She had opened the door without thinking.
Raelle and Scylla had been out for a few hours already, looking for some privacy outside the walls of that house, made crowded and noisy by the excitement of the holidays.
They had been in such a hurry to slip away that they had forgotten their set of keys on the shelf next to the closet in the hall.
Tally grabbed it with one hand while the other clutched around the door handle.
“In between exchanging saliva, you might also pay more attention to minor aspects of daily life, such as not staying locked out of the house"- She said in a joking tone.
But the smile on her lips was short-lived.
Standing on the other side of the door, she did not meet the gaze of Scylla or Raelle, but another pair of eyes. Blue eyes that blended with the bluish dimness of the evening. Eyes that Tally knew by heart and that she had not seen in over a year. Sarah Alder's eyes.
Tally's body shuddered, her face turned into a mask of surprise and disbelief, and, for a moment, she seemed to have forgotten all the words she knew.
“Oh... Hello... When... How...”
Tally shook her head and Alder smiled in amusement, arching her eyebrows and shrugging.
“Three days ago"- She replied. The softness in her voice was disarming. “I came back three days ago. The Mother understood. I tracked you down here”
Tally nodded slowly as a long silence engulfed them. They had not moved from the doorway, and the frigid air passed through undisturbed, taking advantage of the empty space separating their bodies.
“Interesting choice of clothing” – Commented Alder with a nod.
Tally paled. Only then did she realize that she was wearing the ridiculous pajamas her mother had given her that very night. Lavender pants, paired with a white fleece sweatshirt, with a giant embossed dragonfly in the center.
Her mother claimed that dragonflies were the animal species with the fastest eyesight.
“They can see up to 300 frames per second!” - She had exclaimed, all excited, in front of her daughter’s questioning look. “They practically see everything. Kind of like the gift you have. I mean, you see things before anyone else does. Actually, flies can do that too, but giving you pajamas with a big fly on them could convey mixed feelings”
May Craven had also thought of her sisters. Abigail had received pajamas with a majestic harpy eagle in the center, the most powerful of all birds of prey. While Raelle's had a serpent embossed in it, a symbol of healing powers.
All in all, it had been a thoughtful gesture on Tally’s mother’s part, and so the three witches had mutually agreed to each wear their own pajamas. It was embarrassing enough that Commanding General of the United States Armed Forces, Petra Bellweather, had seen them dressed like that after the Yule celebration dinner. But never in her life had Tally Craven expected to be standing in front of General Sarah Alder in pajamas like that… with a dragonfly wing fluttering at her navel.
“Yes… a gift from my mother” - She said, nervously tucking her hair behind her ears. “What… What are you doing here? Did something happen?”
A hesitation. Then Alder managed to stretch her lips into a faint smile. She looked uneasy.
“Nothing bad happened” - She said. “It's just ... been a long time since we last talked”
“A year” - Tally confirmed in a whisper.
“Yeah”
Sarah Alder hid a hand in her coat pocket, and Tally took a moment to observe her.
She looked slightly thinner since the last time they had seen each other, but other than that she had not changed at all. Her long black hair blew past her chest, ruffled by the bone-chilling wind. Tally’s cheeks were flushed from the cold, her lips were starting to crack,and her eyes felt dry and uncomfortable, yet Sarah Alder seemed perfectly at ease on that freezing night. Her regal posture, her perfect face, her blue gaze that seemed stronger than the wind and more intense than the darkness.
She had always been beautiful. But that night, in the dim light, on the threshold of an open door, in the silence that still carried the exhausted echo of the evening's celebrations, Tally thought she had never seen anything so wonderful in her entire life.
“May I come in?” - Alder asked, pointing with a nod to the inside of the house.
“Sure. Sorry. Come in”
They settled into the living room. The fireplace was still lit and the warmth of the flames mingled with the scent of the cinnamon cookies that Abigail and Adil had baked that afternoon. Alder unbuttoned her coat and took a seat in the armchair by the fire, crossing her legs.
“Would you like something to drink?” - Tally asked, approaching the liquor cart.
“Gladly. Some whiskey, if you have any”
Tally nodded. Anticipating the answer, she had already grabbed the bottle. Then she poured herself a glass of Italian pistachio liqueur and went to sit on the couch, carefully placing the two glasses on the coffee table in the center of the room.
“It's nice here" - Commented Alder, breaking yet another moment of tension-filled silence between them. “When did you get here?”
“Scylla and Raelle rented the house, they’ve been here for over a week. Abigail, Adil, and Petra arrived this morning, while me, my mom, and Rae’s dad have been here for a couple of days.”
Alder nodded, a thoughtful expression on her face.
“No Shellbark boy?”
Tally’s eyes widened, then she burst out laughing, forgetting for a moment the jumble of confused and conflicting emotions that had invaded her since Sarah Alder had knocked on that door.
“Oh God no, Gregorio and I only dated for a couple of months. It didn’t work out. Of course it’s nothing new. The problem could be me actually, I mean, my mother always makes fun of me for this and the Imperatrix is desperate, last time she said that choosing a husband for a witch is basically like eating: in public you eat what’s healthy and good for you, in private if you want you can indulge in chocolates. Not a very respectful comparison, and not even a very fitting one considering I eat chocolates in public too, but she’s…”
Tally stopped abruptly, looking down at her feet in embarrassment.
She had started to blabber. Like she did every time she was nervous.
“Forgive me, I don’t know why I’m telling you this” - She said. But Alder was smiling. Her eyes even seemed to shine, and though Tally didn’t understand why, she felt her heartbeat quicken.
Another moment of silence swallowed them. The only sound around them was the crackling of the flames in the fireplace.
“Are you happy?” - Alder suddenly asked.
The world stopped for a moment. Or so it seemed to Tally. They hadn’t seen each other in over a year, and they had never had a conversation like this before. Even their private moments, even their moments of deepest connection and understanding, had never been entirely personal. The army, the Camarilla, the search for the First Song… Of course, they had been in the middle of it all. Their pasts, their personalities, their strengths, weaknesses, truths and lies, were there but they were always in the background, put at the disposal of a larger battle, which had always taken priority over everything else.
A moment of intimacy, which also put the two of them at the center, they had never had. And Tally, confused again by her own feelings, felt pervaded by a pleasant sensation of warmth and serenity.
“I am” – She said, without a shred of hesitation. “I have almost finished my training at War College. Abigail and Raelle are surrounded by love and seeing them happy fills me with joy. The world is at peace. I really have nothing to complain about... How about you? Are you happy?”
Sarah Alder twirled a lock of raven hair between her fingers. After that she downed a long sip of whiskey.
“I haven't asked myself that question in a while"- She said. Her eyes were glued to the fire burning in the fireplace. “When you live for so many years, when you see the people you love die and when the mission of your own life is intimately linked to the mission of the army, you don't have the time or the right to ask yourself if you are happy. Or at least, that's what I've always believed. This past year has changed a lot of things.”
It was not a real answer, but Tally had no intention of pressuring her about it.
“Sarah" - She said instead. Her voice was soft, but also incredibly firm. “Why are you here?”
General Alder lifted her head, and for the first time since she’d come in, Tally felt that neither of them had any trouble holding the other’s gaze.
“That’s the first time you’ve said my name” - She said, letting out a smile.
Tally had used those same words quite some time before. “Remember when I told you that the time of our connection had passed?”
Memories could be painful, too; that one in particular had the power to continue to be painful even now, years later. Tally Craven nodded slowly, straining not to look away as the feeling of a piece of her heart being shattered came back to her.
“Well, that wasn’t true” - Alder’s voice was a whisper. “I’m here because I’ve missed you every day of this past year. I could… feel you, in a way. I knew you were safe, and for a while I thought that was enough, but it wasn’t. I wanted to see you, talk to you… and wrap up some things I feel like I left unfinished with you”
Tally’s eyes were bright with emotion. She thought back to the wonderful day that was now coming to an end, they had cooked, played, laughed and spent happy, affectionate and carefree time together. Nothing was missing. And yet, at times, she had felt incredibly alone.
Adil and Abigail, Scylla and Raelle lived in a dimension of their own. A dimension of people who not only loved each other, but who were able to complete each other, understand each other, forgive each other, and stand up to each other. Tally, too, would have wanted something so precious in her life, but none of her relationships had lived up to what the young witch was looking for.
That night, at dinner, she wished there was only one other person: Sarah Alder.
Because their bond, which Tally had never even dared to define, was among the most precious and complex she had ever been able to weave with another human being.
They had saved each other’s lives, stood up to each other in a delicate balance of disappointment, pride, gratitude, respect, trust and caution.
Yes, Tally was convinced that if Sarah Alder had been there that night, the loneliness would have disappeared almost completely. A crazy thought, no doubt, for which she had immediately felt foolish.
But she could never have imagined that Alder would show up that very night, to tell her that a connection between them still existed and that she had missed Tally.
She had missed her. Every day of that last year, she had missed her.
In that moment, she thought that nothing in the world sounded as good as those words.
She took a sip of pistachio liqueur, after which she tried to organize the sentences in her head in such a way that they made sense.
“I was mad at you at first” - She confessed, shrugging. “I couldn’t reach you and you never tried to get in touch with me. I thought I’d never see you again. What took you so long to come back?”
Sarah stood up, heading to the liquor cart to refill a second glass of whiskey.
“Time is substance” – She said simply. “Not everything that seems important to you, passes the test of the passage of time. And everything that manages to survive the passing of time, that continues to be important to you in the same way even after a year of silence and absence, deserves attention and courage. You are just as important to me as you were a year ago.”
Tally felt tears gather at the corners of her eyes and struggled with all her might to hold them back.
“I missed you too” - She said with a trembling voice. “I missed you… a lot”
Sarah sat down again, this time on the couch, next to Tally, and then pulled out of her pants pocket a small blue velvet box with a white bow on top.
“Happy Yule, Tally Craven.”
When Tally opened it, she immediately knew what she was looking at. It was a small chain with a coin-shaped medal in the center. The words “We are one” were engraved at the top, with Sarah Alder’s name written underneath. Every soldier in the United States had a medal like that, but the one Tally was holding was the oldest she had ever seen. It was made of copper, and there was no trace of the Latin phrase “Ex fide fortis,” which the current medals had.
Tally looked up, her brown eyes lit up by the light from the flames.
“It’s beautiful”- She said, breathless. “But it’s too important a keepsake. I shouldn’t keep it”
Sarah took her hand and wrapped her fingers around Tally’s, whose breathing stopped instantly.
“It’s the first medal ever made” - She said. “When you joined the army, you volunteered, just to help people, to protect the innocent. You could have avoided it, many in your place would have chosen the easier path, but not you. Just as I didn’t choose it. This medal represented the end of the persecution of witches. It represented a country that was being born where we finally had a place, too. Those same values that you loved, that you believed in and that you fought for and risked your life for until today.
I have made many mistakes, Tally. Mistakes that many innocent people, civilians and witches, have paid the price for. I have happened to lose sight of what really mattered, to lose sight of even my humanity. And I will live with that burden for the rest of my life. But you -- you, extraordinary creature, have the kindest heart and the most righteous soul I have ever met. And no one deserves to have this medal more than you. Forgive me, if you can, for every time I have failed you, Tally Craven”
The answer was in the air, in the fire, in every second of the wonderful piece of life they were sharing. And Tally acted instinctively, placing the medal on the armrest of the sofa and caressing Sarah's face with her fingers.
"You are here now" - She said. Their eyes were glued, the world around them had disappeared in an instant. "There is no need to forgive or forget. The only thing that matters to me is that you are here with me now"
Sarah rested her forehead on Tally's, and the seven words that followed would forever remain engraved in her heart and mind.
"I think I love you, Tally Craven"
A smile of happiness appeared on Tally's face, before her lips joined Sarah's in a first kiss that needed no other words.
On a magical Yule night, everything had changed.