…
The scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the house, wrapping Jules in a comforting cocoon as she pulled on her boots by the front door.
The clock on the wall ticked steadily, a rhythm she’d grown accustomed to, much like Maxine’s chatter from the kitchen.
“Jules, did you see where I put the crossword?” Max called out.
Jules chuckled, tugging her sweater into place. “Which one? The one from yesterday or the one you finished at two in the morning?”
“The one with the clue about some fancy French dessert. I swear they’re making these harder just to annoy me.”
“Max, you could solve those puzzles in your sleep,” Jules replied, stepping into the kitchen. She grabbed her travel mug from the counter and filled it to the brim with steaming coffee. “Or have you finally met your match?”
Maxine, her silver hair pulled into a loose bun, raised a brow from her seat at the table where she was halfway through her oatmeal. Her eyes twinkled behind her reading glasses. “Don’t flatter me too much. You know my ego’s fragile.”
“Right. Fragile as a brick wall,” Jules quipped back as she added a splash of milk before taking a sip of her coffee to check it. Then she closed her travel mug carefully and stole a cookie out of the jar on the counter.
Maxine chuckled, patting the table beside her. “Sit for a second before you run off and save lives. Tell me what’s got that furrow in your brow.”
Jules hesitated but complied, sliding into the chair opposite Max. “Just…thinking about work. And Mika.”
“Aha. There it is.” Max leaned forward, her gaze perceptive. “You’re still mooning over her, aren’t you?”
“Mooning?” Jules snorted. “What is this, the 1950s?”
Max ignored her. “I’ve seen that look before. You like her, Jules.”
Jules sighed, leaning back in her chair. “Of course I like her. She’s smart, funny, gorgeous. And we had…moments,” she heard herself say. “But she put up a boundary, and I agreed to it. So, friends it is.”
Maxine gave her a knowing look. “Friends. Sure. And how’s that working out for you?”
Jules opened her mouth, then closed it. She stared at her hands, her thoughts a whirlwind.
Being around Mika was both exhilarating and maddening. Every lingering glance, every stolen moment - they all left her wanting more, even when she knew she shouldn’t and couldn’t.
Max reached across the table, resting a wrinkled hand on Jules’. “Sometimes, the things we want most are worth waiting for. And sometimes, we need to go after them before they slip away.”
Jules squeezed Max’s hand, grateful for her unwavering support. “Thanks, Max. I’ll figure it out. Eventually.”
“You’d better.” Maxine leaned back with a satisfied smile. “Now, off you go. And don’t forget your scarf, it’s cold!”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Watch it, young lady,” Max teased as Jules headed for the door where she dutifully wrapped her scarf around her neck.
A few minutes later Jules stepped onto the bus, the early morning chill biting at her cheeks.
She settled into a seat near the back and popped in her earbuds, scrolling through her playlist before settling on something.
The city blurred past the window, a mosaic of grays and greens. She was glad that there wasn’t any snow yet. She hated winter and could’ve definitely skipped December and January.
But she had to admit that work got significantly more interesting at this time of the year. Christmas had been hectic between people setting their trees (plus themselves) on fire and being short staffed as always around the holidays.
She had a long shift ahead of herself for New Years Eve, and she was glad for the distraction it would offer.
Jules cradled her travel mug, letting the warmth seep into her palms as her thoughts drifted where they always went: Mika.
She tried not to think about her because it led nowhere, Mika had drawn a line. But it was impossible because Mika was everywhere - literally and figuratively. Mika’s laugh, sharp and unexpected, like a burst of sunlight at the end of a hospital hallway. A glance in the OR. Hands brushing when they brought the other coffee. And those moments - god, those moments when the world seemed to fall away, leaving just the two of them in some unspoken state between ache and denial.
They’d almost kissed once since Mika asked to be just friends. Almost.
Chloe had just finished her first round of chemo, and the news was good. Better than good - it was hopeful.
Mika practically burst into the resident’s lounge, her face alight with joy, cheeks flushed, and eyes shining. Jules barely had time to set her coffee down before Mika threw her arms around her.
“She did it,” Mika breathed, her voice cracking with emotion. “The scans came back, she’s responding! It’s working!”
Jules barely had time to process the words before Mika’s warmth enveloped her. She stiffened for a moment, caught off guard by the suddenness of the hug, but then she melted into it.
Mika clung to her like she was a lifeline, and Jules tightened her arms around her, the scent of Mika’s shampoo filling her senses.
“That’s amazing, Mika,” Jules murmured, her voice soft but sincere. “I’m so happy for her. And for you.”
When Mika pulled back, her hands lingered on Jules’ shoulders. Her joy radiated like sunlight, her smile so wide it was almost infectious. Jules found herself smiling too, unable to look away.
Then Mika’s gaze shifted. Her eyes locked onto Jules’, and the air between them seemed to thrum with an unspoken energy.
Jules’ breath hitched as Mika’s eyes flicked down, lingering for a heartbeat too long on her lips.
Jules’ heart pounded in her chest. Time seemed to slow, and for a moment, the bustling hallway outside the lounge faded into nothing. There was only Mika, her lips slightly parted, her expression so open and vulnerable that it sent a shiver down Jules’ spine.
Mika leaned in, and Jules found herself mirroring the movement, their faces inches apart. Her senses were filled with Mika - the warmth of her breath on her lips, the faint citrusy scent of her lotion, the soft curve of her mouth.
And then -
“Hey, Millin, Yasuda!” Blue’s voice rang out as the door burst open.
Jules and Mika jerked apart, the moment shattering like glass.
Jules took a step back, her cheeks burning, while Mika quickly dropped her hands to her sides.
Blue strode in with his eyes locked onto the screen of his phone, completely oblivious to the tension that now filled the room. “Have you guys seen Lucas? He swiped my last protein bar, and I’m about two seconds away from-“
“Not here,” Mika said quickly, her voice unsteady but composed.
“Okay, cool. Catch you guys later,” Blue said, already backing out.
When the door clicked shut behind him, the silence that followed was deafening.
Jules glanced at Mika, who was staring at the floor, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.
“I- uh-“ Mika started, but the words seemed to catch in her throat.
“It’s fine,” Jules interrupted, her voice coming out softer than she intended. “It’s fine, Mika.”
It wasn’t fine. None of it. Not missing her, not wanting her, not not having her.
Jules replayed that memory more often than she cared to admit, the ache of it settling deep in her chest. She missed Mika, even though they spent almost every day together. She missed what could’ve been, missed the closeness, the way Mika’s guard would slip just enough to let Jules in. She missed being seen, cherished, valued. She missed what Mika’s touch did to her heart.
But Mika had asked to be friends, and Jules had agreed. She tried to convince herself that it was better than nothing, even if it felt like walking a tightrope every time they were alone.
As the bus slowed to a stop near the hospital, Jules took a deep breath, steeling herself for the day ahead. Another day of balancing life, work, and the messiness of her own heart.
She could handle it.
***
The automatic doors of Grey Sloan Memorial slid open, and Jules stepped into the lobby, tugging her scarf loose from around her neck.
She’d barely taken two steps toward the elevators when she spotted Mika coming in from the opposite direction.
Their eyes met across the bustling space, and Jules’ heart gave an unwelcome lurch.
Mika offered a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes, but it was enough to send a rush of warmth through Jules’ chest.
“Morning,” Mika said softly as they fell into step heading toward the elevators.
“Morning,” Jules replied, keeping her tone casual.
It was too easy to remember the first time they’d met in this lobby, on their very first day as residents. Back then, everything had been new - exciting, even. Now, every step felt heavy, burdened by everything unsaid between them.
They reached the elevator just as it opened and a cluster of people shuffled out. Jules and Mika got in first, slipping into the back corner as more staff piled in behind them, leaving them pressed close.
Jules felt Mika’s shoulder brush against hers - lightly, the touch fleeting, but enough to make her pulse stutter.
She glanced at Mika, whose expression was unreadable, her eyes fixed straight ahead.
“Hold the door!”
Amelia Shepherd strode in just before the doors slid shut, her sharp eyes darting around the elevator before landing on Jules and Mika.
For a fraction of a second, her gaze lingered, and Jules swore there was a flicker of something knowing in the neurosurgeon’s expression.
Jules’ stomach twisted.
Of all the people to end up in this elevator with, it had to be Amelia. She was the only one who knew about them - or what they could’ve been - the only one who’d actually seen them kiss, right here in this elevator.
It felt like yesterday and a lifetime ago.
Still, the memory made her face burn. She stared at the floor, willing the elevator to move faster.
It jolted slightly as it ascended, and Mika shifted beside her. Jules felt the brush of Mika’s elbow against her own, light as a whisper but enough to send a jolt through her system.
“Sorry,” Mika murmured, glancing at her.
“It’s fine,” Jules said quickly, her voice tight.
It’s fine. Urgh, she hated those words.
The tension was suffocating, and Jules was hyper-aware of every tiny movement, every breath Mika took. Her own breathing felt too loud, and the warmth radiating from Mika’s arm was both intoxicating and unbearable.
Amelia, standing near the front, smirked faintly, glancing back as if she could feel the tension filling the air.
Jules avoided her gaze, staring resolutely at the panel of glowing floor numbers.
When the elevator slowed to a stop on the third floor, Jules couldn’t take it anymore.
The moment the doors slid open, she stepped around Mika and squeezed past the others, muttering a hurried, “Excuse me.” Her heart was pounding as she escaped into the hallway, her skin buzzing with the aftermath of being so close to Mika.
“Jules!”
Mika’s voice called after her, soft but laced with concern. Jules paused, just for a second, before continuing down the hallway, her fists clenched at her sides.
She couldn’t do this. Not today. Not when the walls she’d painstakingly built to keep her feelings in check had just been shaken loose by something as simple as an elevator ride.
Amelia’s voice echoed from the elevator as Jules rounded the corner. “Well, that was subtle.”
Jules didn’t stick around to hear Mika’s response.
***
Taryn Helm was already waiting for them when Jules reached the group after her unnecessary detour around the building.
“Alright, listen up!” Helm called, tapping on her tablet. “Bailey asked me to divvy up assignments today, so don’t shoot the messenger if you don’t like where you’re going.”
Jules slouched against the counter, her arms crossed, careful to keep her distance from Mika, who’d taken up a spot near the edge of the group.
Jules could feel the weight of Mika’s presence even without looking at her.
“Here’s the rundown,” Helm began, jotting names and tasks in her sharp, precise handwriting. “Griffith, you’re with Ndugu. Big case in the OR this afternoon, so don’t screw it up.”
Simone gave a mock salute. “Got it.”
“Kwan, you’re with Hunt on trauma consults. Adams, you’re splitting time between ortho and general today. Try not to get lost.”
“Funny,” Lucas said dryly.
Helm smirked and moved on. “Yasuda, you’re on peds. Millin, you’re covering neuro with Sheperd.”
Jules blinked, her stomach dropping. Neuro. With Sheperd.
Helm glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. “Problem, Millin?”
“No,” Jules said quickly, shaking her head. “No problem.”
“Good,” Helm replied, capping the marker with a flourish. “You all know the drill. Get to it.”
The group dispersed, everyone moving with purpose.
Neuro with Sheperd. Perfect. Just what she needed - a full day with the one person who’d witnessed her and Mika’s … thing.
Jules sighed and grabbed a tablet, already pulling up Sheperd’s patient charts.
***
Jules managed to keep her composure as she headed toward neuro, falling into step beside Sheperd, who was reviewing a chart on her tablet.
“Morning, Millin,” she said without looking up.
“Morning, Dr. Shepherd,” Jules replied, grateful for the formality.
They walked in silence for a while, the steady click of their shoes echoing down the hallway. Jules focused on the tasks ahead, forcing herself not to think about the elevator, or the lounge, or the way Mika had brushed against her earlier like it was nothing.
“So,” Amelia said suddenly, breaking the silence. “How’s Yasuda doing?”
Jules stiffened, her steps faltering. “What?”
“Mika,” Amelia repeated, glancing at her. “She’s been on peds a lot lately. I was just curious.”
“She’s fine,” Jules said quickly, keeping her eyes fixed straight ahead. “She’s doing great.”
Amelia hummed, clearly unconvinced. “You know, you’re not as subtle as you think.”
Jules froze, turning to glare at Amelia. “Excuse me?”
Amelia stopped, raising an eyebrow. “I’m just saying, if you’re trying to avoid her, maybe don’t stand so close in the elevator. It’s kind of a dead giveaway.”
“I’m not-” Jules began, but the words caught in her throat. She exhaled sharply, running a hand through her hair. “I’m just trying to focus on work, alright?”
“Sure,” Amelia said, her tone light but knowing. “But you know, these elevators have seen worse over the years.”
Jules nodded stiffly, her chest tight as Amelia turned and continued down the hallway.
Work. She needed to focus on work. Everything else could wait.
But as Jules followed Amelia into their first consult of the day, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was only delaying the inevitable.
***
The first consult of the day was with a middle-aged man experiencing unexplained migraines, and Jules was relieved to throw herself into the task.
Amelia led the discussion, asking incisive questions, while Jules updated the patient’s chart and checked vitals.
“So, Mr. Porter,” Amelia said, glancing up from the scans displayed on the screen. “The imaging suggests a possible compression on the trigeminal nerve. We’ll need to run further tests to confirm, but if it’s what I think it is, a minimally invasive procedure might be able to relieve the pressure and stop the migraines.”
“That’s…good news?” Mr. Porter asked hesitantly.
“It’s very good news,” Jules chimed in, offering a reassuring smile. “Dr. Shepherd is one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. You’re in great hands.”
Amelia shot Jules a brief look, half amused and half impressed, before turning back to the patient. “She’s not wrong,” Amelia said. “Let’s get those tests scheduled, and we’ll go from there.”
Once the consult was over, Jules followed Amelia out of the room, updating the notes on her tablet as they walked.
“You’re good with patients,” Amelia remarked, her tone casual but genuine.
“Thanks,” Jules said, glancing at her. “I try.”
They fell into an easy rhythm, moving from one consult to the next.
Amelia’s teaching style was direct and efficient, but not unkind, and Jules appreciated the clarity. For the first time all day, she felt like she was hitting her stride - until they reached the nurses’ station outside their next consult, and Jules caught sight of Mika down the hall.
She wasn’t even close, but it didn’t matter.
Mika’s presence was magnetic, and Jules’ focus faltered for a moment as she watched her speak to a nurse, her expression animated.
“Earth to Millin,” Amelia said, snapping her fingers in front of Jules’ face.
Jules blinked, startled. “What?”
“You zoned out,” Amelia said, smirking. She followed Jules’ line of sight, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Let me guess. Yasuda?”
Jules opened her mouth to deny it, but Amelia cut her off.
“Relax,” Amelia said, leaning casually against the counter. “I’m not going to tell anyone. But seriously, you need to figure this out before it eats you alive.”
“There’s nothing to figure out,” Jules said quickly, a little too quickly.
“Uh-huh,” Amelia said, her smirk widening. “You’re practically vibrating with tension every time she’s in the room. You can’t tell me that’s nothing.”
Jules groaned, running a hand through her hair. “It’s complicated.”
“It always is,” Amelia said, her tone softening. “But ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away.”
Jules sighed, the weight of the morning settling heavily on her shoulders. “Can we just focus on the consults? Please?”
“Sure,” Amelia said, straightening up. “But don’t think I’m letting you off the hook entirely. I haven’t had this much fun teasing an intern since god knows when.”
Jules nodded and suppressed a groan, too grateful for the subject change.
***
By lunchtime, Jules was mentally and emotionally drained and in desperate need of food. Preferably food with lots of calories.
Jules walked into the cafeteria, scanning the room for her friends. She spotted them easily - Lucas grinning as he scrolled through something on his phone, Blue leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, and Simone with her eyes narrowed in mock annoyance.
She quickly got herself some fries and a cup of coffee and headed to their table.
“Millin!” Lucas called out, waving her over. “Come settle something for us.”
Jules raised an eyebrow but joined them, dropping her tray onto the table. “What now?”
Simone sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes. “Lucas is trying to convince me that he can guess someone’s entire personality based on their coffee order.”
Jules couldn’t help the smirk that pulled at her lips. “Oh god. This is gonna be good.” She sat down, crossing her arms. “Alright, hit me. What’s my coffee personality?”
Lucas leaned forward, clearly too excited about this. “Okay, you’re definitely a black coffee person. Strong, no-nonsense, gets right to the point. You don’t do sugary stuff. You’re all about the straight-up coffee.”
Jules raised an eyebrow, then picked up her coffee, adding a generous splash of milk before taking a sip. “Actually, I’d say I’m more of a ‘black coffee with a little milk’ person.”
Lucas froze for a second, blinking at her. “Wait, really? But you’re so-”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jules interrupted with a grin. “I like the milk. It takes the edge off.”
Simone laughed. “That’s what I thought. Lucas never gets it right.”
“Well, you can’t be ‘no-nonsense’ and still add milk, can you?” Lucas muttered, shaking his head.
“Apparently, you can,” Jules shot back. “Look, I like my coffee with a little softness, okay?”
Lucas threw his hands up in mock defeat. “Alright, fine. So, you’re… a coffee with attitude, but a little gentleness on the side.”
“Exactly,” Jules said with a satisfied grin.
Mika walked in just then, scanning the room like Jules did before spotting them.
“Mind if I join?” Mika asked casually, her voice light, though her eyes lingered on Jules for a moment before she slid into the seat beside her.
“Not at all,” Simone said. “You’re just in time for Lucas’ coffee personality reading.”
Mika raised an eyebrow. “Coffee personality?”
“Oh, you’ll love it,” Lucas said, still brimming with pride. “I just figured out Jules is a coffee-with-milk person, so I’m on fire today.”
Mika chuckled, amused. “Alright, let’s see if you can guess mine.”
Lucas immediately went to work. “You’re definitely a cappuccino person. Sweet, but with a little bit of edge. You like a bit of extra with your personality, you know?”
Mika leaned back, crossing her arms. “Not bad. I do like a cappuccino.”
Jules caught the small smile Mika gave Lucas before her attention shifted again. Mika was always so quick to put on a calm face, but there was something in her eyes today that seemed a little softer than usual.
Before she could think too much about it, Lucas turned to Blue, who was clearly over the whole coffee game.
“You’re up, Blue,” Lucas said, grinning. “Let’s see if I can guess your coffee soul.”
Blue sighed dramatically but gave in. “Fine. I’m probably a black coffee guy, right? No frills. Just straight to business.”
“Nope, you’re an iced coffee guy,” Lucas said confidently. “Cool, collected, and never letting the temperature bother you.”
Blue shot him a deadpan look, but even he couldn’t help cracking a smile.
“You guys are ridiculous,” Jules said with a laugh, shaking her head. It was nice to have a moment of normalcy with them, a break from everything else that had been weighing on her. She glanced at Mika again, catching her eye for just a second before looking away, concentrating on her fries. They were a bit too greasy for her liking, but she needed the calories to make it through her afternoon.
“How’s Chloe doing?” Simone asked, her tone gentle.
Mika’s face softened, but there was that familiar determination in her voice. “She’s hanging in there. It’s been tough, but she’s strong. We’re making it work.”
Jules stayed quiet, letting the weight of Mika’s words settle. Her own brother, Doug, was a constant source of worry even when she pretended not to care, and she understood how it felt to carry the burden of someone else’s pain. She thought about how much Mika loved Chloe, how she was putting her life on hold for her sister. It was an unspoken kind of love, one that Jules envied the sisters for.
“Glad to hear it,” Simone said, her voice warm. She gave Mika a soft, understanding smile.
Jules looked at Mika, catching the quiet strength in her gaze. There was something in the way Mika held herself, in the way she spoke about Chloe - like it was all she could do to stay grounded, but she wasn’t going anywhere because that’s who Mika was.
“Thanks for letting us know,” Jules said quietly, her voice low but sincere.
Mika gave her a small nod, frowning at the sudden change in Jules’ behavior before her lips curving slightly. “Anytime,” she said, and there was something comforting in the way she said it.
***
Late afternoon the hospital was quieter, the usual flurry of activity fading into a familiar lull. It gave Jules the much needed opportunity to take a break.
So she sat in the breakroom, her eyes drifting over the papers in front of her that she hadn’t touched for the last few minutes. She stared blankly at them, her mind lost in a quiet whirl of thoughts.
The door opened with a soft creak, and Mika stepped inside. Jules didn’t have to turn to know who it was - she could feel it, almost like a shift in the air.
“You look like you’ve had a day,” Mika said, her voice light but carrying a softness that made it hard to ignore.
Jules gave a small, tired smile, lifting her eyes to meet Mika’s after bracing herself. “You could say that.”
Mika’s eyes flickered briefly, as if she was reading the undercurrent of Jules’ mood. “Rough shift?”
“Just one of those days,” Jules replied, the words almost automatic. She didn’t elaborate, but she didn’t need to. Mika had a way of knowing when there was more beneath the surface.
Mika moved to sit across from her, folding her arms casually but not quite letting her guard down. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it? I’m a great listener.”
Jules gave a soft laugh, a sound that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I appreciate it, but I think I just need a minute to breathe. Don’t worry, I’ll survive.”
Mika nodded, her expression softening in understanding. “Yeah. I know the feeling.”
The quiet between them lingered for a moment, before Jules spoke again. “How’s Chloe?”
“She’s okay,” Mika replied quietly, her eyes looking past Jules as if lost in thought. “It’s tough… some days it feels like everything’s going right, and others… I’m not sure I can keep it together. She might the youngest but she’s definitely the toughest.”
“If you need anything… you know I mean it, right?” she said, her eyes meeting Mika’s and holding her gaze for a moment longer than usual. “I know it’s hard right now, but I’m here. Even if it hurts sometimes… I’ll be here for you.”
Mika’s eyes softened, her lips parting as if she wanted to say something, but her voice faltered for a second before she finally spoke. “I don’t want you to hurt,” she said quietly, almost like a confession. Her gaze dropped briefly, and she ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t want to make you feel like I’m leading you on or using you or anything. I don’t want that. I care too much about you. And about your heart.”
Jules’ chest tightened at the rawness in Mika’s voice.
It was the closest either of them had ever come to a confession about what this thing between them was so far.
And Jules did not know how to deal with it.
She inhaled slowly, trying to steady herself before she spoke, and held Mika’s gaze as she did. “I’m not going anywhere, Mika. I mean it. No matter what.”
Mika gave a small, uncertain nod, her expression flickering with something unreadable before she offered a faint smile. “Thanks, Jules. That… means a lot to me.”
There was a quiet pause, and for a moment, the world outside the breakroom seemed to fall away. Just the two of them, caught in an understanding that passed between them. Jules would stick around. There was no other way for her.
Mika stood up then, breaking the silence with a casual stretch. “I’ve got to go back to the kids, and then I’ll stop by to see Chloe. But… I’ll see you later, okay? Midnight?” She said, her voice light again, though there was still a trace of that earlier softness.
Jules nodded, the words coming more easily now. “Yeah. Midnight. I’ll be there.”
Mika gave her a last, lingering glance before walking toward the door. Just as she reached it, she paused and looked back at Jules. “It hurts me too,” she admitted softly, almost as an afterthought, before disappearing out of the room.
Jules sat there for a moment longer, letting her words settle in the air. She didn’t know what to do with Mika’s confession, and a part of her wanted to rage at the stupidity of the situation.
But something had softened in her chest because it had to mean something.
***
Jules’ heart was still pounding in her chest as she stepped out of the OR shortly after ten, her gloves and mask discarded in the nearby bin.
Her body hummed with energy, a post-surgery rush that made everything feel sharper, more vivid. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this alive, this focused.
Beside her, Amelia wiped her hands on a towel, a satisfied smile on her face despite the exhaustion in her eyes. “Nice work, Millin. You’re a fast learner. You’ve got the skills for this.”
The adrenaline from surgery still clung to Jules, her body alive with a rush that she couldn’t shake.
But her mind was already a thousand miles away - focused on one thing. One person.
Mika.
Jules found herself walking through the corridors without thinking, her feet carrying her on a path she knew all too well. She couldn’t push the feeling down any longer. She needed to talk to her.
She reached the door of the room where Mika had been spending most of her time - the room where Chloe was, recovering and trying to make it through each new challenge. She knocked lightly, just enough to catch Mika’s attention.
Chloe greeted her with a smile and Jules waved in return.
Mika glanced up from where she’d been sitting next to Chloe’s bed, a soft, tired smile on her face as she stood. “Jules,” she said, her voice warm, but there was a slight weariness to it, like the weight of the day had finally caught up to her. “How’d it go in the OR?”
Jules nodded, her eyes flickering briefly to Chloe, who was still smiling, before returning her focus to Mika. “It was good. But, uh…” She hesitated for a second, trying to steady the flutter in her chest. “I wanted to talk to you. If you have a minute?”
Mika raised an eyebrow, her expression shifting into something more curious, but she didn’t question Jules. “Sure. What’s up?”
“Can we go…?” She pointed behind herself.
Mika glances at Chloe before she nodded and got up. She followed Jules out onto the hallway.
Without waiting for another word, Jules glanced around, making sure they weren’t being watched. Then, without thinking too much, she reached out and gently tugged at Mika’s hand, pulling her toward the nearby supply closet.
Mika laughed, the sound light and surprised. “Whoa, Jules. What’s the rush?” She asked, her voice teasing but soft, the humor in her tone undeniable.
“I just…” Jules’s voice faltered for a moment as she tugged Mika inside the closet.
The moment the door clicked shut behind them, Jules felt like the world outside had fallen away. The chaos of the hospital, the tension of the day, the ache in her chest - none of it mattered.
Jules leaned back against the door for a second, just taking Mika in.
Her heart was racing, but not from fear or anxiety- no, this was different. This was something else, something raw that Jules couldn't quite ignore anymore.
Mika was standing a little too far away, watching her with that familiar, unreadable look. "Jules," she said softly, her voice dipping low, "are you okay?"
Jules didn't answer right away. Instead, something deep inside her shifted.
She stepped forward, closing the space between them, not thinking, not questioning. Her hand found Mika's arm, fingers brushing against her skin, and before either of them could say another word, Jules pushed into Mika’s space.
Her lips crashed against Mika's, urgent and hungry, a mixture of desperation and longing that had been building for weeks.
The sound of their breath mingled in the small space, the sharp intake of air when their lips first met, and then the soft, almost involuntary gasp that escaped Mika's mouth as their mouths moved together.
Jules felt the warmth of Mika's breath against her skin, the quickened pulse that beat just beneath her fingertips.
Mika was still for a moment, caught off guard, and then she responded, her hands coming up to grip Jules' shoulders, pulling her closer, pressing their bodies together.
It was dizzying.
Jules' hands were at Mika's waist, her fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt, pulling her even closer, as if she could erase every inch of space between them.
But then, in an instant, it was over.
Jules pulled back, breaking the kiss with a sharp breath, her chest heaving.
Her mind caught up with her, and in that split second, the rush of adrenaline turned into a wave of regret. Her heart was still racing, but now it was a mixture of guilt and panic.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly as she took a step back.
She couldn't meet Mika's eyes, couldn't face the flushed, wide-eyed expression on Mika's face. The sight of Mika's chest heaving with each breath she took, her lips parted, was more than Jules could handle in that moment.
Mika stood there, her body frozen, her face flushed a deep red, her breath still coming in sharp bursts. Her eyes were wide, wide with shock, but also something else-something Jules couldn't name.
"I-I didn't mean-" Jules began, but the words felt too small to cover what she had just done. She swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in her throat.
"I shouldn't have-" Jules's voice trailed off as she quickly turned, her pulse racing, her mind screaming at her to just get out of there, to leave before she did or said something else that she'd regret.
She opened the door, her hand shaking slightly, and without another word, she left.
***
Jules’ steps were unsteady as she walked down the hallway, her mind a whirlwind of frayed thoughts. Guilt and shame clung to her, gnawing at her insides. She had crossed the line Mika had clearly drawn, had acted impulsively, and the weight of it pressed down on her chest like a heavy stone.
Why did I do that?
The question reverberated in her mind, and she couldn’t find an answer that felt right. She hadn’t been thinking, hadn’t considered the consequences, hadn’t stopped for even a second to understand what the hell she was doing. But beneath the guilt, beneath the shame, there was something else. Something sharper, more urgent. She was aching with want—the same want that had driven her to kiss Mika in the first place.
Her body burned with the memory of it- the softness of Mika’s lips, the heat between them, the way she’d responded, even if only for a moment. Jules couldn’t forget the way her heart had pounded, the way her breath had quickened as if she couldn’t get enough. And now, she was left with nothing but the echo of that kiss, and the burning emptiness that came with walking away from it.
She turned the corner into another hallway, her mind in a haze, and ran straight into Simone.
Simone stopped short, her eyes narrowing as she took in Jules’ appearance.
“Jules,” Simone said, voice soft but curious. “What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Jules immediately tensed, her stomach dropping. She wasn’t in the mood to talk, wasn’t ready to unload the mess she’d just made.
She laughed, sounding a bit frantic probably, and mumbled something about Shepherd keeping her on her toes before she left Simone standing.
***
Jules couldn’t shake the feelings. Feeling she couldn’t even really name. Anger? Guilt? Shame? Want? Was want a feeling? She didn’t know because a year ago she didn’t do feelings - permanent. And now…
She tried to push it down, tried to focus on the sterile world around her - the beeping of machines, the busy nurses, the patients who needed care. Her care.
She moved through her work on autopilot- a blur of charts, medications, and clinical decisions. But no matter how hard she tried, her thoughts kept drifting back to Mika.
Her hands moved mechanically, but her mind was elsewhere, lost in the confusion of the day.
What was I thinking?
“Jules!”
The sudden sound of Blue’s voice snapped her back to reality.
“Blue,” she started, raising an eyebrow. “What now?”
Blue chuckled, pushing away from the wall. “You’ve been walking around like a zombie for the last hour. C’mon, let’s go.” Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed her by the elbow, gently but firmly, and began pulling her toward the stairwell.
“Where are we going?” Jules asked, trying to pull herself together. She wasn’t in the mood for whatever distraction Blue was about to offer.
“You’ll see,” Blue said, his tone light but insistent. “Come on. You need a break.”
They took the stairs in silence, the click of Jules’ shoes echoing in the stairwell as they went downstairs.
Jules was too tired to protest, too distracted to argue, and honestly, she didn’t have the energy to fight him.
If Blue had decided this was what she needed, there was little chance of changing his mind.
When they finally reached the doors of the emergency room, the cold night air hit her like a slap in the face, refreshing and sharp.
Blue walked them to the nearest bench and made her sit with both hands on her shoulders as if she was losing it.
“You look like you’re about to implode,” Blue remarked casually.
Jules let out a short laugh, though it lacked any real humor. “Maybe I am.”
Blue finally turned to face her, his expression softening a little. “You’re carrying something. Something heavy.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment. It wasn’t like she could talk to Blue about what was going on. She wasn’t even sure she could explain it to herself because she didn’t know how…
Mika had gotten under skin like no one before. She had weaseled her way into Jules’ heart, and now she took up this giant space of it, and it was like she didn’t know how to function.
He gave her a knowing look. “You’re allowed to feel things, you know. Doesn’t make you weak.”
Jules shook her head, trying to make a sense of the mess in her head. “I don’t know, Blue,” she said, voice distant. “I think I crossed a line. And I don’t know how to fix it.”
Blue was silent for a moment, then shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Not everything needs fixing, Jules. Sometimes, you just have to let things be what they are.”
Jules glanced at him, a little surprised by the quiet wisdom in his words. “You’re full of surprises tonight.”
Blue smiled softly. “Must be the time of the year. But I’m serious. Whatever happened, whatever you’re feeling - it doesn’t have to be a problem unless you make it one.”
Jules let out a breath and let the words tumble from her lips. “I really really like her,” she said quietly, wincing at how girly and teenager like her words sounded.
“Mika?”
“You know?”
Blue shrugged. “I figured there is something going on between the two of you.”
Jules laughed softly. “Yeah, well… I didn’t expect it. I didn’t think I’d feel like this.” She let out another sigh, rubbing her hands over her face. “And now… it’s complicated and I don’t know what to do with it.”
Blue watched her for a long moment, his expression unreadable. He leaned back against the bench, folding his arms across his chest. “You’re not the first person to find themselves in a mess like this. You know that, right?”
Jules raised her head, glancing at him in surprise. “You’re telling me you’ve had your fair share of messy feelings?”
Blue’s smile was crooked, almost amused. “Oh, I’ve had my moments. But you get through it. You have to be honest with yourself.”
Jules scoffed lightly. “Yeah, well, I’m not exactly good at that.” She hesitated, staring out into the night. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. Not like this. We agreed to be friends. And I… I just kissed her, Blue. And now I don’t know what it means.”
Blue gave her a sidelong glance. “I don’t know, Jules. You’ll figure it out, one way or another. The important thing is, you’re being honest with yourself now. That’s the first step.”
Jules nodded, letting his words settle in her mind. She closed her eyes for a moment, allowing the cool night air to calm her. She wasn’t ready for whatever came next, but Blue was right. She couldn’t run from it forever. She was in it now. She messed up and she needed to own up to it.
“Thanks,” she muttered, her voice softer than before.
“No problem,” Blue said, grinning again. “Just don’t do anything too dramatic, alright? Leave that to the rest of us.”
Jules chuckled, her shoulders loosening just a little. “I’ll try,” she said, her voice tinged with a hint of amusement.
She needed to apologize to Mika. Just maybe not now. But she would. Eventually. Not tonight.
***
The rooftop was alive with a quiet energy as they were waiting for the arrival of the new year. Jules stood there, her breath visible in the chilly air, eyes on Mika as she wheeled Chloe toward them.
Chloe smiled warmly at the group, her presence somehow calming, even in the flurry of New Year’s excitement. It meanr good news seeing her all bundled up in blankets.
Chloe gave Mika a gentle nudge, eyes twinkling as she subtly directed her sister’s attention toward Jules.
Mika’s gaze met Jules’ across the rooftop, and she smiled softly. It wasn’t just a smile, though. It was a silent conversation between them. It’s okay.
Jules felt the tension in her chest loosen, her heart picking up its pace. She was still scared of the moment, of what might happen when they spoke, but the look on Mika’s face helped steady her. Chloe gave one more nudge, and without another word, Mika rolled her sister toward the group, Jules’ eyes locked on her the entire time.
As Mika reached her, Blue gave Jules a playful thumbs-up over Mika’s shoulder. Jules returned his smile briefly, then felt her focus shift back to Mika as she came to a stop right in front of her.
Mika’s eyes were searching and a little hesitant.
The air between them seemed to buzz with a thousand unsaid things.
Jules’ voice broke the silence, far too loud and too fast - but she had to. “I’m sorry.”
Mika blinked, the soft smile on her lips disappearing, her expression shifting. “No,” she said firmly, shaking her head slightly. “Don’t apologize. Not for that.”
Jules opened her mouth, but before she could say anything more, Mika stepped closer, her hand reaching out to gently interlace their fingers. The simple touch was grounding, a small but significant gesture that sent a warmth through Jules, easing the edge of her nerves.
“I was stupid,” Mika admitted, her voice barely above a whisper, vulnerable in a way Jules hadn’t expected. “Chloe… she set my head straight. I shouldn’t have ever let you go, Jules. And I’m sorry that I did.”
Jules swallowed, her chest tightening. She had expected something different, maybe words laced with anger or frustration. But instead, there was only the quiet sincerity of Mika’s admission. Her gaze met Mika’s, searching her face for more, her heart beating louder in her chest.
Mika took a deep breath, and then, with a softness that made Jules’ knees feel weak, she continued. “You… Jules, you make everything brighter. You make the world feel warmer. You’ve turned everything upside down in the best way possible. And I want you to keep doing that. I want you in my life. I want you with me, no matter what.”
Jules couldn’t speak. Her mind was spinning with the weight of Mika’s words, with the honesty in them that she hadn’t expected. Everything she’d been feeling - guilt, longing, uncertainty - suddenly felt lighter, as if the weight of it all had been lifted.
Mika’s thumb brushed against the back of her hand, grounding her. “Just… let me have you, Jules. And let me be with you. For real this time. Like we should’ve been this whole time.”
Jules reply got lost in the fireworks that painted the nightsky in vibrant colors, and both of them found themselves laughing at the timing.
Then, Mika squeezed her hand, drawing Jules’ attention back to the moment they had before the new year started.
“You know,” she started, her voice light, “I’ve always heard that it’s tradition to kiss someone at midnight on New Year’s.”
“Really?” She raised an eyebrow, her heart fluttering a little faster. “I never really cared for traditions.”
Mika smirked, her fingers lightly brushing Jules’ arm. “Well, I guess we could make an exception for this one. Don’t you think?”
Jules smiled, her heart racing in a way that felt different than before - a mix of relief, excitement, longing and something that felt like home.
The chaos of the world melted away as she leaned in. Mika met her halfway, brushing her lips against Jules’ in a way that was both tender and urgent, as if they were finally claiming something they had both been wanting for too long.
Their fingers were still tangled together, but the touch felt deeper now, more intimate.
As they pulled away, resting their foreheads together, the air between them crackled.
Mika laughed softly, her cheeks flushed from more than just the cold night air, her eyes wide and bright with a joy Jules had never quite seen before. “I think that’s the best New Year’s tradition I’ve ever had,” she murmured, her voice still warm with the lingering kiss.
Jules couldn’t help but grin, her own heart hammering in her chest.
“I agree,” she said, her voice barely a whisper as if saying it any louder would break the fragile spell between them.
She pulled Mika closer, wrapping her arms around her as if to never let go, feeling the steady beat of her heart against Mika’s.
And as the fireworks continued to burst in the sky above, Jules realized that for the first time in a long while, she wasn’t afraid of what came next. The future, with Mika by her side, felt brighter than the colors exploding in the night.
…