Erik

It's a warm spring evening and the sky is bathed in soft pastel colors when they have their first date. Erik has to stay at home with Marie, the neighbor who is always looking after him. Marie has almost become a second mother to him. She has lovingly looked after the little boy since he was two years old. She knows him well and knows how to deal with his quirks. She is always empathetic and patient with him, which helps him to feel safe when his mother is not around. Erik, growing increasingly lively, demands more from her than she can manage at her age. Despite her deep affection for him, she feels gradually overwhelmed and worried that she can no longer support him as she used to. Madeleine also knows that her days with Marie are numbered.

She nervously pushes a few stray strands of her long dyed blonde hair behind her ears. The bulk of her hair is tied up in a thick bun. Mascara, a little blusher and lipstick emphasize her attributes. She has decided that, after four years, it's time to date again. Erik needs a father and she needs a partner. Even if not a soulmate, then at least someone she can put up with. Someone who can put up with her. Someone who can replace Marie when she is gone. Someone who won't buckle, like Charles.
She is attracted to a man who is charming and open-minded. His eyes sparkle in the twilight as he greets her.
Their first date begins in an elegant restaurant. The table he has chosen for her offers a view over the city, and everything feels perfect. He is attentive, listens to her, laughs at her jokes and asks her about all the things she loves. She feels like the center of his world. He compliments her - not just on her looks, but on her intelligence, her energy, her strength. Every word he says feels like a warm rain that washes away all her doubts.

Maybe it is a soulmate after all. Like Charles...

He talks about big plans, about the future - a future in which they are both together, in which they are happy and successful. He is the perfect gentleman: charming, courteous, interested and full of admiration for her. “You are very special,” he says in a voice imbued with honesty and affection. “I feel like I've known you forever, you're the piece of the puzzle I've always been missing.”
She feels her heart opening up.
The longing drives her on.
The fear of being alone almost tears her apart.
She will not be alone. He will save her.

...

On their second date, he surprises her with a trip to the lake park. Where the swans swim their continual. The place where Madeleine and Charles used to go for walks so often.
The man has prepared a picnic that looks like it's straight out of a glossy magazine: fresh flowers, champagne, her favorite sweets and a blanket under the trees. It feels like another dream come to life.
While they eat together, he tells her about his childhood, his dreams, his deepest fears. And Madeleine feels more and more drawn to him as he opens up to her.
Our wounds connect us.
Only you can understand me.
“You're very special, Madeleine,” he says. “I've never met anyone like you. You're the one I've always missed.”
He continues to talk about how they will lead the perfect life together, about a house, a dog, traveling together, lots of children - all these visions of the future that will make them merge into one. Everything is too good to be true, but at this moment it seems to be just that.
Too good.
To be true.

...

Winter sweeps over the country, and she decides it's time to introduce him to her son. They meet at Madeleine and Erik's house. The small one-bedroom apartment has hardly changed. A few toys have been added. Erik, who has just turned 4, is shy but curious. He is an early talker and speaks more and more clearly than other children his age, although his words often seem incoherent. It is typical for him to jump around in his conversations, change topics, and sometimes say things that only make sense to him. Madeleine has gotten used to it by now. To her, with nothing to compare it to, Erik's behaviour is normal. Children talk a lot and often mix up their sentence structure. She also knows that he needs time to get used to new people, and his open approach to the man pleases her.
The man does his best to appear friendly and welcoming.

He laughs a lot, asks questions and talks to the little one in a very gentle tone. “How old are you? What's your favorite toy?” he asks as he engages with Erik. “The Mouse runs in circles, but the tree stands still,” Erik suddenly says, which makes little sense to the man at first. Madeleine has to smile at first. She, who has gradually come to understand her son, knows that he has actually answered the questions. Erik's favorite toy at the moment is a little wind-up mouse. The calendar on the fridge shows Erik's birthday in thick circles. The calendar page illustration shows a bare tree with snow on it.
The man falters. He doesn't understand what the toddler is getting at. Madeleine notices his hesitation for a moment. But then the man gives the boy a beaming smile and continues talking to him.

Relief spreads through her - the man seems to really care about Erik, he seems patient and friendly, even if communicating with Erik is not always easy. He has shown no signs of frustration and does everything he can to include Erik in the conversation. Erik also seems to like the man. His eyes light up as the man takes something out of his pocket. “For you,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes, and Erik immediately accepts the gift with enthusiasm. He proudly holds it in his hands and shows it to Madeleine. “Ma, look! Grasshopper!” he exclaims happily, his eyes shining with pride. Madeleine smiles and strokes Erik's back. It's a beautiful moment. And yet a small part of Madeleine, a fleeting thought, wonders if the man is really what they need.
But then she quickly brushes this thought aside - perhaps it's just her own insecurity that causes her to doubt him. Erik has immediately taken the man to his heart, she can see it in his eyes, and that gives her the feeling that everything is all right.

...

Spring comes and Madeleine and Erik finally move in with the man. It is a three-room apartment in a social housing block in the same quarter of the city. The block is in a place where unemployment is high, and the streets are often populated by those who find it difficult to fit into society. The apartment is small and cramped. The idea that this is only a temporary solution gives her courage. There is no luxury, but no poverty either - the walls are freshly painted, and the place has a certain charm, even if it is a little run-down.
After the first few weeks, the atmosphere in the apartment begins to change. There are small differences that Madeleine had never noticed before. The conversations about the future come up again and again, and slowly she starts to get the feeling, that his visions of their future together are no longer quite as rosy as they were at the beginning. She notices that the man is unexpectedly at home frequently. At first, she thought he was just a “free spirit”, someone who wanted to use his time creatively, but then she realizes that he doesn't have a job. “I've applied for a project, but haven't heard anything yet,” he explains from time to time. There is no steady work, no clear perspective. Madeleine feels an unpleasant tug in her stomach when she realizes that he is basically just at home while she runs the household and takes care of everything. But she keeps pushing this thought aside - she doesn't want to into her doubts.
Then the man starts to talk more and more about her career situation. “You could go to work,” he suggests at one point. “It would help us both, and you'd have something to be proud of.” Madeleine can feel the words eating at her. She had already considered the idea of going to work again at some point, but not right away. Her thoughts are still with Erik, who still needs a lot of attention and care. But the man insists that she should try it, that she could do more, that he only wants the best for her.
His words hit her harder than she would have expected. She suddenly feels under pressure, almost guilty. Maybe she really should work like he expects her to? The thought that she might not be contributing enough makes her heart heavy. But at the same time, she senses that he doesn't offer a solution. He sits at home all the time and criticizes her instead of taking responsibility. But she can't simply wipe the thought away. What if he is right?
What if she's just messing around and not making the most of her opportunities?

The man's subtle remarks pile up. “Haven't you thought about working in a café or at the gas station? There are enough jobs out there,” he suggests as they sit down over a coffee in the kitchen. Madeleine listens to his suggestions and feels disappointed at the same time. After all, hadn't she hoped that he would also take responsibility? But instead he seems to make her feel more and more that she is doing something wrong. She feels like a square peg in a round hole. . The security she had hoped for seems to be crumbling more and more, and the image of the perfect partner is increasingly losing its glow.

...

It starts slowly: he questions her perception and begins to distort her reality. When she remembers something that happened differently, he claims she is deluding herself. “You must have imagined it,” he says calmly, almost gently. “It wasn't like that, you must be mistaken.” His words echo in her head and make her doubt herself.
When Madeleine tells him that he is criticizing her, he reacts defensively. “You're far too sensitive,” he keeps repeating, as if she's the one who's the problem. There is no mention of his own behaviour - just constant reassurance that she is the one who is overreacting. Madeleine begins to doubt her own sanity and every time she wonders if she's right, she can never be sure.

The boy, who is only barely aware about the arguments, is sitting in the kitchen of his new home. He is happy as always and playing with pots and pans. He stacks them, knocks on them, and repeats a jingle from a commercial. Out of the blue, the man rebukes him.
“Stop that for fuck's sake!!! You little toad!” the man suddenly hisses. And Erik drops the plastic grasshopper he had been using as a drumstick. “What the hell are you doing?” he shouts and kicks the chair next to Erik with his foot, hitting the boy. The child cries out in horror. Then the man stands up, and the next moment he grabs Erik by the arm and slaps him in the face. It is fast, hard, and unexpected, and for a moment the air squeezes out of the child's lungs.

Erik stares wide-eyed and confused at the man. It is the first time the boy has experienced this kind of aggression, and he is paralyzed with shock. Madeleine freezes on the doorstep, stunned and disbelieving, watching what is happening. Then the boy begins to cry out loud. Which only makes the man angrier, he's tugging at the child's thin arm. “Stop crying!!!! YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING GIRL!”
Erik's wide eyes search for his mother, and when he finds her he screams for help, but she just stands there and watches.

…

From this moment on, something changes in Erik. At first, there is only hesitation when he encounters the man. Then he withdraws more. When the man speaks to him, Erik avoids eye contact and no longer reacts as he used to. Erik stops talking. The cheerful, creative way he used to express his thoughts disappears. The words he once spoke so proudly are now trapped in his head. The boy withdraws into himself, and Madeleine can only watch.
It is as if he has lost touch with his own self. The crooked smile that had so often been a part of him is no longer there. Madeleine tries to help him, tries to re-establish closeness with him, but the distance between them grows. Her words don't reach him. Erik is trapped in his own world, his voice silenced.

The man doesn't notice and if he does, he doesn't care. He sees it as another sign of weakness. “He'll be fine, he's just being stubborn,” he says casually when Madeleine is worried or tries to get through to Erik.
The man, on the other hand, criticizes Madeleine constantly. If Erik doesn't behave or doesn't speak, it's immediately her fault. “You have to bring him up better,” he says, ”you have to teach him how to behave. That's not normal. You're just making him soft!” Every time he says this, Madeleine feels a stab in her heart. He constantly reminds her that she has failed.

And then the day comes when she looks in the mirror and wonders how she ended up in this situation.

And she wonders if they can ever escape.