Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer
It was cold, very cold outside. Maya had insisted they bundle Liam up and she was right even with all the layers his little face was still cold. They had officially adopted Liam just last week and it still felt unreal. Carina kept waiting for someone to wake her up, she was so thrilled with life at this moment. Maya holding her hand while they walked up the church steps to baptize Liam, it was perfect.
She was scared to ask Maya to do this at first, she never went to church as a kid spending Sundays worshiping the track instead. She was however perfectly onboard with Carina's idea, she understood what God meant to Carina and didn't see a reason to not baptize him. It took a while, but they found the right church eventually.
The priest was a kind man, older with a comforting presence. The baptism was a small event but when it was over there was a relief that filled Carina, she felt a comfort within her soul. Maya watched as their son was blessed, tearing up finding the process beautiful. Liam made a face as the priest poured the water over his head and it caused a laugh to leave Maya. When it was all over the Father gifted Maya a Catholic bible and gave her a few pamphlets about RCIA classes. “In case you would like to join with your son” he said with a small smile. His kindness was a small reminder at the same time that the church did recognize her marriage to Carina. She knew it hurt Carina more than she would ever admit, their union never to be blessed. Maya shook the priest's hand then took her wife’s as they left.
“It was wonderful watching you,” Carina said, turning to her wife as they walked into the house. Maya smiled at her confused. “Whatcha mean babe?” Carina thought for a moment trying to find the right words to express how the exact way it felt for her to see Maya in that church watching Liam.
“Seeing you today the way you just watched in that respectful way it was one of the most beautiful ways I have seen you bambina” Carina said with a fond smile. Maya laughed and placed a small kiss on Carina's shoulder before taking Liams carrier from her. “It was beautiful. I've never seen a baptism before” Maya said as she took Liam out, cradling him in her arms.
“And I loved seeing your face when it was happening, the joy in your eyes and the relief” Maya said with a grin, changing the way she was holding Liam so she could get his food. Carina smiled and she loved watching Maya with Liam the way motherhood fell so naturally onto her. She loved seeing the woman who once said she wouldn't have kids hold onto a child. Their child. With so much care and with so much love. “I don’t think I have ever been happier before” Carina said with a smile as she watched her two favorite people. Maya rolled her eyes but laughed “I love you” she said looking down at Liam but saying it to both of them.
After they put him down to bed Carina sat on the couch relaxing against it. Maya entered holding two drinks in her hands and Carina smiled immediately. “Drinking tonight?” She said, raising her eyebrow. Maya quickly nodded “Yes I’m celebrating our happy family, and I brought you a mocktail so you wouldn't feel left out” Carina laughed while taking her drink “How sweet bambina” Maya smiled brushing a kiss against the side of Carina's head as she sat down. “Yeah, well our second little one might be in there right now and I want nothing but safety” Maya placed her hand softly against Carina’s stomach and smiled “I can feel it in my bones you're pregnant” Maya added causing Carina to burst out laughing “Bambina did you have a shot before this?” Maya grinned “Maybe one or maybe three” Carina gasped “Maya!” She took Maya's drink and sniffed it, “Mio Dio!” she shook her head “Maya you're going to be hung over like hell tomorrow” Maya smiled her eyes a bit glazed over now, Carina felt her heart tug a little. Maya rarely got drunk but when she did, she was an affectionate mess.
When they had first begun dating Maya had gone out drinking with Andy and Vic after work and Carina woke up at four am to a drunk call from Maya. The call started with Maya talking to what sounded like Vic about her before Maya gasped and realized Carina had answered. She then spent the next fifteen minutes giving Carina an array of compliments, before sounding like she fell asleep on the phone. The next morning Maya came over aggressively hungover and ended up vomiting on Carina's couch and proceeded to be forced by Carina to stay the night so she could take care of her.
Now once again Maya's drunken affection was coming out. “You're so gorgeous” Maya murmured, pushing her head into Carina like a cat. Carina smiled and ran her hand through Maya's hair. “Thank you, bambina,” She pressed a kiss to the top of Maya's head that caused a giggle to come out of her wife. “You're like so beautiful Carina” She kissed Carina's shoulder “Like how a sunrise feels” Carina felt herself blush Maya was always sweet but when she was drunk every word out of her mouth was praise. She seemed to completely worship her. Maya's unwavering love was a constant comfort for Carina.
“Bambina you're definitely drunk” Carina said with a blushing smile. “Drunk and in love with you, so excited, so excited for family with you” she said her words beginning to lose their coherency.
Carina let out a small laugh and pulled Maya closer to her, pressing her lips to her temple and leaving them there. “You make me feel so special,” Carina whispered against Maya. Her wife grinned. “I didn't know how badly I wanted a family until I met you Carina,” Maya whispered, her voice a little shaky. “I am so excited for our future for Liam to be an older brother but I’m so scared that something is going to happen to me on the job and I won’t be able to have our family”
Carina's heart twisted in her chest at Maya's last words. The dark but real end to her thoughts, the reality of the danger presented by Maya's job. There were days the anxiety of what could happen to Maya ate away at Carina.
“Don't talk like that Maya you'll always be coming home to me” Carina whispered softly to her wife trying to soothe her. She rubbed Mayas back as she continued “Our family is going to happen and you're going to come home every day I promise” Maya shook her head a little bit, “Baby I’m just trying to be realistic if something happens to me and I leave you alone I want you to be able to be okay” even when she was drunk Mayas worry came out. “Shh bambina stop worrying okay this isn't going to happen” Carina said firmly she knew in this state Maya would listen to her, and she did because after a few minutes of silence Maya laughed.
“You're my wife” Maya said happily like it was news to both of them. “Yeah, I am” Carina said with a smile, she felt Maya's lips on her collar bone then her shoulder. “Bambina” Carina said with a giggle, Maya shook her head. “You're my wife I get to call you that, I get to tell people I have a wife and kid at home” Maya pulled up a little bit smiling widely at her wife. Carina's heart melted. Maya was unbelievably sweet; her drunken words made her heart flutter. “Te amo Bella” Carina said leaning forward and gently kissing Maya, she tasted like orange juice and vodka. Maya pulled away blushing and buried her face into Carina's shoulder, she got flustered so easily when she drank. “You okay bambina?” She asked with a smirk she knew how Maya felt and she loved that she could make her feel this way. “Yeah, I’m fine” Maya mumbled, pulling away and getting off of Carina finishing off her drink. Carina rolled her eyes, “Mio amore is that wise? You're already barely able to speak” Maya shook her head “No I uhm I am Uhm okay” Maya shook her head and blinked a few times before smiling. “Just really happy to see you”
Carina sighed but grinned loving the clinginess Maya often seemed to fight with herself to not cling to Carina. So, it was a nice change every now and then when Maya drank a little more than she normally would and clung to her. “I love when you act like this,” Carina said, placing her hand on Maya's thigh. Maya let out another giggle and moved to go into Carina’s arms.
Carina wrapped her arms around her tightly. The feeling of her wife in her arms was comforting. “Maya, we should get you to bed before you’ll fall asleep on the couch we won’t be as close to Liam if he wakes” Maya let out a whine but nodded and slowly got up letting Carina guide her to their room, rolling into her arms once she laid down.
Carina smiled and kissed the side of Maya's head singing to her softly in Italian mentally planning for tomorrow and Maya's hangover.
As Carina had predicted Maya was hungover the next morning groaning when Liam woke them both up crying. Maya groaned “Baby please make him stop” Carina sighed rolling out of bed rubbing her eyes, trying to rub the sleep away. She walked slowly picking up Liam rocking him in her arms she got his bottle for him and feeding him until he fell back to sleep. The sun wasn’t completely up yet, and Carina had half a mind to go back to bed but decided to go downstairs making breakfast for Maya and her.
Maya walked to the kitchen sometime around noon wearing sunglasses and rubbing her head. While she slept Liam and Carina had hung out together, Carina loved spending time with him. He was already such a smart baby able to create half-sentences in both Italian and English, he was so advanced. Even if most of his “sentences” were random words put together.
He sat in his playpen when Maya came out, she immediately made a b-line for the pain meds taking a few quickly. “Bambina, your food is in the microwave” Maya gave her a slight nod of acknowledgement, grabbing it and sitting down next to her. Carina smiled to herself, today Maya would let her baby her something she always enjoyed. Carina loved taking Maya in her arms, kissing her head trying to take away the pain. Maya slouched in her chair, chewing slowly clearly half-awake with a headache, she turned to Carina with a small smile on her face as she finished her bite. “The first time I woke up I was still drunk, that was awful” Carina laughed shaking her head “I tried to tell you last night” Maya looked down at her plate before standing and sprinting to the guest bathroom, the faint sound of vomiting soon following quickly after. Carina turned to Liam who let out a little giggle “Mommy drank a little too much last night celebrating our family” she said all of this in a very serious tone, she found it cute the way Liam stared at her when her tone got like that as if he was trying to take in everything she was saying. “Mommy” was all he said back, it caused Carina to laugh. Her laugh made Liam laugh.
The two of them were a laughing mess when Maya walked back out rubbing her stomach and smelling like mint. She looked between the two most important humans in her life who were seemingly laughing for no reason while she was terribly hungover with a raging hangover and felt content. It was an odd feeling to not completely mind the volume of those around her while her head was pounding from all the liquor she had put into her body last night. It was beautiful, despite everything she was grateful they weren’t silent. “I’m sorry, the bambina I know we’re being loud” Carina said trying to steady her breaths.
Carina wasn't sure what was making all of this so funny but for some reason Liams giggle was extra infectious today. She was caught off guard when Maya shook her head and walked over to Liams play pin lifting him up. “No, it’s okay I like this” She kissed Liams cheek looking down at him. “God he’s getting so tall Carina already I swear I’ll blink, and he’ll be ten feet tall” Carina nodded grinning, Maya in mom mode. Maya the woman she met in the bar who wasn’t a relationship person. Maya who changed her mind set about therapy for the both of them. Her Maya. Her ever-growing Maya. Holding their son. Theirs this was all theirs, the entire future was theirs to hold the possibilities endless.
“I know he’s so big for his age” Carina said smiling, compared to the normal rate of boys Liam's age of roughly one he was a lot taller. It made sense his biological father was a tall man towering over Maya and her and everybody else in the restaurant they had met at some time ago to talk. Maya grinned at her wife as she held onto Liam, “I know and looking at his dad a tall, collegiate baseball player we have a little athlete on our hands” Carina rolled her eyes, she knew all too well how badly Maya wanted to get Liam into sports and be a part of all of the coaching. Maya was going to be the coach she needed as a kid; Carina saw it. “You know once his walking steadies out we’re getting this little man into any and all sports” Maya said confidently “I think he’ll take to baseball or track” Carina rolled her eyes “No bella he will be good at football” Maya laughed “Well it’s soccer” She knew what her wife meant, she didn’t mind Carina calling it football she actually loved how passionate her wife was about correcting Americans which is exactly she consistently called it soccer.
“AMERICANS!” Carina said throwing her hands up in the air, Maya smiled she loved this just a little teasing her wife like this. Carina began to ramble in Italian, turning to her wife “No child of mine will call it soccer Maya DeLuca-Bishop!” Her tone of annoyance was also mixed with amusement, they both played it up. Carina with her reactions and Maya with her insistence of calling football, soccer. Even still if this is all a bit Carina would not let any of her children pick up the American usage of soccer.
Later in the early evening when the family sat on the couch a movie playing in front of them Maya turned to her wife. “So, do you want to start praying more as a family? And going to church more often?” She raised her eyebrow, her voice was kind, she genuinely wanted Carina to have all the connection to faith she could. “I think I would like that yeah I just” Carina sighed trying to find the right way to put this for Maya. “My father made religion evil for the longest time, he made every church feel like a place of judgement and hate it’s hard to see it in a different light” Her voice shook a bit memory of aching knees from hours of praying on the hard ground her angry father whipping her if he viewed her posture too sloppily while she prayed. You disrespect God by the way you pray Carina, I’m teaching you respect, he would insist. Maya placed her hand on Carina's knee “Hey we can talk about this later, okay? Father Michael said we could stop by anytime” Carina nodded the tears threatening to spill out now, Maya wasn’t a believer, but she was so willingly to try. She was willing to try even in a church that would never accept them fully, never accept their marriage and for whatever reason it just made everything sting a little bit more. Maya reached out pulling her arm around Carina kissing the top of Carinas head. “I know baby”
Maya her protector, Maya her comforter, Maya her lover, Maya her wife. Maya was always there for her when the nights were hard and long. Maya the woman who looked at her with absolute love, who admired her with everything in her. Maya was there giving sweet compliments, kind comments without even realizing how much her words affected Carina. Carina could not imagine her world without Maya there, without those blue eyes to steady her out. She could not picture her future without her wife next to her.
“I need you here with me forever” Carina said softly, her hands clenched as the painful thoughts of a life without Maya flashed before her eyes. Maya laughed and raised her left hand wiggling her fingers to draw attention to her ring finger. “Well, my love, this right here means you have me forever that you're stuck listening to me talk about fires and calling football soccer for the rest of your life”