Chapter 10
Texts between Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy, sent the morning after the Auror Christmas Piss-up Party
HP > RW
Mate I’ve fucked up.
RW > HP
Unless the Ministry is under attack or Mum’s taken up paleo again there is no reason for you to be having a crisis on my phone at 5-fucking-shitting-fucking-am on a Saturday.
HP > RW
Right. Happy to report that the Ministry and your Mum’s intestines are both fine. I slept with Draco.
Slept like had sex with him.
3 times.
Honestly bit impressed with myself.
RW > HP
What?
HP > RW
Impressed at having managed it 3 times.
RW > HP
No, the ‘what’ was about the sleeping with Draco bit.
Tho’ nice one, most I’ve ever managed was 8 times in a row but good effort.
HP > RW
1. Fuck you you jammy bastard.
2. There’s no way. Did you hydrate?
3. I fucking slept with fucking draco what the fuck why why why what have i done help me please.
RW > HP
Mate. It’s 5am.
HP > RW
Not helping. He’s still here, still asleep. Should I wake him up?
Or maybe make him breakfast?
What’s the poshest kind of breakfast pastry? He use to like those chocolate rolls at Hogwarts but last week I saw him eating a danish.
Ron?
Ron?
Shit he just rolled over, help me ROn.
He rolled straight out of bed and went into the bathroom. What do I do? Ron?
DM > RW
Weasley I have made a grave mistake and require your assistance. For reasons I will never explain I need you make your way to Potter’s house and engage him in conversation for at least 20 minutes. Preferably in the kitchen.
RW > DM
What’s your favourite kind of breakfast pastry?
DM > RW
Almond croissant. Will you help me? In Slytherin we would take up arms and lay down our lives for our friends. Can I hope that the same flame of loyalty burns in the Gryffindor hearth?
Ronald?
Ron please respond, time is of the essence.
RW > HP
Draco likes almond croissants and he’s fancied you for the last 3 years. He’s also freaking out in the bathroom. Text me again and I will kill you.
RW > DM
Harry fancies you. Turning off my phone now, night night.