“Hey, any plans for today?” Haewon asked entering the shared room with Kyujin
“Nope, why?” Kyujin asked
“Just asking” Haewon said “Jiwoo-”
“Jiwoo?” Kyujin asked, making Haewon stop for a moment, quickly also making Kyujin regret what she just said. Why did she perk up at the mention of ‘Jiwoo’?
“Anyway,” Haewon said, dropping herself on the same bed as Kyujin.
There was a brief silence with Haewon scrolling through her phone and Kyujin, thinking more or less about Jiwoo. She didn't understand why seeing Jiwoo, hearing her name or even thinking about her made her heart race. This should happen, Jiwoo is closer to Bae, isn't she? How come Kyujin is falling for someone, a girl, the girl she has spent time with for almost five years.
“You’re quiet” Haewon said making Kyujin snap out of her thoughts
“Huh?” Kyujin said
“You’re quiet.” Haewon repeated
“Just…tired.” Kyujin said
“Tired? You’re usually lively though” Haewon said
Kyujin let out a small breath before standing up “Everyone has their days”
Haewon’s eyes followed Kyujin as she exited the room, leaving Haewon all alone in the room.
She didn't want to press her further, leaving her to figure it out on her own for now.
Back in the living room Bae was talking about something with Sullyoon, Lily was reading a book, probably for her next live stream with NSWER and Jiwoo?
“Hey, Kyujin” Bae said noticing her standing there
“Hey” Kyujin said trying to sound more cheerful
“You seem quiet” Bae said, Kyujin sighed again before answering “Just tired.”
She wasn't tired and she knew it, but did she want her members to know? No. At least not when Jiwoo could be anywhere.
Kyujin sat down on the couch and grabbed her phone with the thought that she hopefully would shut out the thoughts for just a moment.
As Kyujin scrolled through her phone her thoughts kept going back to Jiwoo, the way she smiles, the way she always helps her when she can and the way she always finds excuses to be near her during practice.
What if…I like her?
Surely not, Jiwoo is just being friendly, that's how she always is. She is just being friendly like she is with everyone. However she couldn't help but feel something towards her, but for now. She just hoped it was a phase.
“Kyujin” a voice called
“Kyujin!” The second time it made her snap out of her thoughts, she looked up to see Jiwoo. Her breath caught for a moment before regaining composure.
“What?” Kyujin asked
“I was asking if you wanted to help me with dinner?” Jiwoo asked
“Sure” Kyujin said, her voice more unsteady than she thought “I can help out”
“Great!” Jiwoo said taking Kyujin’s hand “Bae-unnie is already helping with Lily-unnie…i think helping too? I dont know.”
“Yeah okay” Kyujin muttered, she couldn't help but feel a small flutter in her stomach with the way she let Jiwoo lead her so easily.
Before she could think any more the voices of Bae and Lily in the kitchen brought her back to reality.
As the making of dinner went by, Kyujin felt more at ease with Jiwoo by her side as if the world slowed down just for them two, every time she would glance over at Jiwoo she couldn't help but smile a little. The way Jiwoo looked effortlessly beautiful, the way she seriously looked like an angel sent from heaven just for Kyujin.
As the evening continued, Kyujin tried her best to act normal around Jiwoo, despite the butterflies in her stomach. As dinner was finally made and everyone ate, Kyujin remained quiet, others noticed but didn't really press her further anymore, just thinking maybe she was just tired.
However Jiwoo noticed and the moment dinner ended she found Kyujin alone in the living room.
“Hey” Jiwoo said
Kyujin looked up to notice Jiwoo, for a moment she froze before simply saying “Hi”
Jiwoo noticed how quiet she was, she sat next to Kyujin and silence sat in. None of them knew exactly what they wanted to talk about. However the silence didn't last long before Jiwoo finally spoke up.
“I know Bae asked you…but why are you so quiet today?” Jiwoo asked
Kyujin hesitated for a moment, not sure how to answer. The truth felt too heavy to say aloud, especially to Jiwoo, who had been so kind and attentive. Was it even fair to burden her with something Kyujin didn't understand herself?
“I'm just…thinking.” Kyujin said
“About what?” Jiwoo asked quietly
Kyujin felt Jiwoo’s eyes on her, should she even tell the truth? Should she risk it and actually tell how she feels about her? It wasn't easy, of course, but at the same time she didn't want to risk everything with Jiwoo, everything they built over the years could just disappear like that? Kyujin couldn't do this, she really couldn't.
“I dont know” Kyujin finally answered
“Its okay to not have all the answers” Jiwoo assured her “But hey, if you ever need to talk to someone…im here”
“I will take that into consideration” Kyujin said smiling slightly
“You really should” Jiwoo said before standing up “Well, goodnight Kyujin”
“Goodnight Jiwoo” Kyujin said
With that she was once again left alone in the living room in her thoughts. Kyujin felt the weight of her emotions pulling at her as she sat in the silence. Her heart felt heavier than ever, and it was becoming harder to ignore the feelings she had for Jiwoo. Every glance, every small touch, it was all starting to mean something more than just friendship.
But what could she do? She couldn't just suddenly confess, not when everything was so perfect the way it was. She couldn't ruin her perfect friendship with Jiwoo, she valued it a lot, but now with her feelings involved it made everything more complicated than it should be.
Kyujin finally stood up and made her way to her shared room with Haewon, she walked past Jiwoo’s room hearing her soft laughter, it was kinda like a melody to her ears, maybe just maybe she could reveal the truth, but no. That would ruin the dynamic of the group if it goes wrong, ruin her friendship with Jiwoo, she couldn't. Especially not when everything has been so perfect between them two. Without any more overthinking she entered her own room.
“You’re back” Haewon said
“Yeah i…am.” Kyujin said she noticed how Kyujin had been distant for a while now and it wasn't because she was ‘tired’ she knew that.
“You have been distant” Haewon said
“Just-” Kyujin said
“It isn't.” Haewon interrupted gently “Talk to me Kyujin. I know you too well to know it isn't ‘tired’.”
Kyujin’s heart skipped a beat, the way Haewon didn't push her but did at the same time. Maybe she should tell her the truth.
“It's complicated, unnie.” Kyujin said
“Does Not have to be if you talk to me. Whatever it is, I will listen.” Haewon said
Kyujin took a deep breath hesitating for a moment, should she tell her the truth? What if she regrets it? Or worse…what if she tells Jiwoo?
“It's really nothing. I can deal with it on my own” Kyujin said
Haewon looked at Kyujin for a moment, but didn't push her any further “Alright, but if you want to talk. Im here.”
“Thanks” Kyujin said quietly
“Now, go to sleep tomorrow’s a long day” Haewon said before turning the light off
Kyujin laid in her bed, everytime she closed her eyes her thoughts drifted to Jiwoo. Her laughter, her smile and in general just her. And the small moments between them after dinner. Jiwoo knew Kyujin, sometimes too well. Though Jiwoo knew to not push Kyujin too far, if she did, she would regret it. Jiwoo knew exactly what to say to make Kyujin feel comfortable. Kyujin though? She didn't know how to open up. Especially not about her feelings, she hasn't ever felt like this. She thought that becoming an idol wouldn't come with having feelings towards your own member and friend and the same sex. She was taught that love is between a man and a woman and not between a man and a man or a woman and a woman.
Maybe just maybe she could explore this, who knows. Maybe it turns into something more, something that both of them weren't ready for.
The next morning, sunlight peeked through the blinds of the room signaling a new start to the day. Haewon was already awake and out of the room, probably talking to the staff about the schedule or making a quick breakfast for everyone. Kyujin woke up to the muffled sounds of others, probably already getting ready for the day. However a knock made her once again snap out of her thoughts.
“Hey, Kyujin, are you awake?” Lily’s voice came through
“Yeah” Kyujin said before Lily peeked in
“Jiwoo was just asking for you” Lily said with a smile
“Was she?” Kyujin asked
“Yeah, she wants to get some early coffee with you and Bae” Lily said
“Tell her that i will be there soon” Kyujin said
“Will do!” Lily said before closing the door
Jiwoo wants to get coffee with her. That made Kyujin automatically feel more awake, of course she couldn't make it obvious. Her and Jiwoo went out for coffee early in the morning before practice countless times before, this just should be their tradition, with Bae in the max.
Kyujin quickly got dressed and went out of her room and into the living room to see Bae, Jiwoo and Sullyoon talking about something. Jiwoo quickly noticed Kyujin standing there.
“Good morning, Kyujin!” Jiwoo said with excitement in her voice
“Morning, Jiwoo” Kyujin said with a smile
Just then Bae walked next to Jiwoo “Ready?”
“Yes” Kyujin said
“Then let's go!” Jiwoo said, taking Kyujins hand, making her heart race.
As they made their way to the café, Kyujin tried to keep her composure, her heart racing each time Jiwoo spoke to her or when their hands brushed. It was a simple touch, but it felt like electricity coursing through her veins. She glanced at Jiwoo, who was happily chatting with Bae about something trivial, but her heart felt like it was pounding too loudly for her to focus on the conversation.
As they entered the café, all three of them found a quiet spot in the corner and sat down. Kyujin was still drifting back into her thoughts as Bae and Jiwoo talked about something. However Kyujin helped but glanced at Jiwoo once in a while, the way she looked effortlessly beautiful, she didn't have to do anything and Kyujin still fell deeper for her.
“Kyujin, you’re quiet again” Jiwoo said
“Im-” Kyujin said
“You aren't tired, are you?” Jiwoo asked, “You have something definitely going on.”
Kyujin hesitated, not knowing how much she should reveal. On the one hand, she could just say what she’s actually thinking, how she actually feels and why she’s quiet. But on the other hand she's scared. Scared of how Jiwoo would actually react. What if she messes this up and loses her for good? What if everything they have built over the years just comes crashing down because of her. The truth was messy and she knew the consequences.
“Just…things i can handle on my own” Kyujin finally said
“Or, you we can handle them together” Jiwoo said
“Thank you, but i seriously can handle it on my own” Kyujin said
“Kyujin-” Jiwoo said before Bae’s voice called out
“Jiwoo! Look at this!” Bae said, Jiwoo gave one last glance as if to say This isn't over. And turned to face Bae.
During practice she managed to actually not think about Jiwoo that much, even if she was right there. Though during breaks she would occasionally glance at Jiwoo, but didn't really act on it or thought about it as much as she did at the dorm. It was messy, but at the same time she did think she could handle everything. Her feelings off work, back at home and everything else in the practice room, on stage or backstage before a huge performance.
The next couple of days weren't easy, Kyujin kept overthinking, her members asking what's wrong and Jiwoo? She kept her hopes high. Maybe Kyujin will open up and tell her everything.
Jiwoo thought she noticed how Kyujin looked at her, but she didn't really act on it or think about it that much. Whenever Kyujin thought Jiwoo wasn't looking, she caught her. Whenever Kyujin thought she wasn't being obvious, Jiwoo was right there to catch her.
Yes, feelings got messy but did Kyujin care? No, not really. As time went on she kinda caught comfort, of course still overthinking but she started to accept that maybe, just maybe she does have feelings for Jiwoo.
“Kyujin! Focus!” Haewon said
“Uh Yeah!” Kyujin said
“What's wrong with you today?” Haewon asked in a gentle tone, “You’re always perfect.”
“I just…” Kyujin said the words caught up in her throat “Things. Somethings going on but i'm handling it”
“Handle it back home, not here. Get your act up, okay? We have the fan concert in three weeks.” Haewon said
“Yes. I understand, unnie.” Kyujin said
“Good.” Haewon said before turning her attention to the rest of the group “Alright let's restart!”
“Ugh, can we take a break?!” Bae groaned
“We can't until we are perfect, come on Bae!” Haewon said
“Yes, unnie” Bae said, playfully rolling her eyes.
As the days towards their fan concert started to countdown, Kyujin knew that she had to get everything together, but it wasn't easy if Jiwoo was there. She knew that the group was counting on her to be perfect, but once again, not easy when Jiwoo is there.
The day before their fan concert, the members were in the practice room running through for the last time before stepping on the stage.
As practice came towards the end, Haewon called everyone to the center of the room.
“We did great i would say” Haewon said “And hopefully we do even better tomorrow, in front of the fans. But hey if we mess up that just shows that we are human beings not robots right?”
“Right” the members said in unison
“Now, let's get some rest,” Haewon said. “Tomorrow’s the big day.”
The night before their fan concert, Kyujin couldn't sleep. Her mind was still tangled in the chaos of her feelings for Jiwoo. She tossed and turned in her bed, feeling the weight of the impending performance, but it wasn’t the concert that kept her awake. It was the constant pull of her heart towards Jiwoo.
The next day the members woke up early, everyone was both nervous and excited for the fan concert. They quickly got ready and drove to the concert. However when they got into the car, Kyujin was seated next to Jiwoo.
“Hey” Jiwoo said softly
“Hey” Kyujin said, her heart skipping a beat
“You still havent told me” Jiwoo said leaning in closer just for her to hear
“Its seriously nothing” Kyujin said
“Come on, I know you.” Jiwoo said “The nothing will turn into something and then you will be regretting never telling me”
Kyujin froze. How did Jiwoo know her? Why did she make her open up this fast and easy?
“How…” Kyujin said
“It's because I know you. And honestly, I will either figure it out one way or another” Jiwoo said “But, you know. Fan concert coming up today!”
“Yeah…fan concert.” Kyujin said the rest of the drive was filled with a heavy silence as Kyujin's mind raced. Jiwoo’s words lingered in her thoughts, echoing in the quiet car. How could Jiwoo know her so well? How could she sense the unspoken feelings Kyujin tried so hard to hide?
The closer they got to the concert venue, the more nervous Kyujin became. Not because of the performance itself, but because of the emotions that she was barely holding onto. The thought of confessing, of letting Jiwoo in, felt both like a relief and a terrifying risk.
Once they arrived at the venue, the rush of the crew, the excited atmosphere, and the bright lights did little to calm Kyujin’s anxious heart. Backstage, she could see the other members gearing up, but Jiwoo was nowhere to be found.
Kyujin's heart dropped a little. Did Jiwoo leave her alone because of the conversation earlier? Or was it just that the stress of the concert was catching up to them all?
Her thoughts were interrupted when Haewon approached, noticing Kyujin’s distant gaze.
"Hey, Kyujin, you're good, right?" Haewon asked, giving her a reassuring smile.
Kyujin nodded, forcing a smile in return. "Yeah, just thinking."
Haewon raised an eyebrow, sensing that there was more to it, but didn’t press further. "Alright. Let's get out there and make it unforgettable, okay?"
As they took their places and the audience's cheers grew louder, Kyujin felt a familiar sense of excitement build up. This was what she lived for, being on stage with her members, feeling the adrenaline and the love from their fans.
The lights dimmed, and the intro music started to play. Kyujin’s heart beat faster, but not just from the nerves of performing. Every time she looked towards Jiwoo across the stage, she felt a flutter in her chest. Jiwoo was smiling, confident as always, but her gaze occasionally found Kyujin’s. And in those moments, everything else seemed to fade.
The concert went by in a blur of high-energy performances, fan chants, and the overwhelming love from the fans. Yet, in the midst of it all, Kyujin couldn't shake the feeling that something was building between her and Jiwoo. The small glances, the way Jiwoo would subtly touch her shoulder or give her a knowing smile—it was all too much to ignore.
After the performance, as the members gathered backstage, Kyujin found herself next to Jiwoo again. Jiwoo glanced at her, her eyes filled with something Kyujin couldn't quite decipher.
"You did great," Jiwoo said quietly, her voice soft amidst the noise of the others.
Kyujin smiled, but there was a vulnerability in her eyes. "You too."
Jiwoo stepped a little closer, her voice lowering even more. "I know you're still not ready to talk, but remember… you don’t have to handle everything alone."
Kyujin felt a lump in her throat. Jiwoo always knew how to make her feel understood, even without words. It was both comforting and terrifying.
"Maybe one day," Kyujin said, her voice barely a whisper
“That's a good start” Jiwoo said
For the first time, Kyujin felt that maybe everything might be fine after all. As Kyujin entered her room later that day, Haewon raised an eyebrow as if sensing a shift in Kyujin’s mood, she didn't say anything for a little while before finally speaking up.
“Alright spill, did you get your so-called tiredness off?” Haewon teased
“Unnie it's nothing.” Kyujin said
“Mhm” Haewon said, not convinced “Come on i want to know. I wont judge”
“It's…nothing.” Kyujin said
“Nothing but you’re smiling finally” Haewon said
“I am not!” Kyujin said
“Oh but you are” Haewon said
“Unnie!” Kyujin said
“Alright i will drop it” Haewon said, though Kyujin didn't believe her. She knew when Haewon was going to ‘drop’ something and when she wouldn't.
“I talked to her” Kyujin muttered
“FINALLY!” Haewon said a bit too loud “I meant” she said clearing her throat “Who?!”
“Jiwoo.” Kyujin said “We didn't make anything official, we didn't even talk about…you know.”
“About?” Haewon asked
“I kinda like her” Kyujin muttered, her face flushing
“Aww!” Haewon said “Look at that! My maknae!”
“Unnie!” Kyujin exclaimed
“I'm just teasing you” Haewon said “Okay but seriously, tell me everything”
“There's nothing to tell” Kyujin said “Just that, yes i'm falling for her but that's it”
“Well if you say so” Haewon said “Just dont think i will act surprised when you’re both official”
“Unnie.” Kyujin said
“I am just saying” Haewon said
“We aren't official and won't be.” Kyujin said
“Ah, that's what they always say” Haewon said
“You’re impossible” Kyujin muttered
“And you’re easy to tease” Haewon said “We make a good team”
“I guess” Kyujin said rolling her eyes playfully
That night Kyujin finally felt at ease. Yes she does have a crush on Jiwoo. So what? Haewon knows and most importantly Jiwoo will be waiting for her to talk it out.
Though, one question remained unanswered: Should she?
Should she risk it and confess? Yes, she has a crush on Jiwoo, but who’s to say Jiwoo’s feeling the same? What if Jiwoo is being friendly to Kyujin and she is reading into it wrong. What if she does confess and then Jiwoo doesn't feel the same way, ruining everything?
The next couple of days were tough, Kyujin was once again back into her countless ‘What if’s’ she kept overthinking. Everytime she and Jiwoo talked, held eye contact or just said the most simple ‘hey.’ she overthought it. Her heart raced every time she was near Jiwoo, she didn't understand why it was so hard.
One day after practice ended, everyone left and only left Jiwoo and Kyujin all alone. They rarely were alone where no one could interrupt them. A rare time for them two to actually talk.
“Kyujin.” Jiwoo said
“Jiwoo.” Kyujin said
“So…will you finally tell me what’s on your mind” Jiwoo said
Kyujin’s heart skipped a beat, but this time it wasn't because she was nervous, but it was the way how easily Jiwoo talked to her. How she did not push Kyujin to actually open up.
“I'm just…i don't know.” Kyujin said “I guess i'm figuring something out”
“What exactly?” Jiwoo asked tilting her head
“Jiwoo…” Kyujin said quietly
“Yes?” Jiwoo asked
Kyujin hesitated. This is it. This could be her only chance for a while or forever to actually confess. She could finally risk it and get over it. Almost a year of battling her feelings led to this moment. This very moment where she could confess.
“I…think I'm falling for you?” Kyujin said her voice barely above a whisper
Jiwoo’s eyes widened, she didn't expect Kyujin to actually tell her the truth. But she did.
“I'm sorry , was that too weird?” Kyujin asked, noticing how Jiwoo went quiet. “I just wanted to finally tell the truth, and i…it's so weird now right? Oh my god why did-”
“I like you too” Jiwoo said
“You…do?” Kyujin asked in disbelief
“I do.” Jiwoo confirmed “For a while.”
“So…all those times I debated…” Kyujin said
“Yes they were for nothing” Jiwoo said
“And me being awkward around you?” Kyujin asked
“That too” Jiwoo said
“And that time you asked me out for coffee before practice?” Kyujin asked, “With Bae?”
“Bae was there to not make us be quiet, but that was like a little date” Jiwoo said
“I can't believe this” Kyujin said
“Neither can I, but hey at least we can stop dancing around?” Jiwoo said
“Yeah” Kyujin said, they sat in a comfortable silence. For the first time Kyujin felt happy and no longer nervous. She hadn't expected Jiwoo to like her back, but now that she did, it feels like the entire world has stopped just for them two.
“Kyujin” Jiwoo said turning her head towards Kyujin
“Yes?” Kyujin asked, Jiwoo did not respond instead she closed the connection to Kyujin’s lips in a sweet kiss.
Kyujin’s eyes widened in surprise at first, but the warmth of Jiwoo’s lips quickly melted away any nerves. Her heart raced, not from anxiety but from the sheer joy of the moment. She closed her eyes, leaning into the kiss, feeling the world blur around them.
When they finally pulled away, Jiwoo’s face was flushed, her cheeks a deep shade of pink. She avoided Kyujin’s gaze for a moment, a shy smile at her lips. “I’m sorry, I just... I couldn’t help myself.”
Kyujin blinked, still processing what had just happened. Then, as if a switch had been flipped, she broke into a soft, radiant smile. “Don’t be sorry,” she whispered, her voice barely audible but full of emotion. “That was perfect.”
Jiwoo laughed nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” she admitted, her voice trembling slightly. “I just wasn’t sure if you felt the same way.”
Kyujin reached out, gently taking Jiwoo’s hand in hers. “I didn’t think you’d like me back,” she confessed. “I was so scared to tell you.”
They sat there, their hands entwined, a sense of relief washing over them both. The fear, the uncertainty, they were all replaced with something far more profound: the beginning of something real.
“I guess we were both too nervous to admit it,” Jiwoo said with a soft chuckle.
Kyujin nodded. “But I’m glad we did.” Her eyes sparkled with happiness as she looked at Jiwoo. “You make me happy, Jiwoo. Like really, really happy.”
Jiwoo’s smile grew wider, and she gave Kyujin’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “You make me happy too. And I promise, I’ll do my best to keep it that way.”
“Jiwoo, i think i want to be your girl” Kyujin suddenly blurted out
Jiwoo froze for a moment before finally saying “Kyujin, I would love that.”