“So you're just gonna keep drinking instead of facing it? Seriously?”
Seoyeon was not having it, and Nien standing there lecturing her about relationships as if she knew any better, made it even worse. But she ignored it and continued to drink, glass after glass, cocktail after cocktail, to the point where she lost count. She didn't really care what would happen to her afterwards, the only thing that was on her mind right now was that person.
Kim Yooyeon.
Where should she start? She met Yooyeon through a mutual friend at a party months ago and they instantly clicked. After meeting up a few times, they started seeing each other more. From casual hangouts to dates, and at one point, they even kissed. But in reality, they've never really addressed what the relationship was and just went with the flow. They weren't lovers, but they were far beyond the friendship stage.
This went back and forth for a while until it started to become more intimate. They went from exchanging kisses to making out, and before they knew it, they were on each other's beds. It happened every week, one text was enough to get them tangled with the other in bed. Their relationship was perfect, or at least, that's what Seoyeon felt at that moment.
Then out of nowhere, Yooyeon disappeared from her life. Even their mutual friend had no clue of where the older girl could be. Seoyeon fell into despair, why wouldn't she be? Yooyeon was the perfect match for her, they both understood each other more than anyone else could. But to Yooyeon, it seemed that she didn't feel the same way as Seoyeon.
Ever since then, Seoyeon started drinking as a way to forget Yooyeon. But the more she drank, the more she realised how much she missed the older girl. How good she made her feel, how her smile would lighten up the younger girl's whole world. It hurt when Yooyeon left her, why wouldn’t it be? Seoyeon expected that this relationship could be something more, but she was wrong about it. She was wrong about Yooyeon.
“Drinking isn’t gonna make it stop, Seoyeon.”
“You don’t know anything about how my relationship wrecked me, you don’t get to say that.” Seoyeon said as she took a sip of her drink.
“I’m telling you that because I fucking care about you, you idiot!” Nien shouted, which made some of the people at the bar turn to look at the both of them. Nien just muttered an apology before turning her attention back to her friend.
“You know that sooner or later, you’ll have to move on from her, right? You can’t keep yearning for someone forever, especially when they’ve already given you a sign that they won’t come back.” With that being said, Nien got up, and left Seoyeon alone at the bar. Seoyeon sat there for a while before finishing her drink and paying for it. Seoyeon stumbled out of the bar and somehow managed to book an Uber home. She struggled to get herself to her own apartment by herself, her mind was hazy due to all the alcohol that she consumed tonight. As soon as Seoyeon arrived inside her apartment, she started smashing and wrecking everything around her. From the living room table to the bookshelf and the flower vase, everything that was in her sight soon turned into a mess. She was frustrated of course, Nien was right but she couldn’t help it, a part of her was still yearning for Yooyeon to come back. Even if the chances were nearly zero, Seoyeon would hope that one day, the person that she has been longing for would love her again. After she seemed to have ruined everything in her apartment, she sat on the sofa and sobbed. She missed Yooyeon, so much that she hated how Yooyeon made her feel this way.
After the non-stop crying, she sat there and stared at the framed picture of them on the floor, it was from their first date and Yooyeon gave that as a birthday gift for her. Seoyeon felt lost. She didn’t know what to do, she wanted to move on but her heart seemed to be stopping her from doing so. Every single one of her friends advised her to stop thinking about Yooyeon and find someone else, so why was she still hopelessly waiting?
She pulled out her phone and decided to phone an all too familiar number that she hadn't thought of doing for a while. She pressed on “call” and waited for a while.
“Don’t pick up, don’t pick up.” She mumbled continuously. The call went to voicemail, and Seoyeon pressed on “call” again. Time after time, the call kept going to voicemail, just like how Seoyeon wanted it to be. Until…
“Hello?”
Yooyeon picked up but Seoyeon just stared at her phone.
“Hello? Is anyone there?” Yooyeon continued to call.
That’s when Seoyeon lashed out at Yooyeon, calling her names and cursing at her. Seoyeon was blaming everything that happened to her after the relationship broke off on Yooyeon. And throughout the whole thing, Yooyeon stayed silent. She didn’t mutter out a word of complaint or hang up on Seoyeon. Only until she felt Seoyeon stop did she speak up:
“Are you done now?” Was all she said. Seoyeon didn’t reply, she just sat there in silence. She didn’t want to reply, or at least that’s what she told herself.
“Babe, who are you calling right now?” She could hear a faint voice in the back from someone. Was Yooyeon with someone else?
“It’s just my old friend, baby. Go back to sleep.” Yooyeon cooed.
“Okay.” Now Seoyeon could hear the sheets shuffling in the background.
“If all you wanted to call me was to lash out just so your pathetic self could feel satisfied, I hope you’re happy.” With all that being said, Yooyeon hung up.
Seoyeon turned off her phone and sighed. She stood up and walked towards the framed picture on the floor, she picked it up and stared at it for a while before throwing it into the trash. She went to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed before crying herself to sleep. This has happened many times before, and Seoyeon knew that Yooyeon has been dating someone else for a while now. And tomorrow, she would wake up regretting everything that she said about Yooyeon. But then soon enough, she would find herself drinking again while thinking about Yooyeon, and she would get herself drunk enough to call Yooyeon and lash out on her, like a ongoing cycle that would never stop.