Bellatrix, Please
Chapter Four
Azkaban is boring. It’s mind numbingly, whole heartedly boring. That’s the true punishment, not the reliving of your worst memories, or the constant never ceasing chill. It’s just the pure boredom.
Sirius drops back into the pile of blankets he’s forced to call a bed.
It’s been over a year now, living here. He wishes, prays for a time when he’d had a warm bed and good food. He thinks of James and Lily a lot, though he thinks that’s the dementors. He thinks of little Harry plenty.
He thinks of Remus the most.
If nothing else he regretted what he’d done to Remus. Mourned the loss of his friend and what he’d hoped one day would be his future husband.
He’s sure the dementors are preying on that. On his regret and guilt towards Remus, intensified it tenfold.
So yeah, Azkaban is great fun. There’s the mind numbing boredom, the horrible chill, the depression that seems to constantly lurk around you, drowning you.
And the cherry on top?
“Siri—”
Bellatrix had the cell next door.
“Bella, I beg of you,” bemoans Sirius, “Shut the fuck up.”
The vents aren’t particularly large, but the sound carries easily between the cells and Bella loves annoying Sirius. It probably distracts her from her slowly fraying mind.
“Oh but Siri, baby cousin, we haven’t spoken in so long—”
“You did this not even an hour ago, Bellatrix, I swear to Merlin—”
“What?” snaps Bella’s voice and Sirius rolls his eyes, “You’ll do what exactly, Sirius? Lock me up and put me in my own personalized prison?!” she lets out a half shriek of a laugh, “You’re too late baby cousin!”
“Bellatr-“
“Black!” Sirius practically flies out of his bed in shock at the voice, turning to the door.
“You’ve another visitor.” Grumbles Charles, “You’re getting popular,”
Sirius grins at Charles, “I do try my hardest,”
Charles rolls his eyes, opening the cell door, “Be right outside,” he tells the silhouette and closes the door behind them.
Remus looks tired. He looks exhausted, deep circles under his eyes and his hair is greasy and sticks up at odd angles. The sweater he’s wearing is an old gift from Lily but the sleeves are frayed now and there’s a hole in the collar.
There’s a new scar along his jaw, short but deep.
“Remus,” Sirius chokes out, feeling as though someone’s punched him in the stomach.
“Sirius,” nods Remus, he tugs on his sleeve once nervously, then catches himself and tucks his hands behind his back.
“You’re here,” whispers Sirius, “I never—why are you here?”
There’s a long pause as Remus seems to consider the question then tear it apart and dissect it before putting it back together.
“McGonagall says you’re innocent,” says Remus quietly, “Came to my house and decided to tell me she was going to try and get you out of here.”
Sirius takes a shaky breath, “What do you think?”
“I think,” sneers Remus, “That if what she told me is true, then there’s still something I’m missing here.”
“You mean?”
“How did Voldemort find Lily and James, Sirius?” growls Remus darkly, and he very much looks like an intimidating werewolf now. His eyes are dark and he’s tucked his hands nonchalantly into his pockets but every part of him is poised to attack.
“Remu-“
“Tell me.” Snaps Remus.
Sirius takes a shaky breath, tucks his hands into his armpits in a desperate attempt to stop them from shaking.
“We made Peter the secret keeper.” Confesses Sirius, “I was too obvious, too plain to see. So we made Peter the secret keeper but Pete—the rat told Voldemort and—”
“I get it,” snaps Remus, eyes sharp as he paces the room, “But then that leaves one last thing, Sirius.”
Remus moves closer then, crouches down so he’s eye level with Sirius, “You didn’t tell me.” Whispers Remus.
There’s a pause, and Sirius knows what’s going on in Remus’ head. The chanting line of self hate, the whispers of ‘you aren’t good enough and you never were’ going through Remus’ head right then and all he wants to do is lean forward, grab Remus and clutch him to his chest.
“I’m so sorry, Remus,” Sirius chokes out instead, “Merlin—”
“Shove it, Sirius.” Snaps Remus, “It’s far too late for that.”
Sirius’ jaw snaps shut with a click and he takes a shuddering breath.
“So what happened to Peter then?” asks Remus coldly, “You said he told Voldemort where Lily and James were but Peter’s dead and you’re here,”
“Peter faked his death? how exactly?”
“Explosion, chopped off finger, transformed, pissed off.” Explains Sirius shortly.
Remus sighs, scratching his scalp and then he’s leaning back on his heels.
“I don’t know what to think here Sirius,” whispers Remus, “And the worst part? Everyone I used to go to, to help me understand this kind of shit? They’re all dead.”
“Remus—”
Remus holds up a hand, taking his own deep, shuddering breath.
“I’ll look for Peter,” says Remus coolly, “If I find him, and face it I’m the most likely to be able, then and only then will I believe you.”
“But if I don’t find Peter? If this is all a lie you’ve built. I’ll tear your throat out, consequences be damned.”
With that Remus gets to his feet and marches up to the door, knocking loudly twice.
“Remus,” Sirius calls as Charles opens the door and Remus pauses for a moment, “I’m sorry.”
There’s a long pause as Remus barely glances at Sirius but nods slowly to himself, “Me too, Sirius.”
There’s a long moment of silence after the cell door closes. Leaving Sirius encased in darkness.
“I know this doesn’t mean much,” Bellatrix’s voice sneers, “But I truly hope he rips your throat out, little cousin.”