Outside & Beside
"Prophets I've been reading
Stories I've been told
Before I end my breathing
I travel in the soul "
※※※
Tender quiet fallen on the cryptic atmosphere, like a delicate sheet of silk, covered the measly sounds of agitated withdraws of breath that came from everyone present.
Madam Pomfrey's gliding strides broke it. As faintly as they went, they were returning from having ushered the excess crowd out of the hospital wing. Leaving Harry, Hesmoine, Professor McGonagall and herself remaining. She could see the green-eyed young man tensely observing her, unblinking. The moment she came to a halt back to Harry's bedside, he launched at her.
"What had happened?
Why isn't he moving?!
What did you give him?!"
Harry near shouted-- panic stricken. His eyes pleading for an answer from one face to the other whom stood closing on the bed.
Still holding it; Madam Pomfrey just began screwing down the clog to the very potion that Professor Snape relented to. Analyzing him severely with her eyes that wore a worrisome frown, muttering under her breath. She rested the vial hastily on the bedside table unperturbed by Harry's imploring eyes; Snape's head between his arms as if he was desperate in trying to present him to her. The look he gave her was added to the increasing count of the times she seen it today, on the surrounding recently-emptied beds.
She leaned over them and started to wave her wand in small circular motion across Severus's body. Harry watched her every move expectantly, restraining himself from reacting to every pause she made over his Professor.
She straightened up finally looking at Harry, her face pale and grim.
"What?! "
Harry blurted loudly, unable to contain himself.
"Calm down mister Potter, it is vital for you to stay quiet..'' She instructed gently. Pointing with her eyes to the gray-faced black-haired man Harry clung to "..for the Professor's sake."
She would have told him to get off the bed, to leave his head well prompted by the pillows. But it would only cause a fuss she didn't find it in herself to handle, seeing her Recently Cleared of Charges Colleague on his probable death bed shook her composure.
In more honesty-- Harry's present was possibly doing Severus some good, by providing warmth or.. last company.
Her fingers trembled to that thought around the wand she clutched to her chest.
Tightening her grip, she continued "I gave him a throat soother so he can breathe and swallow, that one is the antidote for the dark poison" she pointed to the oily orange vial on the table behind Harry.
"He's still with us.." She turned her gaze to McGonagall, addressing her formally "...Not for long if we don't act now.."
She made a face as if to gain control over a sudden burst that almost got out of her.
"What can we do more? " asked Harry urgently, his eyes returning to rake the stiffened Professor for another sign of life, double checking every part of him obsessively. He was calmed a little by the weak rhythmic rising and falling of Snape's heavily buttoned chest.
Poppy answered his question to her headmistress in a soft voice-- barely stifling what's wanting to show " ...Severus' internal organs are damaged, his nerve system also got singed in some areas and his muscles have signs of dissolving. It's a miracle how his heart wasn't the first to be affected! We may need to move him to St Mongo's.--" "No!"
Hesmoine's voice rung hoarse from as if he didn't use it for some time. All eyes shot to his direction, he was sitting on a chair beside the professor's bed, being as small as possible and only his bushy mane stuck up from behind Harry. But now, filling his chair-- shoulders squared-- his face was lit with fear staring at the two women in shock of how they looked to be considering this.
"Professor- please! You can't!
You can't send him there, how can we yet?!
They'll take him away or maybe mistreat him for being a death eater!
Even before we can prove anything!
And in such a short amount of time!
How can we put our trust in anyone so soon?!
We barely made it here with Professor Snape!
With the Auroras combing the place, we hardly manoeuvred around them!
They are looking for any excuse to blast anyone remotely linked to the death eaters!
We heard them ourselves! They looked on the hunt for vengeance, too!
Because of that, we probably harmed him more by moving him so carelessly--we didn't mean to of course!
How? How you think they would act with Professor Snape if we tried to get him out?!
Maybe-- he'll die before we can allow us to leave!
Maybe--"
Hesmoine kept rambling in a near hysterical manner, trying his best to keep his voice hushed but it kept slipping into a squeal. Harry showed he vigorously agreed by nodding at the end of the sentences Hesmoine spoke to each of the professors. McGonagall raised a hand seeing he wasn't done to silence him, compassionate to let him pick up his breath again.
She can clearly see how the war already took a toll on these children. Beside the physical scars it surely must leave, the damage was deeper than a cut can reach. So young, and already have tasted the bitter grime of betrayal and grew accustomed to the constant suspicion. Not it wasn't needed at a time like this, it was only the frightened look on the youth that had ached her for his sake. But he was right. The time to trust was too soon... For Severus, it was even debatable.
She walked past the Mediwitch and stood over Severus, pained expression wrinkled her face. "How much longer Poppy?" She asked through the fingers clasped to her mouth, observing him the same way Madam Pomfrey did, laying the tips of her fingers carefully on the regrown ragged thick skin that was the bite.
"Headmistress, I can't tell for certain. At the moment, he's got hardly the blood enough to pump through him and it's not reaching most of his body. I expect we need to replenish it, but with that, we may risk inflaming any traces the dark poison left. It did take its time in his system.. He'll need to have clear it out before we can restore his blood and find a solution to the severe damage to his body... "
She trailed off, seemingly unable to continue. But she gulped forcing her voice steady ".. he could have no chance of ever waking up, the shortage of blood reaching his heart and brain would cause that..." She seemed to have more to say but unable to phrase it. She looked anywhere but at Harry, who was curving his neck uncomfortably just to look at her from his position (half sprawled near Snape).
"We only got one of two ways for the time being; we regenerate his blood and risk ending him in his weak state by spreading the poisoning further and settling itself like cancer in his body, or wait until we get rid of the poison and by that risk causing him irreversible nerve damage... Either way, the damage will be imprinted upon him... Painful one...
He might...
We could be...
He is ..I ..I think it would be more merciful if we..."
Her voice was cracking, tears streamed on her cheeks, unable to hold herself any longer
".. Just let him go." she whispered, Bowing her head and joining her trembling hands in front of her-- surrendering to muffled sobs.
Harry glared at her sharply, unbelieving. A nerve pulsed visibly on the side of his neck
Behind him, Hesmoine mirrored his expression with damp cheeks and less ferocity.
His head shook slowly, clearly choosing his reply carefully. But before either of them begin to slash objections, McGonagall spoke first;
"Get a grip there, Poppy. Don't get yourself worked up over untimely assumption." cutting but soothing, she swiftly marched to her. She reached a hand to pat her shoulder, with the other conjured a handkerchief that snug itself in Poppy's hands.
"Look at him, he's well alive. Severus made it this far, and he'll be sure to pull through just as easily as Mr Weasley did. We are prepared for it" She ended firmly in a low voice, giving her shoulder a disquieting squeeze.
Madam Pomfrey dipped her eyes regaining some prim self, glancing to each face of them and displaying an apologetic look.
"I know you had too much today, heavens knows we all did. We will --prepare --everything In---"
The talk was quelling into fastened shushes as Harry continued to listen, he was looking at their lips moving but he wasn't absorbing what they are saying.
" ... if we are missing any necessities, request them with the..." ".. Good, and the whole lot is clearing up by now, we have a clear path to the dungeons.."
White rings spun around his head climbing up then descending down along the line of his vision, his head swayed between his shoulders dangerously threatening to fall-- or that how it felt (absurdly, it had him visualizing himself in Sir Nicholas' place and what his head did).
"... Yes, a couple volunteered alongside the ones I called forth, one of them is going to be a very decent help... " "Not a healer?.. ... Researcher.. " "...I think I've read an article he wrote once..! "
Harry's vision was now the one spinning, he fought not to let an expanding bubble of a headache near his right eye blemish his focus on his Professors. The larger portion of his attention pointed to whom lying next to him.
"...foreign to the wizarding world, and not much of a talker.." "... it will reduce the risk of knowing who he was.." ".. It's perfect Professor. "
With all his might, he tried hanging on every word that been said. It distracted him from determining the cause of his lightheaded state and why he began to feel so nauseated. He doubted it was the strong damp scent of blood that filled his nostrils-- for it was everywhere on the grounds. And dreadfully to think-- he actually has gotten used to it...
".. Create an outside blood circulation.. " "... We can only hope.."
"... Harry?"
Hesmoine's hand was patting Harry's knee attentively-- he blinked to each tap he made thinking it was his headache, he realized it quickly and peeked over his shoulder to see Hesmoine scanning his own tightened expression. Hesmoine gave him a questioning look, his eyes darting from Harry's to Professor Snape.
Harry jammed the back of his hand into his eyes in an effort to focus, massaging the burning soreness away with little success. He spared Hesmoine a watery look then gulped, gasping sharper than he anticipated. Now it dawned on him how fast his heart was beating, replacing the lump in his dry throat. He shook his head in a weary dismissive way to lessen the tension he was sensing through Hesmione's hand.
It was nothing to worry about.
He had to be just... dizzy. All the irregular intakes of air he sucked between his clenched teeth must've done it. He did it on every time he felt the smallest passing twitch -or the like- from his professor's body to him. The momentary lack of them took his breath away then forcefully plummeted it back when another passed. And so, rewinding the process until he reached this state.
He feared to do absolutely anything to relieve himself, Snape's head still nuzzled in his arm, numbing it to a new extension he never felt. He didn't dare to make any movement to adjust it, he almost believed this chance to save him will be snatched away if he gambled with anything more than necessary. That included minimizing the repeated expansion of his breathing chest, solidifying himself to the max.
"..Then I'll be setting things at the ready."
Madam Pomfrey concluded in a slightly louder voice, already rushing toward the hospital wing's doors. McGonagall turned to Harry and Hesmoine, determination sharpening her features.
"We will send for him when we are ready, Mister Potter. No need for you to tribulate yourself any longer. You may leave the Professor, he'll be alright. As for you, you look in ghastly need to rest..."
She remarked. Harry kept rubbing his eyes under his glasses, not indicating that he heard her. She came closer, intending to persuade him to get up. She carefully pulled his shoulder towards her. Harry tensed up at her touch, he looked up at her and shook his head slightly, letting out a small sigh "No, professor. I am fine. I won't leave him" He spoke barely above a whisper. He was looking at her softly but clearly showing he won't budge an inch further with her urging hand, his body was firm in its place.
Nodding her head acknowledging him, McGonagall sighed defeatedly. She is not able to press the matter much more, time was running out. She excused herself to follow the mediwitch, but not before casting one last glance at them, lingering a bit at their sight. She caught Hesmoine's eye and gave him a meaningful look.
Harry watched her fondly with blurry glasses, she had ignited some hope between his ribs, it was enough to him that she offered to take a burden off his shoulders.. or arms. He felt astounded to have others by his side again, like feeling it for the first time.
After a long time struggle of being hunted like fugitives, risky undercover travels and unending fear of imprisonment or traitory. He wondered if she possibly did know Snape's burden was plunged indirectly into his heart, and not as easily as he was merely carrying it physically, is that why she didn't insist as much..?
All he knew, that his feelings are foaming red hot. Raw and new. One thing bubbling over the other, all of them consuming the narrow space in his chest, some of them come to a head then vanish before he processes any of them. This pummeling muscle was beating between them faster to keep holding on, tightly, to his professor. It could have broken to the point of dying if he let go.
...Or 'his' would die if Harry let it. One of them will be fatal, at least.
He's not near understanding anything going on in him, but as he always done before, he knew he had to chase down his heart and reason it later, no matter how foolish it seemed.
※※※
The doors slammed shut. Deafening silence hushed the echo, magnifying any other voices that were sounding low under recognition. Professor Snape's weak throaty breathing was audible to Harry, now. It made his physique relax a little. He reclined on the bed's headboards longing to close his eyes.
Few peaceful moments passed, then he heard Hesmione shift in his seat, uncomfortably loud. Harry could tell he was trying to move slowly to stifle the sound. He smiled to himself taking in his presence.
He wouldn't have dreamt on how to wake Snape and levitate him back here without Hesmoine's extensive knowledge. He appreciated his company however much forced upon him sometimes. It seemed to him that Hesmoine can tell when it is a must to accompany him when wanting to be left alone and when not. If he didn't follow Harry there, if he didn't find him in time... He can't bear to think of what would have happened.
He wanted to thank him but without making it sound cheap... His present by his side is beyond any measure...
The two of them are his most...
The two...?
... Ron!
His heart stung as he remembered his other friend. His other companion in this crisis.. how could he forgot...
how 'dare' he did?
He tensed up again and unable to toss his head in his direction, he spoke to Hesmoine not facing his way
"...you should go and see Ron, Hesmoine. He might be wondering where we have gone off to, by now..."
He whispered urgently. Hesmoine made a responsive noise, he could see in his visualization Hesmoine face pause in hesitant then shaking his bushy head with pursed lips
"...Ron is with his family, Harry. And you...I'd like you to have some company."
He whispered back.
When Harry didn't respond, he forsook any attempts to quieten the sounds of his movements and got up. Lifted his chair and settled it on the opposite side of the bed, facing Harry.
He waved his wand in a U shaped movement and a tray materialized from thin air on the bedside table, on it was a couple of sandwiches and chipped mugs of water and Pumpkin juice. He picked the more rounded sandwich and offered it to Harry. Harry grimaced, the smell of food made his stomach flip.
"...It's hardly the time, Hesmoine.." Frowning at him, he was looking appalled.
Hesmoine flushed returning the sandwich to the plate hurriedly "Well, you wouldn't get up from his side! You need to eat something Harry, you're absolutely worn out. How else you'll be getting your strength back?!" He fussed.
" I'm sorry Hemsoine, but I can't eat. I don't think I'll stomach it. "
"then have some juice at least. Here"
Hesmoine got up, circling the bed with the mug and stood next to Harry.
"Alright, alright, I'll drink it" Harry sighed and made to grab the mug, but Hesmoine raised it up and away from his outstretched hand.
" I'll be making sure you drink the whole thing if you please." Said Hesmoine airly.
Harry looked at him sheepishly, pink in the face, half smiling and looking he'd back away more than the wall would allow him if he could. Hesmoine drew the mug to his lips, with his other hand supporting Harry's chin. Harry had no choice but to gulp down the sweet juice. It washed away the dry soreness and spread a cool refreshing feeling through him.
Hesmoine smiled contently seeing the instant change in Harry. "See? Already you're starting to gain back your colour. " He teased. He turned back and settled in his chair, helping himself to the other mug. Harry was smiling weakly at him. Hiding that his stomach was turning threateningly even though it was asking to be fed at the same time.
"Thanks for that. But seriously, you should go to Ron and check on him and his...Family. "
Harry choked the last word. An addition to his confusion-- they all suddenly came rushing back. The throttling pain of loss, guilt, grief and the sense of foreboding. He averted his eyes quickly to hide them somewhere-- anywhere. But Hesmoine, as predicted of him, knew exactly what was Harry thinking. He didn't give him a chance to wallow in grief in the privacy of his mind, though. He looked determined not to give Harry an opportunity to feel guilty again.
"Oh Harry..." He started in a consoling tone. But Harry cut him off "I just... I want you to see him. Make sure he's-- they're alright. And.."
Hesmoine got up in the middle of his sentence, a knowing look on his face. "...Make sure that he won't barge in here to this?"
He opened his arms to the width of the bed, pointing with his hands at it as if to portray the view.
Harry looked up-- blushing profusely. He was going to retort but stopped at the sight of Hesmoine's gentle smile. Hesmoine leant over after few seconds and took off his glasses squinting at them.
" ...I know that's not what you meant, Harry. I know that you're concerned about Ron himself and his opinion about Snape; you trying to save him, I mean.
You're worried how will he react."
Hesmoine spoke quietly after a moment. He walked slowly to the back of his chair, rubbing the glasses clean while watching Harry's expression cautiously. He smiles gently after seeing Harry's approving nods.
"Don't worry Harry. Ron wouldn't want anything less of supporting you --as always-- to save a life."
Be stopped in his tracks, biting on his lower lip, looking regretful
"...But I agree. In the meantime, I think we should keep it a secret. He might need longer time to process everything...
under the current circumstances"
He sniffed. He leaned over again and returned Harry's glasses, patting his cheek reassuringly
" You know you caused none of this, Harry. You know that don't you?"
Harry looked into his begging watery eyes, his cheeks are damp with tears but he was still smiling wide. Mouth shut tight, he held Hesmoine's hand and squeezed it lovingly, returning his gaze with misty eyes. He didn't trust himself to speak. Inside him now was raining with all kind of emotions, one clashing with the other- deforming it.
But appreciation and thankfulness surfaced on the top for now.
Hesmoine took this as a sign to get going. He straightened up and fastened his cloak tighter. Then he waved his wand- purple glow flushed the tray and it was gone.
"...Ron might make use of the sandwiches" Harry mused softly, unknowing of what to say. Hesmoine nodded ".. that's where these are going to." He responded absentmindedly, his eyes scanning the professor one last time.
"I'll be back before you know it, Harry" He smiled warmly at Harry before he dashed to the door. When he reached the ringed knob, he paused in reflection. Raising his wand above his head; he waved it in a wide circle. Golden breeze exploded from its tip. It engulfed everything with sweet-scented warmth. Changing the cool gloomy atmosphere of the hospital wing pleasantly-- for a short while. Harry watched it glitter all the way until it faded completely. His monocles, the orange antidote vial and everything made of glass or crystal still glittered by Hesmoine's charm, as a subtle reminder to his continuance present for Harry. It had been diverting his attention for the milliseconds it lasted, to bypass the faint tug on his cloak from Severus's fingers.