A Good Defense
“Salutations!”
As she fell screaming to the floor, Stitches decided she was going to kill her Dad’s boyfriend. She struggled for a moment to untangle from the sheets, listening to his microphone’s laugh track while Shade hovered around her, checking for injuries. Once she was able to set herself free, she leaped up and turned her fury on the red deer demon.
“Alastor!” she seethed. “What the fuck!?”
Alastor grinned and leaned down to pat her head. “Now now, my dear, no need to use such language so early in the morning. It’s not even 7 am! Leave some of the expletives for after breakfast, hm?”
She swatted his hand away and growled. “Rich coming from you! Why in the Seven Rings are you here? You didn’t even knock!”
He chuckled and stood up straight. “Oh, but I did, my little vixen! You simply did not hear me, and there is simply too much to discuss before you make your way to Sloth for your therapy appointment, so chop chop!” He waved his hand, his shadows enveloping her and then going away, leaving her dressed in loose jeans and a long-sleeve pine green t-shirt with “It Ain’t Easy” emblazoned on the front, instead of the pajamas she had worn to bed.
“Ugh, I hate when you and Dad dress me with magic!” she muttered. She really didn’t, it was actually kind of fun, she was just pissed she wasn’t allowed to use her powers. “I will give you points on the shirt,” she admitted begrudgingly, “I forgot I even had this one.”
“Always a pleasure helping reclaim misplaced clothing,” Alastor answered, his constant grin morphed into a smirk. Ooh, he is so fucking punchable today. “Now, come along, your father requested I fetch you for breakfast.”
Stitches rolled her eyes. “Oh, so we are having a morning meeting to discuss safety measures, everyone is trying to butter me up with - I am going to guess waffles - and you snuck up here before Angel could come to get me.”
Alastor blinked in surprise but recovered swiftly. “Nonsense, my dear!” He spun his microphone and headed for the door. “Lucifer made cinnamon rolls, not waffles.”
Stitches smirked. So, she had two out of three right, lovely. Alastor could pretend all he wanted, she was a much better observer and tactician than she had been over a year ago. She cringed when she looked back at her first battle of whits against Alastor, in this very room. She had been so confident that she could, well, not beat him, but at least keep up with him. Now, she was smart enough to know that she still couldn’t beat him, but had also gotten enough practice to keep up with him, even surprise him from time to time.
She followed him to the door and was not at all surprised to see Angel coming down the hall as they left the room. He looked confused at first, then smacked his head. “Really, Smiles?” he groaned. “I bet ya didn’t even wake her up nice either!”
Stitches shook her head as she ran up to him and grabbed his hand, pouting. “Nope, woke up to him standing over me like some sort of paralysis demon and shouting ‘Salutations’ to me.”
“Oh, please,” Alastor rolled his eyes, walking briskly past them. “Let’s not give ourselves to flights of fancy! I merely leaned over the bed and greeted you at a perfectly acceptable volume. You are the one who screamed.”
“Because you scared the shit out of me and made me fall out of bed, you bastard!” Stitches snapped.
Alastor simply shrugged and melted into the shadows, disappearing, presumably towards the kitchen. Shade winked at her and then disappeared too, following its master like the perfect shadow it was. She’d be giving it lots of attention in front of Alastor later, just to spite the Radio Demon.
“Ya know,” Angel snickered, “if I didn’t know any bette’ I would say ya actually enjoy Alastor as a secondary dad.” He paused. “Or ya are plottin’ his death as we speak, hard to tell.”
Stitches grinned up at him mischievously. “Oh, but brother dearest,” she crooned sweetly, “why can’t it be both?”
Angel shivered and pulled her towards the elevator. “Ya know, sometimes I think Niffty is rubbin’ off on ya in the worst ways!”
Stitches just giggled and followed him, excited about the promised cinnamon rolls. She waited until the elevator was shut before turning to him. “So, are you going to give me a hint of what I am walking into down there? Because if I am about to be assigned bodyguards, I may have to throw a tantrum, and I will need you to sneak me some cinnamon rolls later.”
Angel laughed, dropping the persona for a minute. “I’m sure at least a few people have thought it, but no one’s that stupid. You’ll get to eat, no worries.” He flashed her a smile. “I actually think you’ll like most of our ideas. We all agreed not to push anything ya don’t want, so at least ya can decline without that worry hanging over your head. Even Charlie seems to be a lot more supportive today.”
Stitches nodded and turned away. “She came and apologized last night. It was a good talk.”
Angel glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “Ya think she’ll be able to keep from slidin’ back to how she’s been the last few weeks?”
Stitches shrugged. “Honestly? I hope so.” She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “I wish I could say ‘absolutely’ or some other over-simplified crap, but… She has strong opinions about stuff, and when it comes to me specifically, she seems to be even more determined. She promised not to try to control me, and to trust me, but… We’ll see.”
Angel put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. “At least she’s willing to try.”
Stitches smiled softly at him and put a hand over his. “Yeah, and that’s all I’m choosing to focus on for now.” She knew he was thinking of his brother, Arakniss, who was somewhere in Hell. They had had a big blow-up shortly before Anthony overdosed and died. He didn’t talk about it much, but the two brothers had been skirting around each other ever since his brother showed up here too, and neither one had successfully put out an olive branch. Maybe someday.
When the elevator door opened, she could already smell the cinnamon and sugar. She dashed towards the kitchen, Angel chuckling as he followed at a much more leisurely pace. She took the hall to the door that led directly to the staff kitchen and dining room, rather than going through the guest dining hall connected to the lobby. She still did not want to be around a lot of people, but especially not with cinnamon rolls waiting for her. No way was she getting held up by a guest she barely remembered when Taste Bud Paradise was this close.
She burst into the kitchen, greedy eyes darting around wildly looking for her prize. “CINNAMON ROLLS!” she squealed, running to the table and not even caring that she was probably drooling. Charlie yelped, a tray of glorious pastry perfection in her hands, and held it up high as Stitches tried climbing her like a tree to get them. “My mouth, NOW!”
She yelped as shadowy tentacles bound her and dragged her to her chair, depositing her there where a plate holding a veggie omelet was waiting. She glared up at Alastor who simply chuckled and handed her a fork. “You can have cinnamon rolls once you eat something with actual nutritional value.” He patted her head and she sulked, grabbing the fork and trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. Leave it to Alastor to get between her and her delicious ooey gooey goodness.
“Slow down, Duckling,” Lucifer gently scolded, trying to put a hand on her fork hand so she would stop and chew. “I made several batches, there are plenty.”
She reached for her glass and swallowed down half of it before realizing it was strawberry milk. She paused and looked around suspiciously. “Okay, why are you guys buttering me up? All my favorite things for breakfast... something is going on.”
Vaggie huffed. “I told you guys that she was going to be suspicious,” she grumbled, stabbing a sausage. She looked at Stitches and smirked. “I always forget how feral you get for cinnamon rolls. You’re as bad as Niffty when you toss her into an abandoned hoarder's guest room.”
Stitches sulked as she cut the omelet up into smaller pieces. “Not my fault they are better than sex…” The room went quiet and she groaned. “For fuck’s sake, that happened days ago, and it didn’t even end up happening like it was leading up to! I can make a simple comparison. Angel makes sex jokes constantly and no one bats an eye!”
“Sis,” Angel said gently, “I know-”
She put up a hand to stop him. “Enough,” she said firmly. “I told you all last night, I am fine, or at least as fine as I can be. I have therapy in a few hours and I am handling this as well as I can. I don’t need to be handled with kid gloves - shut up, Alastor, how you woke me up does NOT count in your favor - so just relax! Please.” Slowly, everyone nodded their understanding. “Excellent, now, no one talks to me until I have a cinnamon roll in front of me or I am rage quitting and absconding with a whole tray of them to my room.”
With a round of chuckles, she was finally able to quickly polish off the omelet (and the hashbrowns Lucifer snuck onto her plate) in record time. She grabbed a tray of delicious rolls and put three big ones on her plate. Lucifer had topped them with homemade cream cheese frosting, a tantalizing bonus, and further proof that they were definitely up to something. Graciously, they waited until she was halfway through her second one to get started on what they wanted: to talk.
“Soooo…” Lucifer started. “Sweetie, we came up with some ways to help keep you safe, and you don’t have to agree with all of them, naturally, but well, maybe you would consider at least a few?” Stitches nodded, choosing to keep eating her rolls, because, well, she might as well hear them out in full. Also, cinnamon rolls, so… Lucifer looked grateful. “Okay, good. Alastor?”
Alastor patted his mouth daintily with his napkin, carefully wiping away the blood from his raw probably-not-venison meat cuts, and cleared his throat. “To begin with, we all agree that you deserve to pursue whatever path you wish moving forward. You feel responsible for our timeline having gone off course, for some foolish reason, so of course, pursue away!” Stitches rolled her eyes. “However, should you choose to continue on this path, we feel it is pertinent to further your skillsets and knowledge. What happened Friday evening could very well just be the beginning, and it is woefully obvious that we have under-prepared you for the dangers that await you moving forward.”
Lucifer nodded. “Al’s right, sweetheart,” he said gently, sliding another cinnamon roll to her plate. “Honestly, we should have been training you since you arrived here, and instead, we only began your training six months ago. Especially now that you are a Magne, we need to provide you with more options to protect yourself and accomplish your goals.”
Stitches swallowed and looked up excitedly. “So, I get to learn my powers?”
“Soon, Vixen,” Alastor promised, his eyes softening in that doting way that he rarely used. “Until then, there are many more wonders to learn, and each of us can teach you something. For example,” he motioned to Shade, “you have already commandeered my shadow on occasion, but I can help you and it train and learn to truly work together. There are many wonderful advantages that it can give you.”
Stitches giggled when Shade nuzzled her cheek. “You mean Shade can use some of your powers?”
Alastor’s ear twitched and his eyes narrowed. “I suppose you shall find out, won’t you, my dear?” Stitches shrugged, smirking, and dug into another roll, motioning for him to continue. He sighed and rolled his eyes, but swallowed his irritation, going back to his usual showman smile. “Our dear Vaggie is already helping you with fighting basics but Angel Dust has volunteered to teach you how to care for and use firearms. Charlie will be taking over Sinner's economics and political sciences, while your Father will be increasing your knowledge and study of Hell’s hierarchy and royal bits. Perhaps you can even teach him some things, ha HA!”
“Ha ha HA!” Lucifer hissed. “Fuck you too, asshole.”
“Dad, Al, no flirting at the breakfast table!” Charlie groaned.
Lucifer flushed and gave Charlie an apologetic smile. Alastor simply shrugged it off. “Husker,” he continued, “has offered to give you more guidance into the world of espionage and help you create a trusted system of informants. And, of course, our darling Niffty is going to teach you-”
“BODY DISPOSAL!” Niffty squealed.
“-the fine art of covering one’s tracks,” Alastor finished, giving Niffty a doting tap on the head with his microphone staff. “Ms. Bomb has also offered a crash course on explosive creation and disarming, which could come in handy.”
“Bel also wants to start you on a drug and poison tolerance treatment,” Lucifer offered.
Stitches frowned. “Isn’t that kinda similar to what human royalty used to do, taking small amounts of various poisons to build up resistance over time?”
Lucifer nodded. “Charlie went through similar training once she reached adulthood. It’s not a perfect system, new formulas are constantly being created. However, resistance will help you stall the effects and lessen potency, giving you more time to seek help or to help weaken the effects. Some kinds you may even end up completely immune to. Obviously, I would rather never see you be put in that situation, but…”
Stitches patted his hand. “It’s okay, Dad, always better to be safe than sorry. I am assuming Auntie Bell can accelerate the process. Because, otherwise, it could be years before I am even slightly resistant to anything.”
“Yes,” Lucifer confirmed. “She has it all set up and will be helping you through the process for an hour every day. By the time you go back to your job in Imp City next week, you should be starting to show some resistance to at least the bare basics.”
Stitches nodded. “Fair enough.” She didn’t know much about the micro-dosing of poisons and drugs to build resistance or immunity, but considering the side effects of most toxins, it probably wasn’t going to be all that pleasant. So, she would need to stay in Belphagor’s good graces, not that she had any reason to piss off the sleepy sheep, but the woman was known for her nasty, grudge-fueled temper. No way was she going to risk missing out on the pain and sickness relief Bel could easily deny if she was less than pleased.
“So, is that the extent of your suggestions?” Stitches asked, debating taking a fifth roll. “If so, I am absolutely cool with it. Scheduling is going to be a pain in the ass, but we can work around that.”
“Um, well,” Charlie hedged. “That was kinda the start. Training is all well and good, but it takes time and practice. Until then, you need some more… immediate safety features.”
“Indeed!” Alastor agreed. “Which is why we have three gifts for you, each with it’s own unique use.” Shadows swallowed her plate and replaced it with three boxes of different sizes in front of her. “Go ahead and open them, and we’ll explain each one. You can learn all the features this afternoon when you return from your therapy appointment.”
Stitches nodded and reached for the smallest box, which looked like some sort of jewelry box, perhaps for a bracelet or a chunky necklace. She examined the plain black velvet, before opening it, revealing a a gorgeous silver wrist cuff with a small, familiar amber crystal set in the middle and surrounded by runes. “Is… is that an Asmodeon Crystal?” she whispered, hovering a finger over the gorgeous piece of jewelry.
“Yep!” Lucifer chirped proudly, gently taking the cuff from the box and putting it on her left wrist. He magically locked it in place, and for a piece of metal, it was surprisingly light and comfortable. “It has been enchanted so you can use it to get around anywhere in Hell. You just have to think about where you want to go as you make the portal. If you end up being dragged to Heaven or Earth-” his face contorted into fury at just the thought, briefly, before settling back into a smile “-then you can use it to get back home.”
Stitches nodded, smiling happily. “Okay, you’ll have to help me learn how to use it, then.” She reached out for the next box. This time, she went for the largest one, a gift box wrapped with vibrant red and gold wrapping paper. It was around the size of a watermelon, but lightweight. She carefully unwrapped it and lifted off the lid, pulling out a-
“Is that a stuffed animal?”Angel asked doubtfully. To be fair, it was a stuffed animal, a snake-like creature to be exact. It only took up maybe half of the box, but it was so cute and detailed. It was modeled off of an amphithere, a winged serpent from European mythos, though a more cute, childish version of one. The body was covered in cold scales, emerald green with royal purple belly, while the wings, bat-like in shape, were covered in gold feathers that gave off an iridescent shimmer that gave subtle pops of pinks and purples. It was adorable and fascinating all at the same time.
Lucifer laughed. “Originally, yes, but a little magic and it’s a bodyguard!” He put an arm around Stitches’ shoulders and used the other to gesture to the stuffed serpent. He leaned in and lowered his voice. “Pick a name and then call to it and ask it to wake up.”
Stitches thought for a moment then cleared her throat. “Aria,” she called firmly, “please wake up.” The serpent glowed in golden light and floated out of her hands, shivering as it came to life. The eyes opened, blinking sleepily over icy red eyes that sparkled like rubies, and then it purred happily and flapped its wings, the golden light fading. It wiggled and flew above the table for a moment, then swooped down and curled itself around her neck and nuzzled her cheek with its nose. “Aw, she’s so cute!” she cooed.
Lucifer grinned proudly. “She’s modeled after Razzle and Dazzle, at least, in function. She is your friend, protector, and helper. She can also grow to be very large and intimidating or shrink small enough to be pocket-sized. You are the only one who can command her, and we’ll train with her so you can adapt to each other. Though, you have Charlie to thank for her. Making her was her idea.”
Stitches smiled over at Charlie as Aria shrunk down and settled into a living necklace, yawning as she prepared to sleep. “Thanks, Sis!” she squealed. “I love her!” Charlie beamed at her, wiping a happy tear from her eye. Stitches turned back and picked up the last box, a simple long package of electric greens. She opened it and gasped.
Inside was a parasol, the canopy black lace with an underlay of deep violet. The shaft was made of an ebony wood, strong yet light, and the handle was a gentle arch, carved into the shape of a dragon’s head with inlaid eyes of blood-red rubies. The end tip was crafted in such a way as to allow for the parasol to double as a cane.
Alastor chuckled. “Rosie and I designed this one for you. It is a gorgeous fashion piece and is spelled to protect you from acid rain. There are also some special features meant for combat, but we can explore those this evening. It is your weapon, your shield, and a conduit for your power.”
Stitches snapped her head up. “You created my own staff?”
“Hmm, I suppose you could call it that,” Alastor conceded. “It does have the function of a wand when it comes to later magical applications of your untried powers. But, for now, you will be learning the more practical uses.”
Normally, Stitches would pout when told she couldn’t use her powers yet, but not today. No, she was too excited to test out her new toys, train with Aria, and study under everyone’s tutelage. She was eager to get started.
Until she remembered that breakfast was to butter her up for something.
“Why did you butter me up if you were going to just give me stuff I would have happily taken?” she asked, and their nervous looks confirmed her suspicions.
“Sweetie…” Lucifer said carefully. “We, um… you see-”
“Someone leaked that there is a new Magne and the upperclass is demanding you be presented to them,” Vaggie blurted.
...
“WHAT!?!” Stitched screamed.