Chapter 19
The sun shone brightly in the midday sky, casting a warm glow over Roy’s where Lisa and Carla sat. They were nestled in their usual corner, sipping steaming cups of coffee and sharing laughter over lighthearted stories, the remnants of their previous worries fading with each smile. For a moment, it felt like the world outside had paused, granting them a sanctuary in each other's presence.
Lisa had made a promise to herself that today would be about them—no distractions, no hints of the shadows lurking just beyond the horizon. She watched as Carla animatedly recounted her mishaps with work, her laughter infectious, and Lisa couldn’t help but feel a swell of affection. The comfort of their routine had settled back, a delicate balance of intimacy and companionship.
But then, like an unwelcome storm cloud, Lisa’s phone vibrated against the table, cutting through the light atmosphere. She glanced at the screen, heart sinking as she recognised the number. The camaraderie of the day shifted, a cloud of unspoken tension filling the air.
“Sorry, I should take this,” Lisa said, forcing a bright smile as she fetched her phone, the call still buzzing insistently in her hand.
“Okay,” Carla replied, her voice tinged with disappointment. She reached for her coffee, attempting to mask the worry that washed over her. “I thought today was your day off?”
“Me too,” Lisa replied, stepping away from the table and answering the call. “Swain.”
As the voice on the other end filled her ear, Carla watched, trying to gauge the conversation. Lisa's jaw tightened, and her brow furrowed, eyebrows knitting together in a mix of urgency and frustration.
“Yeah, I understand. I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Lisa said, keeping her tone steady, but the shift was palpable to Carla. Lisa ended the call, the tension in her face giving way to a forced calm.
“I have to go,” Lisa said, the words slipping out before she could stop them.
“What? But—” Carla’s voice trembled, the warmth of their connection starting to fade.
“I know, I’m really sorry, Carla,” Lisa hurried to explain, her eyes searching Carla’s for a glimmer of understanding. “It’s work. Something urgent has come up, and I can’t ignore it.”
Carla’s gaze dropped to the floor, concern and worry flaring within her. “I thought we were finally—” Her voice softened, revealing the depth of her concern. “Please just let me know you’re okay.”
Lisa's eyes softened as she looked at Carla, reflecting her concern. "I promise, I'm okay," she said gently. "I just need you to trust me for a bit longer. I’m navigating some tough things, but I’ll be alright. Your support means everything to me. I'm here for you too, always." She reached out, hoping to bridge the emotional gap. "We’ll get through this together. Just hang in there with me."
With that, Lisa leaned in, brushing her lips against Carla’s in a tender, lingering kiss—an unspoken promise layered within the gentle touch. It was both a comfort and a farewell, and as Lisa pulled away, Carla caught a glimpse of the seriousness etched into Lisa’s features.
“I’ll call you as soon as I can,” Lisa said, her tone earnest. “I wish I didn’t have to go, but I have to handle this.”
“Okay,” Carla said, her voice low, resignation creeping in. “Just be safe. Please.”
With one last lingering glance, Lisa turned and headed away, her phone already at her ear again, orchestrating her departure. Carla watched her leave, feeling an unwelcome sense of loss settle into the pit of her stomach. The sunlight seemed harsher now, the café felt empty of its warmth.
As she took a sip of her now lukewarm coffee, Carla couldn’t shake the weight of worry that had taken root. Something was going on that Lisa wasn’t sharing, and every fiber in her being urged her to dig deeper, to uncover the truth lurking beneath the surface.
But for now, all she could do was sit in silence, sending a little whisper of hope into the ether, praying that whatever storm was brewing would pass—before it could touch them both.
————-
Back at her flat, Carla was engulfed by a storm of anxiety. She opened the cupboard, hoping to find something to eat, but instead, her eyes fell upon the dreaded bottle of vodka, the very thing that had haunted her thoughts for weeks. With trembling hands, she grabbed it and twisted the cap off, the familiar rush of temptation flooding her senses. But just as the icy liquid was about to touch her lips, a heavy sigh escaped her—an embodiment of frustration and resolve. She couldn’t go down that road again, not after everything she’d fought through. With a surge of defiance, she put the cap back on and slammed the bottle into the cupboard, the loud noise echoing her inner turmoil as tears brimmed in her eyes.
Needing a lifeline, a glimmer of normalcy amidst the chaos, she decided to call Michelle. For over 40 years, Michelle had stood by her side, a steadfast friend and her compass through life’s storms. Carla knew Michelle had been reaching out, but with everything that had transpired in recent months, picking up the phone felt daunting. She feared that if she did, Michelle would peel back the layers of her facade and demand the truth. But today was different; today, she needed a diversion from the whirlwind of her thoughts.
Summoning her courage, Carla picked up her phone and dialed Michelle’s number. The familiar sound of Michelle’s voice filled her ears almost immediately.
“Carla! Finally! I've been worried sick—where have you been? Why haven’t you answered my calls?”
“Whoa, Chelle… just breathe for a second. I’m okay, really. Just… a lot has been happening,” Carla replied, her heart aching at the concern in her friend’s voice.
“Is everything alright?” Michelle asked, her worry palpable.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, I promise. I just thought it’d be nice to catch up,” Carla said, forcing a smile she hoped Michelle could hear.
As the hours flew by, they talked about everything and nothing at all. Carla opened up in bits and pieces about her struggles—the drinking, the arrest—but she deliberately kept Lisa out of the conversation. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Michelle to know; it was more about shielding herself from the vulnerability of sharing something so new and fragile. What if it didn’t last? The thought twisted in her stomach, leaving her feeling even more lost.
As their conversation flowed, Carla could feel a shift in the air. Michelle, ever perceptive, had picked up on the subtle hints of the truth that Carla wasn’t quite ready to reveal. “You know,” Michelle said, her tone gentle yet firm, “I think it’s time for me to come back for a visit. It’s been ages since I’ve seen you.”
The thought of Michelle traveling all the way from Ireland sent a ripple of anxiety through Carla. “Oh, Chelle, you don’t need to go to all that trouble. I’m really fine,” she protested, trying to brush it off.
“Carla, you’re not fooling me. I can hear it in your voice. Please, just let me come. We can spend time together, talk… really talk.”
Carla remained silent for a moment, wrestling with her emotions. Was she really ready for this? There was a part of her that was excited—giddy, even. After all, seeing Michelle always brought a dose of warmth and laughter into her life. But as the initial excitement started to fade, apprehension crept in. She was nervous about unveiling the shadows that loomed over her thoughts, especially when it came to Lisa. What could she possibly say? Wasn’t she being silly worrying about her?
“Okay… maybe you have a point,” Carla finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “It would be nice to see you.”
“Great! I’ll book the flight and be there as soon as I can!” Michelle exclaimed, her cheerfulness evident even over the phone.
The call ended, and Carla found herself sitting on the sofa, staring at nothing in particular. She felt a mix of anticipation and dread swirling inside her. She should be thrilled, but why did this feel like both a relief and a burden?
With a heavy heart, she thought about her relationship with Lisa, the Detective Sergeant who had spent countless hours unraveling her fears and anxieties and slowly breaking down the walls that Carla had built so high. She wanted to share the truth with Lisa—to reveal how much she struggled with the worry she had for her. Yet, each time she attempted to voice those sentiments, Lisa would smile reassuringly and say she was fine.
As she paced around the room, Carla couldn’t shake the feeling that Michelle might offer the clarity she desperately sought. At least, talking to Michelle would be different—it meant hashing out the confusion without the fear of saying the wrong thing. The weight of her worries felt nuanced and raw, and maybe, just maybe, Michelle would help her find a grip before she spiraled further into uncertainty.
Taking a deep breath, Carla resolved to be more open when she saw Michelle. If there was ever a time to let someone in, it would be now. And as she thought about the reunion, she felt a flicker of hope sprinkle itself through the heaviness in her heart. Perhaps this would be another step to understanding herself and navigating the complexities of her feelings.