The Kitchens

There were red fingerprints on the bars of the cell, left behind and smeared from Remus’ tight grip on them. He had sat, crouched in front of them for the first hours of his time in the cell until the guards had kicked him back. He had only been looking, waiting, trying to distract himself from the insistent pounding in his chest. Now he sat stiff, spine aching as it dug into the cold, stone wall. His lips moved silently, eyes closed. His cheek ached, and fresh blood still stung the open wound now and then.

Wherever you are, I’ll find you.

Sirius’ words. He repeated them over and over again, hearing them in his mind, tasting them on his tongue, overpowering the tang of blood.

He was quite alone. There were no guards jeering. They stood silently outside the dungeon doors, having bolted them shut as they exited. All he could hear was his own breathing, and the drip of something wet down the walls. Strangely, it wasn’t the looming threat of his own death that was bothering him the most. He could be dead by morning—how many hours was that? How many hours left in his life? He cared. It mattered. It did. But what hurt, what was killing him inside, was the last look he’d seen on Sirius’ face. Self-blame had been written in ever feature. If he died now, who would wipe that look away? No one would succeed. He knew Sirius well enough to be sure of that.

Remus could see it against his eyelids. He saw that look, and then he saw Sirius’ smile from just earlier that morning. It was almost like a taunt from his own mind. Such tragedy had struck so quickly that he could hardly keep up.

Remus opened his eyes and sighed, watching lazily as water dripped down the wall from some unknown source. He wasn’t sure when he’d become so hopeless. Maybe it was the blood, drying on his jaw and cheek, reminding him of what was to come. Maybe it was the isolation.

Maybe it was the fact that he had been right. Even when more than anything he had hoped to be wrong. He had been right. Here he was in his cell, approaching death for love. Down in the dungeons. And there Sirius was, up there, not in a cell, but Remus knew that he might as well have been dying too, trapped too, even if not physically. Death for love. He wondered if Sirius had a myth about that. Or maybe Mrs. Potter.

The wetness darkened the stone in its wake, and Remus squinted at it, tilting his head at the pinkish hue it left on the stone. He held his breath. It could be rust, from the metal piping on the ceiling. Not that the rainfall had been particularly heavy. It could be blood. Remus looked up but, despite the daylight, the ceiling looked black. He could only just make out the serpent seal of the Black household carved in high relief there, like a devils trap above him, meant to keep him in. The serpent curled around the large B, seeming to slither away from its stone boundaries, glaring at him.

Wherever you are, I’ll find you.

Remus swallowed thickly, staring into the gem-like, glittering eyes of the snake. Sirius might find him. That wasn’t to say he’d be alive when he did.

~

“Don’t say anything.”

Sirius barely heard Regulus growl into his ear. He could barely feel his fingers digging into his bicep, dragging him through the dispersing crowd in the hall.

“Move, Sirius.”

Sirius hadn’t realized he’d been stumbling.

There was a sudden bang of doors closing behind them and the voices cut off so quickly that Sirius almost thought his hearing had gone mute. Then his back hit cold, stone wall and he blinked. Regulus’ dark eyes swam into view.

“Sirius, you have to pull yourself together.” His brother’s face was tense, teeth clenched, “Do it, or do I have to fucking hit you too?”

Sirius blinked at that, eyes focusing so sharply that his head throbbed.

Regulus pressed his lips together, shaking his head shortly, “I didn’t mean that. I…”

Sirius blinked, the cold stone pushing his senses back together in his mind, “I don’t care.” The feeling returned to his limbs sharply, spiking needles into his blood, “ I don’t care. We can’t just stand here, Remus, he-“ Sirius closed his eyes, trying to swim past the panic racing through his veins, “We know where he is. We have the authority to distract the guards. We- fuck, she hit him.” Sirius pushed off the cool stone, walking quickly towards the stairs, “She hit him, Reg. Right in front of me.”

Regulus didn't miss a beat and fell into step beside him, “I don’t believe she thought you'd care.”

“No.” Sirius stopped, hand gripping Regulus’ shoulder, “It isn’t…” He wet his lips, words tumbling over each other, “He can’t be touched. I can’t stand it if…”

Regulus looked, to Sirius’ surprise, slightly startled. Maybe it was the urgency that he said it with, maybe it was the grip Sirius had on his arm. Regulus’ swallowed tightly, slumping a little, losing just a touch of his hard fought for composure.

“Why? Why do you care about him so much? What did he do?”

Sirius blinked. He hadn’t expected the question, “What…” He shook his head, “Nothing. He… There was nothing he had to do to make me love him. I just… do. I just do.”

The morning sun was peaking through the stained glass now, throwing the hallway into a summery yellow glow. It felt too bright. Regulus’ eyes still managed to be dark, even with his cheeks speckled in light fragments. Maybe the contrast made them even darker still.

He nodded, “Okay.”

Then he was pushing off again, walking briskly down the hall. He had already turned again before Sirius had even made it to the first segment of stairs, quick in his wake. He knew that his little brother’s question had been more than that, a question. He just didn't have time to think about it right now.

The dungeon smelled as he remembered, even though he hadn’t been down in years. He could remember him and Regulus playing gladiators down here. The barred cells had made for excellent lion cages. It was the smell of rust and rot, dirt and water.

“That must be where his cell is, just through there.”

Sirius followed Regulus’ eyes to where they were boring into two half asleep guards leaning against the wall on either side of a iron, opaque door, boot toes up. Sirius sneered when he recognized the limp, greasy hair of one of them.

“Fuck. Snape.”

“Oh, lose the rivalry. You’re a prince, he doesn’t have power over you. Jesus.”

Sirius glanced at Regulus, slightly taken aback by the bold words. He really aught to stop being surprised by how much his little brother had grown.

Sirius shook it off, “Okay-”Both brothers straightened their posture in preparation, then looked at each other, recognizing the gesture’s similarity. They cleared their throats.

“Okay.” Sirius started again, “I need to be the one he sees first. If you get him out he’ll panic, he doesn’t know you know.”

“No, you need to be the ones to distract Snape and the others. They’ll listen to you.”

Sirius blinked, “They’ll listen to you too.”

“Possibly, but I’m not going to be king, am I?”

Sirius felt a sinking in his chest that Regulus was right. They were of high status, but Sirius was higher.

Regulus pressed a hand to Sirius’ shoulder, “I’ll make sure Remus knows my true intentions as soon as possible. We just can’t risk being overheard. You make up some excuse to get the guards out of the room, then… then…”

Sirius pressed him onward, “Then?”

Regulus bit his lip, “Then meet us at the stables. I can get us there easily, no one will be watching the fields right now.”

“And the doors? There will be people watching the doors.”

Regulus’ frown turned upwards at one corner. It was the most amount of the arrogance that seemed to run in their bloodline that Sirius had ever seen from him, “You and I both know we can get around doorways.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows, “The portrait passage.”

“The portrait passage.” Regulus confirmed, voice hoarse from their rapid whispers.

Sirius nodded, but as Regulus went to turn the way they came, hiding from view until the doors were clear, Sirius gripped his wrist. Regulus looked back with steady eyes.

“You’ll-“ Sirius’ voice wavered, “You’ll get him out? If something- If I don’t-“

“Don’t.” Regulus said harshly, eyes widening. “Don’t. You’ll get him out.” Regulus nodded towards the doors, “Go.”

~

Remus looked up at the muffled voices that suddenly arose outside the door. He pushed himself up off the floor, the pads of his fingers scraping uncomfortably against the gritty stones of the floor. He’d never felt so completely covered in dust and grime. At first, the sounds were indistinguishable, and then, just as suddenly, his heart was in his throat as he registered the familiar, deep, posh drawl coming through the stone walls.

He didn’t need to hear the words anymore, the presence of the tones coming through the stones was enough. He was here. Remus leaned his forehead against the rusting bars of his cell, heart beating out of time with his breathing. Fear battled with hopeful relief and it hurt. His chest ached with how close to the threshold of freedom they always seemed to get. He didn’t trust it anymore.

He didn’t hear sound for a few long beats after that. He swallowed thickly, eyes darting around the room, to the large door, fingers flaking the dried blood from the bars with their grip. Then there was the scrape of keys in the lock. Remus pressed up onto his toes in anticipation, fingers just barely reaching through the bars, outward, only to shrink back at who broke through the doors.

Regulus’ hands were held up immediately, submissively in front of him, almost warding Remus off or physically marking the distance between them.

“Don’t say anything.” He said. Remus realized that he’d barely ever heard Sirius’ younger brother’s voice. It was smooth and subtle, subdued like it was just realizing now that it was okay to come out, “I’m not here to hurt you.”

“I don’t believe you.” The words were out of Remus’ mouth before he knew he wanted to say them.

Regulus scowled, “Yes, I’ve already realized that, thank you-“

A pang went through Remus’ chest at how similar the sarcasm was to Sirius’. He pushed it down, “I know your business with the Lestranges. I was there at the dinner when you and the queen- I know-“

“And I,” Regulus cut in sharply, voice mocking and slow, “was there at the dinner when you were wearing my big brother’s fancy family ring.”

Remus found he’d lost his voice momentarily at that.

Regulus’ dark eyes bore into him, “And I know you didn’t steal it.” He added quieter.

Remus’ heart leaped back into his throat, his fingers tightened around the bars until the rust there was sure to leave reddish smears on his skin. How? He couldn’t have known he didn’t steal it without knowing…

Regulus seemed to be trying to soften his stance, his eyes, but it wasn’t quite working. His shoulders held too much tension in them. He looked just as nervous as Remus felt, “I know and… and I’m still not going to hurt you, alright? I’m just going to take you somewhere.”

Remus’ eyes flicked back towards him at that, “No. Do it here.”

Regulus’ eyes flickered with momentary confusion and he stopped his slow walk forward, “What?”

Remus leaned forward, the bar pressing into his temple, “Do it now.”

Regulus straightened, hands dropping to his sides. His lips were parted, “Do…” He shook his head against the understanding of what Remus was saying, “No, you don’t und-“

“I can’t be with him.” Remus felt something wet against his cheek and he didn’t know if it was blood or not, “I could never have been with him. I see that now. And… And I can’t be here while he’s with someone else. I have no where else to go.” Remus gripped the bars harder still, pleading, “I don’t want to wait until morning, I can’t stand it.” Then, quieter, desperate, “Do it now…”

The memories are too much.

Regulus stared at him, feet stopped in his movement forward. He looked stunned, his mouth a tight line that reminded Remus of the way Sirius’ got when something was bothering him. Then he was stepping forward and yanking the keys from their hook by the cell door. He regarded Regulus with a level gaze, “You’d die for that? You’d rather face death than a life without him?”

Remus’ eyes were fixed lazily on the floor, staring but not seeing, “You don’t have to understand for it to be true.”

“I never say I didn’t understand.” Regulus sighed, jamming the rusty keys into the cell lock, “I was just… asking. Dedication like that isn’t exactly in excess around here. Come on.”

Remus looked up at him. The look on his face stirred more emotion in his chest than Regulus wanted to admit, with dirt and blood smeared on his cheeks, “Where-“

“To him.” Regulus cut him off, wrapping his fingers around Remus’ bony forearm and pulled him to his feet, “Honestly. You love him that much and you really thought he’d let you stay down here?”

~

Rain clouds had blocked out all traces of the summer sun around the stables, but the heat remained; it was a humid and muddy, and Remus watched the way the wet earth pulled at his shoes as he followed Regulus around the backside of the barns, wet heat steaming off the wood. The barns looked like they had seen better days. The Black household wasn’t really one for riding, Remus guessed. The paint was chipping, the stone walls coming apart. The decor didn’t match the vastness of them. Rows of stables made a U around the main barn, topped with a hay stack and small granary storage unit. Regulus opened a back door of the large barn, lifting the heavy latch for him and standing aside, letting Remus out of the rain first.

“Where is he?” Remus pushed his curling hair out of his eyes. The rain was heavy, but it had succeeded in washing most of the blood from his face and the gash on his cheek, “Is he-“

“Should be through there.” Regulus nodded in the direction of a lit doorway, away from the horse stalls. Remus pressed his hand to the doorframe as he stepped through, suddenly nervous, for some reason, that Sirius wouldn’t actually be there. The thought made him freeze in his tracks. He could see rain at the edge of the barn roof, falling down in larger drops where it gathered and ran off. It splattered the mud and made the horses stomp their feet in their stalls.

He took another step out of the barn, looking up when the rain pounded on the tin awning above him. It was slightly soothing, and for a moment he felt he was in a bubble of sound. He closed his eyes, letting the sound overtake the ache in his cheek, letting it release some of the tightness in his chest. He let something else, something other than the pain of the last hours, maybe even the last months, consume him, let it drum out his worries, please be here, be waiting for me.

“Fuck. Fuck, thank god-”

A deep voice pulled him from the brief lull and suddenly he was enveloped in familiar arms. His eyes flew open to find he was looking over a broad shoulder, mouth tasting the cotton of a rain-soaked shirt. There were strong fingers in his hair and warm breath against his neck, saying his name. All of this overtook the rain. And he let it. He gripped back, letting out a long, shaking breath. He opened his lips against the shirt until he found rainy skin instead and held there, holding himself against Sirius’ body. Even the splattering tin roof melted away.

“Are you okay?”

He hadn’t actually heard Sirius say it until he’d said it three times already. He was too busy catching up, reeling in the fact that he was here again, in a place that he’d tried to close himself off from so quickly, just so as to not get hurt.

“Remus,” Sirius pulled back, and his gray eyes swam into view, his warm palms held his cheeks, flushed and slippery from the summer rain storm, “God… Look what she did.”

Remus had forgotten all about the gash. He wanted to be kissed.

Sirius avoided the spot carefully as his thumbs stroked over Remus’ cheeks, eyes raking over the raw skin, “Does it hurt?”

Remus just shook his head, putting his hands over Sirius’, “No. Not anymore.”

Sirius swallowed hard, eyebrows drawing minutely together, maybe at the sound of Remus’ voice after, maybe, not thinking he’d hear it again, “The rain must have stung a bit.”

Remus twisted his wrists to curl his fingers into Sirius’ and lace them together, pressing forward on his toes until Sirius backed up some, out from under the protection of the roof. The rain washed over them in big droplets. Sirius blinked a little, mouth curving upwards at the corners. He shook his head, not understanding but smiling anyway.

And Remus leaned up and kissed him, mouth hot like the sun, “At least we’re in the rain.”

Sirius smiled down at him, seeming to mouth a few incomprehensible murmurs of agreement and then leaned in, as if to kiss him again, before the clearing of a throat made them look back towards the barn.

Regulus was standing there, so close to the edge of the roof that his boot toes were getting wet. He didn’t look uncomfortable, just serious, hand resting idly on his sword, “The carriage is ready. Well, if you can call it that…”

Remus followed where his eyes had looked and saw an old man, the horse groomer most likely, sitting at the front of a hay wagon, brimmed farmer’s hat drooping in the rain. There was a blanket half thrown over the hay stacks, waiting and open.

“Are you ready to be smuggled out?” Sirius’ voice was filled with humor in his ear, trying not to laugh.

Remus looked back up at him, squeezing his hand. He suddenly felt a suffocating sense of urgency, like they were so close and it was about to be too late, “Let’s go. Quickly.”

Sirius nodded, leaning forward to brush a soft kiss to the crown of his head, “Let’s go.”

Remus made a move forward, not dropping Sirius’ hands, and was surprised when he was met with some resistance. He looked back, alarmed.

Sirius sent him a soft smile to ease his expression, “It’s alright. You go get settled. I…” He looked towards Regulus, then back to Remus.

Remus didn’t need him to explain, and let their hands drop, moving towards the back of the cart.

Sirius watched him slip beneath the blanket and out of sight before he turned back towards the barn, feet squelching in the mud that was quickly accumulating. He ducked back under the roof, shaking the rain out of his hair. He laughed when Regulus made a face, “You’ve always hated when I did that.”

“You’re like a dog. It’s…unbecoming.” He said it matter-of-factly, but Sirius could see the smile playing around his mouth. He looked away to try and hide it. Regulus had always done that.

Sirius opened his mouth to say as much when Regulus beat him to it, “You should go. They’ll come looking here soon enough. You know they will.”

Sirius looked back to the cart, and nodded, “Yes. I know. That’s why I’m here.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, “Waiting to say goodbye to mummy, are we?”

“What are you going to do, Reg?”

Regulus hesitated, looking up at his brother through dark, sure eyes, “About what?”

“Reg-“ Sirius sighed, “Mum—The crown… The Lestranges, this isn’t all just going to go away once me and Re are gone. What will they think? What will you say? They will ask you, you’re my brother—“

“Are you sure? We haven’t been exactly brotherly in quite a while.”

“Don’t play dumb.”

Regulus looked into the rain stubbornly, “Why not?”

“Because you aren’t. Regulus.” Sirius grabbed his arm, turning him towards him, “I have to go. But I won’t leave you here without—“

“Why are you worried about me? They’ll fucking kill you if they find you out!”

Sirius ignored him, “Without protection—“

Regulus glared, “You’re the one who needs protection—“

“And you just gave it too me.” Sirius shouted. They were both breathing hard, eyes narrowed and scared. Sirius swallowed hard, “Now let me give it to you. In any way I can.”

Regulus went to respond but came up short, blinking rapidly as if having realized something.

Sirius pushed him on, “What? What is it?”

“You…”

“What?”

Regulus swallowed thickly, eyes flicking over Sirius’ face, “To protect me, you…”

“What? Tell me—“

“You have to die. You have to die, don’t you.”

Sirius froze. It was a shock, hearing those words come out of his brother’s mouth, but Sirius felt their truth in his chest. He nodded slowly, showing Regulus he understood, but pushed a hand through his hair, “If— You can’t just let me go—“

“They’ll never believe me.” Regulus nodded along.

“You won’t be allowed to ascend, we know they won’t listen to the law—“

But Regulus was already drawing his sword, the sound of metal on metal ringing mutely through the wet wood of the barn. He strode around Sirius without looking at him, and right to the pig pen. Sirius didn’t flinch at the loud squeal or the tang of blood that filled the air, but his hand went to his side instinctively, as if to block the sound from Remus’ ears. He glanced back to the cart and could only just make out Remus watching from beneath the safety of the blankets.

Regulus turned back around, speckles of red adorning the front of his shirt and jacket, frown set in place.”

“Well.” Sirius tilted his head, “At least we know you won’t have a problem looking grim.” Sirius felt triumphant at the surprised look on Regulus’ face, “I think you’ve had enough practice.”

Regulus looked at him, mouth slightly open in surprise. Blood was running from the sword, dripping on the toes of his boots. It was speckled along his neck and cheeks, and yet, Sirius still saw—perhaps for the first time in a long time—his little brother grin.

Sirius grinned back, and suddenly there were tears at the back of his throat but they were laughing, and then embracing. The moment was brief, and they quieted almost as suddenly as they had laughed, but it was there, and it was needed, and it felt better. Sirius held him at arms length, not embarrassed by the tremor in his voice,

“You’ll be okay? Really, though. I don’t just mean about the crown—“

“Oh, I’ll find the crown. I was on their side,” Regulus smirked, “remember?”

Sirius smiled back, worry still tight at the corners of his mouth, “And mother…”

Regulus huffed out a laugh, “Mother. She always did like me better, didn’t she? Especially now that she’ll think I’m cold blooded enough to kill by own brother to protect the crown. Maybe I’ll even tell her I burned you out of spite. Better find some ash to smear on my face.”

Sirius choked out a watery laugh, “God.” He squeezed Regulus’ shoulders, “Looks like you should have been the older brother, yeah? You seem to have this whole protection thing down.”

Regulus’ face softened then, all traces of mirth disappearing, “No.” He shook his head, “No, I shouldn’t have.” He gripped Sirius’ hand under his, tight enough for both to know just how much they needed this last contact, “Who would I have learned it from, then?”

Sirius closed his eyes briefly at that, mind flashing back to those painful nights spent in the dark, hiding from the hand of their own mother. He took a deep breath, “Reg… You’ll make an outstanding king.”

Regulus’ mouth quirked up at the corner, “And you’ll make an outstanding… what are you off to be, a peasant boy?”

Sirius shoved him lightly, laughing tearfully, “Sod off.” He looked once again towards the cart, catching Remus’ dark eyes and flashing him a smile, “I dunno what I’ll be.”

“Happy.” Regulus nodded shortly, surly, “You’ll be happy.”

Sirius stared at him, then nodded slowly, “Yeah.” His chest hurt with how true it was, “Yeah, I will be. And you will too.”

Regulus laughed and turned away from him, swinging his bloodied sword in an arch and taking another stab at the bloodied pig, “Yes.” He turned, and the blood was more abundant on his shirt, more humanlike, “Eventually. When I make this kingdom a better place.” His eyebrows knit together slightly, “A place you don’t have to run from. That neither of you have to run from.”

Sirius could only nod, suddenly unable to speak. Regulus only lifted his hand, and Sirius started to walk away backwards, keeping his eyes on his little, brave brother. He turned to go, when he remembered.

“Reg.”

Regulus had not turned around yet, and had a funny expression on his face that he wiped away quickly, “Yes?”

“Say goodbye to James, will you? And… maybe train him up a bit. He’d be a good addition to your guard one day, I think.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, “So loyal.”

Sirius smiled, and Regulus smiled, and the two brothers turned away from each other, still smiling.

The space beneath the blanket was already warm from Remus’ body when Sirius slid into the cart beside him. He only just got comfortable when he felt it take off, rattling under their weight. Two hands were on his cheeks almost instantly and he was being kissed by warm, familiar lips.

Sirius smiled into it, “How’s this for a fairytale? The smuggled getaway.”

Remus just shook his head, “I just… we’re out.” He looked up to where the blanket was tented over them, casting them in a soft, watery light. His eyes were bright, “We’re… We’re us. I mean, we’re just us.” He laughed, “We don’t have to be anything other than—“

“Together?” Sirius supplied.

Remus grinned and kissed him again, harder, letting the jostling of the cart press them together, “We made it.”

Sirius nodded, pushing his hands through the curls on Remus’ forehead, and pressing a kiss there, “We did.” He smiled, “And where to now?” He brushed their lips together, “Name anywhere, anything…”

Remus smiled into the kiss, “The world.”