Crystal Moments
Some days she found herself hunched over her desk crying quietly to herself. All of these years and it still hurt. It would come back to her as though the wound was fresh. Daniel dying in front of her, his face twisted in shock and pain. And after his death she visualizes her father’s and then her mother’s. And after that Robin’s.
She tries to combat it with thoughts of Henry and Emma. But on her worst days it only reminds her that Emma had chosen the pirate over her. She is still alone. She wonders if she is meant to be without true love. It sure seems that way to her.
Ruby enters her office without knocking. She is carrying to-go bags from Granny’s and two steaming cups of coffee. Lately Ruby has been dropping by. Regina doesn’t know the reason for her sudden interest, but she doesn’t resist the company. It distracts her from moments like these, where her mind is wandering unchecked.
But this is the first time Ruby has happened upon her while she was deep into it already. Regina’s cheek’s flare redder than they were already. Only Emma has seen her cry like this. Emma and Snow...maybe David, once.
“What happened?” Ruby hustles to set the food aside.
“I was thinking…”
Ruby cocks her head, “those must be some pretty wicked thoughts.”
And she begins to think of Zelena which dominos into thinking about her relationship with Hades. That domino topples into Robin’s death and then into how they had gone there to save Hook. Hook who has married Emma. Emma, who is not with her…
She buries her face in her hands and tries to stifle her weeping. The sound may be muffled but her shoulders still shake enough for Ruby to get the idea.
When she looks up, Ruby is biting her cheek. “Should I get Emma?”
“No!” Regina snaps a little too loudly and quickly. “She’s not going to be able to help this time.” She adds quietly.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Ruby asks as she plops herself down on the sofa.
Regina thinks for a moment. “Just...I need someone to keep me company.” Her voice is still shaky, though her tears are slowing. She wipes her eyes and comes to join Ruby. “I need someone to keep me from thinking too much.”
Ruby nods. “Want something to eat?”
Though her stomach aches, Regina isn’t much in the mood for eating. She really ought to though, so she nods.
“Great!” Ruby smiles. “I was in the mood for brunch so I had Granny make some waffles and pancakes. Help yourself.”
Regina finds herself the smallest waffle. Ruby doesn’t speak again until after she eats--this is plenty of time for Regina to work herself back into a state of distress. She sets what is left of her food down and the tears come back.
Her makeup is probably running and she is probably a mess.
This time she thinks of Graham. Not just Graham but also how she used to treat Emma and Snow...and David...and Dr. Hopper and Henry...and everyone. On days like these, she dreads that they are still furious with her deep down. Maybe that is why Emma has chosen Hook over her, because Regina was a dreadful person.
Perhaps she still is and they are just tolerating her so that they won’t have to deal with her moods.
She curls herself into a ball on her end of the sofa, feeling so terribly small.
Ruby says nothing, but she sets a hand on Regina’s bicep and strokes it tentatively. After a few minutes she stops running her hand up and down and gives her arm a soft squeeze. “You’re going to be alright, Gina. You always are.”
She doesn’t think so. In fact she doesn’t think that she is ever alright. She tries once again to get herself together. It can’t be true that she is never okay, she was very happy just the other day. She felt very loved and secure. She doesn’t know what the hell happened.
Ruby heaves Regina up and into her arms. She cradles Regina’s head in the crook of her arm and holds her around the abdomen with the other. “You’re not alone anymore, Gina.”
It almost reminds her of Emma. She thought that Emma was the only one who called her, Gina. But the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that fewer people are adressing her formally. They no longer call her ‘your majesty’ nor ‘madame mayor’. Most of them just call her by her name. A handful more just call her Gina. And Henry’s friends are rather fond of shouting, “aaayye, what’s up, MILLS!” much to Henry’s mortification.
It brings a soft smile to her lips. They wouldn’t affectionaly nickname her if they still resented her, if they were still afriad of her. Regina squeezes Ruby’s hand, appriciative of the subtle reminder she had given her. “Thank you, Ruby.”
“No, thank you.” Ruby insists. “I can chill with you for a bit and then tell Granny it was actually important this time and get away with...an extended lunch hour.”
This triggers the mayor in Regina and she shoots Ruby an almost motherly sideways glace. “You’re using me to slack on the job?” She raises a brow.
“You call it slacking, I call it on the job soul-serching.”
“That’s a very unique way of saying lazy.” Regina notes. She recieves a light punch to the shoulder.
“Those forms aren’t filling themselves out.” Ruby gestures to the stack of papers Regina had been trying to get to.
“That’s different.” Regina objects. “You’re just messing around, I...I kept crying all over the forms.”
Ruby laughs. She stands up and picks her way through the pile. “Oh...town tax forms. I hear that these make the best tissues.”
Regina bolts upright. “Lucas, put that down!” Not that she wasn’t humored by the remark. “Tax forms aren’t tissues. That’s what grievance letters are for.”
Ruby throws her head back and laughs again. Just like that she flops back onto the sofa and slings her arm around Regina’s neck. “I knew you had a sense of humor somewhere in there.” She rubs Regina’s back.
“Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean that it’s not there.”
“Sort of like Gold’s hot dog.”
It takes a moment for the joke to set in. When it finally does, she rolls her eyes.
“Oh come on, you know that it’s true!”
“I think that it’s time to get back to work.”
Ruby clings to Regina’s neck. “No way. Not yet!”
Regina sighs. “I have a lot of work to do…”
“And you can do it in…” She looks at the clock. “An hour.”
“An hour?” Regina asked. “Why an hour.”
Ruby pecks her on the nose. “Because I want to see you smiling for at least an hour so I know that I won’t stop by after work and catch you sobbing again.”
Regina sighed. “Fine, one hour.”
Ruby holds her hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb. She smiles softly at the mayor and leans in. Regina’s belly flutters, it has been a while. But she refuses to push another good thing away. So she takes a chance. She leans in and finds Ruby’s lips. It is a quick little kiss, a tester. But it is wonderful and kind. Regina supposes that she is curious as to where the rest of this hour will go.