I'm A Black!
Remus waved at the wall and another memory started.
It was the next day, after the sorting. Sirius and James were still asleep, while Peter was occupying the bathroom and Remus was reading, fully clothed. A few minutes later, Sirius started to thrash around on the bed. Remus looked over to him with confusion. The black haired boy looked almost as if he was in pain. Then he suddenly sat up with a gasp. Remus was next to him in seconds.
“Sirius? Are you alright? What’s happening?”
Sirius looked almost as if he was going to panic. But then he smirked and shrugged.
“Oh. It’s nothing. We had a boggart in our house shortly before I left for school. It shook me up a bit. Sorry for worrying you.”
Remus raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything when he noticed the way Sirius was glaring at him, almost daring him to ask.
“Alright. You better get dressed then. I’ll try to wake James.”
The young Black smirked.
“I have an idea.”
He grabbed his wand and pointed it at James. Water spurted out of it and hit the boy. James jumped out of the bed with a shriek and landed on the floor. Sirius burst out laughing. Remus rolled his eyes and sighed, but a small smile had appeared on his face. James looked around and, seeing the wand in Sirius hand, stood up and launched himself onto the boy. Sirius rolled away with one swift movement and rushed into the bathroom that Peter was exiting. He locked the door behind him just as James had reached it. The messy haired boy pounded at the door with his fist.
“Come out, Black!”
Sirius just laughed.
“Keep wishing for it, Potter!”
He then sighed quietly and cast a silencio at the door. Then he turned to the mirror and frowned.
“Boggart. Yeah. Nice save, Black. It wasn’t a lie either. Not really. Reg’s dead body. It even managed to shake mother. But no. It wasn’t a boggart, Remus. It was far from it. The cellar. The belt. Grandfather’s cane.”
He shivered, remembering it. Then he laughed, humorlessly.
“Look how low the mighty Black has fallen. A simple caning bringing on nightmares. You should be disgusted with yourself, Sirius.”
His eyes closed and he repeated, this time in a whisper:
“Look how low the mighty Black has fallen.”
He stood still for a few seconds. When his eyes opened again, there was a steely glint in them. He pointed the wand at the mirror and thought of his father. A few minutes later, Orion’s face appeared in it.
“What’s the meaning of this, Sirius?”
His voice was calm but that seemed to make Sirius more nervous than he had been before.
“I’m sorry, father.”
Before he got any answer, a woman’s shrieking voice was heard from the distance.
“SIRIUS ORION BLACK! WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! YOU FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR! YOU…!”
Orion rolled his eyes.
“Walburga, please calm down. You’ll wake Regulus. Let me speak to Sirius alone.”
His voice was still calm, but there was an order in it, and Walburga’s shrieking stopped. Orion turned back to Sirius.
“Explain.”
The order was still in his voice and Sirius shivered softly.
“I… I met this boy on the train. He was nice.”
Orion’s eyes flashed with anger.
“Wait a second. Let me get this straight. You went onto the train and KNOWINGLY defied my orders? Do you even remember what I told you or were you busy thinking about something useless again?”
Sirius took a deep breath and forced himself to keep looking at his father.
“You told me to get on the train and find my cousins. And to not try to make any friends before I was sure that they were in Slytherin and were of good blood.”
Orion nodded.
“And what did you do?”
“I went onto the train and became friends with a boy I have never seen in my life.”
Once again, the older Black nodded.
“You know you are in trouble already Sirius, so I would advise you to keep cooperating. Now tell me, who is that friend of yours?”
The boy gripped the sink so hard that his knuckles turned white. He knew that his father was at Grimmauld Place and couldn’t touch him, but it still didn’t make him fear the man any less.
“I…”
“Sirius.”
And that was what it took. The slight warning accompanied with disappointment and Sirius gave up. As always.
“Potter. James Potter. Henry and Dorea Potter’s son.”
Orion looked furious but took a deep breath and nodded slowly.
“As bad as it it, I suppose it could be worse. Blood traitors are at least a bit better than mudbloods.”
Sirius looked at him with hopeful eyes and the man smirked.
“Don’t get me wrong, Sirius. You are still in for a beating. But I’m just saying that it could be worse.”
Sirius seemed to hesitate. Orion noticed that but decided to wait. After a few seconds, Sirius started to talk slowly:
“It’s not all, father. I… There are two more. Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin.”
“WHAT?!”
Sirius took an automatic step back but Orion had calmed down almost immediately.
“Lupin? Pettigrew? Those are not names I know as pureblood. Would you like to explain it to me?”
The boy looked as if he wanted to say no. But he thought better of it and answered calmly:
“Mal… Lucius, met us on the train. He called them mudbloods and blood traitors. I guess the latter was meant for J… Potter. So it would make the others mudbloods.”
He looked down at his hands and waited. Orion closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them he was still calm.
“Sirius. Look at me, son.”
Sirius looked up immediately.
“I don’t hate you. I’m disappointed, yes. I’m furious. I want to beat you up so that you can’t think straight. But I don’t hate you. You’re my son.”
That statement made Sirius shake.
“I… I beg for your forgiveness, father.”
Orion smirked.
“We’ll see, the next time we meet. Oh, and before you go. One last thing. Did the hat give you any choices?”
Sirius looked at him with fear and that was all the answer he needed.
“I see. We’ll discuss it when we meet. Now stop bothering me. I have more important things to do than chatting with you. And stay away from those three boys if you know what is best for you.”
The mirror changed back to normal and Sirius sunk down to his knees.
“Look how low the mighty Black has fallen.”
Then he shot up again when James started to bang on the door again.
“Sirius! Hurry up, mate! We are hungry and I need to brush my teeth before we leave”
Sirius quickly lifted the spell and shouted back.
“Shut up, you jerk! You’ll get to fix your hair in a moment!”
James must’ve kicked the door because he swore and shouted back with frustration:
“Shut up, Sirius! This is natural beauty.”
Sirius smirked and quickly combed his hair before he unlocked the door and came out. James playfully shoved him onto the nearest bed and went into the bathroom. Sirius glanced over to the two others. Peter was chuckling but Remus face was the one that worried him. The boy looked at him with worry and for a split second, Sirius had an odd feeling that he was looking into a wolf’s eyes. But then the boy smiled and his eyes seemed to shift back to normal. It was quick and Sirius smiled back.
Severus was the first one to speak this time.
“The hat gave you a choice?”
Sirius opened his mouth and it was evident that he was going in for an argument. But then something odd happened. Remus growled quietly:
“Black.”
Sirius looked over to him with big eyes. Another growl and he lowered his eyes. Then he looked up and his expression was calm.
“Yeah. It did. My entire family was in Slytherin. It wanted to put me there. But I asked to be put in Gryffindor because I knew that James would be there.”
Snape raised his eyebrows.
“Slytherin, huh? And to think that I could have had the misfortune to be in the same dorm as you for seven years.”
Sirius eyes flashed and even Remus warning growl didn’t stop him from making a disgusted face.
“Trust me. I would never have wanted to share the dorm with a slimy git like you.”
Remus sighed and pointed at the screen.
“There was something I wanted to ask you about that one, Sirius. Why were you looking at me like that? You never explained it.”
Suddenly, Sirius looked a bit uncomfortable.
“Well. I did tell James. I thought he would tell you. I… I kinda had a strange feeling that I was being watched by a wolf. Almost as if you could see it all. Every lie.”
“Oh.”
Remus frowned and looked down at the table. And Molly took over the questioning.
“Your father. He didn’t seem so bad. He was pretty calm all the time.”
Sirius barked out a quick laugh.
“Yeah. That was him at his most dangerous. That man almost never raised his voice. It was mother’s way of dealing with things. Father. He was always calm. Even when he was beating me. He never lost his calm.”
Snape glanced over to the wall and then back to the man.
“Psychological and emotional manipulation?”
Sirius nodded.
“Yeah. He knew what to say, how to say it and when to say it. And that voice. God, how I hated to hear him being disappointed. At least when I was younger. I feared the man and loved him at the same time. In my eyes, he couldn’t be the bad one. At least not when I was younger. It changed later. When I realized things.”
Arthur took a deep breath, before he asked:
“Why did you repeat that Black’s falling sentence?”
Real sadness appeared in Sirius eyes and his voice changed into a pained one when he whispered:
“Look how low the mighty Black has fallen.”
He closed his eyes for a few seconds before he continued.
“It was a phrase my grandfather loved to use. After he left me bloody and broken in the cellar. When I was too weak to get back up. It meant giving up. It meant being weak. We were the Black’s. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Toujours Pur. We never showed weakness. Nightmares were the worst. A Black should be the center of other’s nightmares. Not have nightmares and wake up shaking.”
“You were a child!”
“I was a BLACK!”
Molly’s eyes widened at that statement.
“Is it really so hard to understand?! I was, am and will always be a Black. It will never change. Once you have something beaten into you, you won’t change your views that easily.”
Remus caught up on that before any arguments could start.
“This next part will explain it a bit more.”
And suddenly, Sirius looked as if he was going to panic.
“Don’t. Remus, whatever you do, do not show them that part.”
And, when Remus just kept looking at him he lowered his head a bit.
“I’m begging you, Remus. Not that one.”
Something in the werewolf’s eyes softened.
“Don’t beg, Sirius. They need to understand.”
After a moment, the animagi nodded and Remus waved his hand at the wall.