Stupid feelings
Momo expected two things that day. The first was that her meeting with Dahyun would end in awkwardness. But fortunately, their meeting ended pretty well. It was like they had never been apart before. They picked up their friendship like nothing had happened between them. The second was that Sana and Yuri's date would end well. This was in line with Momo's expectation and even exceeded her expectation. Seeing Sana's swollen lips when she came home was enough to let Momo know that the date went very well (and her heart was about to break even more).
Ring..
Ring..
Ring..
This was the third time Sana's phone had rung, but unfortunately she still didn't hear it. She was taking a shower at the time and had put her phone on the dining table. Momo heard the phone ringing because she was lounging on the couch, but she didn't intend to take the call at first. She didn't want to accidentally invade Sana's privacy. However, the phone kept ringing and it made her think that it might be something urgent.
Momo ended up getting up from the couch and walking towards the dining table. Once she reached it, she finally saw who had been trying to call Sana.
'Nayeonnie🐰'
"Nayeonnie?" Momo mumbled as she tried to remember if Sana had ever mentioned that name before. Nothing came to her mind and she just gave up in the end. She took Sana's phone and answered the call. "Hello?"
"Thank god, Sana! You finally picked up your phone."
"Who is this?" Momo didn't recognize the voice, but it felt familiar.
"Oh? Who are you?"
"I'm Sana's best friend. May I know why you're calling her?" Momo couldn't shake off the suspicious feeling.
"I have to talk to Sana now. Is she busy?"
"She's taking a shower right now." Momo was getting more suspicious and she still couldn't figure out where this conversation was heading.
"Then, can you come down to the lobby? I have something to give to Sana right now and I'm in a hurry." Momo could sense the uneasiness in that person's voice.
"Hmm.." She actually wanted to wait for Sana to finish taking a shower and hand the call to her, but that person sounded pretty desperate. "Okay." She finally agreed and ended the call.
Momo then walked out of her apartment with a little bit of uneasiness. She still didn't know who that person was and what she was going to give to Sana. She just kept walking until she entered the elevator. She watched the floor indicator number change every few seconds with her heart beating a little faster. Nayeonnie, huh? I don't think Sana has ever mentioned that name before, Momo kept wondering.
Ding!
The elevator door opened and she found someone standing in front of her. It was someone she never expected to meet that night. She didn't think their second meeting would happen so soon. She thought she would only meet that girl again when Sana officially introduced her to them one day, but apparently the universe said otherwise. She met that girl without Sana's knowledge for the second time.
"Yuri?" Momo blurted it out. Her mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. She knew she shouldn't have said that name, but it had already escaped her lips.
Momo could see Yuri was also surprised by the unexpected meeting. However, Yuri quickly changed her surprised face into a friendly one. "Oh, are you Sana's best friend?" she asked with a smile.
Momo just nodded. She was too speechless at that time. She was also a little panicked. She was afraid that Yuri would suddenly question everything. Why did she book her? Why did she ask Yuri to pretend their fake date never happened? Why did she do all that despite knowing Sana was going on a date with the girl? Momo wasn't ready to answer all those questions. But fortunately, Yuri didn't question anything.
"Okay so.." Yuri suddenly lowered her head and scratched her temple with her left fingers. Momo noticed there was a box in her right hand. The box was wrapped in a pretty wrapping paper. "Sana forgot this in my car. This is.." She became nervous. She let out a sigh before she continued. "I shouldn't be giving this to you, but it can't be helped. This is a birthday present for you.. from Sana, obviously." She handed the present to Momo. She then lifted her head and smiled. "I know your birthday is still a few hours away, but.. have a great birthday."
That was the moment Momo realized that Yuri had a pretty smile. She finally understood why Sana liked her so much. Yuri was really likeable. She had a great personality and a beautiful face. Whoever got her was a lucky person. Sana was a lucky person and Yuri was a lucky person too. Only Momo was unlucky here.
"T-thank you." Momo took the present from Yuri's hand. Blood started to rush to her cheeks and redden them.
"You're welcome." Yuri's smile grew wider. "So.. I'll be going now?" She put both of her hands in her pants pockets as she tilted her head slightly. "Please tell Sana that I'm sorry for giving this present to you instead of her. She probably wanted to surprise you, but I just ruined it."
"It's not your fault. You don't have to say sorry." Momo gave a genuine smile. Somehow her heart felt warm.
"Oh, I like that smile." Yuri took one of her hands out of her pants pocket and pointed at Momo's lips. It was quite unexpected, but Momo didn't mind it. She was secretly flattered. "I hope you'll have lots of smiles like that tomorrow." Yuri giggled and Momo found it very endearing.
Momo just nodded after that and Yuri bade her goodbye as she left the apartement building. Momo then went back to her apartment and found Sana shocked to see what was in her hand.
"Where did you get that?!" Sana covered her mouth with her hand. Her gaze fell on the box in Momo's hand.
"From your date?" Momo smiled teasingly. "You forgot this in her car and she came to give this to you." She took a glance at the box. "Maybe more like to me? Because this is a birthday present for me, right?" She giggled.
Sana then could only whine because of her own carelessness. It was supposed to be a surprise, but Momo already knew. "At least she didn't say what was in it, right?" she asked as she gave a pouty look.
Momo shook her head. "Don't worry. She didn't say anything other than that this is my birthday present."
"Good." Sana breathed a sigh of relief. "You can only open it after the clock strikes twelve!" She snatched the box from Momo's hand and protected it in her arms.
Momo just smiled while shaking her head. They then sat on the couch and watched some Netflix series while waiting for the clock to strike twelve. When it did, Sana excitedly gave the box back to Momo and looked at the latter expectantly.
“Do you like it?” Sana asked nervously. Momo had just unwrapped the birthday present.
Momo smiled from ear to ear once she registered what was in that box. It was the first genuine smile she had on her birthday and she had many more smiles like that after that. That day was one she would never forget. She celebrated her birthday with her two best friends and her two new friends, Tzuyu and Chaeyoung. It was the first time Sana met Mina's friends and they instantly became close. Her birthday was full of laughter and Momo thought things would only get better from then on.
However, Momo forgot one thing. She forgot the fact that besides Tzuyu and Chaeyoung, there was also a certain girl who had just come into their lives. The presence of the girl made Momo no longer able to keep her heart from falling apart. In the end, the pieces of her heart fell to the ground and hurt the people closest to her.
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Nayeon this, Nayeon that (no more Yuri, Momo finally knew her real name). Sana couldn't stop talking about her and Momo was getting sick of it. She didn't want to be a jealous best friend, but Sana couldn't seem to get Nayeon off her mind for even a second. Every time they had lunch together on campus, Sana would talk about Nayeon. Every time they planned a movie night, Sana wouldn't join them because she was going on a date with that girl.
Momo didn't hate Nayeon (for some reason, she couldn't), but she felt like her best friend was leaving her behind because of that girl. She had never felt this way before. She had never been afraid that Sana would leave her, but this time Sana was really head over heels for that girl and she was scared. She was scared of what was going to happen and she couldn't express it well. So, she ended up turning her fear into anger.
"If you didn't want to be here, you could have told us earlier. You didn't have to force yourself to join us for movie night." Momo clenched her fists as she eyed Sana and the phone in her hand. She was angry. She thought Sana wanted to join their movie night this time because she missed them. But apparently, Sana's focus was still on Nayeon.
"What do you mean by that?" Sana furrowed her brows and gripped the phone in her hand tightly.
"You haven't stopped staring at your phone since the movie started. I know you're talking to your girlfriend right now and I know you don't really want to be here. So, why don't you just go on a date with her now?" Mina immediately grabbed Momo's shoulder after hearing that. She was starting to get worried, seeing the tension that was getting thicker between her two best friends.
"What the heck, Momo?" Sana suddenly stood up and glared at Momo sharply. "I'm here because I want to be with you guys. I miss our movie nights. Why are you kicking me out all of a sudden?"
"Because you can't even focus on the movie we're watching!" Momo finally stood up too. "All you can think about is your girlfriend!"
"First of all, she's not my girlfriend yet." Sana herself didn't know why that was the first thing she wanted to correct. "Secondly, I did occasionally look at my phone to reply to her messages, but I was still watching with you guys. I can even retell everything that happened in this movie!" What she said was true. In Momo's eyes, she did look like she was mentally not with them, but that was actually just Momo's biased view. Momo was just too angry to see everything clearly.
"But still!" Momo knew she should have kept her mouth shut by now, but instead she let her emotions get the better of her. "Don't you ever get tired of thinking about that girl? Every time we meet, all you talk about is her, her, and her!"
Sana was silent for a moment before she scoffed. “Are you jealous right now?” Momo boiled with even more rage after hearing that question. She felt like Sana was mocking her feelings.
"You wish I was jealous because that would mean you were so precious to me that I didn't want to lose you." Momo scoffed before turning on her heel. "But sorry, you will never be precious in my eyes if you can't even appreciate the little time you have with your own best friends." She then walked away from them and went to her own room. She locked herself in after that.
The moment the door clicked shut, Momo heard Sana crying softly and Mina trying to calm her down. She instantly regretted everything she had done that night. She wanted to run to Sana and apologize for everything she said right then and there. However, she knew Sana would only get mad at her if she did that. They needed time to cool off. They needed time before they could talk again without getting too emotional. So in the end, she just chose to curl up in her bed and cry silently.
(Later that night, Momo had a dream. In that dream, she saw Sana walking in front of her. As time went by, Sana got further and further away from her and a girl suddenly walked beside Sana. Momo realized that the girl was Nayeon. The two of them kept walking and she kept running after them. She wanted to walk side by side with them, but somehow she never managed to do that. She eventually lost them and that woke her up from that dream. She found her cheeks damp with tears after that.)
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Sana knew Momo didn't mean everything she said that night. She knew Momo said those words in the heat of the moment. She even understood what Momo was going through because she had gone through the same thing when Momo was dating Dahyun. However, that didn't mean she wouldn't get hurt when she was treated like that by the girl she loved the most. When Momo implied that she wasn't precious in her eyes, it was like her heart was being torn apart brutally.
That was why Sana couldn't forgive Momo right away when the latter came to apologize the next morning. She needed time to heal her wounds. She needed time to forget what happened that night. She needed time to be able to see Momo without feeling hurt anymore. So, she ended up avoiding Momo as much as she could.
Momo understood that Sana needed some space and time, but her fear grew bigger and bigger every day. She kept blaming herself and her feelings. If only she didn't have feelings for Sana, none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have hurt Sana and their friendship wouldn't have been at risk of falling apart. Every day she cried over herself and her stupid feelings.
Mina was caught up in this situation, but she didn't want to blame anything or anyone. She just wanted her two best friends to be back on speaking terms because she felt lonely. Momo thought that Sana needed Mina so she avoided Mina in the hope that Sana could be with their best friend comfortably. Little did she know that Sana also thought the same thing and distanced herself from Mina. The latter ended up being alone because of all that.
"Hi, Chaeyoung," Mina greeted after Chaeyoung answered her call. At that time, she had just come out of her class and was walking in the hallway. "Are you with Tzuyu right now?"
"Yeah, I am. What's up, unnie?"
Mina hummed as she squeezed her way through the sea of people in the hallway. "Have you guys had lunch?" Somehow she felt a little nervous.
"Oh, we haven't, unnie."
"Oh." Mina was a little happy to hear that. "Can I join you guys for lunch then?" At first, she thought she could survive eating lunch alone for a while. However, loneliness was slowly catching up to her and she thought she should find another friends to have lunch with. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu were the friends that came to her mind.
Chaeyoung hummed and Mina noticed the hesitation in her voice. She started to overthink. Was she not that close to them yet that Chaeyoung was hesitant to let her join them for lunch? But a few days ago, they had dinner together to celebrate Momo's birthday. Didn't that mean they were close enough already? Or was Mina just getting ahead of herself?
"You can, unnie." Mina felt relieved after hearing that. "But we won't be having lunch on campus and.." Chaeyoung trailed off and that made her worried again. Why did Chaeyoung sound pretty hesitant? What was wrong with her joining them? She didn't understand. "There's someone else who's also having lunch with us. Are you okay with that?"
Mina let out a sigh of relief. She had thought of all the bad things, but thankfully none of her thoughts were true. She chuckled before answering Chaeyoung. "I'm okay with that. Do you mind if I tag along with you guys now?"
"Of course, we don't, unnie. Tzuyu is already excited to see you." Mina heard Chaeyoung's soft giggle.
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Tzuyu and Chaeyoung just facepalmed while Mina could only drop her jaw. She couldn't believe what she just heard. The new girl sitting across from her just claimed that she was Tzuyu dan Chaeyoung's girlfriend. How was that even possible? Tzuyu and Chaeyoung were dating, but the girl was dating them too?
"Why does she look surprised? You've told her about me, right?" The girl looked back and forth between her two girlfriends.
"We haven't, Dahyun.." Tzuyu replied in a defeated tone.
"Oh.." Dahyun immediately leaned back and shrank in her chair. "I thought she already knew since you said you guys were quite close to her."
Mina averted her eyes back and forth between Tzuyu and Chaeyoung before she took a breath and opened her mouth to speak again. "So, she's really your girlfriend?"
"Yeah, we're dating each other." Chaeyoung glanced at her two girlfriends with a smile before turning her gaze back to Mina. "Our relationship is quite unorthodox. That's why Tzuyu and I haven't found a way to tell you without shocking you, unnie."
Mina finally understood why Chaeyoung had sounded hesitant to let her join them for lunch. Relationships like that weren't common in real life and people in those relationships might be hesitant to come out because of it. This was Mina's first time meeting a 'throuple'. She was obviously shocked and never thought she would see it in person, but she didn't think it was a bad thing.
“Honestly I was surprised, but I think you guys are cute.” Mina really meant it. She didn’t say it just to make herself look good. “So, do you want to tell me how you guys met and ended up dating each other?”
The three of them instantly beamed and excitedly began to tell their love story. Tzuyu and Chaeyoung went to the same high school while Dahyun went to another high school. Tzuyu first met Chaeyoung when they were in the same class in first grade. From then on, they became close and their relationship slowly turned from friendship into something more. The two of them only met Dahyun in third grade where they had to go to a cram school to prepare for college entrance exams. When Dahyun came into their lives, the dynamics of their relationship slowly changed.
At first, it was Chaeyoung&Tzuyu.
After that, Dahyun came along and it slowly turned into Chaeyoung&Tzuyu & Dahyun.
About a few months into the cram school, they finally realized that Dahyun was the piece of puzzle they didn't know they were missing all along. So, they decided to turn it into Chaeyoung&Tzuyu&Dahyun in the end.
"Wait a minute." Mina just realized something after they finished telling their story. "Dahyun, you said you went to Seongnam High School?" Her heart started beating a little faster. She was hoping she didn't hear it wrong.
"Yup!" Dahyun replied cheerfully. "What is it about my school that caught your attention, unnie?"
Oh, this is it, Mina thought to herself. "I happen to have some friends from your school." She looked at Dahyun expectantly. She was hoping Dahyun could give her the answer she had been looking for. "Do you perhaps know Momo and Sana? They were one grade above you."
Dahyun's eyes widened upon hearing that, but it didn't last long. Her surprised face quickly turned into a calm one in just a few seconds. She suddenly smiled as if she was remembering some fond memories. "Of course, I know them. Momo unnie is actually my ex," she replied nonchalantly.
Tzuyu dropped her spoon, Chaeyoung spat out her water, and Mina just froze as she stared blankly at Dahyun. She had hoped that Dahyun would at least know something about her two best friends, but it never crossed her mind that Dahyun was actually Momo's ex. That meant Dahyun knew a lot about them, which was good for her and her mission. How many more times could Dahyun surprise her that day?
"THAT ex?" Chaeyoung asked in disbelief.
"Yup!" Dahyun answered proudly. Mina herself didn't understand how Dahyun could talk about her own ex so calmly like that.
"I'm speechless now. I never thought Momo unnie was the senior you used to talk about," Tzuyu said while picking up her spoon that had fallen to the floor.
"Oh, you guys know Momo unnie?" She looked back and forth between her two girlfriends.
"Yeah, we do!" Tzuyu and Chaeyoung replied in unison. "Mina unnie introduced her to us not long ago," Tzuyu continued on her own.
Dahyun's gaze landed on Mina after that. She then put a smile on her face. "Ah, so you're close with Momo unnie?"
Mina nodded. "Yeah, I'm close with Momo and Sana. That's why there's one question I want to ask you."
"Oh?" Dahyun tilted her head curiously. "Shoot me your question, unnie." She offered a polite smile.
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Somehow everyone started talking about love in middle school. People started having crushes on their classmates, seniors, and even their teachers. Some of them also started dating each other. Momo was no exception in this case. She also started to feel some fluttering feelings when she was around a certain person. When that person greeted her, she immediately put a smile on her face. When she touched that person, she got butterflies in her stomach. That person was the only one she could think about every day.
Momo knew what she was feeling at that time. She knew she had a crush on someone, but it never crossed her mind that that someone would be Sana. She never thought that her first crush would be her best friend since diapers. She honestly didn't mind it. She was actually happy about ther newfound feelings.
After Momo realized her feelings for Sana, she excitedly expressed those feelings through small gestures, such as coming to Sana's house every morning, buying her snacks at school, carrying her school bag, holding her hand, and walking her home. Momo did all of them without the intention of Sana noticing her feelings. She purely did them because she really liked her best friend.
Momo didn't mind if her best friend found out about her feelings. She didn't mind if their friendship would turn into something more. She even loved the idea of being Sana's girlfriend. However, she didn't want it to happen by force. She wanted everything to happen naturally. She wanted Sana to like her back at her own pace.
"Yo, Momo!" A boy caught Momo's attention. "You never leave your girlfriend's side, huh? She'll get bored and break up with you soon if you don't give her some room to breathe," the boy said in a mocking tone.
Momo gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. She wanted to bite back at him. But before she could open her mouth, Sana already spoke. "What are you talking about? We're not dating."
"Really?" The boy scoffed. "Do you think I'm blind? I can see you guys disgustingly being lovey-dovey in class every day."
“You’re not making any sense,” Sana said, crossing her arms over her chest and furrowing her brows. “Momo’s been my best friend since diapers. We just always hang out together. I've never liked her in that way. That would be weird. It'd be like dating my own sister."
Oh, that was the moment when Momo's heart broke into pieces. The word 'weird' kept haunting her for days, weeks, months, and even years. She never thought again that everything would be okay if Sana knew about her feelings. She didn't want Sana to know about her feelings anymore. She wanted to bury her feelings deep inside. She wanted to kill her feelings. But unfortunately, she never managed to get rid of them. Even until she found Dahyun, those feelings were still there and even developed into love. She genuinely liked Dahyun, but her feelings for the latter never developed into something more. That was why she broke up with Dahyun and kept loving Sana in secret.
Mina finally managed to get half of the answer she was looking for, thanks to Dahyun. She said 'half' because she only got the story from Momo's point of view. It turned out that Dahyun was only close to Momo so she only knew the story from her ex's side. She was never close to Sana because Sana didn't seem to like her that much.
At least, Mina finally understood why Momo was so afraid of Sana finding out about her feelings.