A is for Acromantula
Acromantula
It is a typical tuesday in New York City. An Absolutely typical Tuesday in New York City the sun is sort of shining, the Taxi’s are barrelling around having near misses every few moments, tourists are getting everyone's way and the Avengers are fighting a horde of enormous spiders in Central Park. The entire team was there except for Barton who had gone very pale at the mention of giant spiders and conveniently remembered that he had a dentist appointment. Ironically for a man who’s best friend’s nickname was The Black Widow was not particularly fond of spiders (let alone GIANT ones).
Bucky Barnes ducked a string of stick webbing that exploded from the abdomen of on of the spiders and tries to entangle him and shoots it between its many eyes with his biggest “Fuck-off” gun. He presses the button on his communicator and opens a private line to Steve - ignoring Tony complaining about spider slime on his suit.
“Just checking that theses are not Acromantula?” He asks Steve quietly as Wanda is crushing one to a brown smear with her red coloured magic. “Because if they are we are going to have to call the MECUSA to contain the No-Maj’s.”
His communicator crackles as he rips of a leg of another spider with his metal hand and watches Steve out of the corner of his eyes. Steve is bashing one in the face with his shield and its damaged fangs squirt green venom down onto the metal dissolving the paint.
“No” Steve pants “Acromantula are very hairy and create dome shaped webs. There's ones are more like house spiders and create vertical webs.” Bucky looks up at the closest building and sees an enormous but fairly normal shaped web strung between two buildings, a petrol tanker hangs stuck pathetically like some helpless insect
about fifteen floors in the air. “Also Acromantula can speak human languages these ones haven't made a sound except for when they hissed at spiderman.”
Bucky snorts “Where is the web crawler anyway?” Spiderman had vanished halfway through the fight. “I figured he would be right in the middle of this if he could making stupid arachnid puns.”
Steve decapitates the beast with the shield and then has to dodge a way as its spindly legs thrash around in death throes. “Um I think he found out where the scientist that made them has been hiding out and went to confront him.”
As one the spiders screech and drop to the floor legs spasming and clawing into their bodies falling the ground as dry papery husks. Bucky allows himself to relax after a full minuet as the metaphorical dust settles. He trundles over to Steve leisurely as Steve extracts himself from under one disturbingly smooth abdomen. “He couldn't have taken me with him?” He moans helping Steve up “You know I hate spiders Stevie ever since you turned my best sunday hat into one.”
“What did Steve do to your hat?” Sam asks as he drops down into a landing he is covered in green slime like they all are.
Steve flushes “I um put one in his hat before we went to church one sunday when we were kids.”
It's a lie of omission what had really happened was a five year old Steve had turned young Bucky’s hat into spider during sunday school when Bucky had refused to lend him the only red crayon in the pot. The MECUSA had been forced to obliviate the sunday school class, teacher and half the congregation after Bucky had run crying to his mother in the middle of a packed service. Mrs Barnes, acting on instinct, had levitated the large struggling multicoloured eight legged creature off his head and burnt it to a crisp. There hadn't been a fine (not for accidental underage magic anyway) but Sarah Rogers had marched her son over to the Barnes apartment to force him to apologize and that is how they became friends.
Bucky slings one arm over Steve’s shoulder playfully “never mind buddy” he says and presses a kiss to Steve’s temple.
“Mooom” Stark moans, he doesn't know it yet but he has half a spider leg stuck to his back by congeling slime it bobs up and down as he moves like a weird antenna and Bucky sure isn't going to tell him. “The old geezers are being gross again!”
Natasha rolls her eyes, she is completely untouched by slime and not a hair is out of place as usual. Bucky is very jealous as he most likely will not be able to get the slime out of hair for days judging by how well Tony’s new organic upgrade to his suit is staying in place. “Shut up Tony, it's been a long day.”
“I think its been legs-cellent” Spiderman says jovially dropping out of nowhere much like the creature from what his name takes its inspiration. They all groan loudly.
“Oh no not puns” Tony cries “Please no PUNS Spiderman! First rule of Avenging NO PUNS!"
Steve grins evilly “Well team I think that Weave come a long way since we first met. Time flies after all and we have had to Stick together. We have an excellent Spy-der” he nods at Natasha “and Tony is brilliant at extracting information from the World Wide Web. The rest of this team in incrawldable too!!! And while at times you can put me into a tangled web of trouble and really bug me. By putting a positive spin on things i think we can succeed at whatever we put our minds too.”
“Nooo” Its Sam that complains this time “I know your superpower is amazing speeches but please Cap don't use it for evil. Puns are a villain thing Steve!”
Spiderman is looking at Steve like he hung the moon. “I didn't know you could be funny.”
Steve's face drops into his most serious Captain America Face. “I don’t know what you mean Spiderman.” He says gravely “I would never joke during a speech to my team.” Then Bucky feels the urge to hide from the identical grins spreading over Steve’s and Spiderman’s faces.
“Have you got anymore?” Spiderman asks Steve to a background moan from the Avengers.
Steve’s smirk is enough to send the HYDRA goons that have inexplicably turned up running for cover. “Of course I do.” And then he throws the shield after the retreating goons.