Golden Years

“You’re not gonna believe this!”

“Marly, every time you say that, I get nervous. Why do you insist on making me nervous? Why can’t you be a normal daughter?” Alice laments.

“No, Alice, I’m serious. I’m really serious,” Marlene said.

“Actually, I’m Sirius,” Sirius grinned.

“Black, I will cut you with no hesitation.”

“Just say it Marls, god,” Dorcas said. The group looked at Marlene, with the exception of James, who had fallen asleep on the table.

It was the morning after a big Quidditch match against Ravenclaw. It had been a rough one, but Gryffindor had come out on top in the end. However, everyone was exhausted from the match. Remus hadn’t even come to breakfast, threatening that whoever tried to wake him up would suffer the consequences. Frank was also asleep, but he wasn’t so aggressive about staying that way.

“Ok, so after the match, McGonagall talked to me for a bit, remember?” Marlene began.

“Yeah?” Lily responded sleepily. “And?”

“She introduced me to a Chaser from the Holyhead Harpies. They want me to start training with them after I finish school!” Marlene announced excitedly.

“Holy shit,” Alice replied, astonished.

“Jesus, Micks, that’s amazing!” Sirius cried out, jumping up to hug her.

“Wow,” Lily said, smiling. “Marlene, that’s amazing!”

“Right? They said as long as I don’t get injured in seventh year, I could be a reserve player by the time I’m nineteen!” Marlene’s excitement was contagious, making everyone feel a little more awake.

“I never doubted you,” Dorcas said, grinning at Marlene.

“You doubted me so many times,” Marlene scoffed.

“Ok, yeah, but now I don’t, and that’s what really counts,” Dorcas countered. Marlene rolled her eyes, but she pulled Dorcas into a hug.

“Wazz goin on?” James asked blearily, waking up and trying to fix his cramped neck.

“Marlene’s got a spot on the Holyhead Harpies waiting for her,” Sirius answered.

“Well done, mate. Good- good job,” James said, his sentence punctuated by a yawn. He smiled at Marlene.

“Potter, maybe you should go sleep before you drown in your cereal,” Lily teased.

“But who will provide witty commentary on the day’s events?” James pouted slightly.

“I’ve got it covered, James,” Sirius said. “Go on, get some rest, I’m not nearly as tired as you.”

“Alright, alright, fine. But wake me up later, I need to study for the Charms quiz on Monday, and this afternoon is the only time I can do it,” James replied.

“We’ll make sure you’ve got time. Now go rest, James,” Lily answered. He smiled at her and got up, slightly stumbling as he made his way out of the Great Hall.

Sirius turned to Lily. “Since when do you care about James’ health?” He asked, a mischievous smirk on his face.

“What?” Lily spluttered. “I don’t- that’s not- what are you talking about, Black?” Marlene and Dorcas stopped talking to listen.

“‘Go get some rest’? Since when do you care if he’s well-rested?” Sirius repeated.

“Oh, come on. I just didn’t want him passing out in the middle of the day,” Lily defended.

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty concerned,” Dorcas teased.

“Fuck off. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but James and I are just friends,” Lily said.

“You can be friends with someone and still want to bone them,” Marlene reasoned.

“Yeah- wait what?” Dorcas paused, looking up at Marlene. “Who do you-“

“That’s not relevant right now!” Marlene said hurriedly. “We are talking about Lily’s massive crush on James.”

“Lily has a massive crush on James?” Alice said, faking surprise. “Who could have guessed?”

“Oh fuck off,” Lily said.

“Why are we telling people to fuck off?” Peter asked as he arrived with Mary. “Because I totally support it, but I’m a little confused.”

“Lily won’t admit she’s got feelings for James,” Marlene answered, dodging out of the way when Lily tried to punch her.

“Why not? You could do worse than James,” Mary said.

“You have him then,” Lily replied. “I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.”

“Isn’t that from Shakespeare?” Dorcas asked.

“How do you just know that, you absolute nerd?” Lily questioned. “Look, James is a good friend, but that’s it. That’s all we are.”

“Ok, fine. But, you have to find someone to go out with soon, because I am prepared to light Peter on fire in protest,” Sirius said.

“Protest of what?” Peter asked, alarmed.

“Of her being alone on Valentines Day, of course,” Sirius responded. “She and James are the only single ones.”

“Hey, Cas and I are single too,” Marlene chimed in.

“Actually, I….uh, I have plans for Valentines Day,” Dorcas said, avoiding Marlene’s eyes. Lily glanced at Sirius, seeing her panic reflected in his eyes.

“You do?” Marlene asked, face falling for a second before she schooled her features into something more acceptable.

“Yeah. The Hufflepuff prefect, Jack Barrow? He uh, he asked me out,” Dorcas replied.

“That’s… that’s great, Cas. He seems like a good guy, I’m sure it’ll be fun,” Marlene said.

“Yeah. Um, I should go, I have a potions essay to write and I need to get started on it. Bye,” Dorcas said, exiting quickly.

“Marls?” Lily said gently. Marlene looked up, forcing a smile.

“I guess it’s just you and me on Valentines Day, huh?” Marlene said, trying to laugh.

“Hey, who needs Valentines Day? Saint Valentine was gruesomely beheaded,” Lily replied. “We’ll sit in the common room and eat chocolate and listen to the radio and curse our singleness. It’ll be fun!”

“Yeah, sure,” Marlene said slowly. “I’m… I’m gonna go flying for a bit. I’ll be back by dinner.”

Lily turned to Sirius, Peter, and Mary as Marlene left. “Assemble the troops. We have a disaster on our hands.”

——————————————————————————————

“What’s going on? What does code red mean? Why are we having an emergency meeting?” Frank questioned.

“Something is screwed up. Something is screwed up big time,” Alice responded.

“Given our daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific,” Remus said.

“What’s wrong, Evans?” James asked. He seemed much more alert now.

“Dorcas is going out with a guy on Valentines Day,” Sirius answered.

“Shit,” James said. “How did I not know this?”

“She only told us just this morning,” Peter replied.

“So what do we do?” Remus asked.

“Thought you didn’t want to interfere?” Lily teased.

“I do want them to be happy together,” Remus answered. “So what do we do now, if Cas is going out with a guy?”

“I… I don’t know,” James said. “I thought something would work by now.”

“Wait, I think I’ve got it,” Mary said. All eyes turned to her. “We continue as normal. We keep up with the Quidditch plan, and we maybe start to plan the talent show, because I don’t really see the Quidditch plan going anywhere right now. We let Dorcas handle the guy thing. I don’t think that’s gonna be much of an issue.”

“How is it not an issue?” Lily asked incredulously.

“Have you seen Jack Barrow?”

A chorus of no’s rang out.

“He’s got blonde hair, blue eyes, he's kinda pale, and he’s basically a male version of Marlene,” Mary explained.

“Seriously?” James asked. “What the hell?”

“Yep. So, Dorcas is probably gonna realize pretty quickly that she only agreed because she thinks about Marlene when she sees him. So once that’s out of the way, we proceed,” Mary said. “Sound good?”

“Yeah, that’s a good plan. Nice job, Mary,” Lily responded. “Ok. So we let Cas sort out the Puff Problem-“

“Nice name for it,” James grinned.

“Thank you very much, and if Gryffindor Scores And So Does Dorcas doesn’t work out by the next match, we’ll move to the talent show. Any questions?”

“Yeah, what the fuck should we do for the talent show?” Sirius asked.

“Oh shit. Yeah, we do need other participants,” Franks said.

“Obviously, we need Dorcas in a solo act. Lily, Mary, how would you feel about being backup singers? I know you both hate singing but it’ll be fun!” Alice turned to each of them with her best puppy eyes.

“Ugh, fine,” Mary responded, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, ok. But only so I can snoop around backstage,” Lily agreed.

“Boys, what do you say? Barbershop quartet?” James grinned, looking at the other Marauders.

“Not a barbershop quartet, but of course we’ll do something magnificent,” Sirius replied. “I get to make the costumes though.”

“No doubt,” Peter said. “But we’ll need someone in the crowd to keep an eye on Marlene.”

“I’ll do that,” Frank volunteered. “I’m not a big fan of performing, so I can watch for her reactions.”

“Then it’s settled!” Lily said, clapping her hands together. “The next Quidditch match is on, what, the day after Valentines? Next Saturday? If Dorlene isn’t together by then, we start talent show prep. We let them handle the Puff Problem, and hopefully, they’ll be together by this time next month!”

Lily should not have been so hopeful.

——————————————————————————————

“Evans, what are you doing on Valentines Day?” Lily heard as she relaxed with a book in the common room.

“Sitting in here and being an idiot with Marlene,” Lily answered, looking up from her book at James. “Why do you ask?”

“Could I maybe join you? Sirius and Remus are off doing their own thing, and so are Peter and Mary. And I don’t want to find a date,” James answered.

“Why not? From what I’ve heard, half the girls in Hogwarts would prefer if you did.”

Lily was quite sure she was indignant about Potter’s admirers because they should have better things to fantasize about. Absolutely. She didn’t get annoyed when they fawned over him because she was jealous or anything. That would be absurd. And if she was jealous, it was because James had half the population of Hogwarts tripping over themselves, whereas she couldn’t even find a date. She was jealous of James. Right. Yes.

“Yeah, well, I’m just not interested in anyone right now,” James said, running a hand through his already messy hair. “Just not in the mood, I suppose.”

“Hmm. Alright. I’ll check with Marlene, but it’s cool with me if you join us,” Lily said. “It’ll be the Sad Single Sit-down.”

“Awful name.”

“Fuck off,” Lily grinned. “Now you can’t come along.”

James smiled. “Like you don’t want me there? Come on, Evans, admit it. I’ve grown on you.”

“Yeah, the same way fungus grows on trees,” Lily countered.

“Harsh words, those are very harsh words. Do you wish to cut me at my heart, dearest Lily Evans?” James said, dramatically falling to his knees in front of her. “I beseech thee, if thou dost quarrel, say it outright, so as not to harm my trembling heart forthwith.”

Lily fought through her giggles. “Nay, good sir, I do not quarrel. Only that I have the good sense to know your parasitic presence does not forebode good health.”

James gasped, feigning indignation. “So you do quarrel! Well-“ he grabbed a pillow, bringing it over his head. “This is a quarrel you won’t win, fair lady!” He threw the pillow at Lily.

She laughed, dodging and grabbing her own pillow. She ducked around James and hit him in the back of the head. “Suck on that, Potter!”
“Get back here, Evans!”

In their excitement, neither of them noticed Dorcas or Marlene coming in.

——————————————————————————————

“Did you-“

“See that?”

“Oh my god they’re so idiotic,” Dorcas laughed as they ran back into the hallway.

“Right? I mean, do they even realize they have feelings for each other?” Marlene asked.

“God, I hope so. Hey, wait, aren’t you hanging out with Lily on Valentines Day?”

“Yeah?”

“You should try to get information from her. Figure out if she knows about her own crush!” Dorcas exclaimed.

“How would she not know? Can you even be that oblivious about your own feelings?” Marlene asked skeptically. Although, at the moment, she would do anything to be oblivious to her.

“I mean, yeah. You can develop feelings for someone and not realize it,” Dorcas answered.

“Is that what happened with you and Jack Barrow?” Marlene asked before she could stop herself.

“What? I don’t- what?” Dorcas stuttered. “Why do you want to know?”

“Is it so strange that I want to know things about your life, Dorcas?” Marlene replied.

“Well, no, but you don’t like talking about feelings. At least I thought that.”

“No, I just- I guess I’m just a bit jealous, is all.”

Dorcas went silent.

‘Great job, idiot. You really managed to fuck that up even more, huh? I can picture your gravestone now: Marlene McKinnon; so incredibly gay and stupid that she made things almost 100% worse. She won’t be missed.’ Marlene thought bitterly.

“What are you jealous of?” Dorcas asked quietly.

“Er, well….I guess I’m jealous of you?”

‘What the entire fuck, McKinnon?’ She thought almost instantly.

“Jealous of me?” Dorcas responded. “Don’t tell me you’re straight for Jack Barrow. He’s decent-looking, Marls, but he’s not worth all that.”

“No, I’m… I guess I just wish someone would ask me out, you know? It’s been forever since I enjoyed myself on a date,” Marlene explained.

‘Solid save, McKinnon. You’re not hopeless after all.’ She congratulated herself in her mind.

“What about our date? Didn’t you enjoy that?” Dorcas teased.

‘And you’re hopeless. A useless pining lesbian.’ Marlene blushed heavily.

“Of course I enjoyed that, but I meant a real date. I just miss people being interested in me, that’s all.”

“Oh, Marls,” Dorcas said sympathetically. “I’m sure someone out there will ignore your garbage personality and date you anyway.”

“Thanks, asshole,” Marlene snickered, shoving at Dorcas’ shoulder. Dorcas grinned.

“No but honestly, they’re idiots if they can’t see what they’re missing. You’ll find someone.”

“Yeah,” Marlene replied, smiling. “Thanks, Cas.”

“Anytime.”

——————————————————————————————

“And Frank Longbottom blocks another attempt by the Slytherins. Dorcas, any gossip about Frank?” Remus asked idly.

It was the Gryffindor versus Slytherin quidditch match, but honestly, Lily thought it was a little anticlimactic. Tensions had been running high all week, but Gryffindor was absolutely destroying Slytherin now that the match had started.

“Well, Remus, Frank is a dork. Don’t let his rugged appearances fool you, he’s an absolute sweetheart. Alice did not give me a script to talk about Frank at all. She would never do such a thing. I should remind all of you that Frank is dating Alice quite happily, and if your name is Emily Raleigh you should stop flirting with him and- Alice I can’t say any of this out loud.” Dorcas said, reading from a sheet of paper. “I mean, my god, this is so violent. I’m not saying this.”

“Coward!” Alice shouted from her place in the stands next to Lily.

“Right, well, anyway… an excellently aimed bludger from Marlene McKinnon. Do we have any gossip about her, Dorcas?” Remus said, trying to subtly bait her.

“Hmmm. Do I embarrass her, or do I compliment her? Choices, choices,” Dorcas mused. She ducked as a bludger came frighteningly close to the commentator’s booth.

“Try it, Meadowes, I dare you!” Marlene screamed as she flew by.

“Shut up, you freakishly tall bitch!” Dorcas shouted back.

“Can you save the bickering for later?” Remus asked.

“No, it’s much more fun like this- hey, is James diving for the snitch?”

“Oh shit!” Remus cried, jumping up. “Gryffindor seeker James Potter dives for the snitch. And he’s absolutely going to crash. Oh my god, James, what the hell-“

“He’s got it! He’s got it!” Lily shouted over the deafening cheer from Gryffindor.

“James Potter, moron extraordinaire, has caught the snitch, winning the match for Gryffindor with a score of 240 to 60. Nice job, but you’re still an asshole,” Dorcas said.

“Biased commentary!” James shouted.

“You mean accurate?”

——————————————————————————————

“So, what did you think of the match, Evans?” James asked at breakfast the next morning.

“Meh, it was alright. A little boring,” Lily replied, knocking aside a floating heart to reach for the milk.

Valentines Day had arrived, and the Great Hall had become a slightly revolting explosion of color as a result. Tiny pink and red hearts made of paper fluttered about, and cherubs floated throughout paintings, thoroughly annoying their inhabitants.

“Wow. Boring, huh?” James scoffed. “It was a clean knockout! We were amazing!”

“Uh huh,” Lily teased. “I’m sure.”

“You, Evans, are the absolute worst,” James replied.

“How cutting.”

“I know, I felt a little bad saying it. Oh, also, be prepared for something truly ridiculous in a few minutes.”

“What did you do?” Lily asked, already fearing the worst.

“Nothing bad! You know how Sirius and I are big feminists?”

“It kinda doesn’t count if you say it about yourself, but ok.”

“Whatever, Evans. Anyway, we were thinking, and Valentines Day is kind of shitty. I mean, if you do have a boyfriend, he could be a complete douche most of the time, but if he does good on Valentines Day, he’s romantic and you’re lucky to have him. If you don’t have a boyfriend, you end up thinking about why you’re single and you spiral into self-hatred, and that sucks,” James explained.

“Ok, yeah. That’s true. And very feminist of you, well done,” Lily said.

“Thanks. But anyway, we felt kinda bad about all the girls who have boyfriends who only treat them right on Valentines Day, so we decided to send a message. Of sorts.”

“A message?” Lily asked skeptically.

“Yep. And it’s gonna start any second, so just… give us a head start before you start dishing out detentions,” James grinned.

“Fair enough- what the hell is that thing?”

A giant flying….baby? Cherub thing? Was flying through the Great Hall. It settled hovering in the air just a few feet above Dumbledore.

“Excellent,” James said. “It’s even more ugly than I thought.”

“That’s the-“

“Yep. Give it a second, give it a second- yes!” James said excitedly as the ugly cherub opened it’s mouth. To Lily and the other students’ horror, it began to sing.

“Girls of Hogwarts, listen close
I’ll tell you something you should know.
If he doesn’t treat you right,
That should be a big red light.

If he’s only sweet on Valentines Day,
Then it’s time for some foul play.
Do whatever you have to do,
Just let him know he don’t deserve you.

And if you’re single, don’t you cry.
You’re much better than some random guy.
You can be happy by yourself
Guys all look like ugly elves.

Now that I’ve told you all of this,
I hope my advice will bring you bliss.”

Lily’s mouth fell open in shock. James was sniggering beside her, outright laughing at the ugly elves line. As the cherub finished his song, girls across the room began to clap, some of them making direct eye-contact with their suddenly nervous boyfriends.

“That’s… that was… actually kind of brilliant,” Lily said, still stunned.

“Yeah?” James asked. “No detentions?”

“No detentions,” Lily smiled. “In fact, that was really good. Who came up with the song?”

“The song was mostly Remus. Peter and I did most of the enchanting. That’s actually a pillow we transfigured and animated,” James explained.

“Really? How’d you manage-“

“Are you two seriously nerding out over our musical cherub?” Sirius called from down the table.

“It’s interesting!” Lily shouted back, meeting James’ eyes with a grin.

——————————————————————————————

“Lily, can we go to the kitchens and get chocolate?” Marlene asked as she slumped onto the couch. “I want snacks.”

“Yeah, alright. Out of curiosity, should our visit to the kitchens be at the same time Jack shows up to get Dorcas?” Lily asked.

“Are you accusing me of having an ulterior motive?” Marlene asked indignantly. Lily looked at her sternly. She sank back into the cushions, grumbling slightly. “Ok yeah.”

“Ok, hon. Hey, is it ok if James hangs out with us?” Lily asked, realizing she hadn’t checked with Marlene.

“Yeah, but I kinda wanted to grumble about Doras not liking me,” Marlene answered.

“You still can,” Lily responded thoughtlessly.

“What? No I can’t. He’s like best friends with her, he’d tell her about it,” Marlene said.

“Oh, yeah, ok. Just grumble when we’re in the kitchens I guess,” Lily suggested, trying to cover her mistake.

“Yeah, ok. Hey Lils?”

“Yeah babe?”

“I’m sorry,” Marlene said quietly.

“What the hell for?” Lily questioned, sitting beside Marlene and grabbing her wrist.

“I know I’ve been complaining a lot, and it’s not fun to be around someone who’s just upset all the time. You could have been doing something fun today, but instead you’re listening to me being annoying,” Marlene explained sadly.

“Marls,” Lily sighed, pulling her friend into a hug. “You’re such a dumbass.”

“What?”

“Of course I’m here listening to you complain. You’re like, my favorite person. Where else would I be?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Lily,” Marlene replied.

“Plus, your issues are my best source of entertainment.”

“Ok fuck off.”