My Dad, the Boy (*Man) Who Lives

December 25th 1994

Winter was a wonderful season, especially when it was time for Christmas. Families were bound to be together and celebrate the holy night a day before, picking and decorating the tree while sharing their fond memories of the previous Christmas days. Moreover, none other was more excited about Christmas than the kids. It was after all the kind of day that all children have been waiting for every year.

Talking about Christmas and children always reminded the parents of the tradition and story about Santa Claus. Who wouldn’t love an old man who brought them presents every year?

The kids would leave a plate of cookies and a glass of milk for the Father of Christmas, closed to the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. Trying to catch him by camping out in front of the tree or sneaking out of their bedroom passed bedtime to catch Santa. In the end, they would get tired and fell asleep, then they would wake up to find many kinds of sparkling presents wrapped nicely with bows under the tree.

Course they didn’t know that their parents have been placing the gifts while they were sleeping. Santa Claus might not exist, but it was the happiest moment in everybody’s childhood to believe that there was a grandpa dressed in red carrying a giant bag full of presents for well-behaved children.

Most children believed in Santa and it wasn’t a complete wonder that Tony was a believer as well before he went to Ilvermony. And it wasn’t a surprise when he found out about the truth about Father Christmas.

It was quite a disaster when Harry picked him up from his dorm room that first year. The boy was pouting and Harry was given a silent treatment the whole apparition home. The Savior of British Wizarding world never dreamt of seeing his son this quiet before. It was quite amusing.

He didn’t know whether to worry if Tony was sick or something or to commemorate the day as the first day the chatty boy held his tongue for more than 10minutes, not including sleeping.

When they arrived home, the boy immediately rushed over to his mom and pulled her to his bedroom on the second floor. None of the occupants of the mansion found out about what had upset their little firecracker until Mo… Maria told them about Tony’s friends making fun of him about the existence of Santa Claus.

The week following towards Christmas was hell for everybody, though. Consoling the child about the non-existent of Santa Claus was… bugger, bugger, bugger!

It’s like consoling and treating a kicked puppy. Even a kicked puppy was better than a kicked Tony.

It was quite some time for the boy to come back to his usual enthusiastic puppy joy when Christmas came along. And somehow he still believe in Santa Claus. In his words, “if magic is real. Why not Santa Claus?”

Anyhow…

He was mostly alright now when Christmas arrived. And he stopped providing a plate of cookies and warm milk in front of the fireplace (after a very long discussion of Santa Claus having diabetic, * it’s not a completely bogus reason). It was such a waste of Mr. Jarvis’ perfectly warm big chocolate chip cookies.

Well, the tradition came back quite strongly when Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes came to live with them 3 years ago.

3 years ago…

December 1991

It’s been three days since Harry took James Buchanan Barnes aka Captain America’s best friend Bucky, aka the winter soldier to St Agnes’ Hospital in New York, the equivalent of St Mungo’s Hospital of Magical Maladies and injuries, where Harry studied to be a healer.

That night, after disabling the street camera nearby of its memory of the attempted plot of assassination, Harry immediately shrunk the car before pocketing it and transported (side-apparated) his parents along with their assailant slash his adopted father’s old friend to the nearest motel. (the perks of being the master of Death was he had quite an abundance of magic supplies in his core)

The wizard was very reluctant in bringing the unconscious man along, but the sheer guilty look on Howard’s face and the way he used to tell him and Tony of the two men he couldn’t save (even if he wasn’t there to help them if he could) was enough to weigh on Harry’s conscience.

While His father tried his hardest to get mom to calm her nerve and rest, Harry got a task to do. He did the job he vowed to do as a healer to cure and save as many people as he could whether they were evil or good; thus, he came across some (a lot) concerns in his magical check up, mostly involving his patient’s mind.

The man’s mind seemed to have been corrupted and in the car’s language, his wires have been fried and physically he wasn’t doing well seeing the length of injuries he had previously healed or scarred. It’s like the man has been imperio, crucio and tortured for a long time or 5 decades from the time he was pronounced dead in WWII. It was disheartening and Harry felt sick all at once.

Soon, Harry contacted his mentor at the hospital to consult and check the man into a room, since he wasn’t a mind healer. Now, the man has been transferred back to Harry’s care.

He looked well but reserved and quiet with that blank face. At least now, he has two real arms attached to him, making him looked almost normal. The wizard couldn’t decide whether the man was lucky or unfortunate that his arm was cut using mug… No-maj’s tools (Harry threw up when he found out that the man’s arm was sawed off) and not dark magic, making it easy to grow back.

The mind healer, his mentor suggested told him that she had healed Barnes’ mind as best as she could. Ridding him of the so-called trigger words as well. To maximize her effort, she needed to heal the scars and fixed the damaged brain cells and seeing the damages, the time needed to be wasn’t short either. It helped that the man somehow has an amazing healing factor (Harry suspected he had a super soldier serum in him).

The healer told him that she had restarted his mind, instead of resetting them altogether because erasing the whole memories were illegal and it would be disrespectful to the patient. At the moment Barnes has no recollection of who he was, whether as Bucky, sergeant Barnes or as the winter soldier. She told him that the memories would come around slowly in bits and pieces so as not too damning for the patient’s mind. The woman warned him that it could probably take years.

The best way to heal the man’s mind right now was time, acceptance and a monthly visit to St Agnes for check up. The poor man would never be the man he was before the torture. But in time, he would be able to move towards a better future.

After checking out his recent patient, Harry didn’t forget to visit the wizarding bank for a moment. After a quiet discussion, Howard told Peggy that he had destroyed the serum but the truth was, he has Harry safekeeping it. The case full of Howard’s super soldier serum has now been stored in Harry’s Gringotts vault, where it was safe untouched by thieves and a much safer than the military base.

Even with the history of torture and mind-controlled, Harry couldn’t help but put more spells on the man, just to prevent him from acting violent towards others. The former soldier has been through enough and Harry knew it’s wrong, but as a father and with the permission from both Starks, they decided that it was okay. At least until the former soldier regained his memories and former self.

That noon, when they arrived home, he brought Mr. Barnes to a room in the west wing, where the latter locked himself in and refused to come out at all. There’s a bathroom in the room where Barnes could clean himself and tracking spell on the man incase he decided to run away. So far, the food he has taken to him and put in front of his room has been eaten, so no problem on that part.

It’s already Christmas Eve and the man still refused to get out of the room. As his caretaker and healer, Harry was worried. Then again, sergeant Barnes’ choices has been taken off of his hands for half a century, so he felt wrong in forcing the man to do anything he didn’t want to.

The brit encouraged him to go outside, but his words weren’t being heard. Howard told him stories from Barnes’ past and tried to bait him with old photo albums and Steve’s memorabilia stuffs, but no reaction as well. Even the lady of the house had talked to him, but nothing could get through the man.

To his surprise, and everybody else, when Christmas morning arrived, they found the red single comfy chair in front of the fireplace to be occupied. It was none other than by their residence hermit inside a bundle of blankets up to cover half of his face.

“I knew it!” Tony’s voice came from behind them loudly.

Mom glared at him for disrupting the man’s sleep. “Lower your voice, honey. The poor man is sleeping.”

Merlin’s beard, the man was sound asleep still. For a former brainwashed killer, Harry thought at least he would be alerted with the noise Tony had made.

“What…?” Howard shook his head in disbelief. “What did you say to make him come out here, Tony?”

“Well, I…”

The Jarvis’ and Tony knew about their guest minus the assassination attempt, but the former tried not to interrupt the man while the latter apparently did the opposite of what his parents told him not to do.

“Well, I couldn’t sleep,” the boy looked at the ground and digging his toes on to the floor, looking a bit guilty for disobeying his parents. “So, I kind of sat in front of his room and told him about all kinds of things. Just for an hour though.” He added immediately. “Mostly inventions and stuff and then I got into talking about Santa Claus and candies and chocolates.”

Their son looked pleased and proud at this part. “I was surprised when he said something. I mean, I talked and he would only listen to me like the days before. Did you know that he’s a good listener? I mean I know he didn’t really say anything and that doesn’t mean that he…”

“Tony,” Harry said quietly, stopping his son from rambling and got off the topic.

“Oh, right.” His cheeks grew red. “He told me that his ma used to make these amazing chocolate chip cookies when Christmas came. They didn’t have much money, so his mom only made sweets on birthdays and Christmas. Then I remembered that Jarvis just made a bunch of chocolate chip cookies. I asked him if he wanted to come out and wait for Santa with me. He said no, but I said that I’m going to leave a plate of cookies and a glass of warm milk for Santa in front of the fireplace.”

They all looked towards the small table between the chair and the Christmas tree and there it was a white plate with cookie’s crumbs and an empty glass.

Tony has a smirk on his face like a cat that got the cream. That look of mischief always reminded Harry of the Weasley twins. The little boy whispered conspiratorially. “He didn’t know that Santa has a diabetic or that the cookies were for him.”

That was the day he learned that when the mind healer advised him to be patient, she really meant it. The memories started to come back from the time the sergeant was a kid and gradually towards his adulthood and unfortunately also the memories of his time being tortured and used as an assassin.

Three years ago, he has a mind of a 5-year-old and in a house full of strangers. That should have clued Harry in, but in his defense, this was his first time handling a patient with mind sickness. Being a kid himself, Tony was more trustworthy than the rest of the adults.

Thank Merlin, that time of him as a toddler has passed. His self as a teenager and soldier has been spent quite well in Stark’s Mansion. Unfortunately when he started remembering his time being tortured and enslaved, he needed to be confined to St Agnes. Harry visited as much as he could and now three years in the future, Barnes has mostly regained his memories, the good and the worst.

Usually Barnes or ‘called me James’ was a lot quieter and shows little to no emotion most of the time. Occasionally he had this faraway gaze and often stopped in the middle of a conversation as if he was remembering something or thinking about something.

However, when it came to Tony, he rarely zoned out and put most of his focus onto the teen. The former Winter soldier was very fond of his boy. The man even asked Madam Guthrie, his mind healer to turn off his memory tap every time Tony came home for holidays. With Teddy being more in control of his metamorphagus, he and Andromeda visited the Stark mansion whenever they could on their free time. James enjoyed the boys’ company so much.

They called him uncle James and ‘till today Harry always teased the man about his ‘It’s manly cry’ moment. Furthermore, they kept their memorable traditions of a plate of cookies and warm milk.

And instead of one glass, they put three glasses because Teddy liked the idea and included himself in the tradition. Moreover, they even made a blanket fort in front of the Christmas tree. The three of them would talked while enjoying their midnight snack before sleeping in the fort.

Christmas was like the only time Mr. Jarvis, Andromeda and mom would allow midnight sweets. Harry, Howard and Anna weren’t that strict and sometimes slipped more cookies to the boys. James was freer around the young ones, so he didn’t count as a responsible adult.

Just a week before Harry and his son came back for Christmas holiday, madam Guthrie had proclaimed that James had no more blank spots on his mind and even sad not to see the man again. Yet, she threatened him with bodily harm if the man came back there again with his mind being tempered. The medi-wizard sure knew how to say her farewell.

After this announcement, Harry could see a change in the brunette. It wasn’t subtle for the other grown-ups and kids to notice; on the contrary, as his personal healer and friend, Harry couldn’t help but notice that the sergeant has been having more of his spacing out moments.

So when he caught James sitting on the rug staring into the fireplace alone before sunrise, he thought to confront him about it. The wizard deliberately put more sound onto his footsteps as not to spook the vigilant man.

Harry sat next to the man and put a silencing spell around them to have a quiet undisturbed talk. He assumed the boys were still sleeping inside the fort, but the silencio was just a precaution.

“So, how are you sergeant?”

The man shrugged shortly after.

Ah, it’s one of those moments when he didn’t feel like talking. “I noticed you were distant these days.”

Without turning his head around, James took a short glance at him but didn’t say anything. Sometimes he admired and at the same time hated the easy way the man could put up an expressionless face. He was very difficult to read.

“Is there something on your mind? Maybe I could help you search for a solution.” He added at the last second. “And don’t worry, nobody can hear us.”

That got a reaction out of him in a form of a raised eyebrow. “You have a spell to have a private conversation?”

Never once had James questioned about the magic that he saw Harry and the healers at St Agnes did. When being asked, he told him that his grandaunt has magic and asked him to keep it a secret since his parents didn’t know and would likely had heebie-jeebies at her for using them. That confirmed that James came from a line of squib.

The healer’s lips twitched into a smile a little at the comment. “Silencing spell. So, whatever you want to talk about will be for our ears only.”

“What if I don’t want to talk about it?” He retorted back quietly, but not in a harsh way and more like a simple question.

“Then we don’t have to.” The sound of the fire crackling sounded soothing. “But I bet you will feel better after speaking about it.”

It was a long minute before James spoke. “I’m thinking about accepting Peggy’s offer.”

“Offer?”

“She asked me if I want to help her and Howard to clean up the ‘house’.”

In the years of James being treated at the wizarding hospital, certain nasty information came to light. They found out about Hydra and how they have latched themselves inside SHIELD.

With this information, ms. Peggy and Howard began gathering intel and put a team of trusted people to quietly snuff out the agents of Hydra. It will be a long time before they could flush out all the bugs, but both directors wouldn’t rest until they exterminate all the pest.

“Well, in my opinion, you could use more time to deal with your PTSD or what they called shell-shock in your days,” Harry informed him.

“I don’t know you specialize in psychology as well.” The man commented nonchalantly, but tensing nonetheless.

“Well, having you as a patient required me to read new methods. Anyhow, after a discussion with madam Guthrie, I learned that the healing magic did heal your mind from most of the symptoms.”

From his peripheral vision, he saw his friend turned to face him with an intense almost penetrating gaze.

“But you’re not the type of person who will let a sinister organization like HYDRA to recruit more people and continued to actualize their motto.”

“Cut of one head, two more shall take its place,” James said out of reflex. Both men flinched at the statement.

The Brit cleared his throat to break the unpleasant silence. “So, I guess you’re going to accept the offer, then.”

It was more of a statement rather than a question, but even if it was the latter, the silence was as good as an answer.

“At least, wait until we go back to school before you say your goodbyes to the boys.” Then he added with a pointed glare and a non-negotiable promise. “And you have to keep contact with ms. Peggy and Howard. And see the boys in summer and Christmas. At least a few days each.”

His eyebrow twitch a bit and a small smile arose on his face. “Deal.”

Harry knew he couldn’t stop the man, but at least he’s going to try his best in providing his friend with as much protection as he could before the man left with his missions slash revenge plots.

***