Golden Years

“Ok, eavesdropping charm is done,” James said, sitting next to Lily on the couch in the common room.

“Excellent. Everything is set up. Now all we have to do is wait.”

“Yep. Hey, I’ve got a paper due in Muggle Studies about their Christmas traditions. Mind if I ask you a bit about that?”

“No, go ahead, I don’t have anything better to do at the moment,” Lily answered.

“Excellent. Muggles have Christmas trees, right?”

“Yes they do. Unless they’re not into celebrating Christmas.”

“Right, then they have that candle thing,” James said.

“A menorah, you mean? Yeah, Jewish people have those, but there are other religions than catholic, protestant, and jewish. A lot of religions have celebrations around this time of year,” Lily replied.

“Oh, ok. So the celebration is different depending on the religion?”

“Yeah. Are wizards not religious?” Lily asked.

“I mean, I’m sure some are, but most don’t seem to be. At least that I know of,” James answered.

“Huh, that’s pretty interesting. I wonder if-“

“LILY!”

James jumped almost a foot off his seat. “What the bloody hell was that?”

“The screams of a monster,” Lily replied gravely. “Marlene.”

“Oh, ok. You should probably go deal with that,” James said.

“Yeah. Rain check on the studying?”

“Sure thing, Evans.”

Lily bounded up the stairs, bursting into the girls’ dormitory. “What’s the issue, you worthless whore?”

“Where’s my fucking eyeliner?” Marlene asked.

“You look fine without it, bitch, grow some confidence.”

“Fuck off you little ginger troll. I know I look good, but I want my fucking eyeliner.”

“Why are you two arguing so much?”Dorcas asked from where she was studying on her bed.

“Marlene has a date and I totally gave her eyeliner to Sirius. Sorry babe,” Lily said the last part to Marlene, who groaned in response.

“Oh. You, uh, you have a date? That’s…. That’s great Marls. Who, um, who are you going with?” Dorcas stuttered.

“Oh, I don’t know, Lily set up a blind date,” Marlene said as she walked back into the bathroom.

“Lily!” Dorcas whispered-shouted as soon as Marlene was out of sight. “You know I like her, why would you do that?”

“James said you were trying to get over her, I thought it might be easier if she was with someone else!” Lily defended.

“Oh. That actually kinda makes sense,” Dorcas replied. "Sorry."

“Ok. You good?” Lily checked.

“Yeah. James set me up on a date tonight too, actually,” Dorcas said.

“Yeah, he told me about it. We compared notes for planning them,” Lily responded. Everything was going according to the plan so far.

“Oh so you two were spending time….comparing notes, huh?” Dorcas said with a suggestive smirk.

“Oh shut up. It was literally studying and planning your dates, so you have no room to judge,” Lily replied.

“Wait, Cas, you’re going on a date too?” Marlene asked, walking back into the room.

“Uh, yeah, James set it up,” Dorcas replied.

“Oh. That’s… that’s cool. Do you know who it’s with?” Marlene asked.

“Nah, he said the girl was a friend of his though.”

“Oh, that’s cool. That’s good. I mean, it’s good that you’re getting out there, you know?” Marlene rambled.

“Yeah. So, good luck to both of us, I guess?” Dorcas responded. “I’m gonna go ask James about where I’m gonna be.”

“Have fun. Use protection, and if the sex is wildly kinky tell us about it tomorrow!” Lily called after her. Dorcas flipped her off as she left.

“Lily what the flippity flappity floppity fuck,” Marlene hissed.

“What?” Lily asked.

“Dorcas is going on a date?”

“I thought the whole point of this was for you to get over her? Just relax, bitch, think about your own date,” Lily replied.

“Yeah, ok. Will you tell me who I’m gonna be meeting?” Marlene asked.

“No. Just go to the astronomy tower when it’s time for dinner,” Lily answered.

“Ugh, fine. Give me something we have in common so I don’t seem like an awkward idiot,” Marlene complained.

“Ok, damn. She doesn’t play quidditch, but she knows a bit about it. She enjoys reading, especially muggle novels. She’s generally a decent person? I don’t know what you want me to tell you,” Lily said, describing Dorcas as vaguely as possible. She didn’t like lying, but she couldn’t give the truth away either.

“Ok, I can work with that. Thanks for this, babe, I owe you one,” Marlene said. “Now scram, I’ve got to get changed.”

“Ok. Astronomy Tower at 7, don’t be late, she’s very punctual,” Lily said, exiting the room to find James and Dorcas deep in conversation.

“Ok, so where am I going to be?” Dorcas asked.

“Astronomy Tower, at 7. Please dress nice. I know you’re fond of wearing sweatpants and dumb t-shirts, but please wear something decent looking. I’ve worked so hard to make this a romantic, lovely date,” James said. “I will start crying if I find out you showed up in a baggy t-shirt.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, you dumbass. I’ll put on something nice, ok?” Dorcas groaned, swatting at him.

“Ok. It’s probably best you wait until Marlene is done getting ready, she’s turned the dorms into pigsty,” Lily said.

“Yeah. I think I’m gonna grab a drink in the kitchens or something,” Dorcas said, walking out of the room. James and Lily smiled at each other.

“Everything good on your end?” James asked.

“Both showed signs of jealousy when they found out the other had a date. Neither suspects anything,” Lily replied.

“Excellent,” James grinned. “Let the games begin!”

——————————————————————————————

Everyone was gathered in the common room, which was where James had set the eavesdropping charm to work. He had tried to explain the spell, eventually calling it an undetectable magic walkie-talkie. Most of the group still didn't quite understand, but as long as they had front row seats to the entertainment, they didn't really care about how it worked.

“Wait, wait, everyone shut up!” Alice said, hitting those nearest to her. “I think Cas just showed up.”

A hush fell over the group as they all strained their ears.

“Marls?” They heard Dorcas ask.

“Cas?” Marlene replied.

“What are you doing here?” Dorcas asked.

“I could ask you the same.” Marlene returned.

“I’m supposed to meet my date here,” Dorcas said.

“Me too,” Marlene responded. “Wait, we’re not each other’s date, are we?”

“No, they wouldn’t do that,” Dorcas said.

“Fools,” Frank said and was immediately shushed by everyone.

“-must have gotten the times mixed up or something,” Marlene was saying. “Eh, who cares, we get free food.”

“Yeah, plus a night away from the others,” Dorcas replied. “In that case, Marlene McKinnon, would you stay at this date with me?”

“What a dork,” Sirius said.

Remus hit him with a pillow. "Shhh, it's kinda romantic."

“I’d be honored,” Marlene said.

“What kinda gay shit is this?” Lily remarked as they heard two chairs being pulled out.

“Shhhh, I wanna take notes on this,” James said. Sure enough, he had a notepad and quill out, poised to write down whatever he heard.

‘What a nerd,’ Lily thought fondly. Then she internally berated herself for thinking fondly about James Potter.

“I didn’t get to tell you earlier, but you look incredible, Marls,” Dorcas said.

“Thanks, Cas. You look amazing too,” Marlene said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a blazer.”

“Yeah, James told me I had to look nice or he'd cry,” Dorcas replied.

“At least he wasn’t actively sabotaging you like Lily did to me,” Marlene laughed.

“If Lily was sabotaging you and you still look this good, I think there’s nothing anyone can do to make you look less than gorgeous,” Dorcas said quietly.

“That was smooth as hell,” Peter said.

“Yeah I’m writing that down to use someday,” James responded.

“Thank you, Cas. That’s….. that’s really sweet.”

“Sure. Hey, do you know when our food gets here?”

“And that’s the house elf’s cue,” Peter muttered.

“Hello, Ms. McKinnon and Ms. Meadowes. I have some bread and butter for you, and your salads should be coming out soon,” a tinny voice said.

“Is that Kitsy?” Lily asked.

Peter nodded. “She’s the house elf that always gets us snacks, so I figured she’d be willing to help with this.”

“Thanks, Kitsy,” the group heard Dorcas say.

“I can’t believe we get free food because Lily and James are idiots,” Marlene said.

“All of our food is free,” Dorcas replied.

“Nuh-uh,” Marlene responded, clearly talking through a mouthful of bread. “We pay for it by dealing with our idiot friends.”

“Fair point,” Dorcas said. “Speaking of idiots, you’re ready for the quidditch game on Sunday, right?”

“Hell yeah. It’s been too long since the last one, I’ve gotten so bored.”

“You won’t do anything stupidly risky, right?” Dorcas asked.

“Now Cas, when have I ever done something stupid, risky, or a combination of the two?”

“Every day. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t tried to jump off this tower just to prove you could,” Dorcas replied.

“I could totally survive the fall,” Marlene exclaimed. “Look, if I were to jump from here-“

“Oh my god she’s a dumbass,” Sirius said. He turned to Lily. “We set her up on the perfect date and she wants to jump off the tower. You raised a dumbass.”

“Uh, just because we got a divorce doesn’t mean you didn’t help raise her,” Lily answered. “This is at least fifty percent your fault.” Sirius started to protest but was cut off when Dorcas spoke again.

“Marlene, get down from the ledge,” Dorcas said exasperatedly. “If you fall and die Sirius and Lily will kill me. They’ll laugh first but then they’ll kill me.”

“True,” Lily and Sirius said in unison.

“Ugh, fine. But I could totally survive the fall,” Marlene replied.

“No you absolutely could fucking not and you’re an idiot for thinking so,” Dorcas said fondly. “And do you really want to die in that dress?”

“Um, yes? I look incredible bitch, and you know it.”

“You’d ruin it in the fall and then you couldn’t be buried in it.”

“Who said anything about a burial? I want a viking funeral. Put my body in a boat with my most prized possessions, set in on fire, then push it into the lake so my burning body sails off gloriously into the sunset,” Marlene said.

“You’ve planned all that out but you totally don’t know what you want to do after Hogwarts, huh?”

“Shut up. Professional quidditch player is a viable option.”

“Of course it is, but what happens if you get hurt, or if a teammate gets you fired or something?”

“First off, if someone tried to get me fired I’d hit them with a bat. Second, I don’t get hurt,” Marlene replied.

“You very recently almost bled out.”

“Ok, so I’ve gotten hurt once,” Marlene said. “However, I am a badass and also immortal.”

“Oh sweet Jesus, not this again,” Dorcas laughed.

“Yes this again. I’m indestructible and there is nothing you can do abut it.”

"Oh, I’m sure you have a weakness,” Dorcas flirted.

“And what do you think that is, Meadowes?” Marlene asked.

“Hmmmm, could it be… pretty girls?”

“It would explain why my knees have been weak all night.”

“Damn, that was smooth,” Lily said. “How’d she do that?”

“Oh please, they’ve been flirting with each other since they were fourteen, it’s not like it’s all new to them,” Alice scoffed.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Lily replied.

“Ms. McKinnon, Ms. Meadowes, your salads,” Kitsy’s voice appeared again.

“Ooh, yes, this is my favorite salad,” Dorcas said.

“How on earth does someone have a favorite salad? That can’t be normal,” Marlene replied. Her voice was mostly exasperated, but Lily knew her well enough to hear the note of fondness in it as well.

“We can’t all die without ever touching a vegetable,” Dorcas said in response, then moaned.

“Oh my god, are they fucking?“ Sirius almost shouted.

“This salad is so damn good,” Dorcas groaned.

“Oh, never mind, Dorcas is just really into salad. What the fuck? That really can’t be normal.” Sirius said in disappointment.

“Uh, Cas, I’m not gonna eat this, so if you want mine-“

“Oh my god give it to me,” Dorcas exclaimed, grabbing Marlene’s plate as Marlene snickered quietly. “You’re laughing now, but you won’t be when you’re in the hospital with diabetes from too many sugary foods.”

“I’d rather die a hero than live long enough see myself become a villain,” Marlene answered solemnly. “And by villain I mean someone who gets turned on by salad.”

“Who said it was the salad that turned me on?” Dorcas asked.

“Oh sweet Jesus, I’m not sure I wanna hear this,” Remus muttered.

“Like you haven’t said filthy things to Sirius when you thought Pete and I were asleep,” James retorted. Remus blushed and promptly shut up, making the others snicker and Sirius kiss his cheek.

“Well, you certainly weren’t moaning like that for any other reason, were you?” Marlene answered Dorcas.

“Mmm, I can think of a few reasons, actually,” Dorcas replied.

“And what might those be?” Marlene flirted. Lily could practically see her smirk.

“Your entrees have arrived,” Kitsy’s voice called out.

“Damn it, that was gonna be good,” Mary said in disappointment.

“Holy shit this looks delicious,” Marlene gasped.

“What kind of sauce is that?” Dorcas asked. “It looks so good.”

“Here, try it,” Marlene said.

“Marlene, we have forks for a reason, I’m not gonna eat it off your finger,” Dorcas responded.

“Oh my god, lick the sauce off her finger then lick something else later,” Alice chuckled. “This is almost too much.”

“Oh come on, just try it,” Marlene wheedled.

“Alright, alright,” Dorcas relented. “Holy shit that’s good.”

“Right?” Marlene said. “This is so much nicer than regular dinner.”

“Yeah, plus we don’t have Lily and the other vultures trying to steal our food,” Dorcas responded.

“I’m offended,” Lily said. “We don’t steal that much of their food.”

“Dorcas hasn’t eaten a full meal in 3 days,” James replied.

“Ok whatever. Did anyone ask for your opinion?” Lily teased.

“And we don’t have to deal with James and Lily flirting,” Marlene snickered.

“What?!” Lily and James cried out in unison.

“Oh my god, right?” Dorcas laughed. “All of the flirty banter is gonna drive me insane.”

“Yeah, honestly. And they’re always, like, a package deal now? It’s ridiculous.”

“Ok, none of that is true,” Lily said, looking around at her friends, who all found excuses to not meet her gaze.

“You know what we should totally do?” Dorcas asked.

“What’s that?” Marlene replied.

“We should totally try to set them up,” Dorcas answered, laughing.

“Oh my god!” Mary almost shrieked. “This is too much, this is too good for me, I’m gonna die.”

“Shut up, this is awful,” Lily replied, face burning.

“No, wait, this is actually good. They’ve created a reason to spend time together,” Frank said. “This means that they’ll be off together trying to set up a plan, so we have more time to set up ours.”

“So Lily and I have to pretend we’re into each other so we can get them together?” James questioned.

“I think that could actually work,” Peter mused.

“Yeah, they have a common goal now,” Sirius said. “Sorry Red, looks like this is something you’ve got to do for the cause.”

“Do we really need them to get together that much?” Lily asked desperately. “I mean, they can totally handle this on their own, right?”

“Sorry, Lily, this is happening,” Remus said.

“Dessert has arrived,” Kitsy’s voice called out over Marlene and Dorcas’ laughter. “Once you are finished, I will clean everything up, so you may leave. The ones who planned this told me to inform you that there is an empty classroom down the hall to your left, in case you find yourselves wishing to…delay the end of the evening. Have a wonderful night.”

“Oh my god,” Marlene said. “Do they seriously expect me to get laid on the first date?”

“Seems like it. They have a lot of faith in you having game,” Dorcas giggled.

“Hey, I have game!” Marlene protested.

“You had Lily set you up on a blind date.”

“And I like to think my date quite enjoyed my company. I know I enjoyed hers,” Marlene said.

“See, that was decent, but it could be better,” Dorcas teased.

“And what do you suggest I do to….. improve?” Marlene said quietly, almost a dare.

“I never heard exactly what you think of my attempts to look nice,” Dorcas said in the same tone.

“Oh my god it’s happening!” Sirius squealed.

“Shut up!” Lily shushed him.

“What do I think of your attempts to look nice. Hmmm. I think that the only reason I’m not getting laid on the first date is that you weren’t supposed to be my date.”

“And if I was?” Dorcas challenged.

“Then I would have already dragged you into that empty classroom twenty minutes ago,” Marlene said huskily.

Dorcas went quiet, as did Marlene. The group listening was stunned into silence as well.

“Did she just-“

“She did.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“There’s no way they don’t bone after that,” Frank said.

“Everyone shut the hell up,” James said, straining his ears to hear what happened next.

“Ok. Ok, I can admit it. You’ve got game,” Dorcas conceded.

“Thank you,” Marlene replied smugly.

“That totally would have worked on your actual date,” Dorcas said.

“Yeah, I’m a bit sad I didn’t get to test it out,” Marlene responded. “But I think this was more fun than some blind date would have been.”

“Dammit, how are they this dumb?” Mary cried. “That was literally perfect!”

“I know,” Sirius lamented. “That should’ve been it.”

“Well, I don’t think we’re in need of an empty classroom, but it is getting late,” Dorcas said. “Shall I walk you to your dorm, Miss McKinnon?”

“Ah, what a perfect gentleman,” Marlene snickered. “Of course you may accompany me, but don’t try anything untoward. A lady has a reputation to maintain, after all.”

“But of course, Mademoiselle,” Dorcas replied. The group heard them as they exited the tower.

“Boo!” Sirius cried. “These bitches are so stupid!”

“How did they not get that?” Peter mumbled confusedly.

“They should have at least used the empty classroom to bang out the sexual tension,” Alice nodded.

“Oh no,” Lily said with dawning horror.

“What? What is it?” Remus asked.

“They’re both gonna be freaking out about this to me and James,” Lily replied.

“Actually, Marly will come to me too,” Sirius chimed in.

“Not actually that helpful, you whore,” Lily said. “God, I can hear it now. “‘Dorcas looked so hot in that blazer, and I think she may have been flirting with me?’ As though they weren’t flirting back and forth for most of the date.”

“Oh no, Dorcas is gonna be a monster,” James groaned.

“At least you don’t have to deal with both of them,” Lily muttered.

“I don’t think I have that kind of strength. You’re an inspiration, Evans,” James said, eyes twinkling with mirth.

“Oh shut up. I can’t believe I have to pretend to like you,” Lily scoffed, shoving at his shoulders.

“Uh, guys? I think they should be here any minute,” Frank said.

“Alright. We’ll discuss this tomorrow. Everyone up to their dorms,” Lily commanded. The Gryffindors scattered as they obeyed her order.

Five minutes later, just as Lily, Alice, and Mary hopped into their beds, Dorcas and Marlene walked into the dorm giggling.

“Hey guys, how were your dates?” Lily asked, trying to sound innocent.

“Actually, nonexistent,” Marlene said.

“Yeah, I think you and James got something mixed up, because we ended up on a date together,” Dorcas said.

“But it was fun, and it was good food too,” Marlene continued. “So the question becomes this: How, if all you and James were doing together was planning our dates, did you manage to screw up so bad?”

“There is… a slight possibility…” Lily closed her eyes in defeat at Marlene’s raised eyebrows and Dorcas’s smirk. “That I was a little distracted.”

“I knew it!” Marlene shouted. “I knew you two were hooking up!”

“What?” Alice said, playing at being surprised. Mary had actually fallen asleep somehow.

“No! We are not hooking up!” Lily cried. “We were just hanging out. And there may have possibly been the tiniest bit of flirty banter, but that’s normal between friends, right?” She was playing the part of denial well, but she was concerned that her friends would catch on if she didn’t protest enough.

“Uh huh. Sure,” Marlene said, drawing out the r to make it sound impossibly suggestive. “Anyway, Lily’s new boy-toy aside, I’m pretty tired. I’m headed to bed.”

“Yeah, same,” Dorcas said, trying to hide a yawn with her hand.

“You two could have come back earlier,” Lily pointed out.

“And miss out on a date with a beautiful girl? Never,” Marlene replied, winking.

“I thought you said your dates never showed?” Lily asked.

“Oh, we weren’t referring to them,” Dorcas answered, grinning at Marlene.

“Ok then, nerds. Goodnight,” Lily said, internally pumping her fist and leaping in joy.

“Goodnight, Lily.”

“Night, babe.”

That night, neither Dorcas or Marlene would admit it, but they dreamt of each other.

Lily’s dreams were far less peaceful.