Prologue (2)
Well, that was … shocking.
But she couldn’t say that she was surprised. After all, this is an illegal facility hosting murderous aliens all over the universes (not counting alternate realities). Hell, everyone here knew that the scientists were conducting highly illicit and extremely dangerous experiments. So, it was quite unsurprising that they would create a legendary beast and then accidentally set it loose in here. AND helpfully left the whole place in chaos, expecting it to work itself out (if she wasn’t planning to kill whomever made this colossus ion, she would’ve to admire their slick getaway). Granted, she could probably beat it, but it’ll take time, effort, and strength, things she really didn’t want to waste and had no reserves left in her to tolerate this. BUT SERIOUSLY, couldn’t they have bothered to at least left a starship or something that she could use to get the fuck out of here?!? Even if she can travel in space, she planned to do it with style and comfort, fitting a dramatic escape off this boring planet, heading for a much-needed vacation.
A roar interrupted her silent curse fest, as said colossus ion (she noted to herself to start calling it ion from now on) spotted her and started charging, its throat glowing with ominous-looking greenish-blue light. It was extremely ugly, with a rearing scaly dinosaur head, mouth full of bloody blackened fangs (courtesy of the smog from Poisoner Ashy234@07), a big bulging reptilian bipedal body, covered with blackish-gray plates, spikes rearing on its back, hands armed with long slashing claws, and a long spiky tail(she had a sneaking suspicion that whoever brought it to life gave it the body of Godzilla, thanks to the movie that had been replayed one too many times in the breaks between training before she busted the set up). Right before it fired, she flashed its middle finger, before teleporting away right behind it to sit down on a nearby tower, long out of patience and is seriously considering exploding the whole planet just for pissing her off and rubbing her shitty luck in her face. As the beast roared angrily (she translated it into a series of impressive cursing and creative language), it spun over and proceed to try to hit her again, this time swinging its tail and managing to destroy multiple buildings, spectacularly missing her by 3 miles and hit itself in the face instead (she barely restrained herself from cackling out loud, as that would’ve been very childish). Ion, enraged, bellowed at her, apparently mad that she could match it (unfortunately, she could speak Roraima fluently) and immediately go on to throw the biggest (and most pathetic) temper tantrum she had ever witnessed in her not-very-long-but-very-eventful-life. She let it cry and flail around pitifully for a minute, ignoring it with heroic patience and trying not to flay it alive on the spot, as she has some questions that only the Ion can answer (as other said possible sources all died because of it). Finally, when it was getting ready for another screech, her last nerves snapped.
“ROAR ROAR ROAR Roars SCREECH Screech mi lowes?!” (WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU CRYING FOR, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!)
The beast raised its head a bit, hearing her yelling at it, and immediately responded, apparently not mad enough to not retort back.
“SCREE SCREECH RIAR MI GRAHHH GRAIH SCRRRRR EEEEEEEEE!!!!!” (BECAUSE YOU ARE BULLYING ME! I DON’T DESERVE THIS! I HATE, HATE, HAAATTTEE YYYYYOOOOUU!)
“RIVER GRILL GRAAHI HOOT ROOM MITOSIS!” (YOU DO! YOU JUST DESTROYED THIS PLACE AND ARE ATTACKING ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS!)
“MISHIIIII! MITO Shi Nadeem roar cete maharani!” (I DID IT BECAUSE THEY TRIED TO KILL ME! Using your blades, actually. It was very scary and I HATE IT!)
“Ishi Yoshitomi Lakshita! OH, SHI NAADEE LAGA KOTU! ARLEM MMAKI TOOL AAA SHIIIIT!” (THAT IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THIS! YOU blasted this whole place down, tried to kill me, and are throwing a temper tantrum RIGHT NOW, AND IT’S ANNOYING! YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I’M NOT ENDING YOUR PATHETIC LIFE RIGHT NOW TO SAVE THIS REALITY FROM YOUR GOD AWFUL CRYING!)
The beast sniffled, extremely insulted from her scolding it. Well, TOO BAD, because she was just getting started. She wasn’t about to let this fucking piece of crap get away with trying to kill her. NO WAY IN HELL. She wasn’t going to let up until it was crying and begging for mercy when she was done roasting it. And when she was finished, she would proceed to cut it up and kill it in the most humiliating and excruciating way possible. Just the thought had her brain cogs spinning, already devising ways to torture it with what she had on hand.
Probably not good that she’s already thinking like a crime empress, fresh from the black market.
The colossus flinched, sensing the dangerous aura that was emanating from her. It wasn’t that dumb (yet), and it knew that it was on extremely thin ice now that it had calmed down. One wrong move and the unidentified threat could finish him off (if she hadn’t gut him alive using her colorful cursing already), or likely torture him to death. Both weren’t exactly favorable options, and even if it could fight her, it doubted it would win. So it went to the next possible move: bargaining.
“Roar seigniorial kuaka laari namkeen?” (All right, I’m sorry, ok? Can I offer you something in exchange for all this?) it ventured weakly, not sure how she’ll react.
“Raia Yoshitaka? MAAA SHII TOOKI LLAAA?!!” (What do you mean, SOMETHING IN EXCHANGE?!WHAT exactly do you even have to offer me?) she exclaimed incredulously. This thing was either extremely brave or extremely stupid, depending on how you look at it. Still, she was quite interested in what it has to say, even if it is utterly annoying. So, she sat cross-legged patiently, waiting for the verdict.
“Ohm rekeys, nashi karkalla kunai mamani. Kaikai gen toorie ARAK MANNITOL.” (Oh fine, show me what you got. But IF you bore me or try to cheat me out of this, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND NEUTER YOU ALIVE.) she warned, bristling in irritation.
“Uhhhhh…… nook shin Takeshi nondiurnal? Maalaea’s Pohutukawa omahoito? Oh, Koito akdalaite washi!” (Uhhhh…... jewels, maybe? Power? A throne? Or lifetime supply of food? Chemicals? Servants? I can get you any of those things!) it chattered excitedly.
“Kraepelinian, sonata ala alitame. Kraka kenkiid magenta cyanide wolfbane kore, omnium rakija. Orisha Tukeh aceitunas, anoikis turtle AMIGURUMI.” (I have every jewel I could possibly ever want, and I don’t need power or food. Servants are useless bitches who backstab you for a little payout, and why would I need chemicals?! I don’t see how this is going to let me spare you from being killed for BORING ME OUT.) she growled, exasperated at this whole conversation. Maybe she should just absorb it and get this whole thing over with, then she can go terrorize some other place and go have some fun. She already had a couple places in mind to go to restock her closet, and maybe try some food as well to pass the time, for her unending new break.
The ion panicked. It knew what she was thinking: that she would just get rid of it right here for simply existing, and it had already decided that it did not want to die yet (not here anyway). And it had a nagging feeling that if she goes all out, it would be vaporized and dead before someone could blink. Right when it almost gave up and accepted its fate of being gutted and used as a purse skin, it had a brilliant idea. OK, maybe not brilliant, but it was still worth a shot, and frankly, it had already run out of both options and time.
“Akki ostinato akami noshi trikaya noni? Oh, azuki no to adularias! Ohm kasha mensurate, akiraho!” (You said you were bored, right? Then I know the perfect entertainment for you! A trip to a planet full of mysteries, romances, illicit actions, cannibalism, and of course, violence!) It babbled on, nervous as shit inside. It had heard about this planet from the person who had ordered it to get it killed, and even then, it didn’t know that much about this mysterious planet either. The colossus was taking an awful risk here, and it knew this.
“Arimachi rote Ku? Onan shitake amniotic lilikoi mannite mohrite? Ala sheikh hi kudlik maki…” (What do you mean, interesting? And why is there cannibalism? Keep talking, I’m interested…) she mused, taking the colossus seriously for the 1st time ever in her life (she couldn’t fathom why someone would ever want to create something like this, even if it was worth shit). Granted, it could be lying, but she seriously doubted this, as it looked like it was going to piss its pants when she so much as sniffed at it. At any rate, this planet sounded fascinating with all its drama and murders and, oh right, possible new opponents to fight! As the colossus prattled on and on about biological stuff and some sort of living things called humans and demons, she began outlining her plans to visit this place.
Maybe this could be the distraction she’d been looking for…