Chapter 2
Director Graves doesn’t come back. A week passes in silent, anxious excitement, especially with Miss Ermine slipping Credence notes in his food, sometimes in his drinks (one time it was a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows that spelled out “Graves is a sore loser” as soon as Credence’s hand touched it). But after a week and a half without a visit, the initial anticipation bleeds away into apathy. Credence knows he was wrong to think the Director would have anything to do with him. He probably just thought Credence’s haircut was bad… or something else equally as demeaning. He was probably thinking about the incompetence of his Aurors: this is the kid you had trouble with?
Despite Credence’s ever growing doubt, Miss Ermine sees him every day and manages to lift his spirits, even if just a little. He hadn’t known before, but Miss Ermine is the head nurse in charge of his care. When he learned this, Credence felt a sudden pang of guilt that he had never bothered to watch the nurses who came into his room. He wondered, horrified, how many times he’d seen her before paying attention to her. She brushed off the subject with a stern remark about how guilt would impede his recovery and neither mentioned it again.
They don’t speak about their game, but they speak of other things, and Credence finds he actually has a lot to say now that he’s allowed an opinion. Miss Ermine and one of the other nurses, who instructed Credence to call him Aleksander, take their time to fill Credence full of the hottest gossip of the wizarding world. It all seems so strange, but Credence can hardly object once the two get started. He’s learned more about pop culture than he ever knew before, and the fact that magic is involved makes everything more intense. While he finds it ludicrous, he enjoys it immensely.
Day by day he feels himself changing. He’s more outspoken, quicker to make a joke or crack a smile. Miss Ermine tells him he looks better. Credence feels better. Though he isn’t allowed out of the room, she’ll carry in her compact mirror so he can see himself when she says he looks particularly ravishing. He doesn’t believe he’s “ravishing” in the slightest, but when he sees himself in Miss Ermine’s pocket mirror, he does admit he looks nothing like himself--or he him he knew before.
“You hair’s growing out, you’re regaining your weight, and you’re smiling, Credence!”
Credence blushes at her words.
“Y-yes I suppose so.”
“I’ll have to keep an even better eye on you.” Miss Ermine bemoans, snapping her compact mirror closed. Credence feels a quick and painful dread come over him. Why would she need to watch him more? Is she afraid that he’ll escape now that he’s in better health?
“I’m fine, Miss Ermine.”
The nurse shoots him a steely stink-eye at the Miss part of Miss Ermine. Credence corrects it: “I-I’m fine, Ermine.”
“That sounds better. It even rhymes.” The young woman nods. “You’re most certainly fine, Credence. You’re more than fine. You’re adorable. And I’m afraid I’ll have to get a bigger wand to keep your visitors at bay.”
“Visitors?” Credence asks, incredulous. “I haven’t gotten any visitors.” He decides not to mention how, according to Miss Ermine, he should have gotten a visit from Director Graves by now. The young woman picks up on his unvoiced sadness.
“You have, actually, they’ve just never gotten to see you. President Picquery’s orders, I’m afraid. You’ve had reporters, professors, and even some weird fanatics try to see you. Those who went the legal way appealed to Director Graves, who’s still on leave of course, so the requests went to President Picquery, who denied all of them. The ones who thought they could sneak in had to deal with me.”
Miss Ermine jams her hands onto her hips and stands as if daring Credence to take a swing at her. It’s really the last thing in the world he wants to do. The woman is tall, trim, but with wide shoulders that scream strength, and stern with everyone... besides Credence. He hadn’t realized how different her attitude was toward him until he saw how she interacted with Aleksander; the thought that someone might like him, truly enjoy his company, brings heat to Credence’s cheeks. But he doesn’t tell her that.
“But…” Credence leaves out the subject, confident that Miss Ermine knows enough to understand what he’s saying. She sighs and shakes her head, but kicks the door closed with her foot and sits on the edge of the bed.
“The Director came back three days ago. I kicked him out again.”
Credence stares, dumbfounded at her confession, before he musters enough courage to squeak: “Why?”
“Because I’ve known Percival Graves for a very long time and he’s a man who puts responsibility to others far, far above responsibility for himself. I think… Credence I think you’re ready but I’m not sure Director Graves is.”
Credence takes a moment to mull that over. Miss Ermine leans in and brushes a few strands of long hair from his eyes.
“I think, I just want to see a familiar face.” He finally says. Then, with an apology written all over his features, he looks back to the nurse. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed being with you! I-I’ve really grown fond of your company. I don’t mean to b-be inconsiderate! You’ve done so much for me and I never knew you before! I don’t… please don’t take it the wrong way!”
Miss Ermine smiles, dark eyes a bit watery, before pulling Credence into a hug. He tenses at the unexpected contact, but it’s nice to be held. He places his hands gingerly on her back, unsure of what to do. Miss Ermine chuckles as she pulls away.
“Oh Credence Barebone, I couldn’t be sure this would work at all, but I suppose that’s why I’m a nurse and President Picquery is, well, President.”
“What do you mean?” Credence asks, arching back from the woman on his bed.
“Don’t get angry, Credence. This was a test. It was a safety measure to make sure you weren’t a murderous dark force filled with vengeance for wizard and witch-kind. But you’ve passed! You’ve done so well!”
Credence studies the slight puffiness around Miss Ermine’s glassy eyes and decides he is angry. He’s angry at being played like a child, like an idiot, like a criminal. He’s angry he still doesn’t understand all of the things Miss Ermine says to him. But even as darkness pounds inside his skull, Miss Ermine squeezes his hand and he realizes that he can’t imagine harming her, or Aleksander, or Tina or Director Graves. He knows the kindness the nurse offered him wasn’t manufactured. The messages in his meals were not planned to trick him into liking her. Her smiles and mirrors and hugs were all of her own design. So Credence musters a half grin and shoves the darkness down, back where it belongs.
“T-thank you.” He says.
“Alright.” Miss Ermine nods, wiping her eyes on her long white sleeve. She stands. “I have to go now. You won’t be staying here much longer.”
“What? Where will I go?” Credence leans forward, hoping he won’t find himself on the street, or in a factory, or missing memories of the only good to happen in his life.
“You have no reason to worry. We’ve already been thinking of where you can go.”
“We?” Credence echoes.
“You’ll see.”
Miss Ermine slips out the door. Credence stares after her, lost. There’s static in his ears and the lights overhead flicker, though they don’t crack. Credence swallows and leans back against his pillows, tugging at the hem of his blanket. His emotions whisper to him and his features cycle through sadness, fear, relief, and disbelief. For almost four weeks he’d lived in a magical hospital. He can’t say he wanted to be there, at least not at the beginning, but now, he can’t imagine staying anywhere else. Especially a place without magic; just the thought of it now makes Credence’s chest tight.
He doesn’t notice the door open until a figure blocks out the hallway light.
“Hello, Credence.”
Tina stands in the middle of the room, clutching at her coat nervously, though her eyes are bright and wide when Credence catches them. She shifts her weight from leg to leg and smiles, obviously unsure of whether or not to move closer.
“M-miss Goldstein?”
“Ah, no. Tina, please. I told you that before--” Tina cuts herself off and bites her lip. Worry flickers over her face and she wads the coat even worse between her hands.
“Okay. Hello, Tina.” Credence says. He wants to run to her, but he doesn’t think he should. He doesn’t want to move and have her mistake it as an attack. He doesn’t want to ruin this before it’s even begun… whatever this even is.
“Nurse Ermine tells me you’ve done wonderfully.”
“It’s the environment.” Credence holds out his hands. “They’re not red anymore.”
Tina looks from Credence’s hands to his face. She pinches her nose and looks down. Even from a few feet away Credence can see her trying not to cry. Her eyebrows are drawn together and she blinks a few times before speaking again.
“You’re not going to get hurt anymore.” Tina steps forward, pauses, and then moves fully to Credence’s side. “I promise. After everything… you’re special, Credence, and we’re going to protect you.”
You’re special . Those words are sour, despite their meaning. Credence remembers the way Graves-not-Graves would say them. It was a fake assurance, but the closeness, the warmth of his hands under… Grindelwald’s… it gave those words a depth that masked their fakeness. He can’t fight the way he flinches, and Tina seems to realize her mistake, because she wraps an arm around his shoulder and draws him closer to her.
“I’m very sorry, Credence. I should have done something.”
“You lost your job because of me.” Credence murmurs. “You tried.”
“I’m going to try harder this time.” Tina says. She doesn’t bother to ask where he heard that, and Credence assumes she knows well enough Miss Ermine’s penchant for gossip.
“So are you going to send me somewhere?”
Tina pulls away and scratches her head. Color rises to her cheeks before she swallows and looks Credence in the eye.
“Well, there’s an issue, but I thought that, well maybe, you could stay with me and my sister, Queenie, at least for while.”
The words smack Credence across the face. He can’t help but stare, dumbly, and Tina looks away. Her coat is going to need ironed by the end of this, Credence notices. His gaze follows the choppy movements of her hands, and he can’t find the breath to speak.
“I know it might sound odd, but I promise you’d be safe with us. And it would only be for a short time, until we find something else for you.”
“I know I’d be safe with you. But I don’t think it would be proper, living with two women.” Credence admits. Tina huffs, and he worries he’s offended her.
“Then you could stay with Director Graves.”
“No!”
Tina jumps at the fervor in Credence’s voice. She finds him with his hand outstretched, his face contorted into an expression of fear, and maybe shame. She licks her lips.
“I thought that’s how you would react.” She says, more to herself than Credence. “I told them it would be a bad idea. I don’t know how President Picquery even considered it.”
“P-President Picquery considered it?”
“Well, yes. I was able to, umm, interrupt them when they were discussing their decision. I didn’t think you would like living with the person who… I’m sorry. I might sound inconsiderate. But Grindelwald used you while wearing Graves’s face, and I couldn’t imagine you would want to be around him.”
“I-I…” Credence lowers his arm and folds his hands together, studying them. Does he want to see Graves again? Yes, he does, for the game, and for the way his eyes calmed the swirling void of fury inside him. Should he say that to Tina? Did she know he’d already met the real Director?
“It’s okay, Credence. If you don’t want to stay with either of us, I can find something else for you.”
“No, no. I think I can stay with you, for a while. A-and maybe, if it’s okay, I can stay with the Director later, if he allows it.” Credence suggests. He finishes the sentence with a whisper, afraid to meet Tina’s eyes. At her silence, his face begins to burn. Was that the wrong suggestion to make? Panic starts to bubble up in his chest.
“Actually, Credence, that’s a very good idea. And I wish I had thought of it.”
From the door, a familiar voice fills the room. Credence starts and Tina whirls. Before them, Mr. Graves leans against the door, President Picquery standing tall and regal behind him. There is a fondness in her expression as she regards Credence, but Credence cannot help but allow Graves to drag his gaze to him. He isn’t smiling, but the potent darkness Credence remembers is nowhere to be seen. The deep red scarf that is twisted around his neck makes him appear less pale, and his skin does have more color since the last time Credence saw him; there are still rings beneath his eyes. His face is thinner, but he doesn’t seem to be in pain. He regards Credence with a cool, intelligent attention, and the bloom of warmth under Credence’s skin only grows hotter.
“Director, I thought that you were--”
“I allowed him, Miss Goldstein.” Picquery interjects. “I heard Mr. Barebone was recovering nicely, and with Director Graves having already made his acquaintance,” she shoots a pointed look at Graves, who ignores it. “I thought there no harm in allowing him audience as you and Credence make your decisions.”
Tina hums, unsatisfied, and draws even nearer to Credence. His eyes flick to her for a moment until he understands she’s trying to comfort him.
“I-I’m not afraid of Director Graves.” He says. Tina remains close to him, and Graves pushes off from the doorframe.
“That is good, especially if you decide to stay with me.” The Director pauses at the foot of Credence’s bed. He hesitates, searching for a sign that his presence is unwanted, but Credence gives him none. Graves leans down, his palms pressing into the mattress.
“Director!” Tina growls. “Please, don’t try to intimidate him!”
“I’m not intimidating him.” Graves dismisses, just as Credence assures Tina:
“He’s not intimidating me.”
A rough, high laugh resounds from the hall and President Picquery twists to glare over her shoulder. Credence hears Miss Ermine muttering apologies through her gasps for breath, and Credence can’t help but smile. Graves raises an eyebrow.
“I see you’ve become quite attached to Nurse Ermine.”
“She’s a very nice woman.”
“She always has been.” Graves agrees. Before Credence can ask him more, he stands. “I’ll see you in the future, Credence. It was my pleasure to finally meet you.” He nods at Tina and moves toward the door. There is a strange tremble in his gait, and when he reaches Picquery’s side, he grasps her shoulder and leans against her for a moment. The President keeps a firm hold on his upper arm, seemingly unsurprised. Tina, however, gasps loudly and Graves pushes off from the President’s side with a low growl.
“Don’t patronize me, Goldstein.”
Tina stands dumbfounded, her fist to her mouth.
“No, Director, I didn’t mean--”
Without another word, Graves sweeps out the door, legs steady, though Credence wonders if it’s from sheer determination, or sheer spite. He knows the feeling, and it lumps heavy in his throat. A man like Graves would never want to show weakness. Credence never wanted to, either. For a second his hands sting with remembered pain, and then Tina’s profuse apologies to President Picquery draw him from his memories. The words are fuzzy, and he chooses not to pay attention to them. He can’t shake the sight of the Graves, the Director of Magical Law Enforcement, barely making it out his door. Credence wonders if that was the reason for him leaning against the doorframe, for bracing himself on Credence’s bed.
When Credence looks back up, Picquery catches his eyes and inclines her head.
“Goodbye, Credence. Goldstein will keep me updated on your situation.” Lower, she says: “You should never feel responsible for what has happened in the past. Remember this.”
Then the President is gone, and Tina sighs.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Credence.”
“I know.”
“Well, if, umm, you want to, you can come back with me. Or, we can wait until tomorrow.”
“Umm, I…” Credence glances out the window (the one Miss Ermine had repaired what seems like an eternity ago), and sees that shadows have become solid. Dusk has turned into night, and when Credence answers, he realizes he’s more tired than he has been in weeks.
“Tomorrow.” He says. Tina nods, smiling. She walks to his side and bends down, than pauses, unsure of what to do. She give him a rigid hug, but her smile still remains as she straightens.
“It won’t be bad.” She assures.
“I’m not worried about that.”
“Okay, good. And my sister is, well, she can be tiring, but she means well and…” Tina suddenly begins to cry, and Credence stares in confusion. “Oh I should have done this before. I can’t believe it took the destruction of the city to see how blind I am!”
“No, please, don’t feel bad!” He practically yells. “Y-you said you were going to try harder, and you have. I’ll never be able to repay you for this.”
Tina’s dabbing a handkerchief at her eyes when she tells him: “You’ll never have to repay me, or any of us. The entire world failed you, Credence. It wasn’t your fault.”
“O-okay.” Credence’s acceptance comes out as a stammer. He’s being torn in a million directions, but Tina is still there, crying over him, and Graves isn’t the horrible person Credence once believed him to be. For once in his life, Credence is safe. He has people that care for him, even if he doesn’t fully know why, and that is all he ever could have asked for.
Tina nods and grins and cries as she bids him goodbye, promising him she’ll be by in the morning, and that Credence can have a home with her as long as he needs. Once she’s gone, the quiet in his room is heavy. He collapses back against the pillows, craving sleep but wanting to stay awake and imagine how this life might be, now that everything’s changed.
A sharp knock on his door alerts him to Miss Ermine’s presence, and before he knows it, she’s pulled him into an embrace, and this time, he hugs her back.
“Oh sweetheart, I think I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.”
“It will be fine, though. Tina’s a good girl, and Graves, well, he means the best. Keep that in mind when he gets on your nerves.”
“I doubt he will.” Credence says, and Miss Ermine giggles as if she knows from experience that Graves will, indeed, get on his nerves.
“You deserve a good life, Credence. And I think you’re going to get it.”
Credence doesn’t say anything to that, because he can’t. He wants to believe it’s true; he almost can. The nightmares he used to have are gone, and his sleep is healthy and refreshing for the first time in as long as he can remember. But, there is still darkness that sometimes weasels in. Sometimes it’s his darkness, sometimes it’s the darkness of the Church. For so long, he was told he was worthless, and that notion is a hard one to shake. A good life? Is he even deserving of something like that?
Credence hopes so.
He really hopes so.