"You're acting like you don't even want to touch me!" - Jacob/Queenie
Toby and Daisy were both already in bed when Jacob arrived home that evening, having eaten and been bathed; Queenie was sitting at the kitchen table, looking down at her wand as she twirled it between her fingers. She was wearing a large nightgown that only barely reached her knees, having been hitched up by the large protruding baby bump; she didn’t look up as he entered and poured himself some water, instead still focusing diligently on her wand.
“Long day, I take it?” She said lightly.
Jacob nodded as he turned to her. “Oh, yeah. We’re gonna need to hire another guy soon to help out, you know? So many orders…there’s a lot of kids’ birthday parties too. I got no idea how we’re gonna manage, but…” He grinned tiredly. “How was your day, honey?”
Queenie glared at him - she’d never glared at him like that before, he thought. “Oh, just peachy… Yeah, stuck here all day feelin’ like a watermelon and having two kids screaming and crying every time I try to get some rest…but, yeah, it was peachy.”
He frowned, confused by her behaviour. “Queenie, I ain’t got no idea what’s going on right now… What’s the matter?”
“What’s the matter?!” She stood up, her gown rising another few inches as it stretched to accommodate her stomach. “I’m exhausted, Jacob! It’s all okay for you, you get to go to the bakery every day and talk to people - I’m here with our children, all day without any break, and you don’t even care.”
I do care…What’s gotten into her? This isn’t like her at all.
She nearly burst into tears. “Don’t you see, Jacob?! I can’t even walk around the apartment anymore without waddling! I’m like a…like a ball or something, all swollen and heavy! I hate feeling like this, Jacob, I hate it! And you…” She straightened up, eyes glistening. “It feels like you’ve stopped loving me, Jacob…like you’re sick of me or something.”
“What?!” Jacob’s mouth fell agape, shocked by this. “I ain’t sick of you at all - why the heck would you think like that?”
“You’re never home,” She stated tearfully. “You’re always at the bakery - you’re gone before the kids get up and you’re not back until after they go to bed. Toby and Daisy, they wonder where their papa is all day - why you never play with them anymore, why they never see you.”
He shook his head. “No… No, it ain’t like that, Queenie, I promise. I love them both, you know I do…I just wanna make sure we got enough money to be comfortable, you know? What with the new baby on the way…”
“But that don’t explain why you’re ignoring me!” She cried out in frustration, balling her fists up. “You’re avoiding me - we barely speak anymore, you don’t look at me…Mercy Lewis, you’re acting like you don’t even want to touch me!”
Touching her…oh. His cheeks were red suddenly. “Queenie, we ain’t had time, and with the kids…I dunno, I guess I thought you wouldn’t want that. But it’s got nothing to do with-”
“Not like that! I mean touching at all,” Queenie reiterated miserably. “You used to give me little cheek kisses when you got home, used to touch and hold the baby, feel it kick…but now you don’t do any of that, you just avoid me like I’m sick or something. You won’t hold my hand, you won’t cuddle…and I feel so awful. I feel like you think I’m…I’m disgusting because I’m so…so big…”
As she started to sob, Jacob hurriedly moved forwards to carefully wrap his arms around her. “No, Queenie, no; it ain’t like that at all, I promise. I…I didn’t even realise that that’s what you wanted, and I should have…I guess I been so tired lately, what with the bakery and the kids and everything, I just lost track. But it ain’t because of you - and you ain’t disgusting.” He stated firmly. “You know how much I love you like this, Queenie, seeing you pregnant with our baby; I love looking at you and seeing this little bump here. It’s so perfect, you know that?”
She wrinkled her nose in disagreement, though he could feel the tension leave her shoulders slightly as she sank into him. “I know I’m not beautiful like this, Jacob; I’m all fat, and I got marks everywhere…they’re so horrible,” She stated, voice breaking. “Awful deep stretch marks…they’re all I can see anytime I look at myself now.”
“Stretch marks?” Jacob looked completely baffled. “They’re really bothering you, honey?”
“Like they don’t bother you-”
“They don’t,” He said, quite calmly as he looked her in the eye. “I like ‘em…I’m being serious!” He added at the face she made. “You have no idea how much I like seeing ‘em…they’re from having our babies, right? Our kids - what’s not to love ‘bout that?” With this, he ran a hand over her bulging belly. “I love seeing 'em 'cause it’s proof, you know, proof that this is all real….that this ain’t some dream I’ve kidded myself into making up.”
Queenie looked simply stunned by this proclamation. “But…But they look awful.”
“They look beautiful,” He reiterated, and he was smiling at her - a warm smile that made her tingle all over. “They look natural, and they show off all the stuff we’ve done together: I mean, just look at our kids, Queenie. Toby and Daisy, they’re both so perfect and wonderful…and this baby,” He added, cupping her abdomen. “I’m gonna love 'em just as much as I love Toby and Daisy already - I know it. And all of this, it’s 'cause of you…these marks, they just show how much you’ve done, how amazing you are.”
There was so much floating through his mind, she realised; he had always known he would love their children, from the day he’d found out they’d been expecting their first baby, but even then he hadn’t been able to estimate just how intensely he’d love Toby, and then Daisy. Now it was all coming clearer to her, fitting together in pieces so perfectly; true to his words, he had merely wanted more money for the family so that they’d never go poor or hungry - he and his brother had never had a great number of toys or fancy things when they’d been children, and he wanted their children to have better.
They mean the world to me, She heard him think, and she knew it to be true; I just want the best for them.
“Oh, Jacob,” Queenie exhaled, now melting against him as closely as she was able with the bump. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I overreacted, I know…if I’d just taken two seconds to try and figure things out proper, then…” She took a deep breath, holding onto him tightly. "I’m sorry.“
“Don’t be,” Jacob said quickly, and she realised that he felt worried all of a sudden, even somewhat guilty. “I should’ve been here more, should’ve done more to help with the kids…I know I ain’t been home as much,” He admitted. “I didn’t think you’d mind, but I should’ve thought about it first - we should’ve talked it over first.”
“I didn’t mean to burst out like this,” She murmured, shaking her head. “It’s the hormones, you know? And…And I feel so much bigger now than I did with Toby or Daisy.”
Jacob grinned, slightly more cheerful. “This one must be a big baby,” He mused, spreading his fingers over where the fabric of her nightgown concealed her bump. “Nice and big and healthy - and it’s all thanks to you… God, I love you so much, Queenie.”
Queenie couldn’t help it; the enthusiasm he was feeling was contagious, making her suddenly feel better than she had before. “Oh, Jacob…I love you too.”
I wanna make up for it, She heard him think eagerly as his hands rested on her hips; I wanna show her, make sure she knows…but maybe she’s not in the mood for that tonight? I don’t wanna force her…
“Oh, you wouldn’t be forcing me at all, honey,” Queenie assured him, suddenly excited as she reached for his hand. “We got a lot of catching up to do.”
His mouth curved into a grin as he willingly followed her; she’d been right, after all - they had a lot of time to make up for.