A Bond Must be Willing
“Did I ever tell you the tale of how my heart was torn from my very grasp?”
You looked up from your thick volume,finger poised to turn the next page as you blinked your big, (E/C) eyes with half curiosity and half surprise. It wasn’t unusual that Loki would now speak to you when in the privacy of your shared room, but when things would grow quiet, it was rare that he would be the one to break it. A slow hum escaped your lungs as you stared into the face of the man who was so cold, yet so warm in the middle of the night, the man who had plagued the world and yet- you were his salvation. Loki stared back, the green of his eyes reminding you of uncut emeralds ready for harvest, to be bought and kept safe. Oh, you were so smitten that it hurt.
“Hm, you’ve told me about the frost giants of Jotenheim and the dwarves of Myrkheim, but I don’t think I’ve heard this one. Is it good?” You teased playfully, lips already spreading up into a infectionous smile. Loki’s reaction is unexpected, his lips visibly purse as green became muddled over with something else.
“That is for you to determine. Perhaps the beginning is unfavorable but keep in the back of your mind that-” With a small flick of his wrists, your book was stolen from your grasp and you were being carefully pressed into a cold chest. You’d never have known that he was alive save for the steady throbbing of his heart, pumping mystic blood through his veins, “- I did not have you then as I do now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I… did not favor you, (Y/N). Do you not remember our first meeting?” As if you could forget.
“Don’t you want to at least let her know you’re the reason she’s alive? He was going to kill her, Loki. She’s not a human toy, she’s your bonded! Your responsibility! And until we can figure out how much longer the Aether will be inside Jane, he’s going to keep coming because you didn’t hold up your side of the agreement.”
“Weak. Human. Frail. Breakable. Do you presume me as such? That midgardian female is no mate of mine. Her life was simply spared because I need not end it. Malekith can only be stopped once the aether is his; what more do you want me to do?” Loki spat, rage coursing through his very veins and running them cold to the touch. He had begun to frost over in a matter of seconds, heartbeat slowing down even if there was a throbbing in the back of his mind. He let himself be kept here as prisoner, even helped (debatable) when it benefited him, but The woman in question, you, were about to be crushed under the weight of a wayward car during one of Malekith’s strikes against the city when Loki’s magic subconsciously swept you up (not gently enough considering the bandaged wrapped carefully around your head when where it made contact with a building during the alleged saving) and out of the way to safety.
That was the first time Loki could not control himself and it immediately brought out the dark, volatile attributes of his personality. He left you to the rest of the avengers to face Malekith, but the powerful sorcerer had vanished. Loki could have given chase, but his magic refused to comply.
“I remember that,” You murmured, figure already beginning to curl up, an act you would often execute when you wished to hide. Loki could see the tell-tale signs, shaking his head and gathering you closer, “You even said ‘who would ever wish to have such wasted space forced upon them by the universe.’ ” Loki fliched at the awful rendition of his voice and the obvious hurt still very much there in your tone, even if the emotion smoothly slide across the bond to greet him. It was agonizing, growing used to such a strong form of magic that not even he could tamper with should he wish it. But he was also glad for it, glad that the universe had given him something that he didn’t know he needed until he finally did .
“I admit that I was a fool” He pressed, laying a kiss against your crown until you loosen up and he feels it’s the right atmosphere to continue before it all goes down hill again.
“We may not be able to see where your mark is, frosty, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that her’s is written smack on her wrist. It’s ancient, took Jarvis two tries at finding the right dialect and translation. Two! Your name is branded on her skin and no matter what hocus pocus you can do, you can’t fight that.” Tony spoke matter-of-factly.
“Watch me. I will not have a mortal as my bonded. I am a Prince of Asgard. I have no need for such a disgusting occurrence, man of iron. If you are so keen on keeping her alive, you protect her.” From where you stood on the other side of the door, you frowned, not sure of what his issues were regarding you when you hadn’t actually met yet. He was the first person to have such a negative outlook when it came to soul bonds; how could that be? From what you’d learned from your mother and father was that soul bonds were such beautiful things meant to be taken care of and cherished. You’d grown up preening over the uniqueness of your own and having the thought that one day you would find each other and it would be beautiful like in the movies.
This was not beautiful.
“Why did you feel that way when we first met?”
“Perhaps it was jealousy. My mother was strong, a warrior. My brother’s bonded has that drive, that power to command people in a way, to evoke emotion. When we first met, and I saw all that you were from a simple look in your eyes, I was ashamed. I did not want to have a bonded who could not be my equal. To me, you kindness made you weak and I loathed you for it. I despised it; every inch of you bathed in light to look as if you were the sun. You were the witch, (Y/N), and I told myself that I would not fall for your human trickery,” There’s the hint of a smile in his voice at the end as he curls his arms around your waist, “but it seems that I was already bewitched before even becoming aware… for you are not strong, not in the way of my mother or Jane, no, your heart is stronger. Your kindness is your strength. Your command is the sweetness with which you treat those around you and they are mere pawns at your disposal. But yes, I did not enjoy the thought of you at first. It was only after watching over you-”
“You were spying on me?” The sad part was that it didn’t surprise you in the least. It’s Loki, previously power and approval hungry, willing-to-go-to-any-lengths Loki. Of course he would spy on you without you ever knowing.
“I prefer the term observing from an impenetrable magical force, yes.” You huffed softly and buried your face further into his cool chest, muttering ‘spy’ under your breath as he purposely tickled against your hip to make you squeak out in protest.
“Go on, I want to hear about it.” Loki cleared his throat; only you knew that even he could be flustered at times.
“I let you wander back to your home under the pretense that I did not care. I told myself that I was not allowed to feel as such. The man out of time made sure to have midgardians around to protect you, but I wished to see it with my own eyes. It was on one of those days where you humans choose to do nothing or take part in leisure activities. You left in a robe of pink and white with your hair up. I found you enthralling, a beauty to rival any and all others, but I would never have admitted it then. I followed you, growing more annoyed with each and every person that stepped into your space to touch you and greet you. I wanted to destroy them all. Even my mark began to burn with how angry I was. But I gave my word that I would not hurt the city again and so I bore it. You left the safety of the box you call a home and went to the center to help give provisions to the poor and less fortunate.”
It felt nice to get back to the life that you knew after the run in with your Bonded and the avengers. Being born in the heart of the city, your life had always been to an upbeat tempo in your head that matched the honking horns outside of your bedroom window. And despite everyone thinking New York City was just too much, you wouldn't have had it any other way. In your younger days, you'd wake up early to make breakfast for your parents before packing your lunch to head for school. You washed the dishes and tidied up the place because you loved being of use to the people around you and it surely showed. You were the definition of unending optimism and everyone loved being around you because of it. You shared treats with classmates and let people borrow whatever they needed. When someone needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to about their bonded, you were there and always helped the best way you knew how.
A quiet yawn slid past your lips as the alarm clock chimed "Pocketful of Sunshine" into the small bedroom. Reaching around for a moment until you found your phone, you tapped at it until it quieted and pushed yourself up into a comfortable sitting position. It was a Sunday, your day off, but you were never one for sitting at home and doing nothing. You debated over whether you'd head to the nearby soup kitchen to help serve or to the baby daycare to watch over the small beings whose parents also worked weekends. A smile slowly slipped onto your lips as you slowly but surely pushed yourself out of your bed. The drapes are flung back and you enjoy the sun kissing your smooth cheeks and how it splashed your tiny room with color. Your apartment was small, but then again, so are you. At 5'1 and weighing on the slightly thick side with hips and thighs that went on for days, being so small and stout had both it’s advantages and drawbacks.
You were a little walking whirlwind of sunshine who couldn’t reach the highest shelf in your apartment without a stepping stool placed on top of a chair.
Shimmying hips to the sweet tune, you went about your daily routine, folding up your bed and covers before waddling to the bathroom for a shower. You let the water drench your (H/L)(H/C) hair and sighed, steam drifting all over the shower and permeating the rest of the room. You continued to hum as you washed up, your brain never fixated on one thought for too long before it flitted on to the next subject at hand. You looked down, eyes glazing over your wrist, a light smile gracing your delicate features. The rune like symbols were deep set into your skin like most tattoos, blackened over with a foreboding shadow.
What if your soul mate was not the person you had envisioned him to be? But perhaps, worse, what if you did not meet their expectations? Your relationship sense was stunted at an early age because of how involved you were in other people’s lives; it tended to leave your own relationships stunted and men grew impatient or felt neglected no matter how hard you tried. But you did try; you always attempted to create as much of a balance as possible, but you were often asked to drop things that mattered to you.
“You’re always working, you need to spend more time with me.”
“Can’t you quit? You’re not even being paid.”
“I thought we could have some alone time, but you’re never home.”
They were all valid wants, right? But it was unfair that instead of compromise, there was a one sided wish every time. Then again, none of them had been your bonded. You had liked them enough, but there was no pull, no scribble of their words across your skin and in vice versa. It was doomed to fail even before it began and as morbid as that sounded, it had made you happy to have had the experience at all, up until your Bonded’s words swept through you, tilting everything upside down. Shaking your head to resist the urge to self deduce once more, you drew your eyes away from your soul bonding mark to reach up and begin washing your hair, the thick locks in need of a gentle cleanse.
The shower was invigorating and left you feeling light on your small feet, humming the same tune to yourself as you dried off and began to get dressed, settling on a light pink sun dress and combing your hair up into a messy bun. It was such a lovely day and as much as you adored babies, you decided that it would be so much better to feel the warming heat of the sun against your cheeks while feeding the hungry outside. It would give you a chance to check up on some of the tenants as well. Once you found your comfortable walking flats, you were out the door in a flurry of sunlight and the chime of bells. People along the floor greeted you with smiles on their faces and once you reached the ground level of the apartment complex, there were still more smiles to come. A few children tried to coerce you into a game of tag, but you promised them that at another time, you’d be up to the task.
You peered up at the clear blue sky for the briefest of moments, loving how the fleeting moment would last beyond this mere lifetime in your chest and that you were alive and well, able to help others who couldn’t help themselves. You were alway going to view the glass as half full, not empty. Walking along the active streets with a little bounce in your steps, you saw the pavement full of men and women in suits, children trying to race each other to the park, and dog walkers trying to take control of their charges. The plaza where you helped serve food was close by so you walked even faster, just happy to have survived. It would take time to come to terms with the way things had happened and you were afraid of the pale monster who had almost accidentally killed you when he tried to destroy the city, but you just wanted something to do that you knew you were good at. You wanted to help people.
The line is already almost a mile long when you get there and with the program severely understaffed, you were a welcomed help. You spent the rest of the day making care packages and cooking food.
“Loki, you stayed the entire day just to watch me feed the homeless and elderly?”
“And I watched you feed the aerial beasts, find a missing canine, spend your currency on items not of your own use but for the use of another.. I watched for a very long time. It was… something a queen does for her people. Yes, I could barely stand it, and it took more than that, months, almost a year of fighting a destiny paved for me when I realized that you are so much more than a small, midgardian woman. You are home, my home, more than Asgard can ever be. You are my hope, my future, the beginning when all I had ever seen was the end. Saving your life saved me, (Y/N). I wear your brand proudly as a testament to my queen.” He raised his arm up and pulled up his sleeve to reveal his shoulder, you watching on. After the two of you had become close, he showed you one the one thing he hated about his Asgardian flesh. The only way to see your bonding mark was to reveal his true self.
You had embraced it, the same as you are about to right now, touched his cold skin and shivered as your fingertips left white hot marks that always disappeared, all except your name, beautiful and burnt into his cold skin in bold, white ink.
You touch the mark and smile, understanding just how willing he is now, glancing up to meet two green pools staring down at you as if you commanded the sun to set and the moon to raise. It sent a soothing chill rushing down you spine as you continued to touch the mark, your lids drooping unconsciously. And even Loki knows just what you need, one of his hands drawing away from your body to ghost up your arm and grasp at your dainty wrist. You feel everything exponentially, magnified almost to the point of unbelieveable pain as sensation after sensation takes cover in your body. He let’s you get a glimpse into his mind, the one thing he cherishes almost as much as he cherishes you, you see a memory of the day he spoke of, but from his perspective.
You were shining to him in every scene as his lips hovered for the faintest moment before seeking refuge against your own. Every kiss is careful, Loki is a gentleman despite popular belief, and he protects you the way he wishes he could’ve protected others a long time ago. He was less than perfect, more than human, and finding that you have made him humane.
A bond who is unwilling is only hurting themselves and the one that loves them.