something through the pouring rain.

“JAMES!”

The witch had tears in her eyes. She could not breathe. Her heart beat too fast. She was afraid that James had left her, for good. She turned around. The woman was soaked with water but she didn’t care. The rain grew stronger and stronger and she as she wanted to give up she spotted him. The skinny person ran as fast as she could, panic bursting in her chest that she wouldn’t reach him in time.

“Lily?”

James Potter looked puzzled at the tiny woman, who stood in front of him.

“What happened,” he asked her, worried.

“I-” Lily started but then stopped. She smiled – she realized that she actually could see him in his eyes one more time! One more time she could see into his amazing hazel brown eyes.

“Lily, what happened?”

Lily’s whole body shivered. Her heart beat fast. She felt sick.

The rain was loud and hard. Neither James said something nor Lily. They just looked into each other’s eyes. Could she see pain and desire in his view?

“Stay.“

„What?“

„Stay James, please.“

„Lily, I can’t.“

„You have to! Please James! I … I need you!“

Her eyes were filled with tears. She looked into James ‘eyes and somehow she wished that he would bent down and kiss her. That was everything she wanted. Everything she needed. She wanted him to kiss her so badly. He should tell her, that he would stay, that he needed her too. That was what he would do! Right now! Lily was hundred percent sure of.

But she waited and waited and nothing happened. James looked her in her eyes. That was everything he did. And with every second that passed by, Lily knew. Lily knew that James was not going to kiss her. Then he smiled, which gave Lily a little hope.

“Please James. You just cannot leave me here alone. I need you and I know that you need me too. Because even now, after Hogwarts, you are still around me. You still make me angry as you did in Transfiguration. You still make me laugh as you did in the three broomsticks. You … you-” Lily stopped.

She could feel how her tears streamed down her face. “Stay, please.”

Why didn’t James do anything? Didn’t she just tell him, what he always wanted her to say? And now, right after she did, he did nothing?!

Lily opened her mouth to yell at him, telling him that he should just go and never come back when her body became hot, and her heartbeat running like hell in her chest. She felt his hand in her neck, his lips on hers.

He kissed her.

James fucking Potter kissed her, right now!

She did it! He would stay. She could feel it. She knew it. After a short shock she answered his kiss. And she wanted more than that. The kiss became more passionate with every second. She could hear him groaning, breathing deeply through his nose but right before she could put her arms around the man’s neck, he broke the kiss.

James smiled into her puzzled face. He took a deep, painful breath, his forehead against hers. His eyes were closed as he whispered: „I’m sorry Lil.“

He took his hand from her neck and in this moment Lily fell. She fell into a deep, dark whole. It was like James pushed her into the pit. Lily shook her head in disbelief. No, he couldn’t do this!

„No, no James. Please. Please stay. I – I love you.“

She panicked.

Her last sentence made her feel sick and free at the same time. She said it. She just told him, that she loved him. Not that she liked him. No, she loved him. James smiled again, painfully and now Lily was scared to death. James kissed her on her cheek. His lips remained there full eight seconds and the red haired closed her eyes as she cried. She tried to make the world stop. Grasping the moment and trying to hold it forever. She knew that this would be his last kiss. She knew that he would not stay.

This was a goodbye.

James’ lips where near her ear as he told her: “I will always love you Lily.”

The witch swallowed. She was still crying and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her face. She didn’t want to. Lily wished that everything was just a bad dream. That she would wake up and found herself in her bedroom in Hogwarts. She felt James’ gaze. She still had her eyes closed and she too scared to open them. She could not watch him to disappear out of her life.

It would break her heart. It took her years to realize, that she was in love with James. And it took her even longer to tell him. And now? Now he disappeared with a silent plop out of her life – forever.

He was gone.

He’d left her. Lily felt like she was poisoned. She looked at the point where James had been standing. And instead of him there was a small picture now. With all the strange she could bring up, Lily picked up the picture, eying it closely. After a second she tried to smile.

It showed James and her in their last year in Hogwarts. They were in Hogsmeade, with the other Gryffindors. They sat in ‘The three broomsticks’ and after a few butter bears Lily went into rapture to take a picture with James. She was kissing James’ cheek. Lily swallowed hard at his unbelievable charming boyish happy smile. Her gaze dropped to the picture frame, she readthe letters – which showed her that she had been too late after all – and broke down at the wet ground as she read: Forever yours.