Trust issues
Few days later we had a day off and David invited us all over for a dinner at his place. Emily convinced me to go. And when I say convinced I mean she forced me to go. Threatened me even, so I agreed because you never know when a fool is joking. I love her though. We got in the car and Emily drove us there.
“Please be nice to them,” she said.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.
“You’re a grump when you’re tired,” she said.
“I’m not the one who threatened to change passwords on every streaming platform,” I said.
“That’s because you don’t pay for any of them. Will you be nice?”
“Sure thing, kid,” I said.
“Don’t call me kid,” she said.
“Don’t call me baby,” I hummed.
“What?”
“Never mind,” I said.
We got there, everyone was already there but we were still early. Came as a shock to everyone.
“Yeah, I’m just as surprised as you are,” I said, taking a seat.
“You look kinda rough,” Spencer told me.
“Gee, thanks,” I said.
“No, I just mean that you look tired,” he said.
“That’s probably because I am,” I said.
“Why?” He asked.
“Can’t sleep?” Derek asked.
“Are you having nightmares?” Garcia asked.
“Are you having ptsd?” Hotch asked.
“I hate it here,” I said.
They all laughed. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the concern, it’s just I didn’t expect so many questions this early.
“Not nightmares. She just keeps having a dream that wakes her up. But it’s not a nightmare,” Emily said.
“Thank you for that, Emily,” I said sarcastically.
She shrugged and went to help Dave in the kitchen. Everyone was looking at me, waiting to hear about the dream I assume.
“My friend is being held hostage and I’m trying to save her. Every time I’m about to do that I wake up. Always in the same moment, just before getting her out of there,” I said.
“Is this about someone in particular?” Pen asked.
“No, I can’t see her face. I just know that she’s my friend,” I said.
“You might be anxious about someone in that situation. You wanna help someone but you can’t or you feel guilty about not doing anything to help,” Spencer said, “Dream often reflect our subconscious mind.”
“Thank you, doctor Reid,” I said, “Can’t we stop analyzing me now?”
“If you insist,” Derek said.
“I made pizza tonight,” said Rossi, coming back from the kitchen with Emily.
“I love you,” I said.
I was glad Emily made me come. It was a nice evening. And the pizza was out of this world. We were sharing fun stories and laughing almost all the time.
“You guys remember Brad?” JJ asked.
“The real fbi agent?” Penelope asked and I chuckled.
“Oh yeah, what department was he in again?” Emily asked.
“Classified,” JJ, Penelope and I said at the same time and we all laughed.
That was pretty much the only interaction I had with JJ that night. We still don’t really talk. We either fight, bicker, don’t talk at all or she sleeps in my arms. She’s not showing any emotions with me yet, nor is she talking about them.
Sometimes she’ll share something with me before she falls asleep and that’s that. I think it’ll probably change with time but for now, this is what it looks like. I’m sure that if anyone was watching us, they’d be confused as hell.
Next day we had a paperwork day. I always leave everything for the last minute cause I do things faster when I’m stressed. I convinced Derek and Emily to do the same so they could play uno with me. Didn’t really take much convincing.
“Uno,” Derek said.
“No way,” I said, “You’re cheating.”
“What? I’m not cheating,” he said.
“Prove it then. Get up,” I said.
“You need to work on your trust issues,” he said.
“I don’t have trust issues, you’re sitting on your cards,” I told him.
“She can go like this forever,” Emily said, “Just humor her and get up.”
“Fine,” he said and got up. He was in fact, not cheating, “See?”
“Oh whatever, you just got lucky this time,” I said.
“I’m just saying, Maya,” Derek said, “You do have trust issues.”
“Don’t forget the parents issues too,” Emily said from her desk.
“Thanks for that,” I said, “She has a point, but I don’t have trust issues.”
“Right,” he said, as JJ came back from the kitchen and he looked at her, “Hey, JJ. Do you think that little Prentiss over here has trust issues?”
“She has issues, that’s for sure,” she mumbled.
“Like you’re the one to talk,” I said.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” she said.
“If you’re not talking to me then don’t talk about me either,” I told her.
“Okay, okay. That’s enough,” Emily said, “Let it go, both of you.”
Jennifer and I glanced at each other. She went to do her work and I went back to playing. Emily made Derek take four cards and that helped me win.
“That’s not fair,” Derek whined.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but he’s right,” Emily said.
“Cry about it,” I smiled proudly.
“Maybe you were projecting and you were the one cheating,” Derek said.
“Man, just take the L like a big boy and get back to work,” I said.
“I don’t like you,” he said.
I gasped pretending to be offended, “Why?”
“You’re not good people,” he said.
I chuckled, “Go kick down a door or something.”
We played a few more times and then talked about stupid things. I got bored after some time so I went to get some coffee and actually get the work done. I was the last one to leave because of my procrastination. Well, last besides Hotch. That man never leaves this place.
I went to my apartment, put my gun in a safe and took a shower. I was looking forward to getting some sleep tonight so I decided to go to bed early. I checked some social media and put my phone down around ten pm.
I was trying to fall asleep, but I kept thinking about what Spencer said about the dream. Does it really mean that? I know dreams often are a product of our subconscious mind, but I don’t think I’m in a situation he described. I fell asleep after some time but got woken up by my phone. I swear me and sleep are not destined for each other.
I answered the phone, “Prentiss.”
“I did a thing,” I heard on the other end.
I looked at the caller id, “Jennifer? What thing?”
“I went for a walk after work. I got to this cafe and did some more work,” she said.
“And you felt the need to tell me that this late because?” I asked.
“Because now I have to go back home,” she said.
“Okay?” I asked.
“Are you busy?” She asked.
“No. I’m on my way,” I said, “Send me the address.”
She did and I got in my car. I drove there and waited for a minute before she came. Other than some music playing on the radio, we drove in silence. I didn’t drive her to her apartment. I took her to mine. I parked the car and we got out.
“That’s not where I live,” she said.
“I’m aware,” I told her.
“So why are we here?” She asked.
“Uh, because it was closer and I’m tired,” I said.
“Okay,” she said.
I unlocked the door and we got in. I went straight to bed and Jennifer took a shower before joining me.
“Do I sleep here?” She asked.
“Yeah.”
“Thank you,” she said, “I didn’t think you’d come. You came.”
I shrugged, “You called.”
I was laying on my back and she put her head on my shoulder. I wrapped one arm around her waist and closed my eyes. She put one of her hands over my heart.
I knew the reason she called me is because she was scared to go home alone after dark, but she won’t admit that. I don’t know why though because it really isn’t weird. Someone just went and took her last time she did that so no one would blame her for being scared.
“We’re not together,” she said after a while.
“Wow, way to break my heart,” I said sarcastically.
“No. I don’t mean you and me. I mean me and my girlfriend. Well, ex girlfriend,” she said.
“Oh. Wait, what?” I asked.
“Remember that case we had? Some time ago, when the UnSub was killing his boyfriend’s friends?” She asked.
“Please tell me she wasn’t a killer,” I said.
“No, but she was like him. Controlling, toxic, hot and cold,” she said.
“Why did you break up? I mean it makes sense but there usually is that specific reason,” I said.
“I stopped acting how she liked. After the kidnapping? I wasn’t really, you know, outgoing or in the mood for fights and I just wasn’t in the place to take her manipulation anymore,” she said.
“Cause you were traumatized, that’s understandable,” I said.
“Yeah,” she whispered, “I knew she was manipulative way before that, but I got attached and even though I knew, I thought I could fix her.”
“So then you broke up with her?”
“I think we broke up with each other. You’ve done more for me since the abduction than she ever did. And you hate me,” she said.
“I don’t hate you,” I whispered, “I don’t hate anyone.”
“Okay, but we’re not friends,” she said.
“We’re not. But I get it now. The reason you don’t trust me with, you know, sharing your feelings or at least letting me see them, is not me. It’s her. Because she dismissed it, so now you think you’re overreacting,” I said.
“Please don’t analyze me right now,” she whispered.
“Okay. Let’s go to sleep,” I said and she nodded.
We fell asleep pretty quickly. Next day we woke up and went to work. I gave her my clothes since she didn’t have hers with her. The day was pretty boring, until we got called on a case. Missing kids, that’s never good.
We briefed and went to the jet immediately. Pen got to come with us this time, I don’t think she’s really exited about that though. We were called in seventeen hours after the second victim was taken and the first one went missing two days earlier. That’s not ideal.
On the jet we looked more into victimology and geographic area where it’s taking place. It’s a small town so Hotch instructed me to help Garcia make a suspect pool. When we got there everyone went to do their thing leaving me and Pen in a room with her laptop.
“So we think it’s someone local?” She asked.
“The UnSub took two kids from the same neighborhood with a two day gap. Has to be local,” I said.
“Okay, are we searching for men only?” She asked.
“Women. Thirty to forty five,” I said.
“That leaves us with almost a half of residents, sweet cheeks,” she said.
“Uh, the babies are only one. Check for women who lost kids similar in age, women who have fertility issues themselves or whose husbands do,” I said.
“Okay, the list got smaller, I’ll send it over to Hotch,” she said.
“Great, thanks beautiful,” I said.
Emily was with JJ talking to one family, Spencer and Derek talking to the other. Hotch was going over the case with the sheriff and Rossi went to see how the UnSub may have been following the victims’ families. Leaving me to go through the list.
“You’re different,” Garcia said after a while.
“Huh?” I asked.
“You act the same, but something is different about you,” she said.
“Okay, I’m gonna need you to be more specific,” I told her.
“I’m not saying this to insult you,” she assured, “You were empty. I don’t know what happened to make you that way, whether it was Emily’s death or your somewhat demotion. Or maybe it was your father leaving. Or your mother being you know, cold and absent. Or maybe-“
I interrupted her, “Okay, okay I get it. No need to remind me now. So what’s changed?”
“JJ,” she said.
“I thought you said I changed?” I asked.
“No, yeah. But she changed you,” she said, “I don’t know what’s going on between you two right now, but I don’t need to. Every time you’re around her it’s like the light in your eyes is back.”
I looked at her with wide eyes, “Penelope Garcia, how much caffeine have you consumed?”
“Oh, stop it. It’s only my second coffee of the day. But I mean it, Maya. Normally you’re shielded, from every angle possible. When I look into your eyes, you’re there, sure. But behind a whole lot of nothingness,” she said.
“You need to be less poetic if you want me to understand,” I said.
“See? You’re doing it now. You can’t have a serious conversation without making a joke. You don’t let yourself feel things, the good and the bad. You don’t feel anything because you thought yourself to do that,” she said.
“Is there like a bright side to what you’re saying or is it a little Prentiss slander day?”
“Ever since that case you had to stay back for, something about you is different. Like you’ve found what you’d been looking for and you don’t have to keep the walls up anymore. Now when I look in your eyes I see you. Maybe your walls aren’t completely down, but you opened a window and let the sun in to shine some light. Now you can reflect it until you find your own,” she said.
I looked at her for a solid minute before speaking again, “Seriously, are you on drugs? Cause if that’s your way of less poetic then I’m out.”
She sighed with a smile, “You’re a lot of work.”
“Be honest now. Are you hitting on me?” I smirked.
She hit my arm playfully, “Maya, Brangwen Prentiss!”
“Ouch,” I rubbed my arm, “Not the middle name. Did you say it to prove your point?
“Yes I did. Do you at least get it?” She asked.
“Okay. There’s a darkness and I’m the moon but there’s no light. According to you the light is now back, so who’s the light?” I asked.
“JJ is your light!” She exclaimed.
“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Stop watching romantic comedies, Penelope. Life isn’t a movie,” I said getting up and patting her shoulder on my way out.
We all met in the room we were set up in to exchange what we found. We know how the UnSub is taking the kids. We also have a suspect pool that isn’t too big, thankfully, the perks of a small city. We still didn’t have anything on where the children may be located and that part was making everyone anxious.
We shared our thoughts and theories, but nothing seemed to help. I had most of the profile built and we completed, then delivered it with the rest of the team. We held a press conference, asking the public to help. We had some camera footage of a car and we shared that as well in hopes someone would recognize it. For now we had to wait.
I sighed, “So, are we all thinking it?”
“Thinking what?” Spencer asked.
“It’s been almost three days since the first kidnapping,” I said.
“And over twenty four hours since the second,” Rossi said.
“We also don’t know if the children are being taken care of. We know she doesn’t wanna hurt them, but might do it accidentally,” Hotch said.
“Let’s not forget that she took two of them. That doesn’t usually happen. We have to consider the fact that the first victim might,” I trailed off.
“Might what?” JJ asked.
“That something could’ve happened. Don’t make me say it,” I said.
“What’s wrong with you?” She asked.
“What?” I asked.
“Two children are missing and you just wanna give up?” She scoffed.
“I didn’t say anything about giving up,” I said.
“No, but you implied it. He’s been gone for two days, why bother looking for him, right?” She said with her voice raised a little.
“Jennifer, I think you should-“
“Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. I mean what kind of person are you? What difference does it make anyway, even if we find him, he’ll be traumatized so what’s the point? You might as well just go home and pretend you did everything that you could,” she yelled.
To say I was surprised was an understatement. And I wasn’t the only one. Everyone looked at her with wide eyes and mouth agape. I wasn’t as surprised by the outburst as the subject she chose. If I am one thing, it is devoted to helping other people. Especially those who can’t help themselves, children.
“JJ take a minute and get your shit together,” Derek said.
“Don’t talk to her that way,” I told him, keeping my eyes on her.
“I don’t need you to advocate for me,” she said, calmly this time.
“I know,” I said.
“Alright, you two are going back to the hotel for tonight. The rest of the team will join you soon,” Hotch said.
“My sun must be eclipsed or something,” I mumbled Garcia on my way out.
I just went back to the hotel and did my work there. I’m not about to just go to sleep while we have two babies missing. Whenever I had an idea I texted Emily so she could check it out.
We’ve been doing that for about two hours before the rest of the team got back to the hotel. When they did I went to take a shower and laid in bed with my files. I was reading them over and over to see if maybe we missed something.
I know that Jennifer didn’t mean what she said. She just picked a moment and the words splattered out of her mouth. Classic trauma response. When there is someone who wants to help you, your brain makes you do and say everything it can think of to push them away. Been there, done that.
I just didn’t understand why now. Obviously the possibility of the baby boy not making it triggered her in some way. I just didn’t know why. And then it hit me. I went to her room and knocked.
She opened the door, “What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she whispered.
I came in and closed the door, “Have you been crying?” I asked, noticing her watery eyes.
“No. I just yawned, I’m tired,” she said.
“Yeah, okay,” I said and sat on her bed.
“What do you need?” She asked.
“I get it now,” I said, “Everything.”
“You do?” She asked.
“I do. I mean I think I do. I know why you’re acting this way. It’s only with me and you’ve told me about your girlfriend, what she was like, it makes sense,” I said, “We’ll get into that later. The baby?” I asked.
She looked down and I just got up and walked up to her. I hugged her and she hugged me back. Now it makes sense why she’d snap at me like that. Now was it the best response? Definitely not. But was it understandable? Of course.
“I’m sorry, for what I said. I didn’t mean it, I don’t even know why I said it. It just came out and then it was too late and-“
“It’s okay. It’s okay I know. You can apologize later, let’s just feel things for now,” I said.
“Together?” She asked.
“Yeah, together. I’m not leaving, Jayje,” I said.
We moved to lay on the bed and she laid her head on my shoulder. We just sat there without talking. It wasn’t needed for now. We understood each other without words. She isn’t so bad after all. I always knew she was a good person, I just didn’t think our paths would cross like this ever again. It wouldn’t be the same after everything. But who knows, maybe we can be friends again.
“You called me Jayje again,” she said.
“I did,” I said with a brief smile.