The Kitchens

There wasn’t a time Sirius loved more than the beginning of summer. The promise of days and days of sun ahead of him. And, perhaps more so, the fact that those days were free of lessons and completely his—for the most part—to do with whatever he pleased. And there was also the parties. Sirius hated his family, that was true, but he couldn’t say he minded the connections, the money.

He laughed to himself. James would have smacked him right about now.

He had called for some food and blankets to be laid out by the swimming hole just off to the left of the castle for him and Regulus, only Regulus had yet to show. Sirius had spent the first hour waiting, but now floating lazily on his back. Regulus was making a habit of ditching Sirius lately. He wished he could call his younger brother pompous and call it a day but the hurt prickled inside of him like an unreachable itch. Sirius sighed, kicking out into the middle of the water. At least the sun hadn’t disappointed.

He’d asked James to come—he probably would have had loads more fun that way— but it was his day off. And Sirius knew, even as James sent him a guilty smile, that he didn’t stand a chance. Not when—what was her name again? Lily, Lily who worked as a housemaid, yes. Not when Lily was going to be at the pub in town. Sirius had waved him off. He didn’t want James to think he could, or ever would, make him stay. The truth was that James was his first and only friend. And Sirius was his employer. They were friends, of course, but work came first. Sirius was a prince first in James’ mind no matter how much he insisted against it. And he had insisted.

Apparently it was a prince’s job to swim and spend the summer alone. Of course, his mind did flash briefly to someone… but it was probably his day off too. Sirius would probably ruin it with some snide, accidental comment anyhow. His mother’s voice chided him in his head: Ghastly, Sirius, to be hanging about with that lot. Positively ghastly.

Sirius groaned, flipping into the water and kicking downward towards the muddy bottom.

~

The kitchen was burning. He’d been happy to have the room to himself, having finally convinced James and the others that he’d rather stay in—he really did want to try out the chocolate cake recipe Mrs. Potter had found for him even if James didn’t buy it—up until he’d gotten the ovens going. The coals felt like they were right on his neck. But he stayed, throwing all the windows open and mixing and cutting and whisking until it was a pleasant temperature with a cool breeze. The smell of summer and chocolate was a match made in heaven. He hummed to himself absentmindedly as he checked the recipe card, running his finger down the slightly heat smudged ink. As he stirred and checked, stirred and check, his mind went elsewhere, as it often did when he was baking.

Sirius hadn’t stayed long after Remus had found him the biscuits. He’d eaten one, and they’d sat there, next to each other, Remus trying to pretend he wasn’t staring, Sirius trying to pretend he wasn’t catching him.

A prince, Remus had told himself, Get out now, push it down, leave it be. Forget.

That had been Remus’ method for years. With the grocery boy in his home town, with the baker’s son in the village for a time being, even with James for brief period when he’d first got here—he’d gotten over that one quickly.

He had tried to deny this one, but honestly, his breath had caught the second Sirius crouched down next to him by the fire. That was not what he had been expecting. He wasn’t saying Sirius was perfect. He was clearly not a man of both worlds. He was slightly obnoxious, slightly oblivious, slightly pompous, and, possibly, slightly attractive. Note the slightly. But he was kind. Remus saw it in the smiles that slipped through. He was born into the obnoxious, oblivious, pompousness, but the kindness was his own. Remus had overheard his mother—the queen—giving Mrs. Potter instructions for a banquet before. Yes, the kindness was all Sirius. Remus’ stirring had slowed into a lazy motion that he was no longer conscious of. He frowned out the window. And Sirius would catch himself. Repeatedly. He watched him realize what he had said and look sorry for it. Comments like that were burned into him but he was slowly realizing. Maybe he had James to thank for that, but Remus had a sneaking suspicion it was Sirius’ realization as well.

“Always alone.”

Remus whipped his head around, only just managing to keep his bowl on the table, and let out a breathless laugh. He was met with a smiling, rather wet Sirius.

“That’s the third time. I’m starting to think you like doing that.”

Sirius walked in, his shirt sticking in patches to his damp skin. Remus swallowed, dragging his eyes back to Sirius’ face, “Can I get you anything?”

Sirius heaved himself onto a stool across from Remus, eyeing his bowl, “No, I don’t think so… Thought everyone would be at the pub. I just… didn’t want to go upstairs.”

Remus started whisking again, adding a few sifts of flour to thicken the chocolate paste, “No?”

“My mum’s planning a party. First of the summer’s, it’s-”

“Summer’s Eve.” Remus finished, shooting Sirius a smile.

Sirius set him a lopsided grin, “Right. Right, you’d know about that…”

“Always liked watching the dancing.”

Sirius worried his lip, eyebrows pulling together, “Yeah?”

“‘Course.”

Sirius picked up an egg, holding it between his palms, “How long have you been here?”

Remus leveled off some sugar, crushing some clumps with his fingers, “I think its about a year now.”

Remus looked over the measuring cup when Sirius simply hummed, only to find him staring back at him.

“Funny, that we’ve never met.” Sirius said after a moment.

Remus raised an eyebrow, dumping the sugar in, “Not really.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh, “Yeah. Yeah, not really..”

Remus looked away from Sirius’ smile, swallowing over the heat bubbling in his chest. He was suddenly very aware at just how filthy his apron was. Not to mention his shirt. He glanced quietly at the hole in his left shoe toe.

“Why aren’t in town, anyway? I figured everyone would be at the pub. This place is deserted. Well, except for you.”

Remus cut a slab of soft butter, smoothing it around the bottom of the pan with his knife, and tried to shrug as casually as he could, “Dunno. Don’t like the pub much.”

“Why? Everyone likes the pub.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, “How would you know?”

Sirius straightened, eyeing Remus, “Everyone seems to like the pub. Or really, I guess everyone just seems to like the girls there.”

Remus laughed, “True.”

Remus saw Sirius lean forward on his elbows in his peripheral vision, “Don’t you like a girl there? Or here? Someone to go with.”

Remus felt the familiar discomfort at this question rising in his stomach, “No,” he cleared his throat, crumpling some parchment paper in his fist, “No, not particularly.”

“No?” He heard something, something in Sirius’ voice. He couldn’t tell what it was, but he feared the worst.

“Not at the moment, I mean. I’m sure I’ll- I’m sure there’s someone. Just- I’m just waiting for- that someone.” He sounded idiotic and he knew it.

“Oh. Of course. That must be nice.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, “Being alone?”

Sirius looked up at him from where his gaze had been focused on the egg he was holding. His eyes were sad and honest, “Being able to choose.”

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “Oh.”

Remus threw everything he had into squashing the feeling that was rising in his chest. Of course. He’s a prince. You know your place and it isn’t with… It can never be with-

Sirius shook his head a little, pushing his wet hair off his forehead so it stick up in the front. He offered Remus a small smile, “You must be just loving this. Listening to me complain. You probably think I have the whole world and yet here I am..”

Remus scoffed, snapping out of it and pouring the batter into the pan over the parchment paper, “That’s an awfully big assumption.”

Sirius sighed, rolling the egg on the table, eyes following it as it changed directions on its own, “Yes. You’re right.”

He was much more willing to admit Remus was right today.

Remus turned back around from pushing the cake into the oven, dusting flour off his hands, “Do you even know how to cook that?”

“Nope.”

Remus smiled, “That’s pathetic.”

Sirius jolted up at that, “I beg your-“

“Sorry.” Remus was still smiling.

Sirius’ eyes were narrowed but Remus could see the smile that was threatening to show itself.

“Can you do the Summer’s Waltz?”

Remus blinked, “What?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “Can you?”

“Well, no-“

“Exactly.”

Remus stared at him for a few moments, “I’m lost.”

“I’ve no reason to know how to cook an egg, so I can’t. You can. You’ve no reason to know the Summer’s Waltz, so you can’t. But I do, so I can.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “Yes, alright, very clever.”

Sirius smiled. Remus turned to the oven with one of his own. The flames seemed less bright that that smile.

Get out now, push it down, leave it be.

Remus took a deep breath. Forget.

“Am… Am I bothering you?”

Remus turned to Sirius once more, rather too quickly, “Hm? What?”

Sirius actually looked a little sheepish, “It’s just… I realized I just sort of… came in. You were alone. I don’t know-“

“No.” Again, too quickly, “No,” Remus cleared his throat, “You’re fine. I mean- I mean to say you- I mean, of course you can be here. You’re you.”

Sirius’ brows pulled together, corners of his mouth turning down, “That’s not what I meant.”

Remus took a shaky breath. Of course you’re fine, I want you here, “I know. Sorry. I don’t mind you being here. I’m just testing recipes…”

Sirius seemed to relax a little and got up, spying the recipe card on the table, “But you bake every other day of the week…”

Remus was very aware that Sirius was right next to him, and very aware that he hadn’t bathed that morning, “Well… I like chocolate.”

Sirius looked at him.

Remus motioned to the oven, “I never get to bake for myself. I like chocolate, I made chocolate cake.”

Sirius was quiet, just nodding and looking so intently at Remus that he felt his cheeks start to heat.

“It will be ready soon… If you-“

“Yes.”

Remus almost laughed at the quick response, “Alright…”

The lapsed into a silence. Remus alternating between watching the cake and watching Sirius, and Sirius alternating between rolling the egg and watching Remus.

Remus poked fun at Sirius when he watched in (almost) awe as he took the cake from the oven, and nearly hit him when he recounted how different it looked without all the dressings and plates.

“Absolutely ridiculous…” Remus muttered under his breath.

“Can we…”

Remus looked up when Sirius trailed off. Sirius’ hair was dry now and slightly fluffy around his ears from the heat, and with the way his cheeks were heating up Remus took a step back. Because he didn’t look royal right then, in his fluffy hair and bare feet. He looked normal. He looked attainable.

No one you look at is attainable.

“Can we..?” Remus prompted.

Sirius straightened, “Can we eat it like this?”

Remus blinked and his mouth slowly formed a smile, “Had too much of proper life, have you?”

Sirius shot him a look and Remus sat down and dug his fingers into the cake, taking a rather large chunk out of the side. Sirius grinned almost impishly and pulled a stool over next to Remus, taking a chunk from the other side.

“My god.” He said, “This is fucking brilliant.”

“The eating method or the cake?” Remus said through cake.

“Both.” Sirius sighed, “Can’t remember liking dessert this much in a long time.”

“Excuse you!” It came out sounding more like hue hu! and Remus swallowed, “I make that dessert.”

Sirius held his hands up in mock surrender, “I think it’s good and all, don’t get me wrong. I’ve just… I don’t know.” He was quiet for a moment and then, “Maybe the company makes the meal.”

Remus started, blinking at Sirius. He had chocolate on his upper lip, his hair was still fluffy, his cheeks were even more pink than before. And Remus could feel the tug. The familiar, forbidden tug.

“I-“ He was out of his seat before he knew what he was doing, chair screeching back against the slate floor painfully, “Um.”

Sirius stood too, “Remus..“

Remus couldn’t decide if it was a plea or a question. He wanted to stay. God, Sirius had only said his name and he wanted to staystaystay.

“You can have the rest of the cake. I’ve just remembered-” His mind drew a blank to any excuse he could have made.

And he was gone, leaving Sirius alone in the kitchen with half a cake and a frown.