Gwen didn’t want to be here, stuck in a room filled with strobing lights and stereotypical club music that blasted through the speakers so loudly, it could explode the room. She felt trapped in an absurd prison that tortured her by shining bright colors directly in her eyes, but what made everything worse was the fact she was stuck in a room with people she once knew; the original cast of Total Drama.
Even after the 6-7 years they all appeared together on the show, most of them hadn’t changed a bit. There was some notable development, like Cody, a hopeless geek that drooled over Gwen, who turned into a ladies’ man after the success of the Drama Brothers, and Noah, a bookworm who indulged in his solitude and brutal honesty, opening up and smiling more due to his growing relationship with Owen. But even with mild changes in personality/looks, it’s as if everything stayed the same. It’s as if everyone stayed as annoying as they were.
However, Gwen silently wished she was a little like them, perfectly comfortable with where they are. She silently wished she didn’t feel her deep regret for her past actions on the show, like they did, but she assumed that’s all she’ll ever do now. Silently wish.
“Yo-ho-hooo!!! Gwen, is that you???” Geoff ran up to the goth, almost tripping from the amount of people crowded in the room. Gwen easily spotted the party goer across the room, as he wore his typical outfit of a cowboy hat and a bright pink button-up.
“Hey, Geoff,” she replied, her expression vacant. Immediately, she tensed up as he put his arm around her for a friendly hug.
“Wow, you look awesome, man!” His voice became increasingly louder, which started to boil Gwen’s blood after hearing every word that left his mouth.
“Thanks, you don’t look too bad, especially since you haven’t aged.”
“Aw, thanks!” Geoff's smile got even bigger, almost infecting Gwen for a second.
Silence fell upon the two former players, the erupting music and sloshing from Geoff’s red cup as he swirled it filled the awkward tension between them.
“Hey, why are you standing here alone? Come join us, Duncan’s right over there!” The party boy playfully nudged his elbow at her.
“No, I’m fine,” she exasperatedly replied, slowly pushing him away. “Don’t want to even breathe near him, especially after the end of our relationship.”
“Oh, alright! Maybe you want to talk to-”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.” Gwen noticed her sudden burst after the words escaped her mouth, and how Geoff’s happy expression slightly fell. “Sorry, didn’t mean to yell.”
“No, you’re alright. I’ll just go back to Bridgey.”
He slowly walked back to the spot he came from, taking ‘subtle’ glances back at Gwen.
Instantly, she turned red. She badly wanted to take her words and shove it back in her mouth, or smack herself for letting her irritation take over as always. But instead, she looked down at the floor, hoping both parties would just forget the conversation.
She looked around the room, trying to find people she could at least try to talk to. She didn’t want to keep standing where she was all by herself.
She saw Heather, then instantly remembered the bickering, and how the popular girl humiliated her. She gagged at the memories and shifted a few inches to increase the distance between them.
She saw Trent, then instantly remembered the failed relationship due to his obsession and her failure to keep the relationship healthy. Gwen felt an instant pang from her past actions and increased the distance between them, trying to avoid hurting him and herself.
Continuously, she looked at everyone, but as she hoped for good memories, she only faced the disappointment of horrible ones.
The loner gave up the search for conversation and accepted it as a hopeless case. It wouldn’t be worth the regret and despair, anyways.
As the party continued for what seemed like years, the door flew open. A familiar figure went through the entrance, but Gwen couldn’t make out who it was.
She knew it must’ve been one of the female players, for their curvy features. Her hair was short, and she had proper posture. Maybe it was Sierra, the last time she saw her, her hair was short, but that was so long ago. Maybe it was Heather, and she got a haircut? No, what was she thinking, she just saw her. The more she thought about the cast, the further her guesses got from being right.
After guessing everyone she knew from the top of her head, she remained unsatisfied. She knew she was forgetting someone, but who was it? It felt impossible to guess who it was.
Suddenly, a loud voice shouted across the room.
“Courtney! Welcome, dude!”
Gwen felt her body shake in shock. There was no way she was seeing, being in the same room with her again. She hoped that it was just a terrible nightmare.
Almost everyone walked in her path, all trying to greet her and get her attention. Gwen watched them all smile and laugh as they continued with their conversation. The bigger their smiles got, the heavier her guilt and sadness weighed on her shoulders.
As she watched the CIT walk across the room, a more calming record played, almost easing the tension in her body. However, it would quickly be stomped on as Courtney continuously stepped closer to her, without even looking at her.
“Hold on, hold on, fuck that,” the DJ spoke into the mic, getting everyone’s attention.
“Fuck that shit. Hold on, I got to start this motherfuckin' record over again, wait a minute. Fuck that shit,” he continued to yap on with his brows furrowed as he focused on fixing his record.
“Still on this motherfuckin’ record, I'ma play this motherfucker for y'all. Ayy, y’all get some more drinks goin' on. I'll sound a whole lot better.”
The record continued to play, and as Gwen calmed down from forgetting Courtney, reality gave her a reminder of her situation.
Without a second thought, she swiftly shifted her way through the flood of people, ignoring their complaints about their invaded space or if she stepped on their foot. She just needed to get away from her as fast as possible.
While moving so fast, her mind almost spun around, she bumped hard into someone. “Sorry, I-”
Before Gwen could even finish, she saw her– Courtney.
Both girls sat on the ground, not daring to say or do anything. They gazed into each other’s eyes for an eternity.
Courtney quickly got up and hesitantly lent the other a hand. When they both got up, the silence stuck to them like glue, and it held them close together. Just as before, the only thing keeping Gwen from feeling as awkward as possible was focusing on the music playing.
“Listen, seein' you got ritualistic. Cleansin' my soul of addiction for now' cause I'm fallin' apart, yeah…”
“Hey, Courtney,” Gwen spoke up. She bit her lips, fearing saying the wrong thing.
“Hey, Gwen…” Courtney constantly shifted her eyes from one thing to another, trying to escape the depths of Gwen’s stare.
Again, silence haunted the pair. They hated how it went on, but both assumed the other would rather tolerate silence than be tortured with each other's words.
After gaining the courage and strength to move, the goth quickly turned the other away, ready to run away. However, she was pulled back by the arm of her former friend. The loner saw the overachiever’s face and heard its begs to stay with her.
“Tension between us, just like picket fences. You got issues that I won’t mention for now ’cause we're fallin’ apart…”
“Gwen, could you just please talk to me? Or maybe even listen to me?” she pleaded. Both parties felt an ache in their chest the longer they felt each other.
She took a minute to respond, her head pulling backward and her shoulders pushing forward.
“Fine.”
The girls walked around and found a couch to sit on. Everyone around took quick looks in their direction, some raising their eyebrows. The two waited until everyone looked away, ignoring their tension.
“Passionate from miles away, passive with the things you say, passin' up on my old ways. I can't blame you, no, no...”
“So, how’ve you been? It’s been a while since…” Gwen noticed Courtney’s hesitant smile and her subtle shaking.
“I’ve been good, I guess,” she replied.
They stood still for a moment.
“How’ve you been, Court?”
“I’ve been better, especially after healing from the stupidly dangerous challenges Chris put us through,” she chuckled dryly.
“Yeah…” Gwen shares the same action.
“Listen, harder buildin' trust from a distance. I think we should rule out commitment for now 'cause we're fallin' apart...”
“Have you… ever thought back about the show? After all these years?” Courtney brought up, her words noticeably louder.
Gwen looked at her with widened eyes, letting her words sink in her mind.
“I try not to, but it always replayed in my mind,” she replied.
“Ever thought of something specific?”
“I thought of how annoying the players were, how loud and uptight they were.”
Courtney shifted her position, trying to seem more relaxed.
“I fear I've gotten used to their stupidity and can no longer live without it…”
Suddenly, both of their expressions softened. Their eyes looked down on the ground, seeming to look for comfort.
“Leavin', you're just doing that to get even. Don't pick up the pieces, just leave it for now. They keep fallin' apart…”
“I rooted for you,” Gwen said. Courtney turned to her direction.
“I did, too.”
“Did you, really?” Her voice mixed with curiosity, hope, and disbelief.
“I really did.”
Courtney leaned slightly forward. Gwen remained stiff, but her muscles itched to move.
“Passionate from miles away, passive with the things you say, passin' up on my old ways. I can't blame you, no, no…”
“After the show, I realized how uptight and annoying I was.”
“You seriously just realized it?” Gwen gained a slight smirk on her face.
“Shut up! Sorry…”Courtney shrunk a little, seeming to fight the urge to curl up.
“Look, I’ve regretted my past actions. I’ve regretted my bossy attitude, I’ve regretted my lack of sympathy or empathy for hurting the other contestants, and I’ve regretted…”
She paused for a moment. Her words were pushing against her teeth, but her teeth refused to break.
As she looked away, Gwen moved in closer, bridging the gap between the two. Courtney hesitantly looked back at her, meeting the other’s eyes. Suddenly, their eyes no longer stabbed into each other’s souls.
“Don’t feel so special, you’re not the only one,” she sarcastically replied.
The two giggled a little, this time the vibrations easing the tension and feeling genuine.
“Oh, shut up,” Courtney playfully punched Gwen.
“Sorry, trying to think of the right thing to say,” she said.
As the song ended, the two continued on with their conversation, becoming lost in each other’s presence. Soon, the party began to die down. Only their laughter and soft smiles filled the quieting room. As other contestants made their way to the door, they took a quick glance in their direction, exchanging amused glances at the sudden reconnection.
Hours passed without notice until they finally rose from the couch. They exited out the house and stepped out into the crisp night air. While walking closer to their cars, they lingered on the steps, enveloped in the growing feeling of clinging onto one another.
As Gwen unlocked her car door, she glanced back, catching Courtney doing the same across the parking lot. For a moment, neither of them moved.
“Hey, Gwen!” Courtney called out, her voice cutting through the quiet night.
“Yeah?”
Courtney hesitated, then the corners of her lips began to form a subtle smile. “It was… good seeing you again.”
A small smile tugged at Gwen’s lips. “You too, Court.”
Their eyes locked in for a beat longer before finally getting into their cars. As Gwen drove away, she felt something she hadn’t in years– sentimentality. Maybe some wounds didn’t have to stay open forever.