Chapter 4
Frank and Alice were attacked one week after Sirius and Remus moved into their new house.
After the funeral, they had found a house near the village of Ottery St Catchpole. It was perfect for them. It was a little stone house, with four bedrooms and two bathrooms. There was a large garden out back and two Wizarding families nearby, the Weasleys on one side and the Lovegoods on the other. Sirius loved it. They had packed up their flats and the Potter’s house fairly quickly, with the help of their friends. It was time to move on. Sirius did not like the constant stream of people that came to see Harry at headquarters and he wanted some peace and quiet. The Order was disbanding at any rate and headquarters wasn’t an option to stay in even if they wanted to.
Sirius had just settled down on the couch for the night to read one of his motorcycle magazines when there was a knock on the door. He frowned and checked the time. It was almost 10:00, it didn’t make sense for anyone to be calling at that hour. He grabbed his wand and crept towards the door, looking through the peephole. It was Kingsley. Sirius opened the door, worry settling in the pit of his stomach. A visit from a member of the Order late at night rarely meant good news. Kingsley stepped inside, his expression bleak.
“What happened?” Sirius asked quietly, closing the door behind the man.
Kingsley sighed. “It’s Alice and Frank. They’re…”
Sirius gasped. “No…”
Kingsley looked away. “They’re not dead. It’s…It’s worse than that. They were tortured by a few Death Eaters. They’re…well, they’re not themselves. They don’t move, they don’t talk, nothing. Like vegetables. They’re in St Mungo’s now. The Healers are trying a few things but…it doesn’t look good. We just found them a couple hours ago.”
Remus walked in just then and Kingsley repeated what he had told Sirius, but Sirius didn’t really hear him. Frank and Alice had been so kind to them, so generous. They supported Remus and Sirius and helped them so much with Harry. Hearing what they had been reduced to disgusted Sirius, he felt as though he was going to be ill. They were worse than dead, it sounded like.
“Who did it?” Sirius asked suddenly. “The Death Eaters, have you caught them?
Kingsley looked highly uncomfortable. “Yes, we’ve caught them. Barty Crouch Jr. was one of them. That was a bit of a shock, to find him there. And…the Lestranges. We apprehended them as well.”
Sirius went cold as his cousin’s face flashed through his mind. “Of course.” He muttered, hatred for his family coursing through his bloodstream once again.
Kingsley sighed. “Augusta wants privacy right now. She’s got Neville but she’s asked for no visitors. We’re trying to spread the word. I’ve got to get back. I’ll let you know if anything else happens.” He turned and walked out the door. Sirius stood there for a few moments, watching as Kingsley disappeared. He slowly shut the door, hands shaking.
Sirius turned to Remus, who had gone quite pale. “I can’t believe this. The war is supposed to be over. We still aren’t safe.” Sirius went to the living room and sat down, head in his hands. Frank and Alice were both extremely skilled, top of their class at Hogwarts. If they had been unable to keep themselves safe, how were Sirius and Remus supposed to keep Harry safe. He felt the couch dip beside him and a tentative hand clasped his shoulder.
“We’re safe, Sirius. The people who did this are going to Azkaban, they won’t be able to hurt anyone else. Maybe…Maybe the Healers will be able to do something.” Remus squeezed his shoulder gently. “We have to stay strong, alright? For Harry.”
Sirius nodded slowly. “Yeah.” He lifted his head up. “Yeah, you’re right.” He got to his feet. “I’m going to head to bed, Remus. Goodnight.”
“Sirius…” But Sirius was already gone up the stairs. He didn’t want to talk, he felt nauseous. He walked into his bedroom and slowly started to undress. Once his pajamas were on, he climbed into bed and tried to fall asleep. After what felt like hours, he finally managed to drift into an uneasy slumber.
“Bella, stop!” Regulus’ cry rang out and Sirius raced to his brother’s bedroom. He skidded to a stop in the doorway and gasped at what he saw.
Bellatrix had a live mouse suspended in midair, laughing. She kept making it do flips and twirls, the terrified creature struggling to get away. She had come of age only the week before and was using magic at every opportunity. Sirius ran into the room and snatched the mouse out of the air. He glared at Bellatrix, who was still laughing.
“Aw, Sirius, why’d you have to ruin the game?” She cooed, her voice sickly sweet.
Sirius set the mouse down and it tried to scamper off. Bella held her wand out and summoned it back to her. With a grin she went over to the window and dropped the creature out, three stories from the ground.
Regulus cried out. “Bella! You killed it!”
Sirius glared at Bellatrix. “Get out.” He said firmly.
Bellatrix laughed again as she made her way to the door. “I only came to say hello to my favorite cousin, not my fault you came barging in.”
“Oh, I’m not your favorite? I’m heartbroken.” Sirius snapped. He was only eleven but he wasn’t scared of Bellatrix.
Bellatrix’s deranged smile turned to more of a snarl. “I’d learn to show some respect, Sirius.” She walked out of the room, the door slamming behind her.
Sirius woke up from his dream, gasping for air. His chest heaved as he tried to calm down. That was one of his worst childhood memories. His poor brother had been traumatized. It was the first time Sirius realized that there might have actually been something wrong with Bellatrix, that she wasn’t just a mean older cousin. He laid back down and tried to go back to sleep, but got up after only a few minutes. It was useless. He grabbed his wand and went to Harry’s room to check on him.
Moonlight filtered through the window, giving the room enough light for Sirius to make his way. He lifted Harry out of his crib and sat down in the rocking chair, cradling his godson close to his chest. Harry looked so peaceful in sleep, almost angelic. His black hair stuck up at odd angles already and Sirius could tell he would be a perfect replica of James when he was older. Except his eyes. Hidden behind his eyelids were bright green, just like Lily. Sirius kissed the top of Harry’s head gently, then looked at the picture they hung on Harry’s wall. It was one of James, Lily, and Harry that Sirius had taken. Lily was laughing at James who had green goo all over the front of his shirt. Harry had tried peas for the first time and decided he was not a fan, prompting him to throw the bowl at James with startling accuracy. James had a large, excited smile on his face. (“Did you see how he threw that? He’s going to be a Chaser, Lils, I can tell!” “James, love, you have peas on your neck.”) It was one of Sirius’ favorite pictures.
Sirius looked down at Harry. “You are so loved, Harry.” He whispered to the sleeping toddler. “More than you will ever understand. We’re going to keep you safe, Harry. You’ve got two kickass guardian angels watching out for you and…you’ve got me. And Remus. I know we’re not going to be perfect but we’re going to do our best to raise you right.” He smiled sadly, a tear dripping down his cheek. “One day, when it doesn’t feel like my heart is getting ripped out of my chest, I’m going to tell you about a group of boys. I’ll tell you stories about their adventures. All of them were very different but they came together and made a family. There was Wormtail, who didn’t come up with ideas but was very, very kind to his friends and liked to help them with their pranks. Then there was Padfoot, who didn’t come from a happy home. The other three boys gave him the family he always wanted. And Moony, who was the sweetest boy in the world and better behaved than his three friends but came up with the ideas for a lot of their pranks. Padfoot rather foolishly fell in love with him, but that’s a different story. Then…Then there was Prongs.” His voice cracked. “Prongs was a force to be reckoned with. He was passionate about everything he did. He was became Padfoot’s brother. The four of them had great adventures and they loved each other unconditionally, they promised to remain loyal to each other. And they did, for a while. Until one of them didn’t. But I won’t tell you about that until you’re much, much older. You deserve to have stories with happy endings.”
Harry shifted slightly and Sirius stopped talking, just holding Harry against his chest. He couldn’t believe what had happened to Frank and Alice. Poor Neville…he was as good as orphaned, unless the Healers pulled off something miraculous. The Longbottoms were good people, they didn’t deserve that. But Lily and James had also been good people. War didn’t care about who was good and who was bad. It took and it took and it took, until there was a winner. The Order had lost so many during the war. People Sirius knew, went to school with. So many people, cut down before their lives had even really started.
Remus’ voice broke through Sirius’ thoughts. “Sirius? You alright?” The other man was standing in the doorway of the nursery, concern obvious in his voice.
Sirius looked up. “Yeah. I couldn’t sleep.” He got up and placed Harry in his crib, then led Remus into the hallway. He closed the door to the nursery quietly behind him. “What are you doing up?”
Remus shrugged. “Same thing, I guess. I was going to the kitchen to make some tea. Want to join me?”
Sirius hesitated a moment before nodding. He followed Remus into the kitchen and grabbed two mugs from the cupboard as Remus put the kettle on. “Any particular reason you couldn’t sleep?”
Remus sighed. “Just…Frank and Alice. It’s hard to wrap my mind around it. Plus it’s getting close to the full moon. You know how it is.”
Sirius nodded and sat down on one of the stools at the counter. He remembered nights in their dormitory, sitting on Remus’ bed with a silencing charm around them and the curtains drawn tight. Those were happier times, simpler times. Sirius’ heart hadn’t been broken yet and he was just a boy with a crush. He’d kissed Remus for the first time on one of those nights. It had been quick and soft, but the following ones had been anything but. After that, their late nights became heated and sloppy with long kisses and wandering hands. They had been young and in love, after all. Some of Sirius’ favorite memories from school had happened there, curled up on Remus’ bed.
“Sirius?” Remus had reached over and touched his wrist. Sirius pulled his arm back quickly. “Are you alright?”
Sirius nodded. “Yeah, just thinking.” He looked away from Remus. “So, where are we going this full moon?”
Remus frowned. “We?”
Sirius nodded. “Yeah, we. I’m not letting you transform alone, Remus. Not when I could go with you.”
Remus shook his head. “You can’t, Sirius. Someone needs to stay with Harry.”
“We can get someone to watch him.”
“It isn’t safe.”
“Stop it. I’ll be fine, I always have been.”
“Yeah, when there was another large animal. What if I hurt you and you have to fight back?” Remus stared at him. “I don’t think you’re capable of that.”
Sirius stared back at him, undeterred. “Would James have let you go by yourself?”
It was a low blow and Sirius knew it, but it was also true. James would have been furious to know that Sirius let Remus go off alone on a full moon when Sirius was fully capable of going with him.
“What if we get hurt? What if I hurt you just enough or you hurt me just enough and we leave Harry alone? Really alone, Sirius, because there’s no one else to take him. We’re all he has.” Remus shot back.
Sirius’ face fell. He hadn’t thought of that. “Remus…”
“It’s fine. I can manage on my own.” Remus shook his head and finished making the tea. He set Sirius’ mug down in front of him. “Please, Sirius, don’t argue with me on this.”
Sirius reached across the counter and took Remus’ hand. “The wolf knows me. He wouldn’t hurt me.”
Remus blushed a bit and looked down. “I suppose. They mate for life, you know. He still sees you as his.”
Sirius’ cheeks turned slightly red and he pulled his hand back from Remus’. “So he wouldn’t hurt me. It’ll be fine. I’m coming with you, Remus.”
Remus nodded faintly and took a sip of his tea. “Alright.”
They sat in silence for a few moments, drinking their tea. “Sirius?” Remus was the one to break it. “Have you forgiven me?”
Sirius froze. They hadn’t spoken about their break up, aside from some passive aggressive comments on Sirius’ part. It was a touchy subject, one that would surely upset the delicate balance they had found. “I don’t know.” He finally said. “I don’t think so.”
Remus nodded slowly. “I suppose that’s fair. But do you think you will?”
Sirius was silent. He thought of after Remus left him, how he’d spiraled out of control until James and Lily had knocked some sense into him. Heavy drinking, smoking, hooking up with random guys then crying himself to sleep was a typical day. He’d gotten more reckless on missions as well, jumping headfirst into battle without caring if he lived or died. It was terrible. “I don’t know.” He replied again. “I wish I could say yes, eventually. But I don’t know.”
Remus looked away then. “I guess I’ll have to keep trying then.”
Sirius nodded absently. He brought a hand up to brush his hair out of his face and sighed. “I think I’m going to get another tattoo.
Remus frowned. “Really?”
“Yeah. A stag and a doe. I’m going to have them enchanted to walk around my chest.” Sirius had been tossing around the idea for a week or so, since they moved into the new house. “I think it’d be a good way to…you know.”
Sirius could practically feel Remus’ eyes boring a hole in his shirt, straight through to his left hip where he’d had a moon tattooed that was enchanted to change along with the phases of the actual moon. He’d gotten that in fifth year, along with a pair of pawprints, deer tracks, and rat prints that walked up over his chest and back. The summer after, he’d gone out and gotten the crest of Gryffindor tattooed on his left bicep. He did that right after his mother kicked him out. The first time he saw Regulus at school after that, he snuck out to Hogsmeade with James and got a tattoo of the constellation Leo on his right shoulder. Then when they joined the Order, Sirius got a phoenix on his right forearm and the letters MWPP on his left. On his chest, he had a tattoo that he’d gotten for Harry right after he was born. The date 31-7-80 along with a baby stag that would grow with Harry. He’d gotten a lot of tattoos over the years and they all had meaning. But Sirius knew Remus was staring directly at the moon, the tattoo Sirius had gotten for him. He shifted awkwardly and Remus looked up.
“Right. Well, when you decide to go let me know. I’ll go with you.” Remus smiled at him slightly.
Sirius nodded. It would be hard. For every tattoo he’d gotten, James had been there. He knew the meaning behind every single one of them, something that not even Remus knew. “Alright then.”
Remus finished his tea then and placed his mug in the sink. Sirius finished off his own mug and set it next to Remus’. They went up the stairs together, pausing at Sirius’ door.
“Goodnight, Padfoot.” Remus finally said. He turned and walked down the hall to his room.
Sirius went into his room and laid down on his bed. He fell asleep after a while, dreams of his cousin plaguing him.
~
He got the tattoo two days later. Remus sat next to him as the artist worked. Once it was done, the doe and stag ran across Sirius’ chest for a bit then laid down together directly above Sirius’ heart. They both left the tattoo parlor with slightly red eyes, but neither of them said anything about it.