96 Liners
Let me be there,
When you break apart,
Let me be there,
When your tears keep falling
Let me hold you,
When your world feels lonely.
Milk feels so much better after finally crying the tears she had held back for so long. Speaking out about her feelings felt like a revelation to her. Every day, whenever she thinks she can’t love Love more than she already does, she finds herself loving her even more than the day before. Loving Love has allowed Milk to see herself in a way she never knew was possible; she wasn’t aware of how deeply she could love someone, and she learns something new about herself every day.
Love and Milk have always shared an honest bond. However, Milk hiding her feelings makes her feel guilty, as she believes she is not being her true self, while Love is always so honest and open with her. Even though she feels guilty, she knows she can’t speak out just yet. She can’t afford to lose Love or make things awkward between them; she'd rather hurt herself than make Love feel uncomfortable.
Namtan has always been the one to share hyperenergy with Milk. Both are goofy and chaotic, but they also share many similarities beyond their energy levels. They care for everyone in similar ways and often have similar thoughts. Perhaps that’s why they were born in the same month—so they could be best friends.Milk feels so much better after finally crying the tears she held back for so long; speaking out her feelings felt like a revelation to herself. Every day, whenever she thinks she can’t love Love more than she already does, she finds herself loving her more than she did yesterday. Loving Love seems to have made Milk see herself as someone she never knew of, she wasn’t aware of how much she could love someone, and she learns something new about herself every day.
Love and Milk have always shared such an honest bond, and Milk hiding her feelings makes her feel so guilty, as she feels she is not her true self whereas Love is always so honest and open with her. She knows that even if she feels guilty, she can never speak it out—at least not yet; she can’t afford to lose her or make things awkward between them; she would rather hurt herself than ever make Love feel uncomfortable.
Namtan has always been the one to share the hyperenergy with Milk. Both are goofy and chaotic, but they also share a lot more similarities than just their energy level; they take care of everyone in similar ways and almost have similar thoughts; maybe that’s why they were born in the same month so they could be together as best friends.
Maybe because they share so many similarities, Namtan could see everything that Milk tries to hide and hear everything that Milk leaves unsaid. She could see beyond the smiles, the jokes, and everything else Milk uses to maintain a sense of normalcy.
Namtan doesn’t know how to comfort her soul sister, so she tries her best to support her in silence, just as Milk suffers in silence. She ensures that every hug is a little tighter than the last, fills Milk’s chat with her lame jokes and goofy stickers, and goes the extra mile to make Milk laugh whenever they are together. Namtan wouldn’t mind making a complete fool of herself just to see Milk smile.
It’s a rare occasion when Namtan, Milk, Film, and Love are all at the same event. As usual, the event is a huge success, but throughout the evening, Namtan can’t help but notice how Milk looks at Love with so much affection, as if her feelings are spilling over. Yet she can also see the defeat and exhaustion in Milk’s eyes. Namtan’s heart aches every time, so she makes sure to stay close to Milk, offering her support and a shoulder to lean on.
After the event, Love and Film are supposed to meet up for dinner with Tu, Prim, and View. Both of them also invite Milk and Namtan, but Namtan quickly declines, saying, “Oh, we are so sorry, nongs, but Milk and I have already made plans. We’ll join you next time!” Milk is confused, and Love is too, because Milk never mentioned any such plans to her, and her P’ Miw always tells her.
Namtan notices Love pouting at Milk, and she knows that Milk, being the pushover she is, would give in any second. But Namtan can’t let that happen today. “Sorry again, N’ Love, but the plans were made abruptly, so Milk wasn’t able to tell you beforehand,” Namtan adds before Milk can say a word. She grabs Milk, says their goodbyes, and drags her out of the building.
Namtan checks the area where the event was held and notices there’s a park nearby. Given how late it is, she’s sure there won’t be many people around. Milk is so confused that she doesn’t even question where Namtan is taking her.
Stopping in front of an empty bench in the park, Namtan looks around and sees no one. It’s a children’s park, and at this hour of the night, no kids would be out, so they’re safe. Namtan sets down their belongings on the bench and faces Milk. Milk looks at Namtan, bewildered. “What happened? Is everything okay? Are you okay? Do you need something? Why are we here? Why did you say we have plans?” Milk voices all her confusion in one breath.
Namtan stays silent, simply observing Milk’s face as it gradually softens while she holds her by the shoulders.
“You are strong, but you don’t have to be strong all the time. You don’t have to act like everything is fine. You can cry, shout, or do whatever you want; just don’t hold yourself back,” Namtan said with sincerity and love.
Milk was confused at first, but then she realized what Namtan was talking about. She inhaled shakily, feeling the sincerity in Namtan’s words and the love in her eyes. Then, she let go of her restraint and allowed her tears to fall.
Namtan pulled Milk into a tight embrace, ensuring her hold was firm so that Milk felt assured Namtan wouldn’t let her go while she was baring her soul and showing her shattered pieces. Namtan caressed Milk’s back as she felt her friend tighten her grip and tremble under the weight of her misery, as if her body could no longer handle the intensity of her grief.
Namtan held her until she sensed that Milk had finally calmed down. As she slowly loosened her grip, she felt Milk’s body go limp. Grateful for her quick reflexes and her gym sessions, Namtan immediately helped Milk sit down on a nearby bench. She could finally see the consequences of what Milk had been hiding and wished she never had to witness her dear friend looking so defeated, lost, and heartbroken.
“It’s okay, Milk. I’m here; you don’t have to hold yourself back,” Namtan said softly. She handed her water tumbler to Milk and urged her to drink. Namtan sat beside Milk, allowing a comfortable silence to settle in. She looked up at the night sky filled with stars, hoping for a shooting star she could wish upon—for her friend’s happiness.
Sighing, she turned to see Milk looking distant, staring into nothingness. Feeling the need to break the silence, Milk suddenly spoke, her voice raspy from crying. “Thank you. Today was hard; most days are hard. I don’t know how to not love her when she’s around. Who am I kidding? I love her even when she’s not. It’s as if everything inside me is just made to love her. Every heartbeat creates a rhythm that sings of her. Every breath I take is just so I can stay alive to love her. Every time I sleep, it’s to dream about her, and every waking moment is to spend with her.”
Namtan was taken aback by the sheer intensity of Milk’s feelings. Every thought she had about telling Milk to try to move on was immediately abandoned. She could see the sincerity and depth of Milk’s emotions. It felt like such feelings existed only in books and dreams, not in reality. Milk’s love felt sacred, something beyond anything she had ever experienced. It was like getting to know Milk all over again.
Unable to hold back her tears, Namtan felt immense grief seeing her best friend trying to hide something so big and almost frightening. She wished she could help Milk with what she wanted, but knew she couldn’t give her what she desired.
“Wow! You truly love her; I’m envious that there’s no one loving me like that,” Namtan said in awe. She made Milk turn toward her and held her hand, still sniffing. “You don’t have to hold back; love all you want, cry all you can. I will be there to hold you. I will always be your 96 partner.” Namtan spoke with determination, ensuring Milk could feel it.
“I know you will be there. Honestly, thank you. I never knew that speaking and crying about it could make it better. The pain is still there, but at least the pain of hiding is less. It feels suffocating, like my own feelings are pressing on my chest and making it hard to breathe. Thank you; I am so grateful that you are here with me,” Milk said with a small smile, expressing her gratitude for having Namtan by her side.
After sitting quietly for a while, both of them got up to walk back to Milk’s car since Namtan hadn’t driven hers to the event. As they walked, Milk felt she could breathe a lot easier now. Deciding to break the silence, she said, “You said I can do whatever I want? So, can I?” Milk laughed, and Namtan was surprised and happy to see her friend smiling and laughing. Of course, they could never be serious for long. Namtan shouted, “Yah!! I know what you're thinking! Don’t you dare!” She could sense what Milk was implying.
They continued their playful banter until they reached Namtan’s apartment. As Namtan was getting out, Milk held her hand, and Namtan turned back with a questioning look. Milk smiled and said, “Thank you once again. I will also let you do whatever you want, whenever you need, Namtan.” Namtan chuckled and replied, “I hope you remember this deal and don’t back out.” Milk laughed loudly.
Namtan smiled to herself as she made her way up to her apartment, feeling glad to see Milk smiling and laughing. She promised herself not to let Milk feel alone in her pain.