Lying flat on his back, Sirius found himself staring up at the canopy of his bed. He did that a lot, as it were, constantly enthralled by his ever-growing collage of ridiculously good looking, shirtless rockstars he’d pinned up there. Now that his mates had since accepted the fact that he was a self-described, raging homosexual, they stopped taking the piss about his love of shirtless men, and took the piss out of the fact that he was obsessing over men from seventies and eighties rock bands.
Like Mick Jagger. And David Bowie. And Steven Tyler. And Tommy Shaw.
Not to say the current bands were less good, but no one made love to the mic the way Mick Jagger could.
He’d once made a gratuitous dick-sucking comment about Steven Tyler’s mouth to James and was promptly rewarded with James never, ever asking about his fascination with Aerosmith again.
Not that James was opposed to gay blokes. He wasn’t entirely straight. He just didn’t get the whole glam thing, and frankly he didn’t always ‘get’ Sirius.
But they were eighteen now—or nearly there. Their very last year of Hogwarts School for the Deaf which was a posh, pretentious boarding school for the country’s Deaf and Hard of Hearing students to get an education just as good as Eton could provide, without the hearing community having to “deal” with the problems of educating Deaf students.
Sirius himself hadn’t even had his name down straight away. He’d been born with some hearing loss, but his parents had successfully ignored it until he was five and his doctor said his speech problems meant he needed to see an audiologist. Who ran several reports, fitted Sirius with hearing aids, and his parents expected that to be the end of things.
Only by ten he couldn’t understand a bloody word his professors were saying in his classes and his marks were so poor they just didn’t have a choice. Sirius had to wonder what his parents might have done had it not been for the prestige of Hogwarts itself—it was a school for the rich—only taking in a handful of Scholarship Students per year. They probably would have just let him rot.
Which whatever, he wished a bit that they had. Though it would have meant no Potters, the family who took him in when he’d finally tired of his shitty parents and the way they treated him—no one in his house learnt sign besides Regulus, and he was tired of being talked about when he was sitting right bloody there in the room.
So he’d run off and the Potters took him in and although his parents made a big show of feigning hurt and disinheriting him, he knew they were glad to see the back of him. Reg kept in vague touch, letters every so often to make sure he was still alive.
Whatever.
No Hogwarts would have also meant to Peter, his other best mate. And it would have meant no Remus, which would have broken Sirius’ heart, even if Remus had no idea Sirius was pining away.
Remus Lupin, the absolute object of Sirius’ affections. He came across a bit of a swot, really, but he was the most devious of all of them and only the four boys in their dorm really knew how his brain worked. Remus was profoundly Deaf from meningitis when he was an infant. His parents had gone broke travelling round to find him treatments, and it all ended in nothing. Remus was what the school referred to as pre-lingually Deaf. Like James. He was non-verbal, a scholarship student, and the best thing that had ever happened to Sirius.
He pined for him as much as Jagger or Bowie, and if had been even a little remotely on, he probably would have had Remus on his canopy of obsession.
Instead he kept it to himself. Quietly. Painfully.
It was their last year though, and Sirius was bored. Which of course was the most dangerous type of Sirius. His head was going through a hundred scenarios when he came up with the idea, sitting straight up and balling up a bit of paper, throwing it at James’ head.
James was sat on his bed, eyes narrow behind his glasses, nose in a book because they had exams that year and James had actually taken to studying and being all mature—a terrifying thought for Sirius. The paper hit him upside the head, and he looked up with a scowl at Sirius who was now on his knees.
‘I have an idea!’ Sirius signed excitedly. He grabbed his pillow and tossed it at Remus who was also studying—boring—and then reached out with his leg and gave Peter’s bed a kick until the blonde looked up from his gardening magazine.
Remus raised a brow, clearly confused why Sirius was attempting to get all their attention, and also a bit wary because it usually wasn’t good.
‘We need to leave behind a legacy,’ Sirius signed, coming to sit at the end of his bed.
Remus rolled his eyes. ‘I think we have done. What you did to McGonagall last year…’
‘Not that kind of legacy, Moony,’ Sirius interrupted, waiving his hand impatiently. ‘A brilliant one.’
James set his book down and motioned for Sirius to carry on.
‘We should start a band.’
Remus let out a groan which Sirius was actually able to pick up, and James pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head.
Sirius jumped up, kicking Remus’ bed to regain his attention, and he began pacing as he signed excitedly. ‘No, it’s brilliant. How many Deaf bands are there? None! None that I can think of. And I can sing…’
‘No one in this room has proof of that,’ Remus countered, his fingers flicking lazily through his signs.
Sirius put his hand to his chest, mock offended. ‘You don’t believe me?’
Remus shook his head, his face deadpan.
Sirius flopped down for only a second before popping straight back up. ‘Think about it! I can sing,’ he glowered, at them all, waiting for another challenge. When it didn’t come, he carried on. ‘James can play guitar. Been doing that since first year, yeah?’
James gave a shrug, then nodded.
‘Moony does drums. Pete…’ Sirius turned to Peter and raised an expectant eyebrow.
‘Piano.’
Sirius pulled a face. ‘That’s not punk rock.’
Remus stomped the floor and Sirius turned to look at him. ‘No one in this room is punk rock.’
Sirius gasped. ‘How dare you.’
Remus raised a brow at him.
‘I am, and I can work miracles on the lot of you.’ He spun back round to Peter. ‘Bass? It’s not hard…I don’t think.’
Peter shrugged. ‘Can try.’
‘Good man, Wormtail! What do you say?’ He spun, fixing his gaze on all his dormmates. When neither James nor Remus seemed like they were willing to give in, Sirius pouted and flopped down on the edge of his bed. ‘Please.’
Remus just rolled his eyes and went back to his book, making Sirius’ heart ache a little. He turned doe-eyes on James who finally lifted his hands. ‘I’ll think about it.’
‘I’ll give you anything you want,’ Sirius begged.
James snorted a laugh. ‘I’ll think about it.’
It was the best he’d get for the moment. Deciding he could occupy his time better by bothering Moony, he abandoned his bed of shirtless hot men and flopped on top of his friend. Remus let out a huff of air, but without missing a beat, merely wrapped one arm round Sirius and carried on with his reading.
Sirius reasoned if this was the most he’d ever get from Remus well…he supposed he’d take it.
***
Lily strolled along the path heading into Hogsmeade, her feet scuffing along the dirt, watching tufts of sandy cloud lift into the air, then settle back down. She was over-stressed and over-worked as all the sixth-formers were right about now. Cramming for her exams and praying she’d get decent enough marks to get her the hell out of this little village and into a bigger city.
She had her heart set on London, to throw herself into medical sciences and become a doctor. To do something—anything different from her parents. Anything different from her aunt Rosie who ran the Three Broomsticks. Not that she didn’t love the little village, really. It was impressive to see a nearly all-Deaf community rise up along with the school right off the path. She wasn’t entirely over the death of her parents, no matter how long ago it was. But she didn’t hate living with her aunt.
What she hated was the small-mindedness of the village. The other hearing kids who were awful. She’d been friends with some of them once. Rosier and Snape. She felt bad for Snape especially, his parents were unkind and horrible, but it only carried him so far. He treated the other Deaf kids at the school, and others in the town, like they were less-than. The other hearing kids in the town planned to leave because they felt superior, not because they wanted to dream bigger than a village with less than a hundred people living and working in it.
With a sigh, her mind drifted to Potter—as it often seemed to do these days. Potter who had caught sight of her the day she was allowed to start working at Rosie’s pub and hadn’t left her alone since. Lily’d heard about Potter’s antics—his relentless bullying of Snape and what little she’d seen of him, he’d been a complete toe-rag. He immediately started to chat her up and remembering how awful she’d treated one of her only friends there, she ignored him.
Potter, of course, being the arrogant berk he was, assumed that it wasn’t him being ignored so much that she didn’t understand sign. His head was so big he didn’t stop to consider that working and living in a Deaf village meant of course she could sign, and quite well.
But she let him carry on with his delusion. It didn’t stop his attempts, writing ridiculous notes she’d shove into half-empty pints left on the bar. She was frustrated with his inability to take no for an answer.
Only lately…well he had been a bit. And it felt strange. Almost like she wanted him to continue paying her attention. Which was so stupid because of course she didn’t want that prat paying her attention. But she couldn’t help noticing he’d been…different. Calmer, kinder? And I mean, of course she noticed how fit he was. It was criminal when he and his mates would come strolling into the village for a pint after one of their games in their damned kits looking so….and those arms…
Uhg. She gave a rock a particularly vicious kick and tugged on a few strands of her red hair. Potter. Why did he consume all of her thoughts? Why did he have to exist?
Turning the corner, Lily entered the side-door to the pub, dropping her rucksack under the service counter, and grabbed an apron from the hook. She caught Rosie’s eye, signing a quick hello and nodding at her aunt’s quick instructions. It was a Thursday, so not busy yet. She peered through the small window of the service door and her eye caught a familiar figure sat in the corner.
Potter.
Bloody hell would she never be free of him?
His mates were there as well, at a different table, and she looked at Black, the one with the narrow grey eyes. She didn’t know much about them, except that Black lived with Potter after some rather public disowning incident she’d caught wind of through village gossip. Black hated her, that much was obvious. She didn’t know why, if maybe he fancied James or if it was for another reason. But he never missed an opportunity to glower at her, and laugh at her expense when they all thought she couldn’t understand his crude, insulting signs.
Potter’s other mates were alright, really. Lupin, the curly-haired one that black watched like the sun shone out his arse. And then there was Pettigrew, blonde and sweet and doing his best to be helpful to their little group dynamic.
Lily ignored them in favour of watching Potter though. He was sat at a table with two young girls who couldn’t have been more than eleven or twelve. His dark, elegant hands were curving round signs, his signs simple for them as he explained something out of a large text book. Most of the signs she didn’t recognise, so she had to assume they were regarding maybe maths or science—some subject she hadn’t been exposed to yet in the language.
But the girls were smiling and grinning, and signing back, and James was beaming proudly. He offered up a hand, and got two high-fives, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bar of chocolate from Honeydukes, and two gold star stickers which he stuck to the tips of their noses.
Lily watched them giggle, then gather their things and hurry out.
Potter rose from the table, taking his butterbeer with him as he slid into a seat next to Black, and he snorted when Black signed, ‘You spoil them.’
‘They deserve it. Prof V is an evil cow.’
Lily stopped eavesdropping, mostly because she’d have to get started on her own duties, and that was cutting up garnishes for the dinner rush which was going to hit in a few hours. She slipped through the door, feeling immediately as James’ eyes landed on her, and she glanced up to see him jutting his chin up as a way of hello.
Rolling her eyes—her customary greeting, she turned away and began her nightly work. By the time she looked up again, the group was gone and sat at the bar was Marlene. She was up at Hogwarts with them, but she and Lily had become rather close friends, her mainly taking an interesting in watching Lily humiliate and reject James over and over.
‘He’s a prat, he deserves it,’ Marlene reminded Lily over and over.
Today she was grinning, asking for a fizzy drink, and Lily quickly poured her a coke from the tap, adding several cherries the way she knew her mate liked it. ‘Now that they’re gone, we can talk properly.’
Lily giggled. ‘They’ll figure it out eventually.’
‘They’re thick,’ Marlene said, and sipped her drink. Popping a cherry into her mouth, she chewed thoughtfully. ‘He’s been better though. Potter.’
Lily felt her cheeks pink. ‘Whatever.’
Marlene grinned wolfishly over the rim of her glass. ‘Fancy him?’
‘No.’
‘You are a terrible liar,’ Marlene insisted. “You can’t stop staring.’
Lily blushed and covered her face for a minute. ‘Can he tell?’
Marlene openly laughed, throwing her head back as she shook her head. ‘Captain Oblivious? No. He can’t tell. But you could go and shake your naked arse in front of him and he still would think you hated him.’
Lily couldn’t stop the mental picture from forming, or for a fierce blush to erupt on her cheeks which made her curse her stupid Scottish heritage giving her the palest skin. ‘I hate you,’ she signed.
Marlene grinned. ‘No you don’t.’
***
Lily was just sorting out the bar post-dinner when the door swung open and her eyes widened. It was Potter, hands stuffed into the front pocket of his zip-top hoodie, a sheepish smile on his face. He gave her a nod of hello as he slid up to the bar.
“Isn’t past your curfew?” she muttered.
James just beamed at her and then slid a small notepad onto the bar top. Hey Evans.
Lily sighed and rolled her eyes, her head following to exaggerate the gesture. But she wasn’t to completely ignore him. What are you doing here?
Want to say hello since I not have chance early.
“Of bloody course you did, you ridiculous…” She was about to write down exactly what she was saying, but he snatched the paper back.
Your accent so pretty. Like face, hair.
She lifted an eyebrow at him and wrote back. You can’t understand a word I say, can you?
James read that, then threw his head back, giving a deep belly laugh that sent shivers up her spine. His laugh, his smile, was so gorgeous. He had no bloody right to look so good. She hated him so much—especially how she was starting to not hate him at all. The bastard.
No I not understand at all. Mouth move all funny, but pretty. Make 2 of us, eh?
Lily blushed hard and it was at the tip of her tongue—or tips of her fingers, as it were—to just tell him the truth. But it had been so long. Years. Years that she’s been keeping up this ruse of not being able to understand him and his mates. And what would she say to him if she confessed? She’d risk him hating her—which she would deserve a little bit. Or a lot, actually. And would that be such a bad thing?
A tiny voice in her mind shouted, Yes, it would! But she promptly ignored it.
You should get back to your school now, Potter. It’s late and you’ll get a detention. Then you won’t have time to come and annoy me.
His face brightened, like someone had lit a candle behind his eyes, and he grabbed the notebook and began to scribble something. When he turned it back she saw a surprisingly intricate bouquet of lilies drawn. It was hardly the most original thing she’d ever seen—if a Lily drawing, nickname or pun could be made, she’d heard or seen it—but it was amazing. She found herself slipping it into her pocket even as he slid from the stool and gave her a salute goodbye.
‘Goodnight, beautiful flower,’ he signed, and it took everything in her to keep her face blank like she didn’t understand.
As the door shut, she dropped her forehead on the top of the bar. Bloody, buggering hell. She was so far gone.
***
Sat at the desk, Sirius tapped his feet in absolute boredom. He’d been watching Remus study for nearly an hour now, with no signs of slowing. Pete had buggered of who the hell knew where, and James had snuck off to the village to chat up that redhead Sirius hated so damn much, which left Sirius bored.
And desperate for Remus’ attention, but he wasn’t getting it.
Eventually his need to have Remus’ eyes on him got the better of him. He curled his hands into a fist, then put out his first and middle fingers like legs, and walked them across the table, on top of Remus’ book, then splayed his palms flat over the words.
Remus looked up, giving Sirius a withering stare. ‘What?’ he signed, face irritated.
‘Bored,’ Sirius signed back. ‘Bored bored bored,’ he repeated each sign with greater emphasis, rising slowly until he was half on top of the table, hovering over Remus’ revising. ‘Entertain me.’
Remus grit his teeth and gave Sirius a shove back. ‘I’m revising. Not everyone can have natural genius like you, and I want to pass my exams, Padfoot.’
‘You will,’ Sirius signed emphatically. ‘You’re the most clever of us all.’
Remus rolled his eyes, shoving the book to the side. ‘What will it take for you to let me revise in peace?’
Sirius tapped his chin in mock thought, then his eyes brightened. ‘Join my band.’
Remus pulled a face, sitting back in his chair. ‘Padfoot…’
‘Please,’ Sirius signed with a wide gesture. ‘I’m really good at singing, and I can compose, and your drums are so good. Please, Moony. Don’t crush my small, fragile heart.’
The corner of Remus’ mouth quirked up just a little before he couldn’t stop the smile, and he laughed a bit. ‘Fine, you absolute pain in the arse. I’ll join your band, but it had better be worth it.’
‘Sexy drummer,’ Sirius signed, giving his eyebrows an exaggerated waggle. ‘Everyone will love you. Loads of shags.’
An unfamiliar expression flickered across Remus’ face at that, then he shook his head. ‘Can I study now?’
‘Just come to bed soon. Growing boy needs his rest.’
Remus shot a V at Sirius as he pulled his book over with one hand, and his eyes went back to the page. Knowing he wasn’t going to get much else from the teen, Sirius got up, gave Remus’ curls a ruffle, and went back up to the dorm to wait for one of the others to join him.
He rummaged round his things, finding a spare bit of paper, and drew lines to start his composition. Really he reckoned they’d do some classics. The Cure, The Who, some Rolling Stones. Maybe a bit of Bowie.
But some original songs wouldn’t be remiss, and Sirius really wanted to sing. He’d done it when he was younger, and carried on even as his hearing got worse over the years. He knew his voice wasn’t as clear as most singers, but he loved it. He didn’t need to hear it to let the music flow through him, and what he could hear, he enjoyed quite a lot.
He wanted to do this, not just to woo Remus—though if Remus fell for him in his sexy concert clothes, he certainly wouldn’t be complaining—but it was something to bring them together. Their school careers were ending. Then it would be off to Uni and who knows what after. He could lose Jamie, lose Pete. Remus might get accepted to some posh, swotty Uni which would take up all his attention and time. He’d fall in love with someone and forget all about their years together.
Sirius knew he was being dramatic, but he’d been viciously cast out from his family. He kept in vague contact with his little brother, but he’d spent most of his life being different from them. An outsider. And he knew the Potters loved him, he never doubted that, but the adult world was terrifying. The hearing adult world was worse. He wanted something that might last, and they might not get famous, they might play one show and that would be it for them forever, but it was something to hold on to.
Sirius was brooding when the door swung open and James walked in. He pulled the zip down on his hoodie, shrugging it off, wearing a rather large smile as he approached Sirius’ bed.
‘I will join your band,’ he signed, but before Sirius could jump up to celebrate, he held up a hand for him to be patient. ‘With one condition.’
Sirius blinked at him, then flopped back down. ‘Fine. What?’
James reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up bit of paper, passing it to Sirius. Snatching it, Sirius unfolded it and his eyes scanned the lines. After a moment, he glanced back up at James. ‘What is this?’
‘I want you to teach me to say these.’
Sirius sat up fully, giving James his full attention. ‘These? Say…verbal?’ James nodded. ‘Out loud? These terrible things?’
James looked offended. ‘They’re not terrible, they’re funny. They’re for Lily.’
Sirius felt a groan ripping out of his throat involuntarily as he flung himself backward. A moment later, his vision was occupied by James who had straddled him, pinning him so he could have Sirius’ full attention.
‘I fancy her.’
‘Tell me something I don’t know,’ Sirius’ fingers snapped back. ‘I hate her.’
‘I know,’ James said. ‘But I don’t. And if you’d give her a chance…’
Sirius squirmed backward, out from under James, and shoved his back against the headboard, cocking one knee up. ‘She lives in a Deaf village and doesn’t sign. She is mean to you…’
‘Because I bullied Snivellus,’ he said, using a sign Sirius hadn’t seen in a while for the greasy, shitty hearing kid down in the village that made it quite clear what he thought about Deaf people.
‘He deserved it,’ Sirius’ fingers snapped. ‘You want to date some hearing bird who can’t even talk to you. Learn to speak for her. James, your parents will kill you.’
James shook his head. ‘She’s worth it.’
‘If she’s worth it, she’d learn your language. You already have to accommodate the hearing enough,’ Sirius argued.
‘It’s not your call,’ James said back. ‘Teach me, or no band.’
For a moment, Sirius contemplated refusing. He knew James would eventually gave in. He rarely said no to Sirius. Only he knew James fancied her—as much as he couldn’t stand it, or her. And he wasn’t one to deny James anything, either.
Besides, written on the paper were some well and truly terrible chat-up lines. The worst he’d ever read. The sort that would likely just make Lily throw a drink in his face—or several, and it might be worth it to watch that happen. And it might mean Lily would shoot him down for good and maybe then James would get his head out of his arse and find some nice girl or guy to settle down with that wasn’t an audist twat.
‘Fine,’ Sirius said. ‘I’ll teach you to say these things, and you have to be in the band. But no matter what Lily says,’ he signed, using the more rude sign name he’d made up for her which made James scowl, ‘you have to stick with us. Marauders forever.’
James grinned, reaching out and dragged Sirius in for a kiss. ‘Deal.’
Sirius swiped his hand across his mouth, then launched himself at James and rolled them both onto the floor. James took a swipe at him, and they pair rolled and punched until the door opened and Remus walked in. He gave them both a sharp kick to get them to stop and stand up, and Sirius threw his arms wide.
‘Prongs said yes!’
Remus looked at them both, and his mouth quirked. ‘Yeah? When’s the wedding?’
Sirius cuffed Remus on the shoulder as he moved past to drop his books on the desk. ‘Prat. To the band. It’s official. We’re a band.’
Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Oh good. I can’t wait.’
Sirius grabbed Remus by the chin and shook his head at him. ‘Sarcasm doesn’t suit you. Now, we need to find Wormtail so we can get composing!’
***
By the end of the next few days, the four of them had decided on their band name—The Marauders, not entirely original but one they all agreed upon—and after putting up a fuss about Sirius’ desire to compose, they agreed for their first, and possibly only show, they’d just do covers. Punk rock, some eighties glam, one really long song, Major Tom as Sirius insisted because it was that or Sail Away which the whole of the band besides Sirius vetoed.
But it was settled. Although James had footie, and Remus had his astronomy club, and Pete had chess, they managed to get McGonagall to allow them access to the band room three times a week, and one day on the weekend for practise.
Their first practises went alright, too. As most of them actually already knew the songs, it was all a matter of finding a joint rhythm which was the only thing that presented a problem. Sirius solved it later, by asking Benjy and Mary who generally did lighting work on the school’s concerts, to construct something that would flash in time with the tempo of the song.
Ben taught Sirius how to use it, then after going over the song in his head, he set the rhythm and after that, things went much better.
Sirius’ only real problem were his aids. They’d been acting up, and he had an audiology appointment coming up, but he’d have to make-do until then. He went by more vibration this time, than he did by sound, but he was still fairly pleased with their work, and Pete, who had the most hearing of all of them, said that it was sounding great.
Sirius spent his nights translating the lyrics into BSL, and practised signing along with the words. Using dual grammar was almost impossible, but he was determined to get it right before their show. Wherever and whenever that would be.
But they were having fun.
His only other obligation was James, and with his footie, he’d put off his speech therapy until one evening when he barged in on Sirius who was busy cutting up new music magazines for his collage.
‘It’s time,’ James signed, and he threw his notebook at Sirius with the sentences written. Sirius cringed all over again as he read them once more, but he settled up on his bed and pat the spot next to him for James to come over.
‘Okay so we should work on basic sounds since you’ve never had a speech therapy lesson before.’
‘I know my letters,’ James insisted. ‘I’ve had some.’
Sirius rolled his eyes. He’d heard James’ version of alphabet sounds—he was a rather loud signer and he did know some words, but he’d have to work hard to get these right enough to impress the redhead. Or well, offend her, but either way, Sirius wanted her to understand.
‘Let’s work on her name first, yeah?’
James brightened and he nodded enthusiastically. ‘I’ve been practising.’
Sirius made a come-on gesture.
James cleared his throat, then reached up and put his hand on the side of his neck. “Eh-va-ss.”
Sirius frowned. He couldn’t entirely hear James, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘My aids are acting up. Come closer.’ He put his face right next to James’ and gestured for him to go again.
“Eh-va-sss.”
Sirius blinked, then sat back. ‘You’re forgetting the N.’ He put his tongue behind his teeth and showed James, then made an N sound, having James feel his neck and jaw.
They worked on it for nearly twenty minutes before James could get a passable, “Eh-vannn-sss,” out. Or Sirius assumed. He was frustrated and wanted to just rip out his aids at this point, but he carried on because he’d promised James. And honestly this would end him and Lily, and then they could just focus on the band—and Sirius’ secret seduction of Moony who, for all he knew—had no idea.
***
By the end of three weeks, James had most of the shitty chat-up lines down, and their band was doing alright. They were able to go off Remus’ beats now instead of the lights, though they kept them on for reference in case anyone got lost.
Sirius was getting ready for his audiology appointment, glad for the potential to have his hearing aids upgraded to ones that weren’t total shite, and James was eager to practise on Lily.
‘I’m going to tutor,’ James said as he grabbed his jumper. ‘And talk to Lily. Talk,’ he said, emphasising the sign.
‘We get it,’ Sirius said with a roll of his eyes. ‘I have my ears appointment, then I’m going to be waiting patiently for you to tell us all about how it went.’
Remus, who upon learning James’ plan and reading all the shite lines, had accused Sirius of attempting to sabotage James and Lily before they got started, until Sirius pointed out James was the one who came up with the idea.
‘I told him no, I warned him,’ Sirius insisted.
Remus, knowing how stubborn their mate could be, just shrugged. ‘I’m going to watch then. Pete, you coming?’
Pete grinned. ‘Absolutely.’
Sirius waved them off, feeling a sting of jealousy that everyone else in the world seemed to have Remus’ attention but him. They had been closer, the year before. And they were drifting. He didn’t understand it, why everything was slipping through his fingers like this.
He watched as his friends went off, then glanced at the time and decided to head to the Hospital wing early. If anything he might be able to bully himself ahead of someone and get it over with. The last thing he really wanted to do was waste time on these appointments, but it was what it was.
Trudging down the corridor, Sirius headed off, letting his mind wander to a fantasy where his mates were happy, and Remus was his boyfriend.
***
Lily was just mopping up a spill, pointedly ignoring Severus who’d come in for a drink, when the door opened and a group of young kids wandered in. She knew them by now—they were James’ students he was tutoring.
They were busy chatting away with each other, not entirely paying attention, when one of them tripped over his rucksack and bumped into him. He’d been mid-drink, so the pint sloshed a bit over the edge, seeping into his shirt, and he spun.
“You little shits,” he sneered, and half-stood, looming over the young girls who looked both confused because he was speaking, and petrified by his glower. “So pathetic, worthless even giving you an education.” He slid off the stool, taking a step forward when suddenly a shadow appeared in the door, and Snape froze.
Lily glanced up to see James stood there, a frown on his face. His hands snapped at the girls, telling them to get to their seats, and he took a step toward Severus. His hands lifted and when Snape sneered, James shook his head. ‘I know you understand me, and I think it’s pathetic you want to bully children. They didn’t do anything to you, and they don’t deserve your hatred. Hate me? Fine. But they’re kids.’
Snape made a big show of turning his back, and Lily felt rage well up in her gut. He was such a bigoted twat, and she wondered how she’d ever managed to have a friendship with him. She looked over at James who seemed a little shaken, but his attention was on the two girls who still looked frightened.
He was signing to them as soothing as he could, pushing some chocolate at them. Lily had a sudden idea, and rushed into the back to prepare three mugs of her aunt Rosie’s famous hot chocolate. It had cinnamon in it, brewed hot with cashew milk to make it extra creamy, and she put a chocolate biscuit on the side of each plate.
When it was done, she gave Snape a pointed glower as she walked round the table, and approached James’. She didn’t say or sign anything, but set the coco down in front of them, and the girls immediately brightened.
She caught James’ eye, and he lifted his hand to ruffle her hair, then signed, ‘Thank you,’ gently from his chin.
She waved him off, then wandered back to the bar where Severus was giving her a pointed stare.
“You know what a bullying arse he is,” he sneered.
“And you’re better?” she hissed at him. “Threatening little kids.”
“They should have been watching where they’re going.”
“They’re children.”
“They’re not taught properly,” Snape hissed. “Have to talk with their hands, they ought to be paying better attention. God only knows what the hell goes on up at that school that they…”
“Shut up,” Lily said angrily. “Just shut up. Just go home. No one here can stand the sight of you anyway.”
He stared at her incredulously for a moment, then threw a crumpled fiver on the bartop, not nearly enough to cover what he’d consumed, grabbed his rucksack, and hurried out. Lily felt her shoulders deflate, but she glanced back over at James who was smiling very softly, even as he went over the lessons with the girls.
It went on for the better part of an hour before the girls hurried off with their house Prefect, and James stopped by his mates’ table, his back to Lily, so she couldn’t see what he was signing. But eventually, in spite of their snickers, he walked up to the bar. His hand wandered into his hair again, then he placed his hands flat on the bartop and leant forward.
“Evans,” he said. His voice was thick, his accent heavy, but she understood him immediately and her eyes went wide. He cleared his throat, then glanced back at Lupin and Pettigrew who were giving him a thumb’s up, and then back at her. Her heart thumped. What was he doing? “If you were a vegetable,” he said very slowly, very carefully, “you’d be a cute-cumber.”
Lily blinked. “What?” she blurted.
James grinned. “Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.”
Lily’s eyes got wider. “Potter…?” Was he really…?
“Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day.”
Lily’s hand flew up as though she couldn’t help it. “Oh my god stop. Please stop.”
James seemed to understand what she was asking, and he quickly pulled out his notepad and a small stub of a pencil. I work hard for you. Practise hard. Do you like it?
Those were awful! She underlined awful three times. What the bloody hell were you thinking?
But ah you talk to me now, eh? Not cute?
Dreadful, Potter. Just…horrific.
He was grinning widely and he reached out very carefully, lying his hand on top of hers. She shuddered at the touch, it was so soft and oh god. Then he slid the notepad away from her to write something down, and before she could read it, he gave her a salute of farewell, signed something to the lads at the table, and wandered off.
Lily looked down at the paper.
Come to my game Saturday, yeah? Cheer loud for me. Be friend with me at least. I learn to speak for you. Just for you.
Lily glanced up at Lupin who had his hands raised. ‘Oh my god what a twat. I mean, if he didn’t have such a nice arse, he’d be alone forever.’
Lily couldn’t help it. She’d tried, but she burst into laughter at Remus’ signs, forgetting that Pettigrew actually could hear her, and when his gaze snapped over, so did Lupin’s. She flushed and quickly turned away.
Five minutes later, Pettigrew wandered out, and Lily hoped against hope that Lupin would follow, but she had no such luck. She turned to find him at the bar, his hands clasped gently together, his head cocked to the side as he watched her.
Her face went red, then she huffed and crossed her arms, staring.
‘You sign,’ he said pointedly.
Lily’s jaw tensed, and she came up with a hundred different excuses but the truth was just so bloody much easier and she finally just threw her hands up. ‘Fine, yes. I sign.’
‘Fluently.’
Lily rolled her eyes. ‘I live with my Deaf aunt, and work in a Deaf village, of course I’m fluent.’
‘Why doesn’t James know?’ Remus asked, one eyebrow raised.
Lily came closer, keeping her signs closer to her body. ‘He was an arse, and he assumed I couldn’t…the lot of you assumed it. So I just…let him carry on with it. It was easier that way.’
‘Only now you fancy him,’ Remus pointed out.
‘I do not!’
Remus laughed loudly, shaking his head. ‘You are a worse liar than Sirius and James put together. James would notice if he wasn’t so oblivious.’ He glanced down at what James had written, and rolled his eyes. ‘Are you coming? Good way to ease in you know what the hell he’s been saying all this time.’
Lily blushed again, clapping a hand to her forehead. ‘He’s going to hate me.’
Remus laughed again at that. ‘You could set him on fire and try to put him out with pure vodka and he’d just ask you to do it again. He will not hate you.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t tell him, please. I swear I will. At some point.’
Remus bit down on his lip, his eyes narrowed in contemplation and she realised that he was not only devious, but going to wrangle a favour out of her. Bloody, buggering fuck. Eventually he looked up. ‘We started a band.’
‘A band?’ she clarified, making the sign for guitar, and drums. Remus nodded. ‘Okay…’
‘We need a GIG,’ Remus went on. ‘It’s important to…us.’
‘Us?’
‘SIRIUS,’ Remus spelt, going a bit pink in the cheeks, and she knew then why Remus was asking. He was absolutely gone for his mate, and James wasn’t the only oblivious one in the group. ‘So get your aunt to let us have it here. In a month or so.’
Lily blinked, then glanced round and realised they could do it easily. There was no stage, but there was plenty of room and plenty of places to plug in. And the village might actually enjoy it. And Rosie’s business would be booming.
‘Get the school’s permission,’ Lily said. ‘And I will.’
‘And come to the game,’ Remus insisted again.
Lily felt flush all over, but nodded. ‘Yes, I will. Just…don’t tell him.’
Remus reached across the bar and pressed his finger to her lips before pulling away. ‘Your secret is safe with me.’
As he left, Lily wondered exactly what she was getting herself into.
***
Sirius found himself in the music room instead of the dorm, his audiology report crumpled in his hand, his body still in a vague state of shock. He should have expected this, really. He’d been told most of his life his hearing would eventually be gone, and he’d cross that line from Hard of Hearing to deaf. Deaf, really, because this was his life, his community. But he hadn’t expected it now. Not yet.
It wasn’t the hearing aids. It was his ears.
He’d stared at the numbers for a while, then plastered on his I don’t give a sod smile for Pomfrey before he was allowed to leave. She promised to have him back on Friday so they could get him fitted for new aids, but he waved her off, wondering if he’d bother again.
What was the point, clinging to something so temporary.
And did he mind? Really, was it a big deal? James and Remus had never known sound. Maybe vague tones, but that was it. And they were no less happy, and Sirius never really felt fussed on days he didn’t bother with his aids and sound was nothing more than a vague hum in the background.
But knowing it was going and it was gone for good and there wasn’t something he could stick in his ears and turn up and make it all come back again…
It was strange.
Not sad.
Strange.
That was the feeling in his gut. Unfamiliarity. A new normal.
He didn’t know why he’d come to the music room, or why he was switching on the radio with the bass all the way up. His aids were in his pocket, useless for him now, and it didn’t matter. He didn’t hear the melody when he pushed play, just felt the vibrations under his feet, in his hands. He pressed his palm to the speaker and began to rock his body in time with the beat.
It felt like hours passed, or maybe just seconds, but he startled when a hand fell on his shoulder and he turned to see Remus stood there watching with a careful expression.
‘What’s wrong?’
Sirius shook his head, but Remus stomped his foot and Sirius finally just glanced over at the table where his audiology report was sat. Remus, of course, recognised the familiar colours and images, the little graph, and his eyes took it in before he turned back to Sirius.
With a half-laugh, Sirius switched off the music, then shrugged. ‘Deaf now.’
Remus reached out a hand, then pulled it away. ‘You okay?’
Sirius nodded. ‘You know me, no big deal. I knew it was coming.’
Remus had that look, it was obvious Sirius was bothered at least a little, and Sirius knew his friend well enough to know Remus wouldn’t let him get away with the nonchalant attitude forever. But he was pragmatic enough to let it go. For now.
He merely picked up the report with one hand, Sirius’ hand with the other, and dragged them both up to the tower.
To Sirius immense relief, no one was in their room yet. James and Pete were off—well he didn’t care where. How could he when Remus was slowly changing them both into pyjamas, Sirius moving his arms and legs mechanically. Then he was tugged into the other teen’s bed and snuggled into.
Remus pulled back, just enough to give them signing space. ‘Tell me what you’re thinking. Are you afraid?’
Sirius licked his lips, and let his mind wander, because he wasn’t sure. But … there was something, tickling the back of his mind, and with Remus looking at him so careful, he let the words flow from his fingers. ‘I don’t care if I can hear anything, but I don’t want to lose my voice.’ As he signed it, he felt his throat tighten. Ah. So there it was. ‘I love singing, Moony.’
‘I know,’ Remus signed back carefully. ‘And you won’t lose your voice.’
‘What if I do. If I’m Deaf they won’t want me to…to…I won’t be trusted to.’
Remus was shaking his head firmly. ‘No, Sirius. No. Your voice is yours, and no one can take that from you. It belongs to you. It doesn’t matter if you’re Deaf or hearing or…anything. It’s yours.’ He let his fingers come out, pressing gently on the side of Sirius’ throat, then he pulled away. ‘I don’t have to hear it to know it’s beautiful.’
Sirius felt his throat go hot and his entire body tingle as he absently reached out, taking Remus’ hand again. He pressed the fingers to the side of his throat and closed his eyes as he sang, so he didn’t have to see the way Remus was looking at him.
“However far away, I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will always love you…I will always love you.” He knew Remus was just as shite at speechreading as James, so he could only hope Remus didn’t totally understand, and if he did, wouldn’t see the raw feelings he was displaying.
When he opened his eye again, Remus was looking at him carefully, gently. ‘It’s going to be fine.’
‘I know,’ Sirius said. ‘I can feel the music, it’s always been the best that way.’
Remus chuckled softly. ‘Deaf is best.’
Sirius rolled his eyes, but nodded. ‘Yes.’
After a moment, Remus lifted his hand, his five fingers out. He curled his middle and ring toward his palm, then smacked Sirius on the forehead with it. ‘Love you, idiot.’
Sirius felt his entire body flush, and though he was sure Remus didn’t mean it in the way he craved, he let himself feel wanted and adored. Grabbing on to Remus’ he signed sloppily with one hand, ‘Can I sleep here?’
Remus rolled his eyes, but put his arms round Sirius by way of answer, nuzzled them both back into the pillows, and let Sirius push his face into the side of Remus’ neck. Eventually the lights went out, and soon enough, the night took them.
***
Lily made her way to the school with some trepidation. She hadn’t seen James much since the disastrous chat-up incident at the Three Broomsticks, and she half-wondered if he was still interested, or if maybe Remus had sold her out.
But when she saw the curly-haired teen waiting for her near the gates, her shoulders relaxed. ‘Hey,’ Remus signed, then pulled out a notebook. ‘If you want to keep up appearances…’
Lily sighed, but she knew she wasn’t ready just yet. Not entirely. She grabbed the paper and biro, and quickly scratched out, Rosie said yes, that you can have the pub. So tell Sirius and your band to be ready for a show in two weeks.
Remus looked half-green over how soon it would be, but he jotted down a little smiley face, then led the way to the pitch where the students were all gathered round. This wasn’t Lily’s first trip to one of the school’s footie games. Her aunt used to come and watch from time to time when she was younger. She was used to how loud it was, and the flashing lights.
She followed Remus to the Gryffindor stands, and her eyes immediately fell on Pettigrew and Black. Black was staring at the close proximity of Lily and Remus, looking murderous, and she almost laughed. But the two of them were still clearly in denial of their want for each other, so who was she to bring it up.
Pettigrew, at least, offered her a grin and thumbs up as she took a seat right next to Remus. She could feel Black boring holes into her skull with his eyes, but she reckoned once the match started, he’d focus on Potter and his win. It was a big game, apparently. The green and silver kits of the other team indicated Slytherin, and the energy of the crowd indicated this would be one of the make-it, or break-it games for the championship.
We’re coming in to the Broomsticks for drinks after, Remus wrote.
Rosie knows. You can talk to her about band setup then if you like. If Potter’s not busy trying to drown himself after a crushing loss.
Remus elbowed her. Trust me, he’s going to win. He’s so pumped. And he sees you. Remus jutted his chin toward where the Gryffindors were huddling, and James was staring, slack-jawed. Lily lifted her hand in greeting, and he looked like someone had slapped him upside the head with a soggy fish.
He eventually regained his composure, his gobsmacked expression melting into the most gorgeous, sunny smile Lily had ever seen on a person possibly ever. He waved back, then hurried to huddle with his team. She noticed after a few minutes, he was using a very different sign language than BSL. The spelling was all one-handed, and it was just…off.
What’s he signing? Is that another language?
All the houses use plays in different sign languages, Remus explained in quick writing. Gryffindor uses the American sort. It’s so the other teams can’t steal our plays.
Clever.
Remus grinned at her, and then there was no more time for talking. The game began, and Remus hadn’t been wrong. Potter played with a fury Lily had seen on few other people. He was quick and vicious, intercepting more often than not, and scored them ahead of Slytherin within the first ten minutes.
She got the feeling he was trying extra hard to impress her and well—it was working. Being team captain, he was constantly on top of the other players, his hands snapping between BSL and ASL for the plays, and his face was a mask of determination.
Slytherin caught up at one point, but there were only seconds left on the clock and everyone was on the edge of their seats.
Slytherin had the ball, but Lily saw James go for it. It was a risk, a huge one, but he managed to intercept, get the ball down the pitch, and with a cleverly timed kick, scored a goal which won them the game just as the lights flashed for the match to end.
Gryffindor one, and the entire stands and pitch lost their minds. Remus, who was always a bit more reserved than the others, grabbed Lily into a huge hug, jumping up and down with her as everyone waved their hands and screamed and stomped their feet.
Lily managed to catch a glower from Black, but he was soon rushing the pitch with his mates to greet James. Lily decided to hang back, not sure she was welcome, but after celebrating with his friends, James carefully extracted himself from the group and made his way over.
His hand went into his hair, ruffling it, and she laughed at the way it stuck up worse than usual as it was covered in sweat and dirt.
She wasn’t ready to give herself away yet. She wanted it to be an intimate moment, give him a chance to feel the anger she knew she deserved. So she merely stepped on her toes and kissed his cheek. He stood there looking as gobsmacked as he had when he saw her, and she gave him a wave as she hurried off to get the pub ready for the inevitable celebration.
***
Lily’s arms were aching as she carried tray after tray of pints, scrambling along with the other servers and Rosie to get everyone sorted. James was there, of course, surrounded by his mates and the rest of his house. The pub was so loud her ears were aching along with her limbs, and part of her felt a wave of jealousy she couldn’t join in on the fun. She’d stupidly not revealed herself now, and although Marlene kept catching her eye and waggling her brows and making obscene signs, she held fast.
It should not be like this. Not like this.
She could see Sirius was also a bit pissed off with Remus. Signing, ‘You hugged her, Moony,’ and Remus just rolling his eyes and ignoring him. Lily wanted to butt in and tell Black to get his head out of his arse and just ask the other teen out, but it wasn’t her place. Especially with all her ridiculous pining over Potter.
Finally after an hour, Rosie told Lily to take a break, and she quickly scuttled out the back door, easing herself into the chilly night. She slumped against the wall, enjoying the pressing silence even if she could still hear roaring laughter though the window round the corner.
It wasn’t until she heard footsteps that she looked up, and part of her hoped against hope it was Potter. She could tell him now. She would.
But she saw a bent head and scowl, and her face dropped.
“Sev, why are you here. You know the school’s celebrating.”
“And here you are, catering to them.” He approached her, crowding her back up against the wall and she felt her body freeze. “You and I should be together, you know. We’re better than they are. We’re not like them.”
“Clearly you aren’t,” she said through gritted teeth. “You’re so much more pathetic.”
His eyes flashed, and his hands came up to grab her shoulders, but before he could make contact, he was flung back and she looked up to see the furious face of James.
“Don’t touch her,” James ground out.
Snape looked stunned just long enough for Lily to walk up…and punch him directly in the face. “If you come near me again,” she warned, “you’ll leave with more than a bloody nose, I swear it. Fuck. Off.”
He muttered something rude under his breath, but Lily wasn’t paying attention. She was cradling her fist in her hand. No one had ever told her punching people in the face hurt so damned much, even if it had been effective.
She didn’t look up until James’ fingers took her by the wrist, carefully prodding at her knuckles. “Not broken,” he said gruffly.
Lily laughed, shaking her head. She flexed her fingers and they didn’t feel great, and would probably be worse in the morning if she didn’t ice it, but she’d live. She glanced up at his face, then carefully brought her fingers to her chin, drawing them out. ‘Thank you.’
James snorted a laugh, “You did the work, Evans.”
Lily licked her lips, then reached out and shoved her hand into James’ pocket. He let out a cry of surprise, but she continued her search until she found his small notepad and stubby pencil, and she scratched out a note. Ask me to your stupid band gig. As a date.
In the low yellow streetlamp, he read the note, then looked at her. “Ev—” His words were cut off when she pressed a finger to his lips, then she trailed her hands down, curving them round his wrists, drawing his hands up to chest-height and gave them a squeeze, and nodded.
James frowned, confused, but shrugged and twisted his fingers into the signs. ‘Evans, my gorgeous flower, will you please come to my band gig as my date.’
Lily smiled, then leant up on her toes and pressed her lips to his cheek again. When she pulled back, she raised her own hands. ‘I am not a flower, I am a person. And I would love to.’
He started to laugh, until the reality of it all sank in, and he looked at her, dumbstruck. ‘You. Sign. You sign.’
She nodded, circling her fist over her chest. ‘Yes, sorry. You assumed I didn’t. I was ignoring you because you were a prat. But you can be angry if you want. I deserve it.’
James rolled his eyes and tugged her close, cupping her cheek for a long moment. ‘I should be, but I can’t. Too beautiful. Will you really be my date?’
Lily huffed and hated a little that he refused to be angry with her, but she nodded all the same. ‘Yes. So you’d better treat me right.’
He pressed his hand to his heart, then signed, ‘I swear it. Seal it with another kiss?’ He brushed his fingers over the spot she’d pressed her lips earlier, and she gave in, wanting more, but also wanting to wait.
He was beaming, his hands cupping her cheeks again, thumbs running over her flushed skin. He pressed their foreheads together, breathing her in before he stepped back. ‘I should get back.’
She nodded. ‘I have a lot of work. But I’ll see you soon?’
‘Bet on it,’ James said, and shoving his hands into his pockets, all-but skipped back inside.
Twenty minutes later, Lily looked over at James’ table to see him telling Sirius about the kiss. She didn’t see all the signs, but she did see him brushing his cheek where she’d kissed him before, and she flushed. She caught Remus’ eye, and winked at him, and he winked back, shaking his head.
Sirius noticed the exchange, his expression darkening, and eventually he insisted they call it a night. No one argued, and Lily ignored him in favour of watching James leave, realising then she had the same damn bounce to her step that he did.
***
Lily was just prepping for the dinner rush the next day, chatting a bit with Marlene who’d come in for her usual, when the door to the pub swung open. She assumed it was going to be James—or at least hoped. Instead she was met with furious grey eyes, and a book suddenly being flung at her. She managed to catch it just as Sirius leant across the counter.
“Evans, the least you can do is learn the basics. He fancies you and he deserves that at least. Got it?”
Lily glanced down at the book and saw the title. Introduction to BSL. She lifted her hands to tell him that she could sign, surprised James or Remus hadn’t said, but he wasn’t looking at her hands.
“James is one of the most important people on the planet to me, so if I find out you’re fucking with him, I will destroy you. He is the kindest, most generous person you will ever meet, so you bloody-well better work to earn that love he’s got for you.”
Lily merely nodded, torn between frustration at being threatened, but awe at just how much James’ friends really did love him. She could see why, but it didn’t stop it from being impressive.
Sirius started to step back, then changed his mind and leant over again. “And stay the hell away from Remus. He’s not interested!”
With that, he turned with a flourish and rushed out the door.
Lily looked at the book again, then over at Marlene and the pair of them burst into laughter.
***
It was nearly time for the gig. Sirius was absolutely confident in their ability, in spite of Peter’s nerves, James’ hesitation, and Remus’ apparent apathy for the whole thing. They were all getting ready separately, Sirius’ idea beause he wanted to surprise Remus with his glam look.
He’d employed Marlene, who didn’t like him much—though she didn’t like anyone much—to help him become a more gorgeous version of himself. One that Remus wouldn’t be able to resist. She’d just got his makeup done—glammed eyelids in gold, red lipstick, winged eyeliner—and now she was putting artful rips in his threadbare t-shirt to show off his finer attributes. If one could consider a scrawny, eighteen year old chest a finer attribute. But he had abs, and he’d seen Remus look at them before.
He was still flustered by his row with Lily, and flustered that James insisted on seeing her down at the pub alone, not letting his mates tag along. James was rather hushed on the whole subject of Lily which put Sirius off, though James bloody-well knew Sirius didn’t like her.
And he probably knew Sirius was hoping his chat-up lines was going to backfire. Which they hadn’t. Much to his dismay.
He was blathering about it to Marlene in the moment, as she took the scissors to his clothes. ‘…and she isn’t right for him.’
Marlene looked up. ‘Who?’
‘The hearie from the village,’ he signed impatiently. ‘LILY.’
Marlene huffed. ‘They fancy each other, what’s so wrong with that?’
‘She doesn’t even sign!’ Sirius’ hands smacked out. ‘It’s so audist. He learnt to talk for her because she refused to learn to sign even though she lives in a Deaf village and…’
Marlene waved her hand in his face, stopping the flow of signs. ‘She does sign. She’s fluent. Always has been.’
Sirius froze. Then blinked. ‘What?’
‘You really didn’t know?’
Sirius’ mouth dropped open. ‘No! Does James? Moony? Pete?’
‘James knows,’ Marlene signed with a laugh. ‘They’ve been snogging for nearly a fortnight, of course he knows. And I think Remus is the one who found her out.’
Sirius took a step back. ‘No one told me!’
‘They probably thought you weren’t this thick,’ she signed, a sad expression on her face. ‘It’s always the pretty ones.’ She gave his cheek a smack, and he bat her away. ‘Now, stop fussing about James and go fuss about that sexy drummer you want to shag.’
Sirius went red as a tomato, but looked at himself in the mirror and nodded. He did look good. Really good. If Remus didn’t go for him now, there was absolutely no hope. He gave Marls a quick kiss on her cheek before promising to see her down there, and rushed off to find the rest of the lads in the music room.
***
James and Peter were there, dressed casually in jeans and t-shirts, no glam at all. But Sirius didn’t care. The fewer people taking away from his look, the better. They were packing up their equipment for the trek down, and James gave him a once-over.
‘Nice.’
Sirius preened, spinning in a circle. ‘You think?’
‘Moony won’t be able to resist you.’
Sirius’ eyes widened. ‘Am I really that obvious?’
James looked at Peter, then the both laughed. ‘Yes,’ they both signed. ‘And for the record, he fancies you back.’
Sirius’ fingers twitched, unable to come up with anything to say, so he rounded on James. ‘You didn’t tell me Lily signs! She lied to you.’
James shrugged. ‘She did. I forgave her.’
Sirius hated when he was so straightforward, no room to row over it. Of course he wanted James to be happy and if Lily gave him that… ‘She’d better not hurt you.’
James waggled his brows. ‘Not in any bad ways, Padfoot.’
‘EW,’ Sirius spelt. ‘Heterosexual innuendo.’
James laughed, and then finished sorting out, and it was nearly time to go by the time Remus arrived. Sirius wasn’t sure what to expect, what he’d go with, and he almost choked on his own tongue. Remus was in tight jeans, a t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the shoulders—bit like a Jewish James Dean, his mind supplied as he took in Remus’ skilfully gelled curls and clothes. Fuck.
“Fuck,” he felt his lips curve out.
Remus blushed, his eyes fixed on Sirius’ chest, then he bit his lip. ‘Okay?’
Sirius nodded, and would have said more, maybe even tried to just pounce him then, but James knocked into them both and reminded them they had a load of equipment—including Remus’ massive drum set, to haul down to the village.
It took the better part of an hour, and by the time they were set up, Sirius was irritated and tired and ready to call off the whole thing. That was until he looked out the window and saw Remus leant against the wall with a cigarette clenched between his teeth, and he wanted to die all over again.
He looked to his left when he felt a tapping, and saw Lily stood there. ‘Go ask him out.’
Sirius had a rude retort at the end of his fingertips, but he saw the genuine look in her eyes, and he deflated. ‘He won’t want me.’
‘He wants you,’ Lily countered, and Sirius took a minute to be impressed with how fluent she was in BSL, and how think he must have been for never, ever noticing. She’d been mates with Marlene this whole time. Really, it was his own fault for listening to stupid James. ‘Go on. Trust me.’
He didn’t trust her, of course. She was stealing James’ heart and how could he trust that? But he wanted Remus more than he disliked her, so eventually he pushed himself up off the chair and wandered out the door.
Remus grinned up at him, nodding a hello.
‘Moony. That looks…you look…’ His fingers stuttered and he let out a frustrated growl. ‘Nice. You look nice.’
Remus laughed, then shrugged and flicked the cigarette away. ‘You look nice too.’ He started to pull away from the wall, but Sirius decided it was now or never, and pushed him back.
‘Go out with me.’
Remus stared at him.
‘Be my boyfriend. Go out with me. Kiss me. I love you, Moony.’ Fuck. He hadn’t meant to carry on that far and now he was…
Fucked.
Only Remus was smiling.
Smiling?
Remus was smiling and stepping closer and reaching out for Sirius’ face. He cupped his cheeks then drew a line under Sirius’ mouth with his thumb. His head tilted to the side, eyes asking for permission and Sirius didn’t have it in him to tell Remus he’d always had it and always would.
So instead he just stepped forward and let their lips meet. Before long, Remus was pushed hard against the wall and they were snogging, nipping at each other’s lips, smearing Sirius’ makeup but he didn’t care. Not when Remus’ fingers were up his shirt, curling round the rips and pressing against his stomach.
When they finally broke apart, Remus was smiling, a little breathless, and he used his thumb to tidy up Sirius’ smeared lipstick before he pulled away. He carefully brought his hand up, curving it into the sign he’d used before, but Sirius could see the difference in his face this time, the intent. The meaning. ‘I love you.’
Sirius cupped his cheek, pulling him in for another kiss before he had to stop himself, because if he went on too long, he’d never let go. ‘You’re my everything. Be my boyfriend.’
‘You’re asking honestly?’ Remus questioned.
‘There are no other ridiculously good looking drummers I’m in love with. So yes.’
Remus snickered, then nodded. ‘Yes I will. Finally.’
Sirius rolled his eyes, the Remus Lupin patented expression, which got him a small laugh. ‘Finally.’
Remus reached down, twinning their fingers together, and he pulled them inside.
***
Lily watched the show from the bar, her heart fluttering at the sight of James up on stage with his guitar. They were amateurish, young, but not bad at all. Their timing was great and Sirius’ voice flowed effortlessly with his signs. He’d clearly watched too many concert videos of Mick Jagger, but it was working for the crowd.
Lily had earplugs in this time, muffling the noise so that she could more feel the music than she could hear it, and it was nice. She was experiencing it like the others, like James who played the guitar like he was born to do it, his taut arms showing his muscles as he danced round with Sirius.
Her face was flush by the end of the set, and she was feeling something she knew very well, even if she was afraid to name it.
That word.
Oh that one word.
She quickly got a cold pint glass and filled it with water, making her way through the crowd to where James was putting his guitar down, and when he turned and saw her, his face lit up brightly. He took the glass, tipping his fingers in a thank you before taking down half, then reached with his free hand to pull her close, dragging his now-cold lips across her flushed skin.
She couldn’t help but let out a small moan, one he felt with the hand on her shoulder, too near her neck and he pulled back with a smirk.
‘Shut up,’ she signed.
He held up his hands in surrender, then finished the water before setting the glass aside and pulling her into the corner away from the crowd. His hands cupped her face, his eyes roaming, searching, before his lips moved forward and captured hers gently.
James Potter could kiss. She discovered that on the second night he’d snuck down to the village to snog her against the alley wall, and she wondered if she’d ever get tired of those hands, that mouth. God, it was so…
He was pulling away though, and Lily glanced round and caught a flash of something rather brilliant. Sirius had Remus pinned to the wall, on his toes, kissing him. She jerked her chin in their direction, and James looked over, before his eyes darted back and he laughed, full and rich, right up against her skin.
‘Brilliant,’ he said once he’d pulled back enough to sign.
Lily nodded in agreement, and couldn’t stop her hands from reaching up to bury themselves in that soft, incredible hair. When she pulled back, she nearly lost herself in his eyes before he was kissing her again, and it carried on until she was breathless and almost terrified.
She noticed something though, pressed against her hand. It was his, curved in a sign, and she looked down. Her eyes went wide as she saw the ring and middle finger curled toward the palm, the rest out.
Oh she knew it well.
‘I…’ her fingers faltered on their way toward her own chest.
‘You don’t have to say it back,’ James said. ‘But it’s for you to know. Because I do.’
She looked down at his hand again, then cupped his cheek and first answered him with a kiss. Then she pulled back and answered him with her own words. “I love you James Potter.” As his eyes widened in realisation, she curled her ring and middle finger toward her palm, showing him the sign before pressing it over his heart. ‘I love you.’
Oh and she did.