Chapter 8
4th November, 1981
7.01am
“Babies really don’t…do much, do they?” asked Sirius, looking fondly at a gurgling Harry.
“He looks like Lily,” said Remus. “The eyes.”
“He’s going to get that a lot in his life, Moony. Let’s not start now.” Sirius’ voice changed in tone a little. "He does, though. Look like her."
“Mm.” Remus exhaled and appeared to disconnect. “I think the books are arriving today.”
“The books?”
“This is a bookshop. If I can’t find a job myself I’ll…make one.”
Sirius nodded. “I’ll help.”
“No.” Remus paused. “Sorry, that came out harshly. I’ll try again. No.”
“What? Why? I’d be a great bookstore man!”
“OK. First of all, Sirius, you haven’t read a book since 1964, which was when you learned to read. Second of all, this place is filled with rich old white people and you are…you.”
“Unpredictable and desperately sexy?”
“You’re desperately something,” said Remus, looking at him amusedly. “Anyway. No.”
“I’ll be better! I’ll wear your jumpers.”
Remus raised his eyebrows. “They don’t fit you.”
“It’ll be great. I’ll ditch the leather jacket,” said Sirius, winking and heading into Remus’ room.
“I need Lily,” said Remus under his breath. “Lily’s dead. Marlene. Also dead. Uhhh—Dorcas. Dead. Alice!” Phone.
“What?” asked Alice. “I’m sleeping.”
“Alice, help me! All my other girl friends are dead.”
“Why do you need a girl friend?”
“Because all my boy friends are dead too!”
“Frank’s not dead,” said Alice. “Yet.”
“You’re better at this shit than him.”
“Thank you, I’m better at everything. What do you need?”
“Who’re you talking to?” asked Sirius, wearing Remus’ jumper.
“No one! Alice. Listen, go buy…milk.”
“We have four pints.”
“Go! Buy! Go buy!” Remus turned away from him and Sirius left. “He’s wearing one of my jumpers.”
“Why is that a problem?”
“My ex-boyfriend is living in my flat and wearing my clothes and he looks…”
“Looks what?” Alice sounded violently amused.
“Not…bad! God, it would be so much easier if he were ugly,” sighed Remus.
“Remus. You are very clearly still in love with him.”
“Yes! That is very obvious! Of course I’m still in l—heyy, that was quick.”
“I just remembered it’s seven in the fucking morning, no one’s open,” said Sirius. “Sorry. Whatever plan you had with five pints of milk will have to wait.”
“Listen, I need to have a private conversation with Alice.”
Sirius sighed. “Fine.”
“Gogogogogogogogogo—he’s SO HOT.”
“Remus, you need to either have less control or more of it. He hurt you before, but did he hurt you to the point where you can’t forgive him?”
“Yes.” Remus paused. “No. I don’t know. He pissed me off! I don’t know if it was life-changing. I just know he has a really nice ass.”
“Disgusting.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“Technically he accused you of being a Death Eater, and this pissed you off so much that you told him your marriage wasn’t real and then left for seven months. You somehow managed to both avoid him and keep up a relationship with everyone else you know, despite the fact that they are best friends with him.”
“When I want to avoid someone I don’t half-ass it, Longbottom.”
“What I’m saying is…getting back with an ex isn’t always a good idea. You left him for a reason.”
“Yeah, but now we’re raising a child together, and it's a whole thing—”
“You’re WHAT?” Alice sounded horrified. “Remus! Whose child?”
“Harry. Well—not Harry’s child. You get what I’m saying.”
“Oh, you can bring him over for a playdate some time. But—you’re raising the child of your two best friends with your ex-boyfriend?”
“It sounds bad when you put it like that. Listen, I really don’t want to forgive him, but—”
“No nO NO, THE CHILD THING—”
“We’ve moved past that now, Alice, keep up. I don’t want to forgive him, but I also…do.”
“OK, full disclosure, you are…kind of filling in for Lily for me right now,” said Alice.
Remus sighed. “I know. So are you. I’d always talk to her about Sirius. Back when things were…less fucked.”
“She’d always talk to me about James back when things were less fucked.” Alice sounded wistful. “I miss them, Remus.”
“I know. Me too. You know, if she were here, Lily would probably slap me and tell me to ‘just do it, Lupin’.”
“Then just do it, Lupin,” said Alice, a hint of laughter behind her voice. “Tell him you love him. He probably needs to hear it right now. You know that.”
“I know.” Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I know. And I do. Love him, that is.”
“Tell him.”
“Are you aware you completely changed position on this issue halfway through the conversation?”
“Yeah. I remembered that I love him, too.” Alice paused. “Listen, Frank and I are going on a thing tomorrow night. Could you look after Neville? I know it’s difficult for you to…do things right now, but it’d be nice for Harry, I think. And it’d be a good distraction.”
“No, of course. Yeah. Whatever you need. Date night?” he asked.
“Not exactly. Auror thing.”
“Ah. Best not to take the baby on that one, eh?”
Alice chuckled. “Yeah, well. I don’t want to scare you, but this one’s meant to be a bit of a…dangerous one. If anything happens, if we end up in St Mungo’s or…” She stopped mid-sentence. “Just take him to my mum’s, OK? She hasn’t moved since we were kids.”
“Alright. Hey, be careful. Don’t want Neville to be parentless.”
“Yep. Anyway. Tell him you love him. I love you. Bye.”
“Bye, Alice.” Remus hung up the phone, and opened the front door. “You can come in now.”
Sirius sighed and stood up. “I understand the banishment to the guest bedroom, but this is not exactly what I expected.”
“Sorry.” Remus paused. “Scratch that, no I’m not. You’re living under my roof now, whippersnapper.”
Sirius grinned. “Grandpa Remus strikes again.”
“Get in.” Remus opened the door a little wider so he could come in.
4th November, 1981
4.23pm
“Go outside if you’re going to do that,” said Remus, looking disapprovingly at Sirius. “At least let some air in. Let out the smoke.”
He opened the window. “Sorry. Forgot.”
“I thought you quit.”
“I did.” Sirius sighed and leaned back in his chair. “And then…I didn’t again.”
Remus shook his head. “When did you start again?”
Sirius shrugged. “When did you leave?”
4th November, 1981
10.58pm
“D’you want a Firewhiskey?” asked Remus, looking in the cupboards.
“Definitely,” said Sirius, who was kneeling by the fire, fiddling with it.
“Sit down, idiot, the fire’s fine.” Remus handed him a glass and settled himself on an armchair. “Sirius, I have to ask…”
Sirius sat himself down. “Yes?”
“When I was gone. Was there anyone else?”
Sirius took a sip of his drink. “Never. What about you?”
“No.”
Sirius gave a half-hearted grin. “We’re both lying, aren’t we?”
“Most definitely.” Remus took a swallow of Firewhiskey. “Violently lying, in fact.”
“Were they hes? Shes? Somewhere in betweens?”
“Yes. All,” said Remus. “Can't remember most of their names."
Sirius snorted. “Me neither.” Then: “I missed you.”
“Quite right.” He paused. “I missed you, too.”
“Could I…” Sirius outstretched a hand. “Could I see your inner wrist?”
Remus’ brow furrowed. “Sure.”
Sirius looked fondly at the tattoo marked there. “Sirius A. Right?”
“Yeah.” Remus glanced at the tattoo. “Dog Star.”
“I’m still in love with you, Remus.” It was abrupt, and it looked like even Sirius hadn’t expected it.
“I know.” Han Solo-ing it. Nice job, Remus.
Sirius drank again, looking rather pensive. Not hurt, but thoughtful. “Were you talking to Alice about me?”
“Yes.”
Sirius chuckled. “And? What’re the results, doc?”
“It looks like…” Remus sighed. “God fuck it, I hate doing this.”
Sirius didn’t say anything.
“I’m in love with you too, idiot.”
“Well.” Sirius finished his drink. “What’s to be done about that?”
“What is this, a shitty romance novel?” Remus snorted and stood up. “You can’t play fake cool and win me over like that. Goodnight.”
Sirius sighed. “Worth a try. It was sexy, though, right?”
“Goodnight, Sirius.”
“That means it was sexy!” called Sirius. “Validate me! Or have sex with me, either works.”
“There is a BABY UNDER THIS ROOF, SIRIUS.”
5th November, 1981
3.02am
Harry was screaming. Sirius rolled out of bed and exited the guest bedroom. Remus was there, too. “Nope. I got it. I got it. Go back to bed.” Remus gave a sleepy thumbs-up and headed back into his room. Sirius entered Harry’s nursery and flicked on the light. “What’s wrong, kid?”
“Cayon!” He was standing up in his cot, looking deeply angry.
“No idea what that is.” Sirius scooped him up out of the cot. “You want something to eat? Are you saying carrot? Your teeth don’t work good enough for that.”
“No!” Harry pointed at his crayons.
“It’s three in the morning, Potter,” said Sirius. “Why are you suddenly overcome with the need to create art?”
“Cayon!”
“I get it, buddy. Sometimes I would have the random urge to play music at random times in the night. So I did. It really annoyed my parents, too,” Sirius said matter-of-factly.
“Hopefully you’re less of an asshole than me.”
Harry sniffed. “Da.”
“Are you Russian suddenly? I don’t have the strength to raise a Russian child.”
“Da.” Oh.
“Your dad’s not here right now,” said Sirius. “Hey, I’ll tell you what, though.” He placed Harry back into his cot and took his wand out. Multicoloured bubbles filled the room, causing the sniffles to stop and giggles to begin. “Just like your dad used to, right?” Sirius kissed the top of his head and switched off the light. The bubbles popped, and swirling stars filled the room, acting as a nightlight. “Goodnight, Harry.” He turned around to see Remus leaning against the doorframe, a sad smile on his face.
“Come to bed, Sirius.”
“I was just going—” Remus shook his head, and Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
5th November, 1981
9.31am
Remus sat up, and looked at the man sleeping next to him. He got up, headed into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Sirius soon joined him.
“Morning.”
Remus nodded at him, but didn’t say anything.
“Not that I’m complaining, but…I thought you’d be angrier.”
Remus got out two mugs. “I spent six months being angry, Padfoot.” Sirius’ eyes flicked up - he hadn’t heard that one in a while. “It's not that I've forgiven, exactly. I'm just tired. 'Specially after..."
“Lily and James,” Sirius finished. “Right.”
5th November, 1981
12.39pm
“He does keep saying the word ‘meth’ a lot, and we don’t know why,” said Alice, handing over the rather large baby to Sirius. “We’re hoping it will have no impact on his future.”
Sirius looked rather disturbed. “OK.”
“And no smoking around him, either!”
“He’s stopped,” said Remus.
“Since when?”
“Since yesterday,” Sirius replied. Alice raised her eyebrows. “For the baby. The baby.”
“Riiiiiight,” said Alice.
“Anyway. We should be back by six. Anything happens, Dumbledore will tell you first and you take Neville to my mum’s. Fair warning, Sirius, she’s a bit of a…character.”
“She really is,” said Remus, looking slightly traumatised. “Excellent sense of fashion, though.”
“Me and her will get on swimmingly, then,” said Sirius, bouncing the baby. “Good luck. Be careful.”
“I’m always careful, darling.” Alice grinned. “Oh—one last thing, Neville can sort of walk, so don’t let him near knives.”
“We weren’t—why would we be planning to let the baby near knives anyway?”
“That’s a fair point,” she said. “Anyway, we’re going at 3, we just wanted to do this early. See you.”
“I know I already said this, but be careful!”
“You’d better come back tonight,” said Remus.
5th November, 1981
2.47pm
“Hello?” Remus picked up the phone.
“You two bang one out?” asked Alice, sounding amused.
“What?” Remus sounded deeply disturbed. “No. God, no. We just—” He glanced at Sirius, who seemed distracted. “Slept together.”
“That is the literal definition of banging one out.”
“No! Not sex! Sleep!”
“OK, that makes more sense. You two are dorks. Did you make up?” she asked, rather more genuinely this time. “Did he apologise? He better have apologised.”
“No. I think he knows there’s no way he can apologise.” Remus sighed. “He’s just—good. He’s good with Harry, that is.”
“He is?” Alice had a note of surprise in her voice. “I assumed he was terrible with kids.”
“No, he’s…great. He managed to calm down Harry. And that kid saw both of his parents die, like, five days ago.”
“Huh. The more you know. Anyway, I have to go.”
“Bye. See you soon.”
5th November, 1981
6.28pm
“They did say six, right?” Sirius was attempting to stop Neville from throwing himself into the bin.
“Alice and Frank are late for literally everything,” said Remus. “They were late for their own wedding.”
“Yeah. That’s it.”
Both of them managed to ignore the fact that they were both as anxious as each other.
5th November, 1981
7.52pm
Remus picked up Neville carefully. “I’m sorry, kid.”
“Should we wait for the call, or just go now?”
“He’ll call. I want to make sure,” said Remus. “Make sure we aren’t…jumping the gun.”
“They’re dead, Moons,” said Sirius gently. Remus shook his head.
“I know.” He sounded defeated. The phone rang and Remus squeezed his eyes shut. Sirius picked up the phone.
“Are they dead?” Sirius was quiet for a very long time. “What?”
Remus looked up. “What’s happening?”
Sirius didn’t respond. “OK. Yes.” He hung up. “They’re not dead. It’s worse.”
“What?” Remus sat up. “What’s worse than death?”
“My cousin,” said Sirius. “Do you want to go to the hospital or drop off the baby?”
6th November, 1981
12.46am
“Thanks again for babysitting, Arthur,” said Remus. He smiled sadly and left the apartment.
Sirius sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. Remus sat on an armchair, looking rather grim.
“Not even allowed…the dignity of death,” Sirius said. “My cousin is something else.”
“She’s a piece of work.”
“You could say that.” Sirius paused and looked up at Remus. “Distance.”
“Sorry,” replied Remus, apparently automatically. He blinked, but came over to join Sirius on the sofa. “I really want to forgive you.”
“I bet your dick tastes like forgiveness.”
Remus snorted and shoved him. “Good God, man, there’s a baby in the house.”
“Mm.” Sirius looked around the room, until his eyes settled on a guitar that was leaning on an armchair. “Whose is that?”
“Hmm? Oh.” Remus thought for a second. “Marlene’s. Must’ve been.”
Sirius smiled. “Me and her used to play together. We always said we were going to start a band, but we couldn’t find a drummer.”
“Sounds very like 16-year-old you.” Remus picked up the guitar and started strumming absent-mindedly. Sirius’ brow furrowed.
“You can’t play guitar.”
Remus glanced at him. “Darling, I can do anything.”
“Ahh, Sinatra.” Sirius sighed and leaned back. “Something Stupid?”
“Popularised by Sinatra,” said Remus, playing.
“…to spend an evening with me,” came in Sirius. “And if we go some place to dance I know that there’s a chance you won’t be leaving with me. —Uhh, quiet little place and have a drink or two!” He didn’t know the words.
“And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin’ stupid like I love you.”
Sirius grinned. “I can see it in your eyes that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before. Though it’s just a line to you—to me it’s true, and never felt so right before.”
Remus had stopped singing, and didn’t again until the very end.
“The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and oh, the night’s so blue. And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin’ stupid like I love you.” Sirius paused.
“I love you.”
“I love you.” Remus stopped playing and stood up.
“Am I coming with you?”
Remus shrugged and left. “Goodnight.”
Sirius slept on the sofa.
6th November, 1981
8.47am
Sirius fell off the sofa.
“How did that go for you?” said a slightly irritated Remus. "There's a guest bedroom."
“I am a legend.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“So are you.” Sirius put his hands behind his head. “You know, I have no idea what’s going on with me and you, but I know that I’m annoyed for no reason. Also, I have a crick in my neck.”
“Sirius, we won the war.” Remus apparently ignored everything he just said.
Sirius stood up. “What?”
“More specifically, Harry won the war.”
“Are we speaking metaphorically? He is one year old.”
“When Voldemort got to Godric’s Hollow, his Killing Curse backfired when he tried to…kill Harry.”
“Backfired?”
“Yep. The Dark Lord died due to a wand mishap.”
“…We won?”
“Yes.”
Sirius sighed. “Doesn’t feel like a win.”
“…I know it doesn’t.” Remus paused. “If I buy champagne will it feel like a win?”
“No. If I drink heavily and make out with you it will.” Whoops, he wasn’t meant to say that.
Remus shrugged. “I’m up for that.”