We Feel How We Feel Inside

Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021)
F/F
G
We Feel How We Feel Inside
Summary
While the image was pleasing to look at - Caitlyn would never admit it. Not till the day she died - it was hard to forget the reason that white tank top was riding up.The reason that sat straddling one of Vi’s hips. Completely limp with a head resting on a muscular shoulder.A child. That was a child. Or; Caitlyn and Vi taking care of Isha

 

 

 

 

 

Caitlyn was at a loss for words. She stood, gaping like an idiot while Vi squinted at her from the doorway.

 

They would’ve been a completely contrasting image to an outsiders perspective.

 

Caitlyn, in her clean and freshly pressed enforcer’s uniform, neatly gelled hair beneath a white beret, and Vi, in her grey sweatpants that sagged low on her hips leaving the black strap of her boxers in full view and a white tank top that was riding up to expose the prominent ‘v’ shape of her toned lower stomach.

 

While the image was pleasing to look at - Caitlyn would never admit it. Not till the day she died - it was hard to forget the reason that white tank top was riding up.

 

The reason that sat straddling one of Vi’s hips. Completely limp with a head resting on a muscular shoulder.

 

A child. That was a child.

 

“What’re you doing here?” Vi asked bluntly, in a way that might’ve offended Caitlyn if she didn’t know Vi well enough to know that the other Enforcer wasn’t hostile, she just lacked manners.

 

Caitlyn just continued to gape at the sight in front of her.

 

Vi blinked, then the hand that wasn’t cradling the sleeping child on her hip came up to pinch her brows, eyes squeezing shut as she let her head fall back. Fuck, did I forget to hit send on that email?”

 

The words were mumbled, more to herself than to Caitlyn but they were enough to snap her out of her reverie.

 

“No, no. I received your . . . Email.”

 

If it could even be called that. One of the few things Vi and Caitlyn had in common was their tenacity regarding their work. Cait had took note of this one day, the fact that since they started working together, Vi had never taken a day off.

 

It made her respect Vi a little more, slightly erasing the image of an easy going slacker the other Enforcer seemed so eager to play. Cait had only noticed because she was the only other Detective who had never taken a day off either. It had the small side effect of leaving them in each other’s company most of the time, and it was what allowed the two to grow closer.

 

So imagine Caitlyn’s surprise when her partner, who she knew never took days off, sent her an email requesting every day of paid and unpaid leave she had effective immediately.

 

That wasn’t how requesting leave worked, was Caitlyn’s first annoying thought. There was a big process, especially for such a long period of absence.

 

Her second thought was did something happen? And if so, how bad was it?

 

Caitlyn had seen Vi walk off sprains, broken limbs, stab wounds, bullet holes and come in smiling the next day. If Vi of all people was requesting leave, it must’ve been really bad.

 

Her worries weren’t helped at all by the Email. Only worsened.

 

Subject: bye bye

 

hey cupcake its vi Im not gonna be coming in for a while bcuz i have some things 2 take cre of so imma use all my leave from like the past 3 years right now thank u bye

 

                        Sent from iPhone 4:47am

 

 

Not only was the poor spelling, lack of punctuation and correct grammar concerning, but the time it was sent at, the fact that Vi hadn’t used the laptop Cait knew she had because she’d bought it for one Vi’s birthdays a few years ago.

 

That’s not even to mention the subject line.

 

So yes, Caitlyn left the precinct the minute she reached her office and checked her emails. Sue her. Vi could be dying, or she could alreadybe dead, or from the ominous messaging it was plausible Vi was the one doing the murdering.

 

“Oh.” Vi murmured. She shifted on her feet that were bare against the carpet of her apartment and Caitlyn was suddenly aware of the fact that she had no real reason to be there.

 

“That’s not how requesting leave works.” She said, because it was true. “Your previous days of leave don’t carry over into the next year. You have to ask in advance in order to take it, and for such a long period of time you’d need to find someone to cover, and you’d need a valid excuse with proof and- and so on, so forth.”

 

She cleared her throat, her voice gradually growing weaker as Vi just stared at her blankly.

 

“Can we-“ They both tensed up as the child in Vi’s arms stirred, letting out a small noise of discomfort before nuzzling further into Vi’s shoulder.

 

“Gimme a second.” Her partner said, and then the door was gently closed leaving Caitlyn standing outside of Vi’s apartment with nothing but her thoughts.

 

That was a child, right? She wasn’t imagining things?

 

The girl couldn’t have been more than 10, probably between 8 or 9. She had curly brown hair and soft features with chubby cheeks that incited an urge to pinch and squeeze.

 

Caitlyn regarded that thought with disgust. She was reminded of the hundreds of mother’s visitors who had done the same thing to her own face when she was a child and wondered absently if this was how they’d felt.

 

The door slowly opened and outstepped Vi, wearing her signature cropped red jacket with her sweatpants pulled up and tank top pulled down - Caitlyn had mixed feelings about the loss of her eye candy - shooting her a soft smile while gently closing the door.

 

“Sorry about that, Cupcake.” Vi was stepping away from the door, towards the railing and all Cait could do was follow. “I just got the kid to sleep and I couldn’t risk her waking back up.”

 

Despite her being outside the apartment, Vi’s voice remained low and quiet. Like she was still trying not to wake the child sleeping inside.

 

“It’s alright, I understand.” Cait said. Then she hesitated.

 

“I know you don’t like me smoking,” Vi began, hands coming up to rummage in her jacket pockets for a box of cigarettes and a lighter. “But I’ve had a real long night and I kinda need this.”

 

The pair met eyes, Vi’s index and middle finger pulling one cig halfway out the box before pausing. Her eyes were asking silently for Cait’s permission.

 

Contrary to her words that sounded more like a statement, Caitlyn was sure her partner would put the box away if Caitlyn asked her to. Compassion bled from Vi like sap from a tree and it made Cait’s heart feel warm as she gave a slight nod in consent.

 

“Shoot.” Vi muttered, cigarette hanging loosely from her lips, fingers rolling the ball of a lighter with one hand coming up to cradle the flame.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I know you, so I know you’ve got like, a million and one questions. So,” Vi sucked in smoke, inhaling deeply before blowing it out through her nose. Smoke billowed from her mouth as she said again, “Shoot.”

 

“Are you . . . babysitting for a friend?” Caitlyn started simple. She was burning to ask about Vi’s sudden vacation, but she thought she’d ease into it, in case it was a sensitive subject.

 

“What? You don’t think she’s mine?” Vi laughed aloud at the immensely skeptical look on Cait’s face.

 

“We’ve been partners for 3 and a half years. I would’ve noticed by now if you had a child.”

 

“Real sure of yourself, aren’t you Cheif Detective?”

 

On anyone else the title held great respect. Respect Cait had fought tooth and nail to earn.

 

On Vi it felt teasing, like an embarrassing childhood nickname.

 

“I’m not often wrong.” Caitlyn tried to avoid looking at the proud smile on Vi’s face because if Cait looked, then she would start smiling and she wouldn’t be able to play it off anymore.

 

Feeling the corners of her lips tugging upwards anyway, Cait knew it was a futile effort and met Vi’s gaze head on.

 

“Damn right you’re not.” Vi let out a surprised laugh. Half-shocked half-pleased. “Who are you and what have you done with my partner?”

 

It was one of Vi’s long standing goals to make Caitlyn more sure of herself. It wasn’t like Cait doubted herself. That was simply foolish. She knew that she was skilled, if she wasn’t she would’ve never gotten to her position.

 

Cait knew a her strengths, but she was also painfully aware of her weaknesses. Vi had always encouraged Cait to be more confident (Or “big headed”, as Cait called it) and give herself a lot more credit than she did.

 

A lot more credit than she felt she deserved.

 

“Yeah, I guess. I guess I am babysitting.” Vi finally answered. She learned forward to let her elbows rest on the railing, taking a long drag of her cigarette.

 

“Is it for a friend of yours?”

 

A melancholic expression overtook Vi’s face. “I wouldn’t call us friends.” She let out cryptically.

 

“How old is she?”

 

“I don’t know. Like eight or nine? She says her name’s Isha.” Vi frowned at herself for a minute. “Well, not ‘says’. She signs her name’s Isha. I’m just lucky I picked up some sign language from that one suspect a while back”.

 

Cait remembered that case. A burglary. The sole suspect was a deaf 13 year old and Vi was the only one who stepped up to speak to the teen like an actual human being before the translator arrived.

 

She distantly remembered watching the two interact just after the trial. The young girl had given Vi a big hug and her partner had been suspiciously quiet for the whole ride back to the precinct.

 

“Does she have to do with your sudden request for time off?”

 

“Damn, you really are a good Detective.” Vi huffed out a laugh that sounded fake, even to Cait’s socially inept ears.

 

“Hardly. There was an unexpected development, a new arrival. It doesn’t take Detective work to figure out one plus one is two.” Cait scoffed. “And you don’t seem the type to agree to babysit for someone you ‘wouldn’t call a friend’.”

 

“And what do you know about what ‘type’ I am?” Caitlyn raised a brow at the underlying animosity in the words.

 

“After three years? Everything.”

 

“Nope.” Vi popped the ‘p’ with a bitter tone. She raised the cig to her lips for another drag. “Not everything.”

 

Cait frowned at the words, at the pensive expression on her usually unserious, all-play-no-work partner. She traced her gaze over Vi’s sharp jawline, the way her pink hair fell into her eye on the side Cait was looking at.

 

She turned to look forward, out at the streets of outer Piltover below them. Not everything.

 

“Someone broke into my house last night.” Vi said after a beat. Cait’s gaze snapped to Vi with wide eyes. “My sister.”

 

“Someone broke into . . . You- you have a sister?” Cait didn’t know which question she wanted to ask more.

 

(The sister one. Vi seemed perfectly fine so she could put the break in at second place.)

 

“Yup.” Vi’s tone was sour. Hardened grey eyes sheared straight ahead as she spoke, ignoring Caitlyn’s gaze rested firmly on her.

 

“She left the kid behind asleep on my couch with a note. I walk in, see shit was moved around, my window open and something breathing in the dark and I freak out. Then the kid wakes up and she freaks out too. Long story short,” Vi reached into her jacket pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper she extended to Cait without sparing her a glance, taking another long drag from her cigarette.

 

Caitlyn made no move to take the paper. Not till Vi looked over and gave a non-verbal ‘go ahead.’

 

The crinkling sound of the paper unfolding was loud between their silence. The only other noise being the wind and the occasional whoosh as a car drove past on the street below.

 

Heya sissykins,

 

It’s me, Jinx! The one and only ;)

I know I haven’t seen ya in four years and 138 days like forever and you probably thought I was dead but I’m alive and I need a favor.

I got some things I need to take care of and the kid is too young to be involved in all my bullshit. Why she keeps sticking around is beyond me, but anywho, I need you to take care of her for a while

Don’t ask me when I’ll be back, if I ever come back. The kid doesn’t deserve to get dragged along into my messes and you’re the only person I could think of who I trustto can take care of a rowdy snot nosed brat like nobody’s business. You looked after me, Mylo and Claggor for years!

Anyway, thanks a lot for doing this sis.

 

See ya never!

-Jinx

 

P.S I know your first instinct after getting this is to try find me. DON’T.

 

Caitlyn let her eyes rove over the colorful drawings and images in a graffiti like style that decorated the page.

 

Her sister was certainly a character.Some words had been scribbled out, like this Jinx person had been putting genuine thought into the note but the word choice suggested otherwise.

 

“So I’m gonna need some time off until Pow-“ Vi’s expression froze, something akin to resignation passing over her. “Jinx comes back. Or I find a babysitter I can afford long term that the kid likes.”

 

”It-“ Cait hesitated. She continued with a softer tone. “Do you know when she would be coming back?”

 

The unspoken statement was loud between the two of them. It doesn’t sound like she ever will.

 

Vi just shrugged, electing not to answer. She took one last deep inhale of her cigarette before letting it fall to the ground and crushing it beneath her ratty black sliders. She then reached into her pocket and pulled out an old receipt, using it to pick up the discarded cigarette butt from the floor.

 

“Well Cupcake,” Vi sighed out. “It was nice seeing ya.”

 

Then she turned and made to go back inside and Cait floundered. What did that mean? Vi just wasn’t coming back to work? How would she pay rent or- or buy food? Would Caitlyn need to get a new partner? She’d just gotten used to Vi’s irritating personality and constant presence and now she’d have to get used to someone else? Vi knew she didn’t like change, how could she-

 

“Your leave won’t be approved.” Caitlyn blurted out. Vi paused, throwing her a confused look over her shoulder. “I- not because of me. You’d need to ask Grayson for such a big vacation request. I can only approve one or two days.”

 

“Oh.” Vi looked down for a moment, brow screwed up.

 

Both of them knew there was no chance in hell Grayson would approve the leave.

 

Disregarding the fact that it would be a huge loss of manpower seeing as Vi was one of her top officers, there was the added issue of Grayson hating Vi’s guts.

 

Grayson was an absolute professional regarding working matters, but she never made any attempt to disguise her disdain for Vi’s laidback attitude and disgustingly immature behaviour. It was a sentiment Caitlyn had shared before she’d begun to got to know her partner better over the last year.

 

(That was another reason Vi couldn’t leave. They were just starting to get along!)

 

Caitlyn observed the crestfallen look on her partner’s face with practiced indifference for about a minute before her resolve wavered.

 

“I could, I suppose,” Vi’s eyes met back Caitlyn’s, so wide and blue and hopeful and god Cait didn’t know how such a brute could possess the closest thing to puppy dog eyes she’d ever seen on a human being. “Maybe. Possibly. Ask her for you.”

 

While Vi was Grayson’s least favourite, Caitlyn was definitely someone she liked. (“Not just like,” Vi would argue, “You’re totally her favourite. Like the daughter she wished she had.”)

 

They had something similar to a mentor-mentee relationship and Caitlyn liked to think Grayson was preparing her to take over as Captain after her inevitable retirement.

 

Before the words had even finished leaving Cait’s mouth, Vi was rushing forward. Cait tensed up, feeling her heart stutter as she was almost pulled into a hug.

 

Vi stopped a few inches away from her, noticing the reaction. She let out a hesitant little laugh, scratching the back of her neck, then she finally settled on extending a hand.

 

“Thanks, Cupcake.” She grinned, and Caitlyn took her - for once unwrapped - hand and gave it a delicate shake. “I owe ya one.”

 

“Not at all.” Caitlyn insisted, allowing a small smile to cross her face. “I like to think of us as even now.”

 

“Even?” Vi’s brow furrowed and Caitlyn felt her small smile drain from her face. “For what?”

 

“Nothing.” Cait retracted her hand, the warmth of Vi’s palm lingered annoyingly. “Forget I said anything.”

 

“Oh.” A look of comprehension dawned on Vi’s face, along with a growing expression of amusement. “The Bathhouse.”

 

“We swore we would never speak of it.” Caitlyn hissed defensively.

 

Her partner merely raised her hands in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.” Cait relaxed slightly because it was technically true, but only slightly. “But anyway, I should go check on the kid.”

 

Stuffing her hands in her pockets, Vi made to walk back to the apartment, pausing with her hand wrapped around the doorknob. “I really do appreciate it. Thank you.”

 

Cait softened at her partner’s subdued tone. “It’s no problem.”

 

Vi sent her a soft smile Caitlyn couldn’t help but be endeared by, turning the handle. Then the smile turned into the usual shit-eating grin and all the affection in Cait’s heart turned sour. “Nice seeing you, Matilda.”

 

The last thing Vi saw as she shut the door was Cait’s reddened face that seemed to turn the cold air into steam.

 

 

 

 

 

—————————

 

 

 

 

 

“Good morning.” Caitlyn said.

 

“Mornin’.” Vi replied, bemusement furrowing her brows.

 

This time, Caitlyn ensured she had multiple reasons to visit Vi in order to disguise the fact that since yesterday she had a lot of questions she’d been dying to know the answer to.

 

“My father made this for you.” She extended the hamper of the usual desserts, as well as some Ionian sweet treats. “My mother thought it was nice of you to be babysitting for your sister and she didn’t let me leave without it.”

 

“Oh. Thanks, I guess.” Vi stood up straight from where she leaned against the doorway to gingerly take the hamper. “You uh, you told your mom?”

 

“Yes.” Caitlyn responded. Then her eyes widened. “Was I not- oh my god, Vi, I am so sorry I- fuck, why am I so dense when it comes to these things? I just, I tell her everything so I wasn’t thinking- and don’t worry, no one else knows-“

 

“Cupcake, it’s fine.” Vi stressed the last word, looking over the royal blue pull blue with mild amusement. “Just didn’t expect you to be such a mommy’s girl.”

 

“I am not.” Caitlyn huffed. “I love both of my parents an equal amount.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Vi rolled her eyes with a grin. “Total mommy’s girl.”

 

Caitlyn didn’t deign to respond to the obvious bait. Instead, she noticed that Vi was wearing the same ratty tank top and sweatpants she was wearing yesterday. There were a few more stains on them from mysterious substances that Cait didn’t even want to figure out the name of.

 

Her hair was a mess. Well, more of a mess than usual. Vi’s hair was in a perpetual state of looking like she’d just woken up, pushed it to the side, then went about her day but now it was sticking up at all angles and a few strands looked like they were stuck together with something.

 

Again, Caitlyn didn’t want to know what that something was.

 

“Did you,” Vi began, then she hesitated and Caitlyn registered she had just been staring at her partner for the past minute.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Nothing. Never mind.” Then the door was slamming shut in Caitlyn’s face.

 

She blinked, taking a moment to comprehend what just happened. Then the door was opening again with a sheepish looking Vi still holding the hamper in one hand.

 

“Did you want to come inside?” She asked quickly. “That’s what I was gonna say, but I didn’t want you to feel like you had to. And it’s kind of a mess in here, so I didn’t want to invite you in and then do that thing where I start cleaning and you’re just stood around awkwardly. And I don’t have any food, so there’s not really anything to do.”

 

“I’d love to.” Caitlyn said gently, cutting off the rambling. Vi smiled stiffly, then opened the door wider.

 

Vi’s home was a one-bedroom apartment that was only a little bigger on the inside. The first thing Cait noticed was the immense amount of glitter that covered the carpet. The brown leather couch bore the worst of it, only a small square remaining untouched by grey, green and blue glitter.

 

“Ah shit.” Vi had placed the hamper on her kitchen counter before noticing her guest had nowhere to sit without getting glitter all over her butt. She hurried to grab a small hand held vacuum from one of her cupboards and began to clear up one of the cushions.

 

Caitlyn stood uselessly while Vi vacuumed. Then she began to wander around so she didn’t feel like she was just watching her partner clean.

 

The kitchen area was linoleum, and Cait noticed some small green footprints and bigger red ones scattered around before they stopped at the sink.

 

The living room consisted of that brown leather couch, a glass table just in front and a TV mounted on a dark brown stand.

 

There were a few picture frames on the walls around the place. One depicted what looked to be a very young Vi with an - Caitlyn held a hand over her mouth to cover her laugh - absolutely horrid mullet accompanied with a large bear of a man, two younger boys and a girl with blue hair. They were all smiling at the camera, except for Vi who was rolling her eyes and the young blue haired girl who was looking up at her with admiration.

 

The sound of the vacuum cut off before Cait could investigate further and she turned back to Vi.

 

“Sorry about that.” She grimaced at the rest of her apartment. “We were doing arts and crafts.”

 

“Don’t worry.” Caitlyn insisted, stepping forward and-

 

Squelch.

 

Something pink and covered in glitter was sticking to the carpet. Caitlyn raised her boot with a wince as whatever it was stretched out to with it.

 

“Well,” Vi wore a remorseful look as she shrugged at Cait. “I’m glad I didn’t ask you to take off your shoes.”

 

“So am I.” Cait muttered, boot hovering in the air.

 

“Here, lemme just-“ Vi rushed over to the kitchen once more, grabbing some paper towels and removing the gunk off Cait’s boot. She then cleared as much of it off the carpet as she could, making low grumbles about her deposit while she did so.

 

A loud flush came from behind the bathroom door, followed by rushing water and then outstepped the girl Caitlyn had seen sleeping yesterday.

 

She wore stripy purple leggings that were ripped at the knees and a sleeveless grey t shirt with a white ‘x’ on the chest.

 

Isha. Caitlyn faintly recalled, watching the girl skip merrily out the bathroom before freezing in place when she saw her.

 

Cait wore her Enforcer uniform and fuck her rifle was still holstered and fully visible at her back. She was sure her imposing height wasn’t exactly helping not frighten the child either.

 

“Did you wash your hands?” Vi called out, interrupting the impromptu staring contest.

 

Isha’s face turned pink at that and she released an angry grunt. Cait took a few steps back as Isha approached, shoving Vi’s arm with all the strength her little body could muster.

 

“Alright, alright!” Vi paused her cleaning to gently hold the girl’s wrists as she continued to push at her. “Just checking.”

 

The little girl huffed, snatching her arms back and folding them across her chest. Then her eyes flickered back to Caitlyn and she unconsciously stepped closer into Vi’s side.

 

Seemingly remembering her guest, Vi abandoned her paper towels to face Isha. “This is my friend, Caitlyn. We work together.”

 

Friend. Caitlyn blinked as both Vi and Isha turned to stare at her. She wiped her sweaty palms on her trousers before extending a hand in a shake. “Hello.” She mustered up pathetically.

 

Vi coughed in a way that poorly disguised a laugh and Cait was filled with the urge to hit her. Isha merely stared warily at the hand being offered to her.

 

“She’s nice.” Vi assured the young girl once she recovered from laughter. “She’s just a bit of a dork-“

 

“Oi!”

 

“And she got you some treats!” Vi gathered the paper towels in one hand, scooping Isha onto her hip with the other before walking to the kitchen and setting her down on the counter while she threw the paper towels in the trash.

 

Isha immediately began to tear open the plastic wrap of the hamper while Cait watched in mild pain, knowing just how difficult it was to wrap one.

 

“You can have one.” Vi spoke sternly with a pointed finger. Cait’s gaze turned back to Isha who had a muffin in each small hand.

 

The girl grunted angrily, glaring at Vi who didn’t waver. “One.” She repeated.

 

Caitlyn’s snort was poorly timed and not at all hidden. Vi’s stern glare turned away from Isha and on to her.

 

“Sorry, I just-“ Caitlyn snorted again, hand coming up to slap against her mother as she laughed. “I feel like I’ve had this exact conversation with you, but with donuts.”

 

Vi rolled her eyes, opening her mouth to retort when her gaze suddenly locked back on to Isha. “Hey!”

 

The girl had stuffed one in her mouth, grabbing another with her now free hand before hopping off the counter and scurrying to the bedroom.

 

Vi gave chase, pushing past Caitlyn who had to lean against the wall to keep from falling to the ground with laughter because Vi had tried to run too. The door slammed in Vi’s face and she stumbled back, clutching her nose.

 

“Mother-“ Vi huffed angrily, squeezing her eyes shut and leaning her forehead against the door. Then her eyes turned to Caitlyn, who had yet to stop laughing.

 

“I’m glad you think this is funny.”

 

“Oh it’s not, it’s not. It’s hilarious.”