Chapter 15
The setting sun graces the room with a golden glow as it goes down. Glinda’s back faces her, her furled wings creating a powerful silhouette.
The lighting highlights her hair and casts the pure white appendages in an almost golden glow. She looks beautiful, otherworldly. She looks like one of those angels that Nessarose tried to describe to her.
Elphaba isn’t religious in the slightest — much to her father’s and Nessa’s disappointment — but if Glinda was indeed one of those angels, she doesn’t think she would mind being religious.
And unfortunately, their time together for the day was ticking closer to an end.
“Glinda,” she says softly. A tone she has adapted around the girl in order to not affect her sensitive ears and her own fear that she’ll accidentally take on the tone of the woman that tormented her for so long if she differed from what worked.
Glinda doesn’t shift, but her wings do drop ever so slightly; Elphaba thinks she’s imaging it. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
“I- yes.”
“You can never stay for long.” What was that in her voice? Sadness? Elphaba simply can’t tell. There was a time in her life where she could read Glinda better than she could read herself. Now, she finds it almost impossible to read the blonde. She’s so… empty. She may be right in front of her, but Elphaba can not reach her.
‘I won’t leave you behind again.’
Her promise from years ago echoes in her mind. It doesn’t escape her that she’d broken it and it led to horrendible consequences. It doesn’t escape her that everytime she leaves this room before her spell breaks, she feels like she’s breaking the promise all over again.
It also doesn’t help that Glinda has been confined to this room the three weeks she’s been here.
It’s like she traded one cage for another.
She shakes her intrusive thoughts away. No, this is much better than whatever conditions Morrible had her living in.
Elphaba had been there the first time Glinda tried eating. She looked at the — perfectly normal — food strangely, taking only a few bites. Later, she retched out the contents of her stomach.
Every detail, small or big, has Elphaba’s stomach twisting into knots, has her brain racing to figure out what could have possibly caused the blonde’s reactions. Part of her wants to know exactly what Morrible did. The other, more cowardly part, wants to live in the slight ignorance.
“I’m sorry, Glinda.” Her old nickname for the girl lies on the tip of her tongue and Elphaba has to swallow it back down. Watching Glinda, stoic and forlorn, makes Elphaba want to do something, anything to make her smile again or regain some of her previous energy. An idea sparks in her mind. “How about tomorrow we head outside?”
This makes Glinda turn to her, her bulbous brown eyes flickering with something akin to surprise. “Outside?”
“Yes.”
“I see.” Her head falls, a sheet of golden hair drawing a curtain around her face. “Okay.”
Elphaba frowns. She should be at least a little enthusiastic. Why did she sound sadder than she did before? Did Elphaba say something wrong?
“What’s wrong?” Elphaba shouldn’t be questioning her right now. She really did not have the time. She could feel the strain of the spell creeping into her muscles. But when it comes to Glinda, Elphaba can never control herself.
“What do you need me to say tomorrow?”
“Say? What do you mean?”
“When addressing the people. What do you need me to say?”
Elphaba’s brows dip, her mouth turning suddenly dry as she says. “Glinda there are no people.”
There’s green peeking at her fingers now. Elphaba tugs her sleeve down.
“Isn’t this the routine? Though, I’ll admit, the people are different.”
“Routine?”
“You know, the food, the nice treatment, the access to this room.”
Elphaba’s stomach churns. What did they do to you?
“I promise you, there are no people. Just you and me.” Elphaba musters a smile and hopes it looks convincing.
Pale brows dip. “You’re… serious? Is this new training?”
Green creeping up her arms.
“Glinda.” Elphaba chokes out. “You’re safe.”
Glinda still has an air of uncertainty around her and, as much as Elphaba would like to spend hours with her, assuaging all her worries and treating her the way she deserves, if she spends any more time here, her secret will be out.
“I promise.” Murky green eyes meet brown ones that look slightly brighter than they did before. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
She says hurriedly, not offering a wave as she hastens out the room.
“Finally,” the masculine voice alerts her to the presence of her companion. “I was going to come in there in a few minutes. You two have the tendency to-” He breaks off, looking alarmed as a sob tears out of her throat. “Elphaba?”
She doesn’t understand exactly why there are tears running down her green cheeks. She knew Glinda’s situation must have been bad. But nothing could have prepared her for hearing Glinda talk about it.
“Is Glinda okay?”
Elphaba should say she’s fine. But is she? Elphaba doubts that’s true. She doesn’t think Glinda has been fine in a long time. Elphaba is willing to bet that the last time she had been fine was that day in the Emerald City before everything went to shit. And it was all Elphaba’s fault.
She never should have left the girl behind. She never should have asked her to get on the train. She should never have performed that spell. Elphaba caused this.
“It’s my fault, Fiyero.”
“What?” Realisation dawns on the man’s face, followed by vehement disagreement. “No. There are so many people to blame, Elphaba, but this is not on you.”
“I left her behind.”
“And I was there in the palace.” He argues. “We both have blame to share.”
“You don’t understand-” I promised her.
Elphaba swipes furiously below her eyes. There is no point in having this conversation now, no point in assuaging her guilt. Glinda needs help.
“Anyway,” she says abruptly, hoping Fiyero won’t question the not-smooth-at-all subject change. “I promised to take Glinda out tomorrow.”
At this, Fiyero’s eyes bulge open and his mouth unhinges. “You what?” He exclaims.
“It doesn’t cause any harm.”
“She could fly away!”
“I have a broom.”
“That doesn’t measure up to wings. Also, have you forgotten the whole ‘she attacks you incident’?”
Elphaba rolls her eyes. “Fiyero, she was trapped in a room for two years. I don’t want to do that to her.”
Fiyero sighs. “Is there any way I can talk you you of this?” He questions, already sounding defeated.
“No.”
He shakes his head. “Just be careful.”
“I will.”
“And have fun.” His mouth curls into a smirk and his eyes dance with something Elphaba can’t quite place.
She feels her cheeks grow warmer. It must be getting quite warm lately. Her body seems to be responding in kind.
Despite — or perhaps because of — her inner turmoil, sleep comes to her quickly and dreamlessly.
***
“You… weren’t kidding.” Glinda surveys the forest suspiciously.
“I don’t do that. I meant what I said yesterday.” She catches Glinda’s gaze despite the blonde’s desperate attempts to avoid hers. Elphaba has to hold herself back from trying to touch the girl to comfort her. She learnt the hard way not to do that when she laid a hand on her shoulder and Glinda whimpered. “You’re safe here.”
Glinda gives a small shake of her head, though she refuses to elaborate what it means. Elphaba is left pondering the meaning as they make their way through the foliage. “We can’t go too far.” She warns.
“It’s okay.” The blonde’s voice shakes. “This is enough.”
Elphaba can’t say she’s shocked to see the tears slowly making their way down the pale cheeks; it pains her, nonetheless, her desire to reach over and wipe them away taking over like a primal urge.
She doesn’t bring them up, doesn’t speak for the next few minutes, just basks in the comfortable silence. Everything was comfortable with Glinda. Her hyper roommate, despite being a generally talkative person, had learnt to fall into silence with Elphaba. There were days in their suite where they both enjoyed their own activities, or even sat together, content to let silence fill the space. And if Elphaba is reading the situation right — which she hopes she is — that remains unchanged.
Time, though, goes by too quickly, and soon Elphaba doesn’t have a choice but to break the news. “We should head back.”
To her surprise, disappointment isn’t the expression on Glinda’s face. Instead, the tiniest of smiles takes Elphaba’s breath away.
“Thank you, Fae.”
“Y-You’re welcome.” I would do anything for you, my sweet. All you have to do is ask.
The nearer the building draws, the more Elphaba finds herself wishing it doesn’t appear. Maybe then she can live in this moment forever, see that tiny smile, and feel her heart ready to jump out of her chest. Maybe then, she can have Glinda to herself forever, and the consequences of what happened won’t reach them in this little bubble.
But Elphaba knows that isn’t the case, nor will it ever be so she watches Glinda walk into her room and goes her separate way, nodding to a Badger as she passes.
There is always tomorrow.
That statement sends a pang through her. Was that all they had now?
An hour everyday — a little more if Elphaba stretched her magic thin — to meet and talk. Just that one window yet Elphaba can’t say everything she wants to because Glinda doesn’t know it’s her, and when she does know, she’ll try to kill her.
She forces the burning in her eyes away. Maybe that is all they have, but if that is so, Elphaba will make the best out of that time. Because Elphaba is lucky to even be near Glinda after everything.
Glinda may hate Elphaba, but she doesn’t mind Fae.
So Elphaba will be Fae, for as long as Glinda needs.