Tomorrow, I’ll Still Tread Between Reality and Dreams

Noise.

Too much noise.

The sirens were closer, louder.

Too loud. Her head hurt.

Everything hurt.

Her eyelids were too heavy. She couldn’t see anything. She could only hear.

Voices. Lots of voices. Mostly unfamiliar.

One, however, she could recognize.

“Can you meet us there? I think he said we’re ten minutes out.”

Who was he talking to?

“Alright. Thank you, Yuuki-san.”

Oh.

Why did she do this?

Mizuki’s chest felt heavier with each breath she took in.

She’s not sure how long she can keep this up.

“It hurts…”

Ironically, that only made Rui squeeze her hand tighter.

“What hurts?”

“Breathing…”

Now, Mizuki was flying blind, but she could have recognized his shuddering, uneven breaths anywhere.

Someone else reached over Mizuki, passing something to Rui. A moment later, he held whatever it was over her face.

Ah. Oxygen, probably.

“That help?”

“Mhm.”

“Good. Try not to talk too much, alright? Focus on your breathing. We’re… seven minutes from the hospital. You’re going to be okay.”

Could she?

“Hey. Mizuki. Wake up.”

“Mizuki. Wake up.”

Rui sighed, unsuccessful. He simply shook her harder, insistently until she lifted her head off her knees.

Mizuki glanced over at Rui, who just stared at her with a concerned, quizzical expression. The two were silent, but the question was clear.

Blinking slowly, she nodded, promptly shoving her face into Rui’s arm.

“I know. You’re okay.”

Rui pulled her a little closer, blunt nails scratching at her scalp, just behind her ear. Voice no more than a whisper, he repeated those soothing words, until the shakiness in Mizuki’s breathing subsided and the tension in her body melted away.

It didn’t take long for Mizuki to doze off again, considering a nightmare like that was about as good as no sleep at all. Plus, the library was quiet, and they still had a good half an hour left in their lunch break.

As she drifts off, though, Nene and Tsukasa are passing one of their phones back and forth, typing into, presumably, the Notes app. About a minute passes before Rui’s phone buzzes.

Group Messages:

Wonderlands X Showtime!

Nene Kusanagi: What was that?

Tsukasa Temna: Is she okay?

Emu Otori: Is who okay??

Emu Otori: (o_O) ?

Rui Kamishiro: Mizuki’s okay. She just had a bad dream, I think.

Tsukasa Tenma: That’s not good :(

Emu Otori: Aww (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Nene Kusanagi: Ohh.

Nene Kusanagi: That’s why you woke her up.

Rui Kamishiro: Yes.

Mizuki slept like a baby for the rest of their lunch period. Rui’s arm fell asleep at some point, and the rest of him soon followed.

One small problem, though— When the bell rang, and Tsukasa and Nene tried to wake the two up, they simply… couldn’t. They tried everything; yelling, poking them, blowing air in their faces, you name it. Rui and Mizuki were out cold.

Of course, there’s only so much they could do, and after nearly ten minutes of trying to drag at least one of them out of their clearly much needed slumber, the two gave up. Defeated, Tsukasa and Nene ended up just leaving Rui and Mizuki in the library, figuring they’d wake up by the next bell.

They did not, in fact, wake up by the next bell.

Or the bell after that.

Or any of the bells that followed.

“God damn. They really were tired.”

“Language, Nene.”

The two woke up at almost the exact same time. The first thing they saw was Nene looming over them, the second being Tsukasa standing off to the side, arms crossed.

“Is—“

Mizuki hardly got a word out before she let out a yawn, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Is lunch over yet…?”

Nene and Tsukasa exchanged silent glances before the latter eventually sighed,

“It’s four o’clock. Lunch has been over.”

“Hmm…?”

Rui was finally stirring from his half-awake stupor, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands. Meanwhile, Mizuki picked her head up off his shoulder, checking the time on her phone. Clearly, anything Tsukasa had said went in one ear and out the other.

“It’s… four!? Rui!!”

Rui groaned, half-coherently mumbling something about Mizuki being too loud before glancing down at her phone.

That woke him up rather quickly.

Looking over at his star, he complained with all the petulance of a young child who wanted five more minutes on the swingset.

“Tsukasa-kun!! You just… left us here??”

“We tried to wake you two up!! It just didn’t work!!”

“Not hard enough, clearly.”

Nene let out an exasperated huff, taking a couple steps back to give the two a bit of space to get up. Unsurprisingly, Mizuki got up first, stretching for a moment while Rui cracked his neck.

“Emu-kun is… probably at practice already…”

Nene hummed in agreement.

“I already texted her, told her that we’d leave once you two woke up. She’s sticking around at Miya, studying with… Hinomori-chan and Tenma-chan, I think?”

“Yeah, Saki told me.”

Tsukasa nodded, pulling Rui up off the seat. He whined in protest, but cooperated nonetheless.

Mizuki gasped out of absolutely nowhere.

“Oh! It’s past four, so we can walk past Ena’s class!”

Rui and Tsukasa exchanged knowing looks. Nene briefly stared at the two in confusion before turning to Mizuki, giving her a similar look.

“Does Akito know?”

Mizuki’s breath caught in her throat. The prospect of Nene genuinely being able to read minds was slowly becoming more likely.

“Know what?”

“That you like his sister.”

Nene was completely unfazed, sipping her water as if she had just asked about the weather.

Rui, apparently, wasn’t quite awake enough to filter his words. While Mizuki was still buffering, he simply yawned before responding.

“Mhm. He called while they were kissing.”

Mizuki smacked him in the arm, but it was too late. Nene and Tsukasa were staring expectantly at her, so Mizuki felt obligated to specify to the former.

“Not on the mouth. On the neck. It wasn’t that gay.”

“Twenty-seven times.”

“Rui!!”

Rui simply shrugged, and Mizuki wanted so badly to hit him harder. She held back, though, wandering towards the library’s exit.

“So? Are we going, or what?”

Messages:

Mizuki Akiyama: I can see you ;)

Ena Shinonome: Excuse me?

Mizuki Akiyama: Look outside your classroom

Ena, per Mizuki’s request, looked up from her phone, and her expression brightened up for all of about five seconds. Then, as her smile turned to panic, she pointed almost frantically at her phone.

Group Messages:

Suzuki hate club!!

Ena Shinonome: Okay don’t freak out and don’t look behind you

Ena Shinonome: But Suzuki is following you guys

Mizuki Akiyama: Oh.

Mizuki Akiyama: Thanks for the heads up.

Ena Shinonome: Of course!! Stay safe!!

Mizuki frowned at the text, walking a little faster and tugging at Rui’s sleeve, showing him the texts. He whispered something back to her before texting someone. Presumably, that person was Nene, as she checked her phone before turning and saying something to Tsukasa. After that, she and Tsukasa walked a little faster, while Rui and Mizuki started to lag behind.

Sure enough, as the distance between the pairs increased, the footsteps following Rui and Mizuki grew closer, louder, until—

“Kamishiro and Akiyama! Shouldn’t you two have left by now?”

The two stopped in their tracks, turned around, and faced Suzuki with the fakest of fake smiles. Unsurprisingly, Rui was the first to respond.

“We just wrapped up studying. How about you, Suzuki? What’s kept you here so late?”

Mizuki took a couple steps back as he spoke, to which Suzuki took a couple steps forward.

“The same, actually. Are you sure you two were just studying, though? You were walking awfully far behind that boyfriend of yours, Kamishiro.”

Rui’s eyes narrowed at the comment, his expression faltering.

“Quite certain. I see you figured that out, hm?”

Suzuki let out a bitter scoff, and Rui immediately regretted the condescending tone of his words.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen the two of you apart. Don’t act like it isn’t obvious.”

Mizuki took another step back, which caught Suzuki’s attention.

“You ever get my texts, Akiyama?”

Did she get his texts?

Oh, she got his texts.

“Yeah, why?”

Suzuki moved even closer, looming over Mizuki. He didn’t notice the piercing yellow eyes following his every step.

“So help me God, Akiyama, if those screenshots ever see the light of day, you and your little pimp are dead. You hear me?”

Mizuki froze. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t move, and she sure as hell couldn’t respond to a single thing Suzuki was saying.

Suzuki didn’t like that.

“Are you deaf? I asked you a question, whore.”

He took another step forward, gearing up to shove her when Rui shoved him first.

“Don’t touch her.”

Again, regret flooded his entire body. It was infinitely better than letting him lay a finger on Mizuki, though.

“What, like you don’t already?”

Suzuki shoved him before getting close again, standing toe-to-toe with Rui, who glared down at him.

“Hey, you’re a little lighter than the last time we saw each other. You still starving yourself? Huh?”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Suzuki grabbed Rui by the collar, slamming him against the lockers with a patronizing laugh.

“That isn’t a no, is it? Unless you’ve already moved on to puking everything up instead.”

Rui kept trying to push Suzuki away, clawing at his wrists, but that only made him tighten his grip.

“I think that’s it. I mean, first Akiyama, then that Tenma guy, now your fingers? You just love having things in your throat that don’t belong there, don’t you?”

“You know that’s bullshit, Suzuki.”

“Deny it all you want, Kamishiro. Speaking of denial, does Temna know?”

Again, Rui’s eyes narrowed— only this time, out of confusion.

“Does he know what?”

“That you’re fucking Akiyama.”

Another long moment of silence.

“I’m not.”

Suzuki, for whatever reason, wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Is Tenma doing all the work, then?”

“No—“

“Don’t tell me I got it all wrong. Akiyama’s fucking you, then? You’re letting this crossdressing man whore bend you over?”

Oh, he was sick.

That’s exactly how he made Mizuki feel, too. Judging by the look on Rui’s face, he felt the same.

“You know what? Whatever helps you sleep at night. None of it’s true, anyway.”

Eventually, Rui was able to push Suzuki off of him, and surprisingly, he didn’t retaliate. He started to walk away, in fact, before he turned to say one last thing.

“Sure. He’ll find out the truth eventually.”

Neither Rui nor Mizuki cared to stick around long enough to find out what he meant.

After making absolutely certain that they were both okay, the two were slowly catching up with Tsukasa and Nene.

With downcast eyes, Rui spoke ever so softly.

“He’s right.”

Mizuki stopped walking, putting her arm out in front of Rui, forcing him to do the same.

“Rui? What are you talking about?”

She was deeply concerned, and she made no effort to hide it. After all, she had every reason to be— Rui was acting… strange. Yes, they had just gotten jumped, but he was all dazed and fidgety and wouldn’t look Mizuki in the eye.

Something was very wrong.

“About the eating thing.”

Oh.

That day, back in December, when he got all defensive when she mentioned Twitter.

Around the same time, when he got disproportionately worried when she wasn’t eating enough.

When she had to put off adding the belt loops to his costume because, no matter what, his measurements were never consistent.

Her suspicions were correct.

Everything was starting to make sense.

“Rui…”

“I know. I should probably stop.”

“That’s not— Yeah, you should, but that’s not what I was going to say.”

Mizuki stepped a little closer, her voice dropping to a near whisper.

“Does Tsukasa know?”

Still, Rui wouldn’t meet her eyes. His response, albeit quiet, was exactly what Mizuki expected.

“No. I mean, he knows about it, but he doesn’t know that it’s getting bad again.”

Mizuki nudged him lightly, trying to get him to look at her.

“You need to tell him. I know it’s hard, but he can’t help you if he doesn’t know what’s wrong. And trust me, he does want to help you.”

Holding back tears, Rui nodded with an even softer reply.

“I know.”

Mizuki didn’t notice the tears right away. Only after she heard the break in his voice did she realize how close he was to crying. At that point, she simply pulled him into a hug, holding him as tightly as she physically could. She didn’t miss how far her arms wrapped around his waist, either. How long had this been going on?

“You can talk to me about it, too. I know you know that, but I think you forget sometimes.”

Rui was surprisingly quick to reciprocate the embrace, pulling Mizuki closer and resting his chin on top of her head. He couldn’t even respond in words anymore, hardly able to manage a small hum and a nod.

They did eventually have to let one another go, though, because their phones started going off.

Group Messages:

Suzuki hate club!!

Nene Kusanagi: @Mizuki Akiyama @Rui Kamishiro Are yall alive?

Nene Kusanagi: Tsukasa is asking questions that I can’t answer.

Mizuki Akiyama: Yeah we’re fine

Mizuki Akiyama: Mostly

Nene Kusanagi: What does that mean?

Rui Kamishiro: I’ll tell you after rehearsal.

Rui Kamishiro: We’re on our way over to you guys now.

Nene Kusanagi: Thank god.

Mizuki shouldn’t have been surprised when she had another nightmare that night.

Actually, the nightmare wasn’t what surprised her. It was how real it felt, even after she was awake. She had to repeatedly run her fingers over her left arm, make sure that the wound wasn’t open anymore and it was all in her head.

That didn’t help much.

It still hurt.

The glass grating through the layers of skin, the paralyzing cold that pulled the life out of her body, it all felt real.

Too real.

She knew she couldn’t call Rui. Not only would it be selfish, since he had his own problems, but he was at the Tenma’s house. No way was he going to get five minutes of privacy, let alone long enough to vent. It’d hardly be anything he didn’t know, anyway.

She couldn’t call Ena, either. Well, she could, but she really didn’t want to. Ena worried about her more than enough, what would she think if she knew just how bad Mizuki was at coping with these experiences she brought upon herself?

Without a doubt, Ena would find it pathetic. Utterly pathetic.

Who else could Mizuki call?

Definitely not Nene. No explanation needed.

An? Immediate no.

Toya? He wouldn’t get it, either.

Akito? Slightly better than the previous three options, but still, absolutely not. Even if they were ‘close,’ like Toya said, they weren’t anywhere near ‘calling in tears and pouring your heart out’ close.

Even if he did understand the situation on a level Mizuki wasn’t privy to.

Besides, it was… eleven PM where they were, anyway. She’d hate to keep any of them awake because she couldn’t deal with this on her own.

That brings Mizuki back to…

Ena.

Maybe Ena wasn’t that bad of an option.

It took a good while for Mizuki to calm down enough to actually calm down enough to speak to Ena, even longer for her to open up about her nightmares—

No. Her attempts.

But once she got past that barrier, she couldn’t stop. Mizuki was telling her details that not even Rui knew about. She was pouring her heart out, and Ena just happened to be on the other line.

From the pills to the ambulance, from the broken mirror to passing out on her bathroom floor, Mizuki told Ena all of it.

“I mean, I’m still processing it, I know that. Rui said that it’ll pass, and I want to trust him, but I don’t know if it ever will. I was over the first one until I tried again, and now I have to cope with both of them, for some reason, and it’s just not getting any better. It’s getting worse.”

“I know.”

“If it was just— If they were just normal nightmares, it’d be fine. But they’re not. I can’t stop them, I can’t tell if they’re real, I can feel everything, and it’s terrifying.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know what to—“

Fuck.

Soft, shaky breaths on the other line.

“Ena?”

“Sorry, uh— Yeah?”

Mizuki didn’t miss the quiet sniffles that followed her response.

What had she done?

Why did she think coming to Ena was a good idea?

She knew it would only hurt her.

God, she was so selfish.

“Ena, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

No matter how hard she tried to stall it, a sob clawed its way out of Mizuki’s throat.

“No, Mizuki, you didn’t do anything, it’s okay—“

Too late.

Mizuki had already hung up the call.

Mizuki tried, with every ounce of willpower in her body, to fight the urges. To ignore the insatiable craving for that familiar sting.

Mizuki was weak.

It wasn’t enough.

Wiping her tears with her sleeve, she pulled herself out of her bed, wandering into her bathroom. Shame and guilt mingled in her stomach as she opened the cabinet behind the mirror, pushing aside a couple skincare bottles to reach the small, metal object behind them.

Pathetic.

Utterly pathetic.

That’s all Mizuki Akiyama is.

All she is, all she was, and all she ever will be.

Pathetic.

Just as the blade hovered over her skin, her phone started buzzing. At first, she thought it might be a text, but the sound was unending.

Rui…?

Rui was at Tsukasa’s house.

Why was he calling her?

Hesitantly, she picked up the phone, answering the call.

“Rui? I thought you were at Tsukasa’s house today.”

“Oh, I am. I just felt like calling, for some reason. Are you doing okay?”

Mizuki glanced down at the blade in her other hand.

Silence.

Complete silence.

“…Mizuki?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m good.”

Mizuki exhaled slowly, setting the blade down on the counter.

Between the clear uncertainty in her voice and the easily recognizable metal clatter, it hardly took Rui any time to figure out what was going on.

He didn’t say anything else yet, though. Faintly, Mizuki could hear footsteps, followed by a door shutting.

“Put it away.”

“I did.”

“No, you put it down. I’m telling you to put it away.”

Mizuki didn’t protest; what could she have even said to refute that?

‘No! I wanna keep my blade out so that when you hang up—‘

“Do it.”

Rui’s tone left little room for argument, so Mizuki, with great annoyance, opened the cabinet, tucking the blade behind her skincare bottles.

“Good. Would you like to talk about… whatever happened?”

Seeing as how her presence in the bathroom served no purpose, Mizuki went back to her room, unceremoniously throwing herself onto her bed.

“Shouldn’t you be heading back inside soon?”

“I have time. Tsukasa-kun is having tea with Saki-kun, Ichika-kun, and Yoisaki-san. I doubt they even noticed me leaving.”

Oh, yeah.

Kanade was over there. Something to do with a school project of Saki’s. Mizuki had lent them a couple pieces from her wardrobe.

“I told Ena about the nightmares. In detail.”

“And? What happened after that?”

Mizuki hesitated for a moment, rolling over and putting her phone down on the bed.

“She started crying, so I freaked out and hung up.”

Rui got so quiet for so long after that, Mizuki thought he might’ve hung up without her noticing. She hadn’t really realized how stupid the whole thing sounded until she said it out loud, though, so his response was warranted.

“…Girl.”

He wasn’t even annoyed at that point, just… done.

“Dude. Say it.”

“I can’t even defend that, Mizuki.”

Mizuki groaned, shoving her face into the pillow.

“I felt guilty, okay? This is why I didn’t want to tell her, I didn’t want to hurt her.”

All she received was a heavy sigh from the other line.

“Obviously she’s hurt. That doesn’t mean that you personally hurt her.”

He waited about thirty seconds for a response before deciding her silence solicited clarification.

“Of course you didn’t call her with the sole intention of causing her pain. On the other hand, it’s not like she wasn’t going to react to it somehow. She cares about you, that’s all there is to it.”

“I know that, but…”

Mizuki kicked the blankets further down her bed, returning Rui’s heavy sigh from earlier.

“It feels wrong. Having Ena worry about me, care about me so much, just feels wrong.”

Rui gets quiet again, and Mizuki assumes he’s thinking. What there is to think about, she’s not exactly sure.

“You remind me quite a bit of a stray cat, Mizuki.”

What?

Rui had always had profoundly weird ideas, but in Mizuki’s opinion, this one takes the cake.

“Pardon?”

He let out a light chuckle, and if Mizuki didn’t know better, she’d think he took some strange sort of pleasure in her confusion.

Nevermind. Mizuki did not, in fact, know better.

“What I mean is that you could spend your whole life, more or less, alone, praying day and night for someone to stay by your side. Yet, the second someone comes around to do just that, you get nervous and run away, because you aren’t used to the warmth you’ve spent your entire existence longing for. If all you’ve ever known is the cold, freezing rain, it only makes sense that sort of warmth would be scary. Suffocating, even.”

Mizuki had never been more dumbfounded in her life.

Why was Rui like this? He literally just tilted the axis at which Mizuki’s world rotates with no effort whatsoever.

“God damn.”

All he offered Mizuki was an innocent little giggle.

He definitely enjoyed this.

The second he inhaled, though, getting ready to respond, Mizuki distantly heard a door open. That was followed by an indistinct exchange between Rui and Tsukasa, presumably, before he eventually spoke.

“I do have to go now, unfortunately. Please, take care.”

Something about the emphasis Rui put on ‘please’ really got to Mizuki, but she made a concerted effort not to show it.

“Yeah, yeah. You too.”

Rui picked up on the halfheartedness in her tone so quickly, it was almost startling.

“I mean it, Mizuki. Take care of yourself.”

Mizuki faltered a little at his voice. It sounded… desperate, almost.

“I will. Take care, Rui.”

Rui simply hummed before ending the call.

Mizuki stared blankly at his contact screen for at least a couple minutes.

“You get nervous and run away, because you aren’t used to the warmth you’ve spent your entire existence longing for.”

Jesus fucking Christ.

Mizuki arguably knew Rui better than he knew himself. That never caught her off guard. Whenever Rui had the chance to prove that he knew Mizuki better than she knew herself, time after time, it shocked her all the same.

She ended up writing down everything Rui said, tucking the small slip of paper into her phone case before reluctantly dialing Ena’s number.