The (painful) test
A few years ago, when they were climbing the mountain, Nezuko and Tanjiro came across blood.
Tanjiro had stopped abruptly, grabbing her arm and sniffing the air with a sudden intensity. The scent of fresh blood had reached his keen senses. He quickly took off the basket and told Nezuko to stay put, running off the path with the family hatchet in hand.
Nezuko waited, her heart pounding in her chest. Minutes passed, but there were no sounds of a struggle, no cries of a wild animal, no shouts from Tanjiro. Anxiety gnawed at her, and she decided to follow her brother.
She found him not far from the path, kneeling in the snow, gently petting something on the ground. When Tanjiro sensed her presence and glanced back, his face was etched with sorrow. He moved aside to reveal what he was looking at.
Nezuko gasped at the sight of the small, bloody rabbit. It was covered in gashes, its back legs mangled, and its throat slashed. Despite its horrific injuries, it was still alive, its chest rising and falling rapidly, eyes half-closed, emitting a pitiful keening sound that tore at her heart.
“It must have tried to escape a predator,” Nezuko whispered, her voice trembling. She saw the trail of red snow leading to the animal. Tanjiro made a sound of agreement but remained motionless, his eyes filled with helplessness.
The rabbit was dying, and its suffering was unbearable. Unless someone ended its life humanely, it would continue to endure unimaginable pain until it bled to death.
“I can do it,” Nezuko said, her voice wavering but determined.
Tanjiro's hands froze, and he looked at her with a mixture of surprise and concern. “Are you sure?”
Nezuko nodded, reaching out to pet the rabbit's coarse fur. “Yeah. Dad showed me how to…how to snap the neck without hurting it. I can do it.”
Tanjiro hesitated but then shuffled to the side to give her more room. “Okay, let me know if I can help.”
Nezuko assured him she was fine and moved into position, gripping the rabbit’s hind legs and neck as carefully as possible. She took a deep breath, focusing on her father's voice and the lesson he had given her. She just had to snap the neck, and it would be over. A painless death to end the suffering.
She could do this…
She could do this…
She-
The rabbit made another heartbreaking sound, and one hazy brown eye met her gaze. In that fleeting moment, Nezuko felt the terror, pain, and fear in its eyes. Her hands shook, and her heart stuttered, making her chest ache.
“Nezuko?”
She couldn’t do it.
“I-I’m sorry, I…I can’t…I…” Nezuko pulled her hands back, her voice breaking. She glanced at Tanjiro, feeling worse when she saw the sympathy and understanding in his dark red eyes.
“It’s okay, I know it’s hard to do,” Tanjiro said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t you go wait a little up ahead with the basket? I’ll catch up to you.”
Nezuko looked at the rabbit, then at Tanjiro. Guilt clawed at her chest, knowing her brother would have to do what she couldn’t. “Are you sure? I mean, I can stay, or…No, no, I’ll need to do this eventually, I need to-”
“You don’t need to do this right now.” Tanjiro helped her up and gripped her other shoulder. “I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. Ending a life, even an animal’s, can be a lot on a person, both physically and mentally. Please don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Nezuko wanted to argue that it was just an animal, but every scenario she imagined involved her having to end its life, and she just…she just couldn’t.
So she listened to her brother and went back to the path. The wait felt like an eternity, but soon enough, Tanjiro returned, a nod and sorrowful look being all she needed to know that it was done.
They continued home in silence, never speaking of the rabbit, not even to their parents. It became their unspoken secret.
But the incident haunted Nezuko. She knew she would have to learn to take life humanely one day. But not that day. She would, someday.
And that’s what she kept telling herself as the days, weeks, and years went by.
But deep down, Nezuko Kamado knew one thing for certain: she was not a killer.
All 3 of them walked in an extremely awkward silence.
Nezuko disliked silence. It implied a lot of complicated unspoken things, and trying to figure it out all by yourself was exhausting and often made her frustrated. This time was no different.
She was trying to figure out whether Mr. Kuwajima meant well or not, which, turns out, was way harder than it sounded. He looked like he didn’t want to harm her, and he’d let Tanjiro go once he calmed down. So she deduced that he deemed them not dangerous, just siblings who were trying to convince him to train her.
But there was that brief silence when he saw Tanjiro on the net, and that tone he’d used when he addressed her. It was guarded, with a hint of suspicion and warning, like he did not truly trust her judgement. Then again, she was carting her demon brother around claiming he wouldn’t eat anyone (she knew he would never ever do something like that), so she couldn’t blame him for being distrustful. Nezuko massaged her temples blearily, thinking this whole ordeal an absolute pain.
And then there was his aura.
Nezuko didn’t know how to describe it properly, but she thought that it was almost like Kaigaku’s. At first, it seemed unassuming and ordinary, but on the second glance, it was much more guarded. A feeling of crackling energy and apprehension surrounded his aura, making him impossible to read. Kaigaku’s was almost the same, except with that layer of jagged rocks and ice outside, prickling her senses.
It felt like the beginning of a thunderstorm, when you could sense the electricity and the upcoming winds, crackling and swirling in the air.
It was as if Mr. Kuwajima knew how to keep his aura undetectable.
Nezuko was driving herself crazy trying to figure out his intentions. She had never met someone who could conceal their aura like that before, since she’d had no problem detecting an aura of little kids hiding in the village, playing a silly game. He clearly didn’t trust them, so maybe that's why he did it? Either way, Nezuko was sure this has something to do with the way Tanjiro was acting when he was stuck in the trap. Or it was because of her claims saying he’d never hurt anyone.
He probably didn’t believe me…
She couldn’t see any reasons why he would see them as nonthreatening. She doubted Kaigaku had a hand in it (for all she knew, he’d take the chance to slander her so bad she’d never live it down), and even if he did, Mr. Kuwajima would never believe them when he saw how ragey Tanjiro was in his trap.
Then why is he giving us this chance?
Eventually, Nezuko couldn’t endure the quietness anymore and blurted out something just to break it.
“The flowers are blooming.”
He hummed softly. “Yes, they are.” He continued walking forward at a leisurely pace.
Nezuko realized belatedly that he wasn’t going to answer, so she added another question.
“I-uh, I mean, it’s winter.” she clarified. “Should they really be blooming midwinter?”
Because now that she had escaped the threat of dying, she could take in her surroundings better. The trees surrounding them were all blooming, with healthy green leaves and proudly unfurled blossoms. If she stared hard enough, she could see peaches actually growing on the branches. If it weren’t for the current weather, she would’ve thought it was spring or late summer. There was nothing to indicate that this orchard was out of season.
He chuckled at her question, like she was a little girl and he was telling her a fable. “Very true, little one. I’m glad you noticed it, unlike certain knuckleheads who never did, so there's hope for you yet. To be honest, I inherited this whole place.” he sucked in a breath before continuing. “Apparently, a very beautiful lady is buried here. She planted this orchard herself, and they say the moment her remains rested here, the trees never stop blooming and bearing fruit even in the harshest weather, apparently. I don’t know much of it.”
“Really?” Nezuko felt her eyes widening at this otherworldly story. “That seems so… impossible.”
Mr. Kuwajima laughed again, clearly amused. “It really does, huh? Then again, demons existed, so who are we to say that ghosts don't?”
“I guess not.” Nezuko mumbled. His explanation made sense. Even if it all sounded far-fetched, here they were, surrounded by impossible blossoms, holding her brother’s hand after they defeated a beast with inhuman strength.
Everyday she was learning something that expanded her worldview epically, and it was almost impossible not letting it all get to her.
Tanjiro tugged gently at her kimono, and Nezuko glanced at him and saw that he was walking much slower than before. His head was drooping and he looked very tired (technically, he just beat the living daylights out of a pin-wing demon for her, so she couldn’t blame him at all), and he was barely paying attention. His eyes looked vacant, similar to how they were in the past weeks.
“Um, how much farther are we?” she asked nervously. Tanjiro looked as though he might fall asleep right there. And as much stamina as she had gathered from running, she doubted a taxed adrenaline girl and an old man would be able to cart a demon off to whatever place he was leading them to.
“Oh, we’re here.”
“Huh?” Nezuko muttered dumbly and nearly toppled over him. She nearly did again when Tanjiro bumped into her, forcing her to stabilize herself by holding on to a tree branch.
“Sorry, Tanjiro.” she apologized profusely to him, who had a mildly miffed expression on his face. He shook his head a couple times, the fog in his eyes intensifying as he stared off into space.
Should she be worried? Nezuko had hoped this would pass, but maybe it’s a demon thing?
“Are you ready?” his voice cut in her worried thoughts.
Nezuko turned around to face him, and only found… more trees?!
Everything about this pace was the exact same thing as her last surroundings. The grass, the petals, the scents, you name it. Heck, she has no idea why or how the old man would bother bringing her out here. As she looked around, he beckoned her forward with his stick, and pointed towards a certain tree.
“Friendly bit of advice,” he said in a dead serious tone. “Never lose sight of a demon’s head.”
Nezuko tried to see what was on that specific tree. At first, it looked like a big melon or tree knot, but then the thing wiggled. She thought it was a squirrel, but then took a closer look and froze mid thoughts.
Then she proceeded to scream in the most embarrassing manner possible.
It was the snaky-glass demon’s head.
“What’s that doing here?!” Nezuko cried out, looking at him fearfully.
“That…is precisely what I’d like to know.” he stared at her, stroking his mustache. “I heard your brother attacking it, so was it him who did this?”
“N-No… That was me.” Nezuko admitted, feeling sheepish. When the old man stared at her, almost accusingly, she blurted out. “I-I didn’t mean to! Tanjiro headbutted it, and I caught the head. And then I… sorta kicked it?”
“You drop-kicked a demon’s head for more than55 meters?”
Nezuko nodded, not sure if this was relevant. Mr. Kuwajima nodded, seemingly satisfied before she heard him saying, “Well, I guess we could work with that.” What that was, she had no idea.
Thankfully, she didn’t have to elaborate as he spoke with a definite air of authority. “Welp, regardless of how it got here, we gotta get rid of it. So it’ll never do harm ever again.”
“Then what about the body?” Nezuko asked. He waved her off. “The ropes holding it are made from nichirin steel. The steel absorbs sunlight, so they’re designed to harm demons. Trust me, no mid-level demon could escape it before burning up.”
“Right…yeah.” Nezuko shook her head and decided to ignore how the old man seemed unaffected by the concerning yet ridiculous situation she’d found herself in. “So then, what should we do?”
“What do you think you should do?”
Nezuko blinked. “Huh?” she said, pointing to herself. “M-Me?”
He pointed the cane at the head. “It’s clear it already killed many and devoured them all. If we let it live, it’ll kill and grow even stronger. We cannot allow that to happen.”
“So, what do you think you should do?” he directed his eyes back at her, waiting for an answer.
Nezuko turned back and forth with the whole thing. Despite feeling sick and queasy about it, she knew what had to be done.
“I have to kill it.”
He nodded. “Then do it.”
Nezuko gulped and reached for the knife, then remembering she’d lost it in the melee. She panicked until she remembered normal steel doesn’t work against demons.
So, I’ll have to improvise…
Nezuko scanned her surroundings, then picked up a rock the size of her head. She forced herself to take small steps towards the tree, ignoring the fervent dread present in her mind.
Focus, Nezuko. It’s just a little pain.
You have more important things to do.
Focus.
Nezuko stopped in front of what remained of the trapped demon. She glanced at Mr. Kuwajima, seeking any sign of approval or disapproval, but his expression remained neutral. With a deep breath, she faced the unconscious head before her.
Just be quick. Just smash it a few times and that should do the trick.
Nezuko gripped the stone so tightly that her fingers ached, the bones straining against the pressure. Her heart pounded in her chest, each beat echoing through her trembling body. The stone felt impossibly heavy, as if it were an anchor dragging her down.
Just do it. Please, just do it.
She tried to steady her breathing, to take deep, calming breaths, but her body refused to cooperate. Her chest tightened, her arms stiffened, and she couldn't even release her grip on the rock.
The feeling…It felt very much like her sudden panic in the woods earlier. Fear was taking over her body and she couldn’t stop it.
What’s happening to me?
Why am I so afraid?
No, she didn’t need to ask that.
She knew the answer.
I’ve never killed anything before.
No, no I can’t do this…
This was a bad idea. What was she thinking?
Isn’t there any other way to kill it so it doesn’t feel pain? Or with just one blow?
This feels wrong…I don’t want to take another life.
Not like this!
Even if it devoured people, this…this isn’t right!
I can’t do this!
But she could still sense Mr. Kuwajima’s and Tanjiro’s presence behind her, waiting for her to finish what she started.
No, she couldn’t back down.
There was no excuse for letting the demon live.
She HAD to do something.
She HAD to be useful this time.
Do something…
Do something…
Be useful…
She HAD to do it.
For herself.
For her family.
For Tanjiro
Just be quick. Just be quick and kill it.
Kill it.
Kill it.
KILL IT.
Nezuko squeezed her eyes shut and lifted the rock above her head.
And with a loud yell, Nezuko brought the rock down.
She’s not gonna cut it.
That was what Jigoro thought as he saw her hands trembling despite the size of the rock, the way her lungs rattled when she exhaled, and by how much she was shaking.
And yet deep down, he could hear something else. Beneath all the terror and messed thoughts in her head, he could hear a little melody. Like an insistent birdsong. Something he had not heard in a long, long time.
The sound of kindness.
Even though the logical part of her was telling her to kill it so it won’t kill anymore, there was a little part of her that pities it. That little part recognizes what little shred of humanity it had left, and in doing so, felt sympathy for the wretched creature.
She was truly kind at heart. An innately pure little girl. One that had clearly never even harmed another living thing before.
And now he was asking her to do what she thought was the greatest crime of all.
If these were other circumstances, he would’ve brought her aside, comforted her, and made sure she never saw this ugly world again. But he could not afford it.
Not with what was at stake.
Especially for him and Kaigaku.
But then something changed within her. Her resolve slowly solidified as her mind chanted for her to do what she was told to. Her fear got cut off abruptly as she raised the rock above her head. Jigoro leaned in.
The girl was really about to hit it.
The demon sibling didn’t move an inch, watching the whole thing with a dazed expression.
All was quiet except for her breathing.
A beat passed, and she brought the rock down.
And then…
Her resolve broke.
The rock hovered inches above the demon’s head, trembling in the grip of a girl who shook as if possessed by the very fear she should be fighting. Jigoro couldn’t see her face, but he could hear her shaky whisper, laden with fear and hesitation.
“I’m sorry…I can’t do it.”
Jigoro frowned deeply, his heart sinking.
That was definitely a warning sign.
And he knew, with a cold certainty, that this meant two things:
One, that no matter how much training this girl received, she was never going to change.
And two, her choices would lead to either her own tragic demise or the death of someone else.
The last time he ignored these realizations, it had been with Kaigaku. And even if he didn’t have all of the details about what had happened that fateful day, a part of the old man knew his former apprentice had involved himself in something unforgivable.
Truly, terribly unforgivable.
This girl, despite being the complete opposite of Kaigaku in nearly every shape and form, could very well fall down a similar path. Her indecisiveness and overwhelming empathy, the desire to show mercy even to the creature that just tried to kill her, were dangerous traits in this unforgiving world.
Kaigaku, I don’t know what the hell you were thinking, but this is not proving to me that you’ve changed at all.
This girl is not going to make it.
Not by a long shot.
Jigoro wanted to share his grim thoughts with the girl right there and then, to shake her out of her dangerous illusion. But he realized that confrontation would have to wait.
The sun was rising, casting its harsh light on the cold, hard truth he wished he could ignore.
I can’t do this…
The thought reverberated inside her head as she stared at the head. Even with the more demonic features gone (like the weird fangs/the glasses eyes), yet still threatening, she still could never kill it.
She knew it had to die.
She’d seen it kill and eat with no remorse. She’d felt its brutality first hand. Then it should be easy to kill it for the good of everyone, right?
Then why couldn’t she?
This was no different from when Nezuko attacked it in the forest. All she needed to do now was to smash the rest of the head. So it would never kill anyone again.
Why couldn’t she do it?
This was no different.
Just… why?
Nezuko didn’t get a chance to ruminate over her inability to smash the object of focus when the demon’s head groaned and started to wake up.
“Ugh, what…Did I black out?” The head grumbled. Its eyes flew open, now back to their pinprick orange from before, and zeroed in on Nezuko. “Hey! Hey! What did you do with my body? You and your weird demon did this to me, I remember! You got some nerve! Get over here so I can rip you to shreds!”
The demon continued yelling profanities and shaking its head as much as it could, wedged between the two branches. Nezuko took a hesitant step back, trying to block out the screeching, suddenly noticing how her surroundings were becoming more visible. She looked up and saw the growing pink and orange sunrise peeking through the darkness.
It took too long. The sun’s already up.
“Hey! What are you looking at?! Pay attention to me for once!” The demon followed Nezuko’s gaze and let out a mix between a gasp and a scream when he saw the rising sun and light crawling toward them through the trees. “Wait no no no! Not the sun! Not the sun! Fuck! Fuck! NOOOOO!”
The demon wailed as the light finally spread across its face and all at once, the head ignited into flames. It only burned for a few seconds, and then the fire went out, leaving ash that easily blew away in the wind.
And just like that, any trace that the demon had been in the tree had burned away.
Nezuko dropped the rock, gaping at where the head had been moments ago.
It just…burned away? That quickly?
That was horrible!
Is that why Mr. Kaigaku told me to keep Tanjiro away from sunlight?
And to think that the man almost left without telling her that.
It definitely explained why Tanjiro did everything he could to hide from the sun. She could barely imagine what would have happened if she didn’t listen to her brother and just left outside during the day.
…
…
…Wait.
WAIT!
WHERE WAS TANJIRO!?
Nezuko whipped around and saw that her demon brother wasn’t where he had been standing moments ago.
Oh no! I left Tanjiro in the sun!
I killed my brother!
Did the wind blow away his ashes?!
Why didn’t I listen to that man?!
“Oh, quit your crisis mode. He’s right over there.”
Nezuko snapped her neck toward Mr. Kuwajima so fast she thought she heard a loud crack and followed the finger pointing to a lump hidden beneath her brother’s haori. The checkered fabric shifted, revealing a very small and tired Tanjiro huddled into the shadow of one of the trees.
Nezuko ran over to him and ripped off her own haori. She wrapped it around her brother’s smaller body so only his eyes were visible, earning her a hum of appreciation before he leaned against her and rested.
“You’re alright, thank goodness,” she sighed and patted his head. The urge to just follow Tanjiro’s lead and take a nap after the night’s events became very tempting at the moment. She probably would have too if not for her sensing Mr. Kuwajima’s presence and noticing that he was now standing right in front of them.
And even without using her senses, Nezuko could feel the disapproval radiating off of the man.
We’re really not leaving a good impression on him.
“What is your name, young lady?”
Nezuko stared at the old man, confused by the question until she realized that she had yet to actually introduce herself.
“I-I’m Nezuko Kamado. Oh, and this is my older brother, Tanjiro.” She set the bundle swaddling the demon next to her, fixing herself into a proper kneeling position despite wincing at the movement.
“Nezuko,” the old man rumbled, drumming his pointer finger against his cane, “what do you intend to do if your brother eats a human?”
Nezuko felt her eyes widen at the question, then looked to the side at where her brother lay. She stared at him for a moment, then patted where Tanjiro’s head was covered again, and mustered as much confidence as she could when she faced the old man.
“He won’t do that.”
Whack!
“Ow!” Nezuko cried out. Her hands flew to where the cane had bonked her on the head and rubbed at the tender area. “Why did you do that?”
“Because you shouldn’t make promises you know you can’t keep,” The old man scolded her. The air around him was growing tense, a festering emotion he had kept suppressed making itself known as he addressed Nezuko. “It was foolish enough for you to put your honor and life on the line for a newly turned demon. I’m not going to waste my time teaching important skills to a child who still sympathizes with demons. You’re going to get yourself killed, and someone else too.”
“But I-” The cane was raised off the ground as a silent warning. Nezuko snapped her mouth shut and Mr. Kuwajima instead pointed the cane at her.
“You need to learn that just as much as your actions have consequences, your lack of action will be held to the same caliber. Failure to act will result in consequences as well. Look at what your hesitance has led to.”
Nezuko glanced back at the tree where the demon head had been minutes earlier, and felt a pang of guilt over not being able to give the demon a painless death. The lecture was beginning to feel a bit like when Kaigaku had told her off for pleading for Tanjiro’s life.
The man’s cane thumped the ground again and brought her attention back to him.
“You must learn to follow through, and to not let your sympathy cloud your judgment. In this profession, even the slightest bit of hesitance can be the difference between life and death. And not just for you; what if there had been a civilian here?”
The weight of Nezuko’s guilt became heavier than before, nearly stealing her breath away.
He’s right. Someone could have gotten hurt, or worse.
I…I could have gotten someone killed.
And that was something Nezuko couldn’t live with.
Something flickered in Mr. Kuwajima’s eyes at Nezuko’s reaction, but he didn’t comment. Instead, he sighed and shook his head. “Young lady, give me one good reason why I should even consider helping you.”
Nezuko…
didn’t have an answer.
What reason could she give at this point?
This job that she wanted to do…
there were real, devastating consequences for herself and others if she didn’t perform well enough.
She thought back to the bodies she and Tanjiro had found in the woods earlier, and how the demon had been eating them. The way it taunted Nezuko about killing her next and how if it weren’t for her brother, the demon would have gone through on its word.
Then there was the old man before her, with a pronged scar carved into his face and a missing right leg that she hadn’t even noticed until now. How after finishing his word with her and letting her take in what he said in silence, perhaps unintentionally allowed a fragment of a larger emotion to slip out.
Hatred.
But not for her.
For the demon.
For all demons.
The hatred felt so hot, a small piece of an all-consuming wildfire that was just barely being held back. Other than perhaps the man on the mountain, Nezuko had never felt such intense emotions before, let alone ones so negative.
This man knew what it meant to hate something unconditionally.
A voice whispered in the back of her head that if she wanted to survive, to truly do the job she was fighting to prove her worth for, it meant learning to hate.
And it scared her.
Because she didn’t want that feeling to be a part of her.
She wouldn’t become that kind of person.
But if she wanted to fight demons, to protect her big brother like he had always done for their siblings…
She needed to try.
“I don’t have a good reason.”
Mr. Kuwajima grunted. “Really?”
“No, I don’t.” Nezuko did her best to sit up straighter, resting her hands on her lap and lowering her head in proper respect. “You’re right. I’m weak and care about others to a fault, but sometimes I can’t help it. A-And I know that’s no excuse, but...”
Nezuko took a deep breath, steeled herself with as much confidence as she could, and continued.
“I want to be strong enough to help people. But I can’t do that on my own. I want to learn, need to learn, and you’re the only person I know that can help me. Everything my brother and I have done up until now has proven that we shouldn’t be trusted or even given a second glance. I get that, but it won’t stop me from asking you, no matter how many times it takes!”
Nezuko reached into her kimono and pulled out the broken pendant, holding it out for the old man and ignoring what she thought might have been a gasp from him.
“Please sir! That man, Kaigaku Inadama, said that you might give me a chance. I know this isn’t much and that this is a long shot, but please! Give me one more chance, Mr. Kuwajima! Let me prove to you that I am worthy of being your student!”
Her words were met with silence. Tentatively, Nezuko peeked up at the old man and was surprised to see a look of complete shock at what was in her hand. He opened his mouth a few times, but no words left.
He then thrusted out his hand, and figuring he wanted the object that was taking his attention, Nezuko handed over the cracked pendant. She watched as Mr. Kuwajima ran his thumb over the imperfections, obviously lost in thought or within a memory.
“He really gave you this?” Mr. Kuwajima finally settled on, not even looking up at the girl.
Nezuko managed a soft “yes,” causing the man to sigh and to look up at the newly pink morning sky.
“That idiot really is trying,” he whispered. The old man chuckled gruffly and shook his head, pocketing the broken necklace. “Alright then.”
“You’ll do it? You’ll teach me?”
Whack!
“Ow! Stop doing that! It hurts!”
“Quiet and listen now.”
Nezuko groaned and rubbed her aching head. “Yes, sir.”
“I’ll teach you on two conditions.” Mr. Kuwajima held up two fingers when he said this. “The first is something you need to understand. And it regards you and your brother.”
Nezuko lowered her hand and nodded. The stern tone the man had used before returned when he spoke again.
“Your brother cannot be allowed to harm another human being. That must always be at the forefront of your mind, especially since he can no longer think logically or humanely. If he does eat a human, you must be willing not only to kill him, but to take your own life as well. It is the only way to maintain both of your and your family’s honor should he do the unthinkable.”
Nezuko felt her hand drift toward where her brother was bundled next to her, and nodded. A part of her wanted to defend Tanjiro, which he wouldn’t, but decided it was wiser to hold her tongue and let the man continue.
“This cannot be allowed to happen, no matter what. These consequences may seem grave and too high for someone so young, but that is what entails traveling with a demon. You must never forget this. Have I made myself perfectly clear?”
“Yes sir!”
Mr. Kuwajima nodded. “Good.” He began walking back the way they came, waving his hand in the direction. “Pick up your brother and follow me. I’m taking you to get some rest.”
“What?” Nezuko shakily got to her feet and leaned against the nearby tree. “W-Wait, what about the second condition?”
“I’ll give you a test to prove yourself to me tonight,” the old man said, still walking away. “But not right now. Tend to your injuries, eat something, get some rest. Now come on, you’ve clearly had a long day.”
Nezuko nearly fell back down at that.
Because that…was the biggest understatement of her life.
The walk back felt endless. Each step felt heavier, every breath harder to take. Nezuko’s legs felt like they were made of lead, each movement a supreme effort. Despite her best attempts to keep up, Mr. Kuwajima seemed to glide effortlessly ahead, his pace relentless.
She was just tired. Very tired.
But thankfully, they arrived at Mr. Kuwajima's small home before noon. It was located in the only area of the orchard that wasn’t filled with trees, leading her to conclude that the structure was located at the center of the land.
The old man led them inside, and after getting her acquainted with the main room, showed Nezuko where she would be sleeping. It was small, with two futons and a desk in a corner, but to her, it was perfect. If anything, it was a bit more spacious than their own home on the mountain.
After thanking the old man profusely and being told that she would be woken up to eat, Nezuko untied her haori that she had fashioned into a sling to carry a still small Tanjiro on her back. He hardly stirred as she laid him on one of the futons and tucked him under the covers. There was only a slight furrow in his brow before he grew back to his normal size and shifted to his side, a hand reaching out.
Nezuko smiled, quickly tending to her own injuries (with some bandages left on the desk) before pulling her own futon closer to his and laying next to her brother. She barely had the thought to grab his hand tightly before all of the exhaustion finally caught up with her and she succumbed to sleep.
...
...
...
“Be careful, Nezuko.”
“I know, Big Brother!”
A slightly younger Nezuko stuck her tongue out and gripped the straps of her basket tightly as she attempted to walk down the path herself. The charcoal on her back was throwing off her balance, making the descent down the snowy path harder than she thought it was going to be.
Tanjiro was waiting for her just a little ahead, and someone else farther away (it was a man…but she couldn’t put her finger on who he was). She wanted to make the trip with them. She could do it! There was just so much snow, and this was her first time going down with a basket all by herself.
But then she tripped and nearly face-planted, caught just in time by her big brother. He smiled and without another word, took the basket off of her and shrugged it over one shoulder.
“Don’t carry both of them!” Nezuko cried when she realized that her brother really was going to carry her basket and the one he was already wearing down the mountain. “Now it’s too heavy for you!”
Tanjiro shook his head and patted her head. “Don’t worry about it, Nezuko. I’m strong enough to carry our baskets. It’s not even that heavy.”
Nezuko whined, and tried not to let the tears gathering in her eyes fall. “B-But I wanted to come with you guys this time. I wanted to be helpful, and now you’re carrying more.”
The hand on her head slid down and gripped her hand tightly. Nezuko looked up to Tanjiro’s kind eyes and smiled. “Someday you’ll be able to carry it, but for now, let me do it for you. I know you’ll be strong enough eventually, so don’t give up! Okay?”
The girl nodded, wiping her eyes with her free hand and smiling back. “Okay! I’ll be just like you, Tanjiro!”
“No, don't...Please don’t...”
The boy laughed and still holding her hand, the two of them went the rest of the way down the mountain to join the man. Nezuko happily trotted after him, and all of her worries from before vanished being with her brother.
But then she blinked and it was getting dark. She was on someone’s back. The other man was behind them, so it must have been Tanjiro carrying her. She didn’t know why, but she felt safer like this and wanted to sleep again.
This felt familiar. She wondered why.
“Are you okay, Tanjiro?” The man asked.
The boy looked behind and whispered a bit loudly. “Don’t worry, I’m not tired. I can keep carrying her!”
Nezuko closed her eyes and snuggled against her brother. “I’ll carry you someday, Big Brother,” she mumbled. “I promise, I’ll be just like you.”
“Please don’t...I’m sorry, Nezuko...”
She couldn’t open her eyes, but for some reason, she could smell ash and taste blood. Her body ached and tears were falling from her eyes despite not feeling sad anymore. She wanted to speak, but the words couldn’t escape her throat. The cold air shifted to unpleasant heat and smoke.
Tanjiro stopped walking and fell to his knees. Nezuko still couldn’t open her eyes.
Someone warm was now in front of them.
“I’m sorry, Nezuko...Please, forgive me...”
A hand touched her head and what felt like flames erupted around them.
Bells chimed behind them.
And that man, with a deep, familiar voice, embraced them.
“Remember.”
“Oi, wake up!”
Nezuko shrieked and sat up so fast black spots danced in her vision. She whipped her head around the unfamiliar room until she zeroed in on Mr. Kuwajima standing at the doorway. The events of last night came back to her, and she felt herself relax.
It was just another weird dream. Everything’s okay.
“There’s food ready, so come outside when you’re ready,” the old man said, not commenting on her reaction. His pinprick eyes did linger on her a second longer, as though trying to make sense of her reaction, but didn’t say anything more before leaving her be.
Nezuko got up to follow the man, but stopped when she felt Tanjiro’s hand still tightly gripping hers. She gently removed the appendage and whispered, “I’ll be back,” before fully getting up and leaving to eat.
For the most part, the girl and older man sat in silence that bordered on being awkward and peaceful for the duration of the small breakfast/dinner of soup and fresh peaches. Nezuko did her best not to fidget too much despite Mr. Kuwajima not looking up at her once. She knew that her future would be determined by whatever “test” was going to take place in the next few hours, but a part of her was still anxious about leaving a good impression on him.
Nezuko did manage enough bravery to bring up that she and Tanjiro had run into several bodies when they had first encountered the demon. She wanted to know that they would be taken care of, and that there would be nothing to worry about regarding any of the traces of the demon being leftover.
Mr. Kuwajima had looked surprised when she brought up the bodies, but simply nodded and told her that he would pass along the information to people who would make sure the bodies were properly buried. Along with that was the reassurance that since the demon head had burned away, there would be no traces of it left.
Nezuko tried not to let her relief show too much, but it must have when she sighed and continued eating. The old man stared at her a little longer before asking, “You were that concerned about them, huh?”
“Of course,” Nezuko had easily replied, not looking back up. “They still matter, even if they have already died. It would be disrespectful to just ignore them if there was something that could still be done for them, right?”
Mr. Kuwajima didn’t respond, but a quick peek up allowed her to see the thoughtful expression on his face.
When their meal concluded, both got up and Mr. Kuwajima told her to meet him at the front door in a few minutes. Nezuko quickly returned to her room and grabbed her haori (figuring she may still need it).
She took one last look at Tanjiro before kneeling by his head and whispering in his ear, “I’ll be back. I promise, I won’t fail this time.”
With that, Nezuko left the room and followed the old man back into the peach orchard just as the roses and oranges in the sky began to fade and the sun dipped beneath the horizon. They walked until it had fully turned to night again, where they stopped in a random spot and the old man finally addressed the girl.
“You’ll start here,” Mr. Kuwajima said, thumping his cane against the ground several times. “This is where your test will begin.”
Nezuko glanced around, noting that the part of the orchard they were in didn’t seem that much different from where they just were. The only differing feature about the area was that the blossoms overhead were white rather than pink.
“Listen carefully,” the old man explained, gesturing to the area canopied by blossoms behind him. “The flowers above mark a path through the orchard. As long as you stay underneath the trees growing them, and only them, you will be led in a perfect circle, ending right back at this spot.”
Nezuko nodded, earning a grunt of approval from him.
“I want you to run ten laps through the orchard,” the old man continued. “And I want them all done before morning.”
“That’s it?”
Mr. Kuwajima raised a bushy eyebrow. “What? Do you think you should be running more?”
“N-No!” Nezuko stood up straighter and shook her head in panic. “This is fine! Ten is fine!”
“That’s what I thought,” the old man rumbled. “Trust me, if you did anymore, I don’t think there’d be anything left for me to consider teaching.”
That doesn’t sound very comforting, Nezuko thought. They weren’t exactly the words of encouragement she was looking for, let alone from the man who might become her teacher in the future.
“If you can run ten laps and then make it back to the house by sunrise, you’ll have proved your worth to me, and I’ll teach you. If the sun’s already up, then that’s it; no more chances. This is the one shot you’ve got. Understand?”
Nezuko nodded. With that, Mr. Kuwajima gave the girl one last look before turning and ambling back the way they had come. He did stop after a few steps.
“I mean it, follow the path. No shortcuts. Because trust me,” he said as he turned his head a little and smirked at Nezuko in a way that reminded the girl very much of the swordsman from the mountain, “I’ll know if you’ve cheated or not.”
Okay…that really didn’t help her nerves.
But it wasn’t like she had a choice at this point.
“Alright then,” Nezuko said with as much confidence as she could muster. She looked around a little more before realizing she had one more question. “Wait, how will I remember that this is where I-?” Nezuko turned toward where the old man had been walking, but found herself all alone. She looked around, but there was no sign of him. “M-Mr. Kuwajima sir?”
For a man missing a leg and walking with a cane, he can really walk fast. How did he even disappear without me noticing?
Well, there was nothing she could do about it now.
Nezuko glanced around and noticed that one of the trees nearby had what looked like lines engraved into its bark. She walked a little closer and sure enough, she counted ten strikes in the wood.
Perfect.
So, after finding a small sharp stone on the ground and using it to carve her own tally mark into the tree to keep track of her laps (since that had been what she wanted to ask the old man before he disappeared on her), Nezuko began running under the white blossoms.
At first, it wasn’t too bad. Sure her body was still aching and the muscles in her legs burned, but once Nezuko found a steady pace, it was easier to block out the pain. The rest and food definitely helped, and the path was fairly straightforward. All she had to do was stay underneath the white flowers growing above her and try not to slow down too much.
The best part was that this was familiar territory for her. She had gotten used to going down the mountain back at home as she got older. Sometimes she would run down all by herself to relay messages or get quick deliveries when her brother and father were busy. She had even been the one to get the doctor when her mother, who had been pregnant with Rokuta at the time, had gone into early labor. Oftentimes, it was joked among the Kamados that while Tanjiro had inherited their mother’s strong forehead, Nezuko got their father’s strong legs.
To put it simply, this test was perfect for Nezuko.
This is going to be easier than I thought, Nezuko couldn't help but think to herself as she passed by trees and was lightly showered by the occasional flower petals. I wonder why Mr. Kuwajima made this seem so much more dangerous?
Perhaps the test was supposed to be difficult because of how much running she had to do. Or maybe simply because it was in the dark and it would be easy to get lost if she wasn’t paying attention. Either way, this wasn’t going to be a problem for her.
She could totally do this!
Until something snagged her foot, and Nezuko was yanked into the air with a shriek.
What the heck!?
She flailed around, her heart pounding, until her foot managed to slip out of whatever had grabbed it, and she crashed into the dirt path. Nezuko groaned and rolled onto her back, squinting up at a rope loop hanging almost innocently above her. In fact, it looked suspiciously similar to the rope that had been used to trap her brother the night before.
Suddenly, the test and the allusions to its difficulty made much more sense.
So I have to run and avoid traps. That…may be a little harder to deal with.
But it wasn’t impossible, and she didn’t have time to think. She got back up and kept running.
And yet she only managed another couple of steps before breaking another trip-cord, causing a large rock tied to another rope to swing in her direction. Nezuko barely managed to stumble out of the way before a large tree branch smacked her in the face. She cried out and took a few steps back, which caused the ground to give out underneath her, sending her tumbling down into a pit.
At this rate, she would never be able to finish all ten laps before sunrise, let alone one if she kept getting caught.
Nezuko groaned in frustration, but shook her head as she forced herself to carefully climb out of the hole. She couldn’t afford to think like that; not with what was at stake.
Remember why you’re doing this! You have to prove you’re ready for this!
For Tanjiro!
Nezuko pulled herself back up onto the ground, spitting out a bit of blood in the process and rubbing a bump at the back of her head. She looked ahead and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. To find any of the ropes or fake pits, she’d have to crawl around at a snail’s pace to feel anything out of the ordinary. And again, she didn’t have the time for that.
Think, Nezuko, She thought to herself, closing her eyes and taking a moment to breathe. What would logically be the easiest way to navigate through a dark path with traps?
There was only one answer she could come up with: rely on her older brother’s sense of smell. Tanjiro would have easily been able to figure out where the traps were hidden on scent alone. He would have even tracked them using Mr. Kuwajima’s scent that was probably lingering on them. But he wasn’t here right now, so it’s not like that would be of any help to her.
And yet…that did give her an idea.
If Tanjiro could find the traps by tracking their and Mr. Kuwajima’s scents, then she could do something similar by tracing the remnants of his aura. It was at least worth a shot.
Nezuko placed both of her hands flat on the ground and took a deep breath, doing her best to channel her senses to spread throughout the area. She tried to imagine herself reaching out and through the ground like tree roots extending out. She tried to feel for anything that came into contact with her searching, blocking out all other noises within the area and the pain in her body.
Focus…Focus…Focus…
There!
Nezuko could just barely sense another pit, along with more rope traps and smaller obstacles like rocks up ahead. It was still a little hard to pinpoint their exact locations, but they were there, and that was enough for her.
She shot forward and took a huge leap after several more steps, narrowly avoiding the aforementioned pit. She then quickly maneuvered over more of the ropes, and even when she tripped one by accident, she quickly pressed her hand on a tree close by, sensing and dodging a hanging rock just in the nick of time.
Slowly she gained momentum in her movements, finding herself falling into a pattern of stopping to sense traps and finding ways to avoid them while keeping a steady pace. Her movements weren’t perfect; she still kept getting hit by rocks and tripping over pits. All of this was only made harder by the fact that she wasn’t nearly as agile as she needed to be to navigate the environment.
And even when she finished her first lap through the orchard, thoroughly exhausted but knowing she had to keep going after marking another tally on the tree she was using, it seemed as though there were more traps and obstacles appearing that hadn’t been there before.
Trip-wires tangled around her ankles, tiny stones rained down from above, even larger pits collapsed at the slightest pressure at their edges. They kept coming, slowing her down as it became harder to sense the traps and ignore how run-down her body had become.
But she wasn’t giving up.
It didn’t matter that by the third lap the hanging rocks had gotten larger and more frequent. Or that by lap five she had a net thrown on her and tumbled off the path, leading her to spend much of her precious time untangling herself and finding her way back. Or even that by the eighth lap a huge tree nearly collapsed on her (and honestly, she didn’t even think that was an actual trap).
Nezuko kept going.
Because she had to do this herself, to prove herself to Mr. Kuwajima, Mr. Kaigaku, Tanjiro, and herself.
I can do this!
I can do this!
I can do this!
The thought chanted in her head as she reached lap ten, and for the first time in a very long while, she felt hopeful about finally accomplishing this task.
“I CAN DO THIS!” Nezuko bellowed as loudly as she could, uncaring of how it burned her throat and made her lungs ache. “I CAN DO THIS!”
She took a triumphant step forward.
Heard a rope snap.
And looked up just in time to see the largest rock she had seen during the entire test come smashing into her.
Jigoro pulled a blanket over Tanjiro’s sleeping form. The demon hummed and turned onto his side, snuggling into the covers as though he were a child. It almost made Jigoro want to chuckle and coddle the boy a bit. But the cloth tied around the boy’s mouth and the claws peeking out reminded him that now was not the time to be sentimental.
This was still a demon whose life was up in the air.
The old man sighed, glancing at the door and continuing to wait for the girl, Nezuko, to come back. Originally, he had been waiting alone, but the girl’s brother had stumbled into the room and nearly scared the life out of Jigoro. He nearly reached for his sword that he had started keeping near him again, but all the demon did was walk to the center of the room and curl up on the floor, immediately falling asleep.
It had left Jigoro stunned and a little mind-boggled about the nature of this demon. In the end, he figured by the time the sun would be up, a decision would be made about the siblings. So there really was no harm in dragging a spare futon out for the demon to sleep on, or cleaning up some of the dried blood caked on the brother.
So the two of them waited for Nezuko to come back (or, well, Jigoro did while her brother slept). He was used to late nights, so even in his old age, Jigoro had no trouble staying awake. The night progressed on, and soon it was less than an hour before the sun was up.
He was honestly a bit unsure about whether or not the girl would pass the test. He knew that she had the advantage of being fast and having abnormal leg strength, but unless she figured out how to navigate the traps on low stamina, it wouldn’t matter how much he trained her.
And yet, there was still a part of him that was just a bit hopeful that she would make it before the sun came up. There was that bit of potential that he REALLY wanted to take advantage of, and it was very clear the girl had her heart in the right place no matter how naive her actions might be.
Besides, if Kaigaku of all people deemed her worthy of learning their breathing style, then there must have been something about her that stuck out to him.
Kaigaku…
Jigoro glanced at the small wooden box he had brought back with him while retrieving the futon for the demon boy. He picked it up and undid the latch, revealing the many letters that he had received and kept over the years. They were from a mix of colleagues from during and after his retirement, his mentor before she passed away, and the occasional ones from civilians he saved that wanted to express their gratitude. But he plucked the most recent one he had received from the top of the neat pile.
The first letter he had received from that idiot in over four years.
It wasn’t as if his ex-pupil didn’t write him letters. He actually writes to him 1 letter per 2 weeks, updating him about the current Hashiras rankings and gossip (just because he retired does not mean he is outdated). But he’d never receive anything more than that, and every letter was only written to him because of guilt (and also because he threatened to kick off his balls if he didn’t). It was still surprising, all things considered. But it wasn’t because of that.
It was the first letter that was about someone else other than himself.
Jigoro unfolded the letter, and, despite knowing its contents by heart at this point, reread what his former student had written.
No matter how many times he looked at the letter, he didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, Jigoro wanted to say that his former student had nearly lost his mind and was throwing his life away despite promising he was going to try to live better from now on. That Kaigaku was totally disregarding the sacrifice that had been made, or was simply trying to antagonize Jigoro.
But on the other hand…this could be the beginning of a new change.
Jigoro DESPERATELY wanted to believe that Kaigaku was trying to use this second chance to stop thinking only of himself. That maybe, him potentially risking his status in the Corps was the beginning of helping those weaker than him. It didn’t make sense, especially with the case he was involving himself in, but maybe, just maybe…
Maybe things would work out.
BOOM!
Jigoro's head snapped up at the front door having been slammed open.
And lo and behold, the girl was back just a few minutes before the sun was set to rise.
She was panting, her haori shredded and covered in dirt, and her kimono in just as bad shape. Her hair was sticking up in different directions, covered in soil, leaves, and flower petals. There were even more scrapes and bruises all over her body than when he had initially found her, the most notable being a large black and blue mark in the middle of her forehead.
She looked terrible, which meant she actually ran ten laps.
“I…I did it,” she panted, her body slowly listing to the side until she hit the doorframe and slid to the ground. “I made it, made it back. I…did…it…”
The girl slumped over and passed out, not even bothering to change her position or move closer into the house.
Jigoro set the letter down and took in the girl before him, covered in dirt, bruises, and blood. He took in her shredded and nearly ruined kimono, and her choppy short hair that had become tangled and cut at an uneven length. He stared at the still-fading purple bruises curling around her throat, and thought about how she endured this hellish test just to prove that she and her brother were worthy of a chance in this cruel world.
Her determination would definitely carry her forward if she learned to use it right and to address her shortcomings.
If Jigoro managed to hone that energy in a foul-mouthed former street rat and an overly emotional orphan, then surely he could do the same for this kind yet stubborn sister.
Maybe…this time, things would work out better for his third pupil.
Jigoro hesitated, then smiled at the girl.
“Very well, Nezuko Kamado. From this day forward, you’re now my new student.”
Dear Old Man,
I’m finally writing to you for real.
Happy?
You said to write if something ever…came up.
Well, something did.
There’s a girl heading your way in desperate need of instruction. She’s convinced herself that she can become a demon slayer, even going as far as to try and attack me unarmed. She’s doing this because a demon killed her family and turned her brother. Now she wants to try to find a cure for him.
The thing is, I don’t think he’ll harm another human.
There’s something different about these two. I can sense it. The girl has a keen sense of intuition and is sensitive to emotions, almost like a sixth sense. It’s similar to how you and the brat had incredible hearing and that psychic sixth sense (the pervert part does not count).
So maybe, she’ll find a way to break through.
I’m asking you to give the girl a chance, but you don’t have to give anything more than that. Honestly, I don’t think she’ll make the cut, but you always had a way of turning strays into something useful.
It’s dumb, but you said it yourself; I need to try if I want to change.
Well, this is my first attempt at trying.
I know it might seem like a delusional request. One that, if I’m wrong about, could cost us our reputations and lives. But please, humor me.
Who knows, maybe this will all make sense one day.
Take care, Old Man.
Kaigaku Inadama