Sirius stared at the boy on the other side of the fire-lit common room.
His tawny locks, curled at the tips, went into his eyes causing him to brush them away.
Remus.
Sirius mouthed the boys name, barely visible, as he pretended to get his charms homework done with Lily.
“Sirius stop staring. A sign with the words I'm in love with Remus Lupin stuck on your forehead would be less obvious.” Lily commented, not looking up from her work.
“I wasn't... I would not– I am punk rock so I wouldn't...” Sirius glared at her. “Lily?”
“Hmm?” She asked distractedly doing her potions homework and stealing glances at James that Sirius hadn't missed.
“Shut up.”
Lily grinned and looked up with her vibrant green eyes; crinkled at the corners.
“Oh you are so into him.”
“Really? I had no idea. Do tell.”
“Well, since you insist... You are absolutely in love with this boy who you continue to talk about all day, everyday. You blush and stumble over your words and refuse to make eye contact. And not to mention the way you stare at him, your eyes wide in adoration-”
“James get your girlfriend to put a sock in it.” Sirius shouted to the boy he called his brother.
“She's not my girlfriend.” He grinned at Lily. “Yet.”
Lily turned as red as her hair. “Shush it Potter.”
Sirius laughed at the obviousness of their feelings for one another and turned his head again to stare at the beautiful boy he had been in love with for so long.
He watched Remus' long dark lashes brush his cheeks as he blinked.
His plump pink – kissable – lips had been captured between his teeth as he read his book.
Sirius couldn't take it any more; staring at gorgeous boy and not being able to touch him so he crossed the room in a few short steps and dropped on his inviting lap.
Remus' gaze snapped towards his in alarm; wide and adorable.
“Sirius? Merlin's left ball sack, you startled me.”
“I'm sorry Moony, I was cold... and bored. I give up on my homework.”
Remus shook his head lightly, chuckling at the shorter boys expression.
“Come 'ere.” Remus opened his arms and Sirius nuzzled into the soft maroon jumper, just as Remus wrapped his arms around him and held him close.
It was scary how close they could be.
How they could be so affectionate and still be considered as friends– best friends.
Even if they were completely in love with the other and were always aware of what the other was doing and how they looked doing it.
Sirius could smell Remus' distinctive smell of fresh flowers, coffee and old books. He snuggled into the werewolves chest, who in turn, instinctively held him tighter.
They had moments like this all the time, nothing was new – none of these actions came to a suprise to anyone in the common room, but it was this moment, this distinct moment that had made Sirius snap. Because, honestly, there was only so much platonic Moony before it became too much and Sirius just couldn't take it any more.
He quickly escaped Remus' grip (which he just climbed into) and ran up the stairs without a second glance, his body shaking.
Obviously, he was losing his cool, so what did he do? Confess? Merlin no, he needed to calm down.
He heard the door close and lock behind him, followed by Remus' soft and rough voice.
“Sirius, what's wrong? You just jumped out of my arms as soon as you sat in my lap.”
Sirius didn't reply, instead his eyes stayed on the floorboards, the different shades of brown suddenly looked very interesting.
Remus approached Sirius cautiously. “Sirius? Is there something wrong?”
It felt like he was running out of air in his chest, like it was filling up rapidly, making it so hard to breath.
Everything was spinning, everything was wrong; everything–
“Everything is bloody wrong!” Sirius spun around stepping close to Remus so they were face-to-face (more like face-to-chest). “I am so in love with you that it's driving everyone insane. All I do is talk about you and say how much I want you and yet you don't even notice. We are always so close and yet I can't kiss you and it's killing me for fucks sake. I think about you all the time – I can't stop, you're always there. I know this will ruin our friendship but I can't hold it in. I just can't. Not any more.” Sirius exploded, and had never felt so good doing so. He couldn't believe the relief, how freeing it was, like he was on top of the world.
That was before he realised the weight of the words, and the silence that hung around them like James' invisibility cloak – thick and warm.
Remus just stood there frozen, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as the person he loved since forever just said what Remus had wished for, for so long. His head was spinning unable to stay on one train of thought for longer then a second.
Why weren't they kissing? Why weren't they holding each other?
Every time Remus imagined this moment they always ended up kissing.
So why weren't they?
He cleared his throat and wrung his hands. “So... maybe we should kiss to break the tension.”
Sirius looked up quickly, a surprised laugh erupting from his throat.
“Really?” Sirius breathed out quickly, scared that he heard him incorrectly.
“Really.”
Sirius shot towards Remus his hands wrapping around his neck, pulling Remus down to his level.
Their lips moulded together, as if two pieces in a puzzle, and moved in sync with such passion that it made Sirius dizzy with ecstasy.
They moved, Remus stepping forward until he had Sirius pressed up against the wall, who's eyes were dark and full of lust.
“Moony...” Sirius mewled, baring his neck to Remus – who instantly started sucking and kissing, revelling in the sounds that Sirius made in the back of his throat.
Sirius wrapped his legs around Remus' waist, grinding his hips against Remus' erection. “Oh shit– Siri– Oh! Sirius...” Sirius rolled his hips in such a way that it completely aroused Remus and caused him to forget his train shot.
Sirius pulled Remus back into a kiss, tongue exploring his mouth and hands roaming all over his body.
“Remy, we have to stop. I won't be able to hold back.” Remus smiled softly against Sirius' lips.
“You're right it's not the right time.”
They stayed in the same position for a few more moments before Sirius untangled his legs from Remus, keeping his arms around his neck.
Remus hadn't moved, instead he just watched Sirius under his dark eyelashes, eyes full of light and happiness.
“Do you want to go downstairs?” Remus eased himself from Sirius slightly, as if to step back but couldn't.
“Nah, I'm tired, I just want to go to sleep.” Remus nodded and pulled Sirius' hands from around his neck.
“Alright then. Night!” He stepped away and went to open the door when Sirius stomped his foot, pouting.
“Moony, you're supposed to offer to cuddle– I want to cuddle.”
Remus laughed, his large hand resting over his stomach. “I know, I was kidding. Come on, you can sleep in my bed.” The remark made Sirius jump in excitement, before running and throwing himself onto Remus' bed, which was covered in his smell. “Mm, smells just like you.”
The statement caused Remus to chuckle while climbing into bed and pulling the over-excited puppy close to him.
It took Sirius a minute to get comfortable and ended up having his head tucked under Remus' chin, who's hand was playing with his hair.
“Hey Sirius?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you so much that it hurts.”