Chapter 1
Tap tap tap
Harry groaned and pulled his duvet over his head in an attempt to block out the sound of the owl tapping impatiently on the window.
Tap tap tap
Harry sighed heavily and threw the duvet off his body, casting a Tempus charm as he stood. The glowing numbers read 5:39am and Harry groaned again. He’d barely been asleep for two hours, having just returned with Hermione and Ron from a 7 month trip to Australia.
He rubbed his eyes, deciding that he was up now and there was no point complaining.
He opened the window for the owl, shivering at the gust of icy cold wind that the owl brought with it. The owl swooped in gracefully, landing on his headboard. Harry made his way back to the bed and took the letter from the owl, who seemed more than a little impatient at his slow pace.
Harry cast a lumos and turned the letter over, his heart stopping at the sight of the dark green St Mungo’s logo stamped on the wax seal. Harry could see his hands shaking as he moved one to remove the seal and open the envelope.
Harry knew that St Mungo’s would only send out owls for two reasons - if they were informing a patient of the date and time of a follow up appointment or if someone they were on the emergency contact list for was in a critical condition. Harry knew he didn’t have or need follow up appointment, so it could only be the latter option.
Harry fumbled with the seal in his haste to open it, his panic increasing by the second as he ran through the list of people who he knew that could be in such a critical condition.
Was it Ron? Hermione? Molly or Arthur? Could it be Teddy?
Dear Merlin please let it not be Teddy.
Harry had barely spoken to Teddy since he’d left for Australia in March. He’d floo called him once or twice in April due to his birthday, but all international travel had been halted for months in Australia after a Wizarding serial killer had escaped from the Australian version of Azkaban. Even just getting home with their pre-booked Portkey took almost two days worth of rigorous tests and checks.
Giving up his fight with the wax seal, Harry ripped into the envelope and pulled out the letter, eyes quickly scanning over the neatly printed green words.
Dear Mr Potter,
You are receiving this urgent letter due to your place on the emergency contact list of Andromeda Cassiopeia Tonks.
During the early hours of this morning, Mrs Tonks’ condition worsened and she is currently in a critical condition.
We regret to inform you that the medical staff here at St Mungo’s who are responsible for the care of Mrs Tonks do not believe that she will be able to survive the morning.
We advise you to treat this as the emergency it is and visit the patient at your earliest convenience, using the emergency Portkey enclosed with this letter.
Sending our condolences at this difficult time,
Harriet Smith & Elliot Robinson
Heads of the Magical Core Department
Harry stared open mouthed at the letter, reading it twice more to make sure that it wasn’t a Portkey lag induced dream.
He pinched himself and the sharp pain confirmed that it was, in fact, real and that he needed to get to St Mungo’s right now.
He jumped up from the bed, startling the owl still perched on the headboard, who squawked indignantly.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Harry grabbed at the bowl on his dresser, taking a small handful of owl treats and thrusting them towards the owl, who snatched up two before flying back out the still open window.
Dropping the rest of the treats, Harry pulled off the old t-shirt he had slept in and cast several Cleaning charms in quick succession. He rummaged through his wardrobe, picking out a random shirt from the few he didn’t take to Australia. He dressed as fast as he could, not caring if anything he wore matched or not.
He snatched the Portkey up off the bed and read the little label attached.
To activate, say the full name of the patient
“Andromeda Cassiopeia Tonks!”
••••••••
Harry landed hard on the floor, his glasses skittering away from him.
“Do you need any help sir?”
Harry glanced up from his position on the floor to see the receptionist raising an amused eyebrow at him. She sat behind a curved white desk with ‘PORTKEY ARRIVAL DESK’ printed on the front in green block capitals.
“No! No, I’m fine. I’m ok.” He stammered, blushing as he picked himself up off the floor. He pulled his wand out of his pocket.
“Accio glasses”
He caught his glasses as the flew towards him and pushed them back onto his face. The receptionist’s eyes widened as she realised who had just landed in her waiting room.
“Oh! Mr Potter sir!” She scrambled to open the files on her desk. “Would you like a drink? Something to eat?” She asked breathlessly.
Harry rubbed a hand over his face. He really wasn’t in the mood for awestruck receptionists, he just wanted to get to Andromeda’s room as fast as possible.
“It’s just Harry, and no thank you. Can you tell me which room Andromeda Tonks is in please? It’s urgent.”
“Oh of course!” She giggled and not for the first time, Harry wished he wasn’t so famous.
“Room 517, floor five, the first corridor. Do you need someone to escort you?” She began to rise from her chair.
“No! Really, it’s fine! I can get there myself!”
Harry ran from the room before she could say anything more.
••••••••
Harry jumped into the lift, pressing the button for floor five repeatedly, panic rising.
What if I’m too late? He thought, urging the lift to move faster. He didn’t know how long the owl had been tapping on the window before he woke up and the receptionist had delayed him even further.
Finally, the lift doors opened with a ding, and Harry rushed out, albeit at a more sedate pace than before, due to the amount of patients and healers milling around, despite the early hour. He reached the corridor, which had ‘Magical Core Department’ written in dark green above the entrance.
The first two doors on either side were made from shiny mahogany wood and had golden name plates stuck onto the middle of them, just below the glass in the door. Harry didn’t pause to read the names, but assumed that they were the offices of the Heads of the department.
509...511...513...515...
“517!” He sighed in relief.
He hesitated for just a moment, hand raised to knock on the door. He took a few deep breaths and ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to calm himself.
He knocked on the door.
“Come in!” The voice was weak and frail, but still unmistakable as Andromeda’s.
Harry opened the door carefully and closed it as quietly as he could behind him. He gasped softly as he looked at the figure lying on the bed before him.
It was definitely Andromeda, but she looked so much older than she did when Harry last saw her, as if he had been away for 30 years rather than 7 months.
Her hair was still in the tight curls that mirrored Bellatrix’s, but the once dark locks were pure white and her hair was thinner. They framed her thin face, their volume making her face look smaller and more fragile.
Wrinkles lined her skin, covering her face and arms, which were laying on the blanket that covered her. Her skin was pale, far more pale than Harry assumed was healthy.
Her breathing was shallow and Harry didn’t think he’d ever seen someone look so old and ill, apart from Dumbledore after drinking the potion to get the horcux.
Andromeda smiled and pushed herself further up on the bed into a sitting position, grimacing ever so slightly.
“Harry! Oh, I haven’t seen you in so long! How are you? How was Australia?” She patted the arm of the chair that was next to her bed.
Harry managed a smile and took a seat, taking her bony hand in his.
“I’m great actually.” He replied, smiling softly at her. “Australia was good as well.” He took another deep breath and began talking.
“At first, it was unbearable. It was so hot over there and so different to Britain, so it took a while to get used to the climate and the people.” He smiled ruefully. “Even in Australia people came up to me for autographs!”
Andromeda’s laughter filled the room. “I know I shouldn’t laugh, but it always tickles me how unlucky you seem to be when it comes to meeting new people. You always manage to come across the most dedicated fans when you meet people. Remember the man in Madame Malkin’s?”
Harry flushed at the memory of the man who’d been so nervous about fitting robes on him that he’d punctured him with the pins about a million times.
“Anyway!” He said pointedly, “The first two months we spent searching for Hermione’s parents, which was made so much more difficult by the Australian ministry shutting down magical transportation down after that prisoner escaped. When we did eventually find them, it took weeks to convince them that we weren’t lying and that Hermione was their daughter. It was so hard for her, having them slam the door in her face....” he trailed off, fidgeting as he remembered how broken Hermione had been.
“When we did convince them, we had to spend nearly two months carefully undoing the memory charms so we didn’t damage their mental states. It was hard work, but it was so, so worth it when we watched them when they finally recognised Hermione.” Andromeda’s hand squeezed his gently.
“I can’t imagine going through that, Hermione is such a strong lady. I wish I could have been brave enough to seek out my parents again after I eloped with my husband and Dora was born.” She sighed and squeezed his hand again.
“She is one of the bravest people I know.” Harry replied, offering Andromeda what was hopefully a comforting smile.
“The last few weeks we spent telling the Granger’s what had happened in the Wizarding world. They obviously weren’t happy that Hermione had wiped their memories, but they’ve forgiven her now. We set them back up in their old house here in England, but they’re keeping their other home as a holiday home. ‘Mione’s over the moon that they’ve decided to come back.”
“She more than deserves it.” Andromeda said with a note of finality.
“So, did anyone catch your eye while you were there?” She asked with a devious smile.
Harry groaned. Andromeda and Molly Weasley had an unhealthy obsession with his love life, determined to help him find 'The One' after he broke it off with Ginny. “No! There was one guy in the forensic department in the Australian ministry though. He was.... attractive but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone more dense. He was woeful at his job, he compromised so much evidence - didn’t use any gloves or statis charms to preserve the evidence! I’d hoped to pick up some tips for back home, but I’ve never seen anything more disorganised.”
Andromeda sighed. “You are far too attached to that job. You went for a holiday and to help Hermione.” Her tone was light and slightly scolding, but Harry knew she understood the attachment he had to his job, probably better than anyone else did.
The pair lapsed into silence, the only sound being the beeps of the heart monitoring charm. Harry took another deep breath, something he seemed to be doing a lot today, and opened his mouth again.
“And how about you? How did you end up this bad?” He asked quietly. He knew he probably should have asked that straight away, but faced with a smiling and almost normal Andromeda, he hadn't the courage to immediately address the elephant in the room.
Andromeda sighed quietly. “As you can see, things got a lot worse after you went to Australia.” She raised a hand to tuck a white lock of hair behind her ear. “As you know, my... illness is related to my magical core. The healers didn’t discover what was causing it until just after you left with your friends.” She smoothed the sheets over her lap.
“As you know, your magic is closely tied to your emotions - it’s why many people perform accidental when angry or upset, it’s why you need happy memories to produce a Patronus and why you need strong feelings of hate for the Cruciatus curse and the killing curse to work.” She waved her hand in the air, seemingly trying to gather her thoughts again.
“My Healers believe it is my magical core’s response to the loss of my husband, daughter and son-in-law. They say it is my body speeding up the process of my death so I am able to join them in the afterlife.” She raised a trembling hand to her mouth, letting out a choked sob, her eyes glistening with unshed tears
Harry instantly stood, putting his arms around her.
“I don’t want to go! I’d give anything to see them all again, just once, but I want to be here for Teddy, I want to be here to meet your next partner, I want to watch you all grow up!” Her still trembling hands covered her face and she leaned into Harry’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes, with Harry's arms around her shoulders and her face resting on her shoulder, until Andromeda gently pushed at his shoulder, brushing away the last of her tears and sniffing.
“Oh look at your shirt!” She fussed with the sleeve of his shirt, which was darkened and damp from her tears.
“Nothing a quick spell can’t fix!” He said with false cheeriness. Harry wouldn’t mention the sudden outpouring of emotion - Andromeda wasn’t a particularly emotional woman, a side effect of the many years she was groomed to be a perfect Pureblood. She still believed, deep down that showing her emotions so openly was quite distasteful.
“You didn’t tell me how you ended up hospitalised.” Harry said softly, looking away from Andromeda to dry his shirt, allowing her a few seconds to compose herself once more.
“To put it simply, the seizures got worse.” Her eyes were still red and her hands, clasped in her lap, were not quite steady, but she looked as well put together as ever. “When I first got them, they lasted a few minutes and weren’t very powerful, because the magic had only just started escaping my magical core and it was only trickling out of the metaphorical ‘crack’ in it. They got longer and more powerful over time, going from minutes to 18 hours in little more that 13 months. You know that obviously, since you were here. But after you left.... things only got worse. A few hours turned into a day. A day turned into three. Three days turned into six. Six days turned into ten. Ten turned into fifteen. They got more powerful and more dangerous to those around me as the magic created a steadily growing hole in my core, leaking out and destroying things that were around me when the episodes began. The last one lasted three weeks.” She looked away from Harry, sniffing.
“The worst thing was that I could feel when one was about to begin. My magic would crackle under my skin, any spells I cast would be slightly more powerful. It was terrifying knowing I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” She sighed again, looking down at her hands. “The hole in my magical core created by the seizures is now so big that the rest of my magic is flowing out freely, which is why I will die soon.” Her voice broke as she ended the last sentence and Harry could feel his heart breaking alongside it.
“I feel so guilty for staying away now.” Harry murmured. “If I’d have known things would have gotten so bad for you, I wouldn’t have travelled to the other side of the world. I wish I’d visited you more than I did, I wish I hadn’t become so dedicated to my job.” Harry could feel tears pricking in his eyes and rubbed furiously at them. It wasn’t his pity party for Merlin’s sake!
A wrinkled hand cupped his cheek and raised his head.
“You have nothing to be guilty about. Nothing. You went to Australia to help your best friend get her parents back, my health wasn’t something that should have been high on your list of priorities. I suffered from short, infrequent seizures, nothing that we knew to be life threatening. You couldn’t have known it would escalate to this and you shouldn’t feel guilty that you weren’t here. I don’t hold it against you, I never would, because I know you would do everything to help someone you care about if you could. It wasn’t intentional, you not being here.” She said ferociously, her tone indicating that there was no room for Harry to argue.
“You visited us as often as you were able to. You may see it as not often enough, but I don’t. You struggled horrifically during and after the war. You deserved the months you took to recover. I know not getting into the Auror ranks was incredibly difficult for you, but you managed to turn that into something good. You trained so hard and worked so hard to improve your mental health, yet you still found the time to visit us. It wasn’t always regular, but that doesn’t matter. You were recovering in the aftermath of a war, yet you were still there for Teddy and me. And that is all that matters.” She said firmly.
“And as for your job? You love your job, the same way I loved my job as a Quidditch commentator back in the day. I don’t hold that against you. In fact, I’m unbelievably proud of you. Most people would have caved under the intense pressure you were under to be perfect for the rest of the Wizarding world, to become an Auror like your parents, or under stress of mental health problems, but you didn’t. You recognised that you needed help and saw mind healers. You found a way to overcome the intense disappointment of failing the exams for the Aurors and found a job that you adore. You have no need to regret the dedication you have for your job. You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t dedicated.” She brushed a stray tear from Harry’s face.
“You are an amazing role model for Teddy and others and I wouldn’t be able to find a better person for him to look up to.” She finished decisively, removing her hand from his cheek.
“I know that me telling you that won’t magically make that guilt disappear, but I hope it helps you to rid yourself of it and ease its intensity.” She said quietly.
Harry took a moment to compose himself. It wasn’t often that Andromeda spoke with such passion and emotion, as she was generally quite a reserved woman. It only made the little speech more powerful.
Harry didn’t think he could remember the last time someone had told him they were proud of him.
“Thank you.” Harry whispered. “I think I needed that - it does help a little.” He smirked slightly. "I didn't know you were a Quidditch commentator."
She blushed. "Quidditch was a passion of mine. I was never any good at the game itself, but I had quite a talent for commentating, if I do say so myself. It was something that my parents would have despised too, so I jumped at the chance to make it a career. I'm sure you would be able to find some old recordings of some of the matches I covered in one of those Quidditch stores you love so much." She smiled faintly
She smiled at him and removed her hand from his face.
“And Teddy? What will happen to him?” Harry asked quietly. It was the question that he’d wanted to ask since he’d entered the room, but he hadn’t felt right asking about Teddy when faced with the severity of Andromeda’s condition.
Andromeda sighed softly and took both of Harry’s hands in hers.
“I know you are his godfather and that he adores you, but Teddy will be living with Draco.”
“What?” Harry exclaimed.
“I know the two of you have a... history, but it is in Teddy’s best interests.” She said quietly. “Draco has practically lived with us since he discovered I was ill. He came to us before that, eager to make up for the mistakes his family made. He has been nothing but perfect with Teddy and me. Teddy adores him, just like he adores you. Teddy calls him ‘Papa’ actually.”
“He’s not his real father. Remus is his real father!” Harry protested.
Andromeda raised an amused eyebrow. “Draco said something very similar the first time Teddy addressed him as 'Papa'. He protested against it for a long time, but Teddy is stubborn.” She smiled fondly. “He told Draco - in his limited three year old vocabulary mind you - that he knew Draco wasn’t his father, that he was his papa instead. He insisted they were different. He still refers to Remus as his father when he talks about his parents.”
Harry frowned.
“Teddy has been staying with Draco during my episodes. He’s used to staying with Draco and Draco only wants the best for him. Teddy has had far too much disruption and change in his life, my death will be another change for him, so I don’t want to take him away from Draco. Doing so would be another massive and unnecessary change on top of him struggling with my death.” Andromeda squeezed his hands in what Harry assumed was meant to be a comforting manor.
“Besides, you work all week, Draco doesn’t. Teddy is only 3, he needs someone familiar there with him. There’s Molly, of course, but it isn’t the same as having someone younger and more able to keep up. Molly loves Teddy but she knows that she and Arthur wouldn’t be able to handle chasing an overactive three year old around five days a week.”
Harry sighed. “What about visiting him?” He asked.
“Again, Draco only wants the best for Teddy. He wouldn’t stop Teddy from seeing you because he knows how much you care for each other. I know he is willing to disregard personal feelings regarding you to make Teddy happy.” She looked sharply at him, in a manner eerily reminiscent of Professor McGonagall. “I expect you to do the same.”
“How can you be so sure?” Harry questioned. He had seen Malfoy occasionally over the years since the war, usually in Andromeda’s. They had barely been civil to each other in the short amounts of time they had been exposed to each other while within Andromeda’s house and Harry struggled to see how she could be so certain about this.
“We discussed it. Communication is key when it comes to caring for a child. I told him that I intended to make sure he had custody of Teddy, as long as he promised to allow you to be around him often as well. He agreed quite easily, because, as I’ve repeatedly said, he wants what is best for Teddy.” Andromeda places careful emphasis on the last few words, as if she was talking to someone particularly slow.
“And I can’t do anything about this?” Harry asked wearily.
If he was honest, it was more the fact that it would be Draco Malfoy caring for his godson that bothered him than the issue of Teddy's custody. Harry knew he wasn’t really in a position to be the sole caretaker of a rambunctious three year old.
He often worked long hours, his schedule changing almost constantly due to the nature of his job. He would often bring work home with him, and as a forensic analyst, who split his time between field work and the lab, many of the pictures that he would bring home would not be suitable for a three year to see. Given Teddy's naturally curious nature, it would only be a matter of time before he got hold of Harry's work files and Harry didn't want to be responsible for scarring Teddy for life.
His house was nowhere near suitable for a child to live there permanently. He still lived at Grimmauld Place and his busy work schedule meant he hadn’t had the time to fix it up. Sure, it was okay for the occasional sleepover for Teddy, but it was far too dangerous full time. There was probably all sorts of dark objects hidden in the the rooms that hadn't been cleaned out, if what he found in some of the others was anything to go by.
His mental health was also an issue. He still suffered with nightmares and loud noises or crashes would often induce a panic attack or flashbacks to the war. His mind healer had called it PTSD and while it was ever so slowly becoming less of an issue over time, having a small child with him all the time wouldn’t be very helpful to his healing process. He knew Teddy had inherited his mother’s clumsiness, so the chances of loud and potentially triggering noises would definitely increase.
“No, you cannot.” She replied gently. “You are his godfather, but as his guardian, it is I who ultimately decides who will gain custody of him. I will make it my dying wish for Draco to receive custody of him. That way, you cannot fight him for custody, as the courts will uphold my dying wish - it is traditional for them to do so.” She said it gently, yet firmly.
Harry nodded. “I can respect that. I may not be happy with your choice of guardian, but I’m not naive enough to believe I would be a perfect guardian for him. We both know that the responsibility of a child is something I probably wouldn’t be able to juggle with the rest of my responsibilities. Besides, if you believe it really is the best thing for Teddy, I will support your decision.”
Andromeda nodded shakily. “Thank you. It was difficult to make the decision, but it seems Hermione has rubbed off on you - you are being very reasonable.”
They lapsed into silence once more, hands joined on the edge of the bed, the heart monitor charm beeping slightly slower than before.
“I believe that you should discuss things with Draco as soon as possible.”
“I will, like you said, communication is key.” He smiled at her.
Suddenly, her arms were around his shoulders, pulling him towards him, her strength surprising for a woman on her deathbed.
“I want you to know how much you mean to me. I’m so glad you decided to visit and spend time with us, these past few years have been wonderful, despite the losses we have suffered and the issues we’ve faced. I want you to know how proud I am of you. I know I’ve said it already, but I truly am. I don’t want you to be burdened by my passing, remember the positive things, don’t focus on the fact that I’m gone.” She sniffed, hugging him harder, almost desperately. “I won’t be gone, not really. I’ll be there, in memories, photographs and hopefully in your hearts.”
Harry returned the hug with equal desperation, allowing his tears to fall. Harry hasn’t realised that this would be so difficult. He hadn’t realised that saying goodbye would be so painful. It was a different kind of pain, knowing that her death would be soon. Harry had always imagined that if he had been able to say goodbye to the others who died, it would have been easier, but it was in fact, the complete opposite.
They remained like that for what seemed like forever, both of them holding on to the other, armed with the knowledge that this would be the last time that they would experience it with each other.
They broke apart, wiping away tears.
“I would like you to leave now Harry.” She murmured, her thumb gently caressing his cheekbone. She shushed his protests.
“You have witnessed far too much death in your short life. I do not want to add to the list of loved one you have watched die. I would also like to say my goodbyes to my grandson and my nephew. They should be here soon.” She gently patted his cheek again and released him.
Harry nodded numbly, vision blurred by his tears. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
“Wotcher Andromeda.” He whispered to her as he stepped away from her bed and began to move towards the door.
She spoke again as he opened the door to leave.
“Wotcher Harry.”