Lockwood Part 4

Remus was cautious when knocking on the black door of the townhouse, he had written to David saying he would visit, but he still wasn’t quite sure of what he was walking into. David opened the door and smiled widely at his old professor.

‘Remus!’ He said and stood out of the way. ‘Come in, come in, it’s good to see you.’

Remus stepped into the surprisingly clean and tidy, contemporary home of David Wales. He was dressed like any normal twenty-one-year-old, dark jeans, white t-shirt to cover his broad frame and a red v neck jumper over the top.

‘David, how are you?’ Remus asked, seeing David’s brown bloodshot eyes and knowing the answer was not the one he would give.

‘Yeah, really great.’ He nodded and led Remus through to the beautiful kitchen area where David already had the water boiling. ‘Tea?’

‘That would be lovely, thank you.’ Remus smiled, gently.

‘Oh yeah, just put your stuff over the back of the sofa, I need to fix the coat hook in the cupboard,’ David laughed, pouring the tea. ‘Just not had the chance yet.’

Remus took his travelling cloak off, leaving him in just his green cardigan, t shirt and usual thick trousers. David invited him to sit at the island as he placed a mug of tea in front of him.

‘So, what can I do for you?’ David leaned casually against the kitchen counter and observed Remus.

‘I just thought I’d come over and see how you’re adjusting.’ Remus tried to sound as casual as possible. ‘My mother was a muggle and even though she was very open to magic, it still took her a while to adjust to it being part of her every day life. I just wanted to make sure you’re not struggling with anything.’

David watched him and Remus had the distinct impression that he was debating lying again.

David gave a small chuckle. ‘Can I assume that Benji has spoken to you then?’

Remus nodded and tried to be as gentle as he could. ‘I think he might be worried that you’re not taking care of yourself. He mentioned you’ve been drinking a lot more than you used to?’

It was at that moment that David couldn’t hold himself together any longer, the usually cool and composed young man, began sobbing. Remus stood up and carefully put his hand on David’s shoulder, not quite anticipating the death hug he would be caught in, but Remus didn’t let him go, he allowed David all the time in the world to vent and let go of everything he needed to get rid of.

‘I’m sorry.’ David finally said and let go of Remus slowly.

‘No, no, don’t ever be sorry.’ Remus said, quietly. ‘We all feel like this sometimes and it’s alright. Why don’t we talk about it?’

Remus brought David to sit at the island with him. He had all the patience in the world and waited for David to start speaking. They talked for hours and Remus soon found that David’s troubles began while he was still in Hogwarts. He had become overwhelmed with the amount of female attention he got and was unsure how to deal with it, he didn’t seem to have anyone he could talk to about how uncomfortable he felt and none of his friends noticed. Jack may have been the only one to come close to understanding, but he no longer had Jack as an option.

It was clear that Jack’s death was a tipping point for David as well as Angelina leaving for Tibet. Remus tried to be as understanding as he could, but he really had no advice to offer. He was scared that Cassie would break off the engagement and that he would be left entirely alone.

‘I want to stop drinking, but I’m scared.’ David let a few more tears go. ‘What if I get worse? What if I’m not strong enough?’

‘David,’ Remus stopped his train of thought. ‘You can do this, Cassie will be here to help as soon as you ask her, Benji and Jocelyne will never be far away and if you really feel like you’re failing, my door is open as it always has been. You are not weak David, none of you are and in time you will come to see that as clearly as I do.’

David sniffed and nodded. ‘Thank you, Remus. Thank you for coming over here.’

‘Of course, keep in touch and I suggest you go to St Mungo’s to see if they can help make this easier for you.’

‘I will.’ David nodded and stood up to hug Remus. He was again, slightly overwhelmed by David’s strength, but didn’t say anything.

Remus soon left David’s home and wished him well, taking out a piece of paper that had Benji’s home address on it. Jocelyne had invited Remus over for dinner so that he could report on David’s condition and Remus accepted happily.

He wasn’t sure why he was spending so much time concerned with Angelina’s friends, but a part of him felt that someone should be in her place looking out for them. He found a safe spot to apparate to Benji and Jocelyne’s home on the edge of a village and carefully looked around in case any muggles saw him. He was safe enough.

It reminded him of James and Lily’s home, cosy and warm, a real family home. He knocked on the white wood door and listened to the sounds of Jocelyne shouting for Benji to do something. Remus chuckled quietly to himself.

‘Remus.’ The beautiful blonde answered the door and Remus recognised the tired look in her eyes. ‘Come in, Benji’s in the kitchen.’ She said, standing to one side and letting Remus through. Their home was exactly the way Remus remembered James and Lily’s home when they first had Harry, that combination of trying to keep it clean and tidy and half way towards giving up.

‘Good evening Jocelyne.’ Remus hugged her and took his cloak off. She hugged like a mother.

‘Is that Remus?’ Benji called and appeared holding what was presumably his son Jackson, he looked so much like a young father, but a father nonetheless and it made Remus very proud.

‘Yeah, he’s just coming.’ Jocelyne smiled and guided Remus through to where Benji was standing.

‘This must be Jackson,’ Remus smiled and said his hello to the red headed one year old.

‘Just about to put them down to sleep,’ Benji nodded. ‘We’ve had a long day, haven’t we?’

The bright eyed young boy began giggling at Remus and he didn’t mind in the slightest. He felt something knocking against his shoe and looked down to see another red headed one year old trying to get his attention.

‘Hello there.’ Remus bent down and took the toy Harper was handing him, she began laughing as he played with her a little.

‘I’ll come back down for her.’ Benji told Jocelyne. ‘He’s just a bit restless.’

‘Thank you.’ Jocelyne kissed her son good night.

Remus got the impression that Benji hadn’t been around much that week and Jocelyne was left to look after the twins on her own, but it looked like they had it worked out. Remus was still playing with Harper who had begun sliding onto his lap and continued to play with her toy lion.

‘Do you want some tea? Or I can get you a butterbeer, Merlin knows I need one.’ Jocelyne laughed.

‘Whatever you’re having.’ Remus laughed and moved his hand to create small dancing figures to keep Harper occupied until her father came back for her. He could feel Jocelyne’s eyes on him and her daughter.

‘Wow, never been able to keep her attention on anything,’ she chuckled. ‘Angie is the only person who managed to keep them quiet last time she was here.’

Remus laughed. ‘Well, I spent enough time around Harry when he was born, I became very accustomed to keeping him occupied while his parents were catching up with each other.’

Jocelyne watched for a while. Remus could feel Harper growing tired against his stomach as she leaned back onto him, just about keeping a hold on her toy. He continued to make the figure dance in front of Harper, until she was finally sleeping soundly.

‘Right, where’s-‘ Benji said coming in, Jocelyne quickly pressed her finger to her lips, indicating where Remus was cradling their sleeping daughter. Benji smiled down at Remus, who kept Harper comfortable and stood to hand her over to her father. Benji shook his head and indicated that Remus should follow him upstairs. ‘Best not to disturb her too much.’ He whispered in explanation.

Remus entered into the dimmed room that obviously belonged to Jackson and Harper, Jackson was sleeping peacefully in his cot and Remus, as carefully as he could placed the sleeping girl in the empty cot on the other side of the room. She wriggled around slightly and Remus helped pull her shirt down so that she would be more comfortable. Harper soon settled and Remus turned to Benji who was smiling down at his daughter.

He wondered briefly if this was what a normal life looked like. It seemed so safe, so warm and gentle and a part of Remus craved it so much, but then he reminded himself he’d fallen for the wrong woman if what he was looking for was a quiet and normal life.

The two men headed back downstairs.

‘Thanks for that.’ Benji said, still keeping his voice low until they reached the kitchen.

‘It’s no problem at all, I know having children can be stressful.’ Remus smiled as they began taking their seats at the dinner table. ‘But you both seem to be adjusting to it quite well.’

He watched the both of them smiling at each other and there was something very tired about them both.

‘We’re doing the best we can.’ Jocelyne said, handing Remus a butterbeer. ‘Anyway, how are you? Heard from Angie recently?’ The three of them slipped into casual conversation about things that were happening at the school as well as Angelina’s progress in Tibet which seemed to be slow by all accounts.

‘At least she’s alive.’ Benji said, finishing his pasta.

‘Benji.’ Jocelyne playfully hit him.

‘What? Oh, come on, every time that woman goes somewhere, the only thing I ever worry about is if she has found something that might kill her. You know what she’s like.’ Benji said very honestly and even Remus had to laugh.

‘Benji has a point.’ Remus admitted. ‘It’s all I ever really ask now as well.’ Remus sighed and sipped his butterbeer. ‘But she tells me she is safe so that’s good.’

‘I can’t imagine what it’s like for you Remus.’ Jocelyne shook her head. ‘It’s bad enough for me the way she just gets up and leaves for these places, anything could happen.’

‘She’s curious,’ Remus shrugged. ‘I can hardly be the one to stop her exploring the world. It’s not like I can go with her anyway.’ He hadn’t meant to lower the tone of the room, but the last statement hung in the air for a moment or two. ‘Sorry, I meant that-‘

‘It’s fine.’ Jocelyne shook her head. ‘We understand. Let’s talk about David, how’s he doing?’

Jocelyne began clearing the table of empty plates and went to the fridge to grab more butterbeers for everyone. Remus explained David’s predicament and they both promised to make a visit, or at least invite him over to see the children.

‘I think that will help,’ Remus nodded. ‘Though I suggest doing it sooner rather than later, give him something to look forward to.’

‘Can I ask a personal question?’ Benji said, sitting back down after setting the dishes to clean themselves. Remus gestured for him to go ahead. ‘You helped Angie get off the dreamless sleep and now David with his drinking, I’m not trying to pry, but is this something you’ve experienced yourself?’

Remus thought for a moment. ‘In a sense.’ He nodded. ‘People like me often struggle with things like addiction and obsession, there’s nothing too dangerous about it if handled correctly, but I do have an understanding of what it is to feel like these things are your only options. They never are, there is always a way to get through without resorting to stimulants. I’m sure David will be fine given a little more time.’

‘Thank you for going over there,’ Jocelyne said, gently. ‘You didn’t need to, but we appreciate you taking time out to visit him.’

Remus raised his hand, shaking his head slightly. ‘It’s no problem at all, I’d rather Angelina didn’t come back to find her friends unhappy in anyway. This is something I can do while she’s away.’

Jocelyne gave that familiar smile and slipped her hand over Benji’s. They talked for a little while longer, before Remus needed to make his way back to the castle. He said his good byes and hugged his ex-students tightly. He hoped he did Angelina proud.

I felt like my ears were bleeding, the brother wouldn’t stop screaming, he kept shouting that he would kill his brother at the cost of my own. I wouldn’t let that happen, my brother would survive the same as me. We would live long happy lives.

‘You must learn to enter of your own accord.’ Tenzin barely let me rest, he helped me up and we went outside to the same spot overlooking the distant mountains. We were about to meditate again, but I couldn’t focus on anything. ‘Angie, if you do not learn to take control of your mind, you will fail.’

‘If I can just rest-‘

‘There will be no rest, not until you learn control!’ Tenzin shouted. I didn’t know what Yonten had said that had Tenzin so rattled, but it was making him push me harder than I had ever been pushed before. ‘Meditate, find your way, focus on what you need to do.’

I sat, crossing my legs and faced the mountains. I tried as hard as I could to take a deep breath and closed my eyes. Focus. I needed to find my way back to the desert, I tried visualising it in my mind, the way it felt under my skin, the vast expanse, the warm heat burning against my skin pleasantly.

I opened my eyes and for a split moment I saw it, the temple, but before I could keep a hold of it, the image slipped out of view and the distant mountains were all I could see.

‘Angie, do not give up,’ Tenzin whispered. ‘You were there, just focus, concentrate on the path.’

I took another deep breath and imagined myself sinking down into the desert. I visualised it the same as before and opened my eyes. I was there. The temple was right in front of me, I could feel the sand below my feet as I walked up to it.

There was something else though, a presence that I couldn’t quite see. I opened my mind to what was already there and saw the outlines of memories appearing in front of me, but it was like there was something in the corner of my eye and it kept moving just out of sight. Was there someone else here? Something that shouldn’t have been?

I wandered through each outline that gradually with each visit I made became clearer, and I tried to follow the outline that I couldn’t quite see, the one in the corner of my eye. The sky above me clapped with thunder and I looked up to see a bubble, completely white, floating through the angry clouds. It was the white room, the same one that I had once communicated with the brother in. Something was telling me to remain cautious of it.

It hit me all of a sudden, Tenzin didn’t tell me how to get out of this place. He was so eager for me to get in, to concentrate enough that I could find it, but he never mentioned how I was supposed to get out. A moment of panic passed over me, before I decided that Tenzin wouldn’t leave me in here without some way to get out. I wandered into the temple and tried to find some kind of door that would allow me to leave.

It had to have been hours, days, at least five or six days of searching every single door or secret trap door. I’d found a lot of interesting things behind those doors, but none of them was what I was looking for. The one thing that caught my attention was a black bowl filled with water, it looked a lot like a pensieve and every so often I would go back to the room I found it in and inspect it. I didn’t dare touch it or try to activate it, not until I had more of an understanding of what I might have found, but it was definitely something to keep in mind.

The image of the room began slipping out of focus and I found myself midway between the wooden smell of the temple and the smell of the fresh mountain air. I let go of the temple and took a deep breath of fresh air. I was back.

‘Angie?’ Tenzin was right next to me and I was scared that he would yell at me again, but his face didn’t quite match that intention. ‘You did it. Time to rest.’

As soon as he said it, I felt my stiff body fall backwards and relax into sleep, finally.

I had been asleep a lot longer than before, because I woke suddenly feeling refreshed and much more alive than I had done previously. My sleep was dreamless and it had been bliss, no dreams, no screams, no brother. Perfect. I opened my eyes and could hear the sounds of the morning outside, the light wind, the sound of the birds and… Ruben.

I lifted my head to see him watching me from the end of my bed, he sat next to a stack of mail that was presumably from my parents and friends. I felt my body for a moment, nothing seemed to ache too much, just a little tension in my back, but then ever since I broke it the first time, I’d had minor problems.

I moved my hand to feel around for my book to see if Remus had written, it was then that Pema came in with fresh flowers, she smiled and handed me the book that was just out of reach.

‘Good morning.’ She said brightly and removed the dying flowers from the vase close to my head. ‘Sleep well?’

I nodded, not quite feeling my throat just yet.

‘I expect so, you’ve been unconscious for two days now.’ Pema smiled sweetly. I wasn’t surprised to find that I’d been sleeping for two days, but I was more surprised when she blurted out that I had been meditating for six days. ‘It’s quite an achievement, I expect Yonten will speak to you soon about it. Tenzin is very proud, his finest student he says, but he is wary that you still have a lot to learn.’

‘Six days.’ I breathed, unable to quite comprehend the fact that I had been sitting in the same spot, meditating for six days straight.

‘Angie.’ Tenzin’s voice came from the door. I felt hot and I knew I was still sweating heavily, but I didn’t feel quite as worn down as I had in recent times. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, trying to gulp down as much water as I could. ‘Relax, relax. There’s no rush, not just yet anyway.’ The ancient man shuffled to the wooden chair next to my bed, giving Pema a small, respectful bow as they passed each other.

‘Was it really six days?’ I asked, feeling my chest grow a little tight.

Tenzin sat and took a moment to get comfortable. He inhaled deeply, thinking on where to start. ‘Angie, do you know the longest anyone here has been able to concentrate on a single thought?’ I shook my head, of course I didn’t know, I didn’t know anything. ‘The longest was Yonten, nearly twenty-two years ago, he meditated for eighteen hours straight, none of us had seen anything like it before. And now, you come along and meditate for six days, you didn’t break your concentration, you kept your focus and now we can proceed to the next step of your training. Now you will learn how to utilise your power properly.’

‘Wait, wait… please just stop for a second…’ I panted. ‘Tenzin, I have no idea why I’m doing any of this, I have no idea what it is you think I’m supposed to be. I’m just… I’m not anyone important really, I mean the ministry have me as an expert, but that’s about as far as it goes. You know about the brother, about his soul living next to mine, you clearly know that he’s trying to stop me from doing anything that isn’t killing my brother, but can we just stop and talk for a moment… can you just tell me what you are training me for? Because I don’t feel like I’m finding a way to get rid of the brother here.’

Tenzin blinked and watched me for a moment.

‘Angie, a war is coming whether you are ready or not. It was prophesised that a young wolf would be the only one who had strength enough to win the war, the only one capable of tipping the balance.’

I let my breath go. ‘I’m sorry, but I… I’m not a fighter, I’m hardly above average in duelling, I’m a researcher.’

‘You are unique. You may not feel like it, but I assure you, you are the one who will save us all.’

I didn’t really know what else to say, I wasn’t the kind of person who could lead anyone into a war and I wasn’t someone who wanted to. I didn’t want to fight. Remus had always taught me that there was always an alternative solution, one that was peaceful. So, how could my destiny involve anything as violent as that? That wasn’t the future I was building for myself, my future would have Remus and my brother and my family whole and happy. That was my future.

‘In time you will see.’ Tenzin said, before leaving me alone to rest for a while.

Remus,

I’m sorry I haven’t written for nearly two weeks, it sounds ridiculous to say, but I was meditating. Apparently, I was doing it for six days… I’m sorry that sounds like some poor excuse that I made up to cover up my curiosity. It’s true, but I have no way of proving it.

I can’t ask you for any more patience, but I can’t give up on this. I don’t know what to do.

They seem to think that a war is coming and that I’m supposed to tip the balance, but that can’t be right, I’m not some warrior or soldier or anything, I’m just Angie. I’m no different to anyone else, so why do they think I’m supposed to be someone I’m not?

I’m afraid that I’m turning into something I’m not, I’m scared that I might come back different and I’ll lose you. You’re the whole reason I’m here, I want us to have a future, a life together and I don’t want to be anything other than what I was when I was happy.

I hope I can come home soon so I can tell you more about what I’m doing here.

I don’t know when that will be, I hope it’s soon, but I have a good feeling that it won’t be. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me for staying away from you.

Yours always

Angelina

It was weak at best. Remus would probably take one look at it and agree, but potentially he would show some mercy on me and tell me what I needed to hear.