Chapter 1
JJ sat at the kitchen bench, glancing at the framed picture she had in her hand. It had been taken years ago when her, Will and the boys had gone on a holiday to the beach. She remembers how she felt, sitting on the beach with Will as the sun warmed her body. She remembers the boy's talking as they ran around with the football. She remembers smiling as she watched Will run to the boys, scooping them up and throwing them into the water, causing all four of them to laugh. She remembers when they were all together, when everything was normal, and they were all happy. JJ wishes she could do anything to go back in time, but of course, that wasn’t possible.
JJ set the picture back down and picked up her coffee mug, realising she had let it go cold once again. She sighed as she stood up, walking over to the sink to pour out the coffee. She wondered if she should wake the boys and take them with her, checking the time on her phone. She decided she would let them sleep longer and take them in the afternoon. JJ grabbed her car keys off the counter and quietly headed out the door to her car, driving to her destination.
She walked quietly along the footpath, listening to the leaves as they rustled in the wind. The air was cold and the sky gray, as she continued her walk, she began to wish she had brought her jacket. Once she reached her usual spot, she pulled the flowers out and set them in the vase before spreading out her picnic blanket and sitting down. “Hey” she said softly. “Henry has decided he wants to play football, and much to my dismay he made the team” JJ chuckled slightly “it certainly has my Mumma bear nerves running at full speed, I'm so terrified of him getting hurt, but it’s something he really wanted to do and I didn’t want to hold him back. Uncle Luke said he would help him with training, and Henry is thankful, but I know he wishes it was you showing him” JJ let out a soft sigh. “Michael has joined a soccer team, it’s so sweet seeing him come out of his shell and make new friends, he became so quiet and reserved, so it’s a relief that he has started opening up again.”
Tears filled JJs eyes as she read the name on the headstone in front of her. William LaMontagne Jr. She was filled with sadness and anger. She was angry at herself for not being around more. Will and JJ had been on a rocky path towards the end, they argued a lot and JJ would stay at Spencers often. She didn’t tell the team; she allowed them to continue to believe they were the picture-perfect couple. Maybe they could have been, Will was an amazing husband and a wonderful father, and JJ often felt that it was her fault things went the way they did. She was also angry at the world, for taking William away. He deserved more time on this Earth, more time with his boys. “I can’t believe it’s already been two years since you left us” JJ said, wiping away the tears that were rolling down her face, thinking back to that day they lost him.
JJ drove in and parked her car, turning it off as she stared out the windscreen. She was unsure why she had driven here, surely, she would have gone home instead of work. Home. Maybe she was on autopilot, or maybe she didn’t want to be alone, she needed her family. She felt empty, confused, angry and lost. Her finger hovered over the start button, trying to decide if she wanted to go upstairs, or if she just wanted to be alone. Slowly, she opened the car door, getting out and making her way towards the elevator. She stood there, looking at the button, telling herself to press it. Eventually she did, and when the doors opened, she headed in, pressing the button to her level. The entire ride up she thought whether she really wanted to see everyone, surely if she had driven here, it meant she did. But was she ready for their questions? She didn’t think she could handle it, or maybe they were exactly what she needed. The elevator dinged and the doors opened, JJ stepped outside, looking in through the glass doors. She couldn’t see anyone at their desks, they must already be in the bullpen. Slowly JJ made her way through the office and upstairs, standing in the doorway of the bullpen. Everyone turned their heads to look at her, but she didn’t look at any of them, her eyes staring straight ahead. “JJ” Prentiss said, and when JJ didn’t respond she walked over to her. Prentiss placed her hand on JJ’s shoulder. “Hey, look at me JJ, look at me” she said softly.
JJ’s eyes moved to the sound of Prentiss’s voice, resting on her face. A small wave of comfort ran through her as she saw the familiar face of her friend, and could feel everyone's eyes on her, waiting for her to say something. JJ couldn’t get the words out, staring blankly at Prentiss was all she was able to achieve.
“Emily” JJ said, ever so quietly as she placed her hands on Prentiss’s biceps to steady herself as she started to feel weak.
Prentiss knew something was wrong, when at work JJ always called her by her last name, never her first. “You should sit down” Prentiss said, placing a hand on JJ’s waist and the other on her bicep. When JJ didn’t make an effort to move, Prentiss grew with concern, and she knew the rest of the team were feeling the same. “JJ, you are worrying us, please talk to us.”
JJ whispered so quietly Prentiss couldn’t quite hear the words. “He’s gone.”
“Pardon?”
JJ spoke a little louder, tears filling her eyes. “He’s gone.”
Prentiss and the team were confused, not knowing who or what JJ was talking about.
“Who’s gone peaches?” Garcia asked, walking towards the pair.
“Will” JJ said, blinking the tears back. The mention of his name, saying he was gone, accepting that those words came from her mouth were too much for JJ. She started to feel lightheaded, legs becoming weak, before she knew it, she was losing consciousness.
Prentiss picked up on the signs and gripped tighter on to JJ, gently guiding her down to the floor so JJ didn’t injure herself. Prentiss was kneeled next to JJ, holding her hand. “JJ, can you hear me?” Prentiss asked, ensuring she kept her voice soft and calm.
When they had no response, Alvez quickly pulled out his phone, calling for an ambulance. “It’s a couple minutes out” he said.
“I just wish you were still here Will. I need you, I just sometimes feel like I am doing everything wrong. The boys have started to be more open with their feelings, for so long i felt like they were being careful to not hurt my feelings, but now” JJ chuckled slightly “Michael likes to remind me that I am an okay reader, but I don’t do all the voices that Daddy did, and Henry appreciates me trying to play video games with him, but he can beat me easily and with you he at least had some competition. They really miss you.” JJ could hear keys rattling behind her, turning she saw Prentiss walking up towards her. “Hey” she said softly.
“I thought I could find you here” Prentiss said.
JJ pulled out her phone and looked at the time “oh my” she said, remembering she was meant to meet the girls at nine for breakfast. “I am so sorry, I completely lost track of time. I was just giving Will the update on the boys.”
“It’s okay, we all thought that may have been the case” she said, handing JJ a jacket.
JJ took the jacket and put it on “how did you know I needed a jacket?” she asked.
Prentiss sat down and handed one of the coffee cups to JJ, smiling when she took it. “Well, I knew your head would be all over the place this morning and you would forget to grab a jacket. I also happen to know how stubborn you can be and that you would sit out here no matter how cold you are, so I brought you a jacket and coffee to warm you up.”
JJ smiled before taking a sip of her coffee. “Thank you, you really are the best.”
Prentiss laughed a little “I know” she said as she rummaged through her handbag pulling out a beer and sitting it in front of Wills headstone.
“Em” JJ said, looking at the beer “what are you doing? Alcohol isn’t allowed in public areas.”
“Only if it’s consumed, also if anyone has anything to say they will have to say it to me. I know that in the evenings Will would have his beer and listen to everything and anything you had to say, so I thought the man could do with a beer whilst you give him the rundown on everything that has been happening.”
“I’m sorry I missed breakfast; I should have set an alarm.”
“Don’t apologise JJ, it is more than okay. We knew today marked two years, so we organised breakfast if you needed a little pick me up with the girls, but we also understood if you stayed here instead.”
“Will you stay with me?”
“For you I would do anything.”
JJ smiled at Prentiss before resting her head on her shoulder, closing her eyes. For the past two years, Prentiss had been JJ’s rock. From the moment JJ said she lost Will, Prentiss instantly helped with everything. She helped JJ plan the funeral, organised the wake, planned meals to have in the freezer for them. Before JJ’s mother moved, she would come over most nights and hang with the boys, and when they started back at school, she would come do the school run as JJ was still struggling to get up and organise the boys in the morning. She did her best to get JJ approved for as much time as possible and even had pulled strings to allow JJ to come back part time and to not have to go away on cases. Prentiss never pushed JJ and told her that when she was ready, she could return to her usual work duties, which she returned to a few months ago. JJ knew that without her team she never would have pulled through, but she especially wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for Emily Prentiss.
“How is everything going, is it still working out with your mum?”
JJ chuckled at the question as she opened her eyes. Never in a million years did JJ think her mother would move to a new State, let alone move in with her to help her with the boys but when she started back at the BAU full time in her old position, her mother moved in so she would be there for the boys whilst JJ was out on cases. Her relationship with her mother had always been a rocky one since she was a child. Over the years she had tried her best to rekindle their relationship, but it just felt so broken that eventually JJ decided she couldn’t suffer through it anymore. Her mother hardly ever saw the boys, she would send birthday, and Christmas presents and occasionally would facetime them but other than that it was like they didn’t exist. Her mother of course blamed JJ for this, said that she never felt welcomed so that's why she had stayed away for all those years. It broke JJ’s heart, all she wanted was for her kids to have a relationship with their grandmother, but if her mom couldn’t see how amazing these boys were then that was her loss. All that changed when they lost Will, her mother was on the first flight out and even helped Prentiss with organising the funeral. She apoligised to JJ about everything that had happened with their relationship and said she wanted to do better and that was when she offered to move in with JJ. When she heard those words come out of her mother's mouth, she did her best to keep her facial expression under control, wondering what had come across her. Her mother, the lady who never tried, the lady who belittled her, the lady who hated her husband, the lady who hated what she did for work had just offered to move in with her to help her with the boys so she could continue working at the BAU.
“Yeah, it’s fine. It took a while for the boys to adjust but they like it, mainly because she makes them pancakes and bacon most mornings. Is it weird that I'm still waiting for something to happen? Like a switch is going to flick and she's going to pack up and leave.”
Prentiss shook her head “not at all, truthfully, we’ve all wondered the same thing. We want things to work out with your mother and for her to stay but it is so out of character. She hasn’t given us a lot over the years for us to like her, but we hope nothing changes so we get to keep you.”
“Me too. I mean I loved having all that time off and being with the boys, but I am not quite ready to give this job up yet.”
“If you need some time off JJ, just say the words.”
“I’m okay Em, plus we need to focus on ensuring we can keep Voit behind bars” JJ said softly “will you come over tonight for pizza and movies? Mom is out for the night and the boys would love to see you.”
“I would love to” Prentiss said with a smile as she rested her head on JJ’s closing her eyes as she quietly listened whilst JJ continued her update she was giving to Will. JJ had been through so much, and as Prentiss listened to her, she felt like she had made the right call with keeping the secret from JJ.