Missed Days
Tenzin had expended far too much energy in the few weeks he had been my tether. Pema had looked after him for nearly a week before he was able to stay awake for any length of time and I was devastated to see the condition I had put him in. As hard as it was for me to continue looking into the pensive seeing what the brothers had been capable of, I couldn’t imagine what he had gone through in watching me. He kept me safe and he allowed me to enter and leave of my own accord, something that was clearly more draining than he had let on.
Yonten had asked me to join the warriors every morning that I wasn’t training with Tenzin, they went through a routine that I was struggling to understand and physically struggling to keep up with. It was similar to the combative dance Tenzin had taught me in my dreams, it required a lot more concentration and demanded more physical focus than I had realised. The only thing I could do to help myself was to try to remember my Quidditch days and how gruelling it had been to train every single day in harsh conditions.
I had a new teacher Wangchuk who was intimidating but in good spirits most days, he was a broad and muscular man, someone who spent a lot of time working on his physical strength, he was also well over one hundred years old, but with the air of a younger man about him. He explained the reasons why they trained every day and why it was so important for me to know how to physically fight.
‘Sometimes we rely too heavily on the use of tools,’ he said as I tried once again to balance on unstable planks of wood in the pond. ‘Wands have power, but that power can be expanded upon. Your body is a tool, the more physical strength you have the easier you will find it to yield your magical strength.’
‘I thought strength wasn’t everything?’ I asked, losing focus for just a second before finding my balance again. I needed to find a way from one end of the pond to the other without the use of my wand, but rather by the use of wooden planks that floated on top of the water.
‘It isn’t, but wouldn’t it have been easier to battle that dragon if you were quicker on your feet?’ He chuckled.
He had a point and just as I thought that, I lost all of my focus on the task at hand, falling into the freezing cold water of the pond. Wangchuk just looked at me and sighed.
‘Again.’ He commanded and I really had no choice but to keep going until he decided enough was enough. Unfortunately, that moment didn’t come until well into the evening hours and I was only failing because of exhaustion.
I missed Remus, I missed him so much. I wished every night that he could have been with me, giving me the extra strength I needed to succeed in the tasks I was being given, but he wasn’t, he was safe and sound back at Hogwarts exactly where he should have been. I hated to say it, but the longer I stayed in this place, the more I wondered if I would ever return home. I wasn’t learning the lessons quick enough, I wasn’t strong enough to pass whatever tests they wanted me to take and I was sure I would die without ever seeing Remus again.
Remus,
I miss you. I hope you’re okay, I hope you aren’t angry with me.
I can’t say anymore on when I will return to England, but I will do everything I can to make it home to you.
Happy Birthday, I can’t believe I’m not there, but I hope you’re having fun.
Yours
Angelina
‘Happy birthday Remus!’ Lily kissed Remus’s cheek as he entered the Potter’s home, he hadn’t been in the best mood when he left the castle, but Lily had insisted he make the trip that morning.
‘Thank you.’ He smiled and took his cloak and jacket off.
‘James is in the kitchen with Clara.’
Remus shuffled through the cosy house and tried his best to be cheerful about his birthday, but all thoughts led him back to Angelina. James and Clara were both chatting away in the kitchen with Remus’s father sitting, catching his breath.
‘Hello father, I see they’ve roped you into the ordeal as well.’ Remus joked and gave his father’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.
‘I wouldn’t miss my son’s birthday.’ Lyall chuckled, it was clear that he was getting older and less able every day, but he never once complained. ‘No Angie?’
Remus sighed and knelt beside his father. ‘I told you she’s away on a research trip.’ He carefully explained.
‘That was months ago, I thought she was coming back before Christmas.’
‘No, she is still away studying, I’m not sure when she’ll be back.’
‘Oh well… as long as she is happy and safe.’ Lyall smiled to himself more than anything.
More people began arriving, Benji, Jocelyne and their children came for a few hours, David and Cassie arrived later in the evening and David refrained from any drinking at all, which pleased Remus, George said his hellos before needing to get home to his wife and Darren had stopped by, more to see Clara than anything and that was just fine. It was a good day all in all and Remus was glad he spent it with his friends, he needed the time to relax in a safe place where his worries couldn’t get to him.
James handed him another butterbeer while they both sat out in the garden with David. Both Lily and Cassie needed to be up early the next day and Clara had gone back with Darren. Remus couldn’t deny he was slightly worried about how possessive Darren had been with Clara, barely letting him say a word to his old friend without being watched. James had gotten the fire pit going as the evening wound down and it ended up being a very cosy night.
‘David, you as well?’ James offered another cold butterbeer and it was clear that the young trainer wasn’t sure about what he should have said.
‘Erm… no, I shouldn’t. Thank you though.’ He pulled the sleeves of his thick navy cable knit jumper awkwardly and ran a slightly scarred hand through his messy black hair. Remus could suddenly see how handsome David really was, it reminded him of Sirius.
‘Why don’t you have one with me?’ Remus handed David the beer James had given him. ‘To celebrate my thirty-second birthday.’
David looked at Remus with his dark eyes and smiled, taking the cold bottle from his hand. James nodded sitting back down and opening another drink for Remus.
‘Happy birthday Remus.’ David said and took a gentle sip.
‘Happy birthday Moony.’ James laughed and Remus just smiled carefully turning the bottle in his hand. ‘So, David, how goes things down at the department?’
‘Good.’ David nodded and sipped his beer again, Remus could tell he was being careful not to down it all in one. ‘I’m heading to Romania at the end of the week to see about a young Norwegian ridgeback that they’ve acquired recently, I’ll only be gone for a few days and I have to admit, the last time I saw a dragon has made me nervous about the whole thing.’
‘What happened?’
‘Triwizard Tournament. Don’t get me wrong, Angie put up her best fight, but I think Remus can agree the Horntail was enough to put anyone off.’ David made Remus chuckle a little, he could see James shifting out of the corner of his eye.
‘I’ve not heard anything more.’ Remus sighed and swallowed a mouthful of the cool liquid. He hoped that would be enough to put the conversation about Angelina to bed.
‘I’m sorry if this is a sensitive topic,’ David started. ‘But I haven’t heard from Angie since before she went away, I wrote to her parents, but no one seems to know where she is exactly.’
Remus took a breath and looked into the crackling fire. ‘She is safe.’ He said, almost like a mantra, a repeated sentence designed only to give him comfort. ‘She’ll be home before you know it and I’m sure she’ll want to hear all about Romania when she’s back.’
Nothing more was said on the subject and eventually David went home for the night. James was kind enough to let Remus stay in the spare room instead of apparating back to the castle so late. Remus barely slept a wink through crying quietly. He missed Angelina with all of his being, even the wolf inside of him missed her.
Something needed to change, I needed to start doing things differently, my entire experience of the village was a feeling of being one step behind, I needed to start catching up and moving forward, Tenzin was right, time was running out.
I stopped complaining about how little rest I was getting and simply got on with the tasks I was being given by Wangchuk. He had asked me to rebuild the pond by hand one morning and instead of complaining, I just got onto my knees and worked out a plan of action. It took me the best part of two days, but eventually it was complete and I was exhausted.
Before I could make a move to retire he told me to go through same routine of crossing the pond without the use of magic. I failed miserably and went to bed cold and tired.
The next morning I was up and joined the morning warriors in their routine. I went through the motions of the combative dance, not really understanding it’s purpose, but doing my best to clear my mind and allow my body to stretch with the movements. They invited me to have breakfast with them and meditate with them afterwards.
I could still hear the brother yelling and screaming at me, trying his hardest to discourage me from doing anything that pushed me closer to getting rid of him, but I had noticed that the pain he tried to inflict on my joints had become less, the flashing images felt more like distant blurs and the screams were a little quieter than before. I finally felt like all the work I had done was worth it.
Wangchuk had pushed me harder, told me to move quicker, carry more weight and trust my body more. I tried, Merlin, I tried, but I felt like the further forward I got, the more he was asking of me. Tenzin had recovered just enough to see me going through the usual morning training, he didn’t look impressed exactly, but he was still recovering from being my tether several weeks later.
I was getting physically stronger and the more I trained with Wangchuk, the easier I found meditating. It no longer felt like falling back into a dream, but more like stepping through a doorway into a new existence, one that I had more control over than ever before.
‘Then maybe we should test that.’ Yonten’s voice floated through the desert plain of my subconscious. He couldn’t have been any more than a few feet away from me. I turned to find an old doorway, one that looked a lot like my parents’ front door, but much older and worn down. I opened the door and found myself back in the outside world, staring out at the mountains with a distant ringing in my ears.
Yonten was standing behind me and I quickly stood up to bow, giving him the respect he deserved as an Oracle.
‘If you think you have control over that place, then you will show it to me.’ He said, his voice sending a chill through me, he meant business. ‘Take me to your safe place.’
I swallowed, feeling like this was a test of sorts.
I sat back down and faced the mountains, it suddenly occurred to me that I had never taken Tenzin to my safe place before, he had always been the one to take me. I never asked him how he did it, I just followed him in, hoping that he would know what he was doing.
‘And that is why you will not pass the tests.’ Yonten said angrily. ‘You have no control, no discipline and no right to call yourself a leader! No one will follow you into battle if you do not take the first step yourself!’
He walked away as quietly as he had approached and I felt incredibly disheartened. What was I doing here? What was I supposed to do with the little knowledge I had been given? What questions was I supposed to be asking? Would I even want the answers as much as I think I would?
I wrote to Remus every chance I got, asking him what he was doing with his time, if he was okay, if Erin was doing well and Harry, anything that kept him talking to me, anything that kept his letters long and filled with something I could hang on to. I wrote to Darren as well, was he okay? I’d be home as soon as I could, I would find a way to get rid of the brothers, I would find a way for us both to be able to live long and happy lives. I was doing this for him, for family. I love my brother.
The next day Tenzin had come to my room, he was still weak, but he was adamant that we go back to the room and learn more about the brother, he invited Wangchuk to join us, but it was painfully obvious that his presence was more for Tenzin’s benefit than it was for mine. I kept quiet and did my best to gather the rest of the memories as quickly as I could while the two Oracles fought the brother off.
‘Our new heroes!’ An old man stood up on the stone steps of an ancient temple, one that looked frightening similar to the one close to where I’d found the she-wolf statue. Romulus and Remus stood tall waving out to the crowd filled with wizards and muggles alike, all of them cheering in a new age of peace for the Hills.
They looked in their element, much like Jack and I must have looked when entertaining in the courtyard. The brothers did tricks with their swords and gave the crowd a bit of a show, all of it to display their physical strength and prowess, even I had to admit it was impressive. They were clearly loved by all.
I looked around at the village that had slowly become more of a town and was more reminiscent of the abandoned settlement I had found. Buildings were being constructed all around me, people were selling gifts that looked like wolves to passers by and Dora was looking at Remus with adoration in her eyes. She was so beautiful now that she had grown into herself a bit more, it was clear to see why she had peaked his interest.
It was suddenly night time and I could hear whispering in the quiet settlement. Remus was guiding Dora to a secluded alleyway, both of them giggling away like children. He quickly looked to see if anyone was around before kissing her against the wall of the merchant’s shop. Remus loved her so much, his touch was gentle and caring against her skin, he held her like she would break and kissed her like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
He pulled back and looked into her deep blue eyes. ‘I love you, Dora.’
‘Good.’ She smiled, biting down on her lip. ‘Means you’ll never leave me.’
‘How could I leave you when you have given me so much happiness?’ Remus ran his hand through her hair and swallowed. ‘I want to give you something, to prove my love is real, to prove that I will always protect you and I will never leave you for anything.’ Remus stepped back slightly and pulled something from his leather pouch. ‘I know that it’s been hard over the last few years, my mother is getting better and my brother and I are working to restore the hills and make a new land for the people here. I realise that I may have appeared as if I was brushing you to one side, but I want you to know that I never would…’ Remus kneeled down and held his hand up to present Dora with a clear diamond ring. ‘Marry me, let me make you as happy as you have made me.’
Dora could barely speak, her eyes were filled with tears and words wouldn’t form in her mouth, but she managed to nod and Remus kissed her again, deeply and passionately. He quickly slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her again and again and again.
Remus married Dora in secret, no one to witness except a few priests. His eyes never drifted from hers, he was always touching her in some fashion, nothing else seemed to take his interest like she did.
I could suddenly feel something strange, a presence that I had only ever felt once before, it wasn’t light or dark or warm or cold, it wasn’t anything I could identify easily. I tried to turn around, but found myself unable to really move much at all, the presence couldn’t have been any more than inches from me, but somehow I couldn’t see it. Before I could properly analyse the feeling, it was gone and I was free to turn and see nothing out of the ordinary in the small church, nothing to suggest any kind of presence at all.
Remus and Dora kissed and left the church holding hands and celebrating with the few people who were there. They looked so normal and so happy like any other person who married the love of their life, it reminded me of Jocelyne and Benji’s wedding and how they occupied a world that was entirely their own.
I felt my body hit the hard floor of the pensive room and saw Tenzin and Wangchuk panting heavily. I quickly told them what I saw as usual and mentioned the strange presence, neither of the Oracles seemed to be able to come up with an answer.
‘Let us rest,’ Tenzin said as we began moving through the outline’s of my memories. ‘Angie, there can’t be much more for you to see if they have just married, we know that the brothers fought in a war soon after Remus married and Dora became pregnant. Remus died before his son was born.’
We spoke no more of the brothers and what I had seen, instead Tenzin took another week to rest and I spent the time training with Wangchuk. Pema had also taken an interest in teaching me about her plants, about how they grew and why. Most of the time it felt like she was teaching me life lessons, things about allowing things to grow naturally and having patience. It seemed her lessons were easier to grasp because of how like Remus she sounded, patience, happy and with a caring heart.
Remus,
I miss you. I lay down to sleep and all I can think of is how something is missing, I think I got far too used to your arms wrapped around me. I’ve been thinking about our future and the things I’d like to happen, about maybe finding a cottage in the middle of nowhere, a big forest outside and every night curling up near the fire with you… it seems a silly dream to have, but I think it’s worth a little thought.
I have been writing to Darren more regularly, it occurred to me that no matter how hard this is for me, he has no idea of what it really is that is inside of him. I keep trying to explain it, but the more I try to put it into words, the less words I find I can use to properly describe it.
Tenzin is recovering and I’m back training with Wangchuk, he’s pushing me harder, but I feel the challenges are making me stronger. I have a growing fear that I will come back different though, I feel like I will no longer be the woman who can make you happy and I desperately want you to be happy.
Yours
Angelina
Remus read the letter a few times over, his whole body was aching, it had been a bad night for him, but he still had a class to teach. Sixth years. None of them seemed to mind that he wasn’t in the mood for anything practical, preferring to sit at his desk, sip his tea and read the letter from Angelina a few times over.
He missed her more and more every day and he was terrified that she wouldn’t return to him. Her fears over changing were justified, but Remus kept telling himself that no matter how she changed, she would still be more than he could ever ask for.
Remus watched his sixth years studying quietly and prayed that none of them could see the aches and pains his body was going through. Nathan looked up at him and frowned before getting back to work. Remus hadn’t meant to let his hand drop to his desk with quite as much force as it had done, startling a few of his students, but it felt like a good excuse for him to dismiss everyone.
Not a single student stayed behind for any reason, all of them apparently sensing his tired state and thinking better of asking him any questions. Remus took his loose tie off, throwing it onto his desk and leaned back in his chair getting comfortable.
He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but what made him feel even worse was waking up to the sound of someone running past his classroom. The sun was just setting and he felt the light on his eyes, making his head ache worse than when he’d fallen asleep. He managed to glimpse the letter from Angelina and sighed, writing out his reply.
Angelina,
Let me make it as clear as I can, if you want a cottage in the middle of nowhere with a forest and a fire, then I will find one for you, if you want a mountain view or a lake side garden, then I will make it happen. Your happiness is my happiness. Do not be cast under any illusion as to just how much I love you and how much I want a life with you. I will not stop loving you just because you’ve changed a little, I’ve spent the last ten years of my life watching you change and I have never thought any less of you because of it.
The time we have spent apart has been hard, I’m not denying that, but I feel sure that when we are together again it will have all been worth it.
As for Darren, you’re right, he is struggling and I feel there is only so much more he can take before he will need his sister back with him. However, don’t let that thought rush you away from what you are learning, you’re there because you want the best for both you and your family. Keep learning Angelina, keep training and stay focussed. I’ve told you many times before, your family and I will not leave you under any circumstances, we will always be here for you to come home to.
I love you
Yours
Remus