The Edge
Chapter 31: The Edge
“Tawan, I need to see you in my office. Now.”
Tawan looked up from her cellphone where she was showing Dao pictures of her and Ira with the twins after soccer practice yesterday. His rough tone made her head jerk back a bit and he avoided eye contact as he nodded and walked away. She looked to Dao who could only shrug in just as much confusion and rolled her eyes at his attitude, so she pocketed her phone and followed him.
Tawan did not know why he seemed like he was in a worse mood than usual, so she sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes as she approached his door.
“Sit, please,” Mr. Tek said tightly, adjusting himself in his seat.
Tawan eyed him for a second then closed the door before slowly making her way to the seat in front of him.
They were having a great week in the office - all of the staff was on a high at not stressing over the summer issue anymore and breezing through the tasks for the launch in a few weeks. Meena thought they should be celebrating more for this accomplishment, so she was pooling together who wanted to head to a bar after work on Friday. After all they had been through, Tawan was offering to buy everything that night personally as a thanks and appreciation for her team and their hard work.
“Something wrong, sir?” Tawan asked, becoming impatient. She tried to find a comfortable position and settled for crossing her legs at the knee.
Mr. Tek’s lips were pursed in thought as he stared at the papers on his desk. Tawan was starting to squirm at how a sudden dark cloud consumed the room and things felt foreboding. Her eyes darted to the papers he was looking at but she could not read them at her angle or distance.
“I have fielded many buyers for this magazine over the years,” he said in a monotone voice, reminiscing.
Tawan’s stomach churned and she sat up straighter. “Sir, we are doing well. We can make the numbers by the end of the year,” she defended, becoming apprehensive as she uncrossed her legs.
He did not say a word, almost as if he was using the silence for extra affect. It made her stomach churn more but now she could not pinpoint why for some reason.
“We have to,” he replied mysteriously and looked up at her. “There is no more room for error. This place is bleeding me dry. And that means I have to make sure that we are well equipped to do so.”
Tawan’s brown furrowed questioningly. “W-what do you mean?” She asked nervously, trying to not squirm in her seat.
Mr. Tek, lips still pursed, reached for a paper on his desk and acted like he was reading it before sliding it over to Tawan. She looked at him then the paper before slowly reaching over to grab it. Her eyes scanned the document at rapid speed, her mind thinking the worse had happened and he was showing her a contract of sell for the magazine.
On the contrary, the document was something she would have never had imagined and her eyes widened in bewilderment.
“Is this a joke?” Tawan asked, her tone low and dark.
Mr. Tek stood and walked to the window of his office to stare down below at the bustling city with his hands behind his back. He knew this would be a difficult conversation to navigate but he was going to do it nevertheless. Tawan watched him, her eyes never leaving his frame as they shot lasers at him for his audacity.
“We need to change our approaches to a lot of things,” he concluded, eyes still outside below. “This will help.”
“A creative director?” Tawan questioned, a small humorless laugh escaping her. “You think me reporting to a creative director before launching issues for final approval is the change to our approaches we need?”
Mr. Tek looked to her and glared at her tone. “If it means we can save this magazine then yes. The more added experience to the senior leadership team the better,” he answered gruffly.
Tawan bit her tongue and slowly nodded. “I have begged you to let me do my job this last year without your constant hovering and you dismiss me at every turn. But you are okay with hiring someone with no knowledge of this magazine and who is unfamiliar with the team to have full control of launches,” she shot back in disbelief.
“We have been struggling for the last year with numbers that would have sunk any other publication months ago,” he accused and stepped back to his desk.
Enough was enough for her. She was done, spent, depleted of all resolve. This was the last straw.
“Through no fault of mine,” Tawan bellowed and stood, tossing the paper on the desk. “You undermine me at every turn. You make this job more difficult than it’s supposed to be. You take our ideas and you throw them in the trash without any consideration. How am I supposed to prove to you I can do my job - that you hired me to do, no less - if you keep shooting me down?!”
“Lily is the reason you hold that title!” He admitted and raised a finger at her. “I trusted her judgement so I respected her choice. Even if I thought you were still too young and not ready for this responsibility.”
“As opposed to who else?” Tawan challenged, bewildered and biting back a growl. “I have been with this company for almost a decade! I was mentored by a legend of the industry who backed me because she knew how hard I worked and how dedicated I was to this magazine and the team. I have my own experiences, recommendations, and accomplishments that supported every reason for my earning of my title.”
“Tawan,” he huffed, miffed as he waved her off. “You are good, I will give you that, but your position requires decades of experience.”
“I was named a top ten young leader of the nation last year,” she said aghast, eyes wide with offense. “Before you stepped in we were well on track to be at a 30% subscriber list increase. If you want to blame someone for the shortcomings of this magazine then blame yourself.”
Mr. Tek’s head swiveled to her, eyes blazing. “Watch it, young lady. You are playing with fire,” he warned her.
Tawan, eyes focused, quickly swallowed. “This is the last time you will blame me and my team for your failures,” she continued, pinning him in place.
“Your team?” He said, a threatening smile forming. “Your team is my employees. You are my employee. You better quickly remember that or you won't be one of my employees for much longer."
Tawan’s fist shook by her side as she stared him down. “I won’t work like this. I won’t report to someone else. I am the editor-in-chief. No other person in my position would stand for a publication doing this to them,” she informed him.
“Then you will not be editor-in-chief,” he stated smugly with finality. “You will either work with the creative director or you will be fired.”
Tawan remained silent, staring him down as her mind raced for her next words. Mr. Tek knew he had her where he wanted her - that he could make her submit to his will - so he added the final nail in the coffin.
“Lai will be taking over the position as creative director,” he continued and sat back at his desk.
Tawan felt like she had been gut punched. “W-what?” She said quietly, placing a shaky hand to her stomach.
“I’ve wanted to bring her on ever since her idea for the summer issue,” he stated, lacing his hands on his desk to look at her expectantly.
Tawan’s top lip twitched and she turned from him as she covered her mouth to take a moment. “Her idea? You mean the idea that was mostly the team’s,” she questioned rhetorically, turning back to him.
“Hmm,” he huffed and watched her. “It was her idea to combine the ideas for one issue. Projections are showing this should be successful.”
Tawan looked up and bit her bottom lip. “You cannot be serious right now,” she whispered mostly to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“I am,” Mr. Tek gruffed then pointed his finger at her. “And you are going to support her in her new role, Tawan. Or else you will not be editor-in-chief anymore. I mean it. I will stand for insubordination.”
Tawan looked back to him as angry tears formed. “Are you firing me?” She accused.
“If you disobey my orders…,” he said and paused for effect. “Yes. Yes, I will.”
“I cannot do my job under these stresses anymore,” Tawan told him, her jaw shaking.
“Then you do not have a job with stresses anymore,” Mr. Tek said, standing his ground.
Tawan stared at him coldly, her fist still shaking at her side as she tried her hardest to reign in her emotions.
She tried to shake off the inevitability, the constant nudge at her back that told her she had to make the move first or Mr. Tek would do it for her. Her worries and stresses about how this would affect her family slammed into her like a speeding car making her knees buckle at how things felt like they were going to be so much more different. She was paralyzed by if that different was good or bad, her mind going back to a few nights ago in bed with Ira when she said she felt this presence of change on the horizon.
The inevitable was here and she had a choice to make.
Tawan swallowed hard, looking up to the side. “I expect my severance package as outlined in my contract,” she said with quiet finality and turned on her heel to exit.
Mr. Tek’s smirk was wiped clean off his face. “Tawan? Tawan! You come back here right now,” he ordered as he stood and barked more orders at her.
Tawan exited his office and ignored all the eyes of the office on her as the door clicked closed and muffled the grumpy old boss’ berating.
Mr. Tek thought that he could do what he always did when it came to his employees, especially Tawan - strong-arm them and bend them to his will. Though he was not satisfied with Tawan’s leadership and felt they needed someone with seasoned experience, he also recognized her contributions and dedication to his magazine. She was an asset to him at the end of the day - no more or less of value than his home or car or other business investments.
Dao watched as Tawan, head held high, briskly rushed into her office so she stood and hurried to her to see if she wanted some tea or something. Whatever had happened behind those closed doors with Mr. Tek, the loud muffled sounds they could all hear from out there, had clearly upset the young woman but her steps had purpose and determination. Meena caught the older woman’s eyes and they both nodded to each other as they headed to Tawan’s office.
Meena looked back at the team, their eyes worried, and flashed them a reassuring smile and a hand of calm before entering behind Dao.
Tawan looked up to them as she reached down to grab her messenger bag. She avoided eye contact, her bottom lip trembling, and focused on stuffing papers into it along with some of her personal belongings that would fit. Embarrassment started to creep up to her neck so she quickly grabbed it before going back to her task.
Meena’s eyes grew wide as she watched her put her beloved pictures of her family into her bag and it dawned on her what this meant. She swallowed hard, trying to contain her emotions of sadness and anger, and reached up to massage the back of her neck. Dao, who was still silent in place, clasped her worried hands together and watched her as her eyes began to water.
The silence was excruciating and Tawan stopped her task to physically shake herself as it all came crashing down. They were looking at her, waiting both expectantly and patiently, and her heart clenched at knowing they were no longer her coworkers.
“H-he, uh, h-he fired me,” Tawan told them from the back of her throat. She swallowed hard and reached for her chair to shakily sit down.
“For what?!” Meena snapped and stepped to her desk.
“No,” Dao whispered, reaching for her handkerchief in her coat pocket to cry into.
“Meena,” Tawan sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “I need you to keep your cool. The team is going to need you now.”
“We are your team, Tawan,” Meena insisted, ignoring her implication.
Tawan felt a sob incoming and patted her chest to take a moment. “Not anymore,” she resigned, a small sob escaping.
Meena cursed and turned from her, grabbing her forehead. Dao cried harder into her handkerchief, her sounds muffled and piercing the silence of the room as everything settled. Tawan took a moment to gather and compose herself so she could give last minute instructions and provide all of her remaining support before she bolted out of the building.
The longer she stayed there, the more suffocating and embarrassed she felt at being fired from her job despite knowing she was the one walking away. Her pride was just confused in the heat of the moment.
“Listen to me,” she began, taking in a watery inhale and standing again. “I would not have lasted as long as I did without you two and our team. I wish it didn’t end this way, I really do but…it has. I hate it more than you do, believe me, but this isn’t about me - its about the team. And I am trusting and believing in you two to navigate them through this and what's to come. Please. Do this one last thing for me.”
Meena, face swirled in rage, and Dao, still crying, stared at her then slowly nodded in understanding and determination. Tawan exhaled then nodded before quickly telling them what had happened in Mr. Tek’s office. She did not mince words and gave them every detail as best as she could remember through the fog of her emotions she was still possessed by.
Meena gritted her teeth as she listened and Dao’s jaw was dropped with her handkerchief half raised to the corner of her eye.
“I don’t mean to rush out of here and I certainly want to give a proper goodbye to the team, but it’s only a matter of time before he sends security to escort me out or something,” Tawan said as she started packing again.
Dao, assistant mode engaged, nodded. “I will go grab you a box, if you would like one?” She asked, turning some to the door.
The older woman was very sad about losing her boss, someone she thought of and treated as her own daughter. Tawan and Ira had been so kind to her over the years, especially after Lily had retired. It is why she wanted to make herself busy and helpful, anything to make her boss' stress and hurt about being fired less of a blow.
Tawan pondered for a moment then nodded begrudgingly. “Thank you,” she said, smiling appreciatively at her. She walked around and gave the older woman as warm of a hug as she could in both thanks and appreciation for all her years of service to her.
Dao reminded her of her mother sometimes, and in this instance, the dreaded box would signal to everyone her most shameful moment to date so she needed as much support as she could get right now. As Dao exited the office, Tawan watched her leave and then the closed door for a second before going back behind her desk. She tried to avoid her work best friend's depressing gaze so she did not break down and crumble under the weight of it.
Meena kept watch over her friend and mentor. “I can’t do this without you,” she confessed, her voice cracking on the last word.
Tawan immediately looked up to her and softened. “Meena,” she started, lost for words.
They both agreed that they were always supposed to rise to the top together, go professionally together wherever the wind blew them.
“This is bullshit, Tawan, and you know it,” Meena said, wiping at her eye swiftly.
Tawan sighed and sat down in her chair. “We always knew it was coming,” she said quietly. Her eyes fell on a photo of everyone from the office at a team bonding work event months ago and she closed her eyes sadly.
“But it was never supposed to be like this,” Meena countered and put he hands on her hips. “We were supposed to leave on our own time, branch out and do our own thing. Together.”
“That doesn’t mean it still can’t happen,” Tawan assuaged, mostly for herself.
“Then let’s do it,” Meena challenged and leaned on her palms on her desk. “FleurDe.”
Tawan sucked in a breath and turned from her. “Meena, you know I’m still short on my half of the investment,” she reminded her, avoiding eye contact.
Meena went around some to be in her view. “We can make it work. I have more than enough,” she persisted.
“Absolutely not,” Tawan bellowed and stared her down.
“Tawan,” Meena whined, crumbling under her pressure. “This is our sign!”
“Our 'sign' is when each person has their portion of the money they agreed upon,” Tawan reminded her, frustrated.
“I cannot work for that man,” Meena pushed and pointed at the wall.
Tawan stood and went around her desk to her. “Look, Meena. I wish things were different because I would never burden you with him, but this is what it is. I hate this more than you do," she said, practically pleading with her eyes.
Meena looked away, trying to erase the look on her face from her memory. She knew she was pained by all of this and it was not just because she got fired.
"I have not forgotten about our dream," Tawan continued, a lump forming in her throat. "It has been all that I can lean on here for the last few months, but we need to make sure that we do it right. Because I can’t have anything else slip through my fingers again.”
Meena stared back at her, her jaw trembling as her duty to her boss emerged.
Tawan waited, looking at her eyes water and wishing she could take on all the stress for her that was sure to come. They had to believe that things would not always be this way, so Meena broke eye contact and swallowed as she looked down to compose herself then back up to her to nod. Tawan’s body visibly sighed and she immediately pulled her in for a tight hug, hoping she could feel how much she appreciated her friendship.
“I’ll go gather the team,” Meena said quietly after they pulled apart and nodded again.
Tawan felt her bottom lip tremble as reality came crashing down. “Thank you,” she said thickly, smiling watery at her.
Meena bowed her head to Tawan, holding it for emphasis, then turned around to do her one last task for her boss.
Tawan let out a shuddering breath when the door clicked closed then ran her hand through her hair to scrape her scalp. She did not know how much more of these emotions she could take and was starting to feel like she was on a merry go round at rapid speed with how fast things were changing and happening. The longer she remained in Vibe/Me, the more she felt like she was suffocating and being crushed under the weight of it.
A knock at the door broke her from her mind's tortures and she looked to it. Before she could tell the guest she was not taking any more visitors, hoping it was also not Mr. Tek with security, the door opened.
“Tawan. Can we talk?” Lai asked as she stepped around the door and closed it.
Tawan stared at her and debated on if she should curse her out or shake her hand for now taking over her job.
The only reason why Tawan was having such a visceral and emotional reaction to her being fired was that she worried about the people she would be leaving behind. Despite everything Mr. Tek had put her through, she would have stayed and finished the two years she had promised to herself just for them. Her heart broke at them having to receive the brunt of the man’s ego, but it also pumped at the thought of herself being finally free.
“I can’t do this right now,” Tawan answered and headed back to her desk to finish packing.
“I didn’t meant for this to turn out the way it did,” Lai said and headed to her.
“Yeah, well, can’t say I didn’t expect it at some point,” Tawan said distractedly, looking around herself for more of her possessions.
Lai’s face scrunched in irritation and frustration as she watched her grab more photos of her family and stuff them in her overflowing bag. She thought she would be more upset about being fired and her being her replacement. She had rushed to Mr. Tek’s office seconds after Tawan had exited it to get the details about what had happened.
Her plan did not include for Tawan to basically force Mr. Tek to fire her and she gritted her teeth in defeat as she racked her brain for an alternative plan. She had no plan in mind as she quickly headed to Tawan’s office.
“I was hoping to continue working with you,” Lai informed, smiling tightly.
“No offense, Lai, but there is no publication in the world where the editor-in-chief doesn’t have the final say,” Tawan said and looked to her quickly before going back to packing. “Unless it’s ran by some rich asshole.”
“We work well together,” Lai persisted, forcing herself to ignore the jab to her ego. “I only accepted the offer because of that. If not me then he would have found someone else.”
“Well,” Tawan deadpanned and put her hands on hips as she searched her desk. “He can find someone else for my position.”
The more reality set in, the more Tawan’s outlook changed despite the looming doom she felt of having to break the news to Ira. Even if Ira would be more than happy at her finally being free of Mr. Tek. Lai was starting to ripple at how unfazed she sounded, as if she did not lose something that she knew defined her.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me?” Lai whispered irritatedly to herself and turned from her.
Tawan was closing up her bag and getting ready to head out to say goodbye to her team. Lai looked back at her and boiled at how nonchalant and well she taking all of this.
“You know…,” Lai said and waited for her to look at her. “I still don’t understand why she hasn’t told you.”
Tawan’s head tilted to the side as she processed what she said. She did not know who she was referencing and she was ready to get the hell out of Vibe/Me so she cut to the chase and opened her mouth to ask just as Lai cut her off.
“Ira,” she said, staring her down as she stuffed her hands in her pockets.
Tawan was becoming more confused and she was now getting defensive at Lai implying something about her wife in this foreboding tone. Lai knew she had her where she wanted her, but she waited so she could enjoy this.
“Ira? What about Ir-,”
“We used to date.”
Tawan’s eyes blinked rapidly as a freight train slammed into her at full speed. Lai, satisfied, stepped closer and tried not too smirk too much as she watched her visibly lock up in what looked like pain.
“Ten years ago. Back in college,” Lai continued and watched in pleasure as she took a moment. “She has not changed one bit, I must say. Still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Hell, if I would have stayed, well, maybe you and I would be standing in each other’s shoes right now.”
Tawan’s chest was slowly rising and falling as she processed everything and then it started to heave as the pieces of the puzzle she was trying to put together for a while now fell into place.
This was why Ira was acting differently and having mood swings. Why she acted weird that day she came to pick her up for lunch at the office when she tried to introduce her to Lai for the first time, or so she thought. Why she suddenly had stomach issues for days. Why Ira broke down to her that night about not sharing something that stressed her, thinking it was her being overwhelmed by all of the sudden work she had gotten.
Tawan was speechless as she felt her world spinning, and she placed her hand on her desk to keep herself upright and from emptying the contents of her stomach.
Why would Ira keep such a thing from her and why for this long?
“Makes you wonder who the woman is that you married,” Lai added, gauging her for a reaction.
Tawan, head down, shot her eyes up to glare at her as they brimmed with hot tears, trying to control and reign in her emotions. She felt like she was scrambling on the inside to to keep herself together while also trying to silence the million things her mind was throwing at her. The hand that was on her desk had now curled into a fist as she pushed it down into the wood.
Lai stared her down and stepped to her again, hoping she would react.
“I’ve been trying to figure out ever since we met what she sees in you,” Lai practically sneered, scrutinizing her as she looked her up and down. “When we dated I used to shower her with her favorite things. Money was no problem. I would take her for lavish dinners, buy her expensive gifts, surprise her with random trips to places, get her anything she wanted."
Tawan tried to control her heaving chest as each revelation made her feel like her lungs were constricting. The blood pumping in her ears made it hard for her to concentrate as her head pounded. Her stomach started to feel like it was cramping at each new revelation.
"If I would have stayed here instead of leaving for work, I would have been the one to marry her. We would have started a family," Lai continued, smirking at each word shooting her further down. "I never stopped loving her, you know. Remember? I told you that, that day at lunch about losing her back in college. I wonder how she feels."
Tawan felt like the air had been knocked out of her and she fell back a step. It was a battle between her heart and her mind as to whether or not what she had just said was true; her mind screamed at her that since Ira never told her then it must be true while her heart tried to critically reason with her that there has to be more to the story for all this secrecy.
Lai could see this and wanted to push her to the edge then kick over over it.
“What can you offer her now, Tawan?” Lai challenged, baiting her some. "You don't even have a job anymore. How can you provide for her and your children now?"
Lai knew Tawan's weaknesses even after having only spent such a short amount of time with her. She knew how much she loved and valued her family, how everything she did was for them, always beaming proudly at even just the mention of them. Tawan’s ears were ringing, drowning in what she had just heard, and she looked down at the floor to desperately search for understanding or an answer while pushing away the feelings of betrayal, inadequacy, and failure.
Ira would never have kept something like this from her. Ever. It just did not make any sense. But the more it did not, the more she came to the conclusion that there had to be some truth to this if not all of it. She felt like a sledgehammer kept slamming into her gut as her knees buckled and her legs wobbled.
Lai was satisfied, for now, so she stepped back and told herself to keep her cool because she now had just started a new job here. She needed to be around to complete her mission.
“Good luck, Tawan,” Lai baited a bit more, trying to hide her enthusiasm as she headed for the door. “It’s a cold, cold world out there. Ira deserves better. Your children deserve better. Hopefully, she soon remembers that's me.”
Lai opened the door and smirked menacingly as she exited the office, pulling out her cellphone to dial the number she got from the employee files. She put it to her ear as she walked back to the conference room, her eyes looking at the door of Tawan’s office since the blinds to the windows were all closed as she waited for her call to be answered.
“Don’t hang up. There’s something you should know.”