Irrational
The walk to the dorm was silent, with Marvin staring at Whizzer and Whizzer looking everywhere but at him.
Marvin stopped Whizzer at the staircase, darting forwards to make sure that no one was there. Like he thought, the place was empty, everyone down eating dinner.
Marvin quickly got Whizzer and answered the riddle to get in, quickly pulling him up the stairs and into Marvin’s room.
“Just like old times.” Whizzer said with a grin, and Marvin scoffed. He remembered the nights when Whizzer would sneak up here, just to talk or cuddle or simply just sit together. Marvin kind of missed those days.
“I can go grab you something to eat? Maybe some ice too?” Marvin asked, shifting from foot to foot. He wasn't used to being this off balanced, he normally likes to hold the power, to always be in control. Whizzer changed that.
Whizzer shrugged. “Not to hungry, and I can just conjure up some ice with a spell. You can go down and eat with your friends, ill be fine.”
Marvin was torn, he did want to go eat. But he had an inkling that if he left he would return to an empty room and loose any chance at talking to Whizzer ever again.
“I'm not hungry either.” He lied, sitting on his bed, across from where Whizzer was sitting.
Whizzer didn’t respond, fiddling with the sleeve of his robe and avoiding Marvin's eyes.
“You look good.” He blurted out before thinking, causing Whizzer to look at him and raise his eyebrows.
“I always look good.” he replied snarkily. And Marvin bit his lip, slightly embarrassed. “You look good too.”
It was so soft Marvin barely heard it, but he did, and he met Whizzer's eyes, something sparking to life between them for a second before they both looked away.
“We should probably talk.” Marvin said after a moment of silence.
“Or we don’t.” Whizzer replied, the bite back to his voice.
“Whiz, we need to talk at some point.” Marvin said with a sigh, but really what was he expecting.
“I'd really rather not Marv.” Whizzer replied, the affectionate nickname now dripping with mockery and sarcasm.
“Why not?” Marvin challenged. Whizzer was silent for a second, staring into Marvin’s eyes.
“Think back to the last time we talked Marvin. And then tell me when I'd maybe still be bitter about it.”
__________
“N.E.W.T.S. are coming up for you.” Whizzer said, his head turned into Marvin’s neck, all snuggled close to him. The lapping on the lake could be heard not far away, and Marvin was content, Whizzer lying in his arms. “You prepared?”
“Yeah.” Marvin hummed, not really thinking. “I've been studying for ages, I know I’ll ace them.”
“I'm pretty confident I'll do well too.” Whizzer replied, and if Marvin listened hard enough he would have been able to hear the hesitation, the proudness hidden under the words. Instead he scoffed.
“Sure baby, just be glad your pretty.” He said, kissing Whizzers pretty brown hair.
“What?” Whizzer said, pulling away slightly to look up at him. “Why did you say that?”
Marvin blinked, backtracking pretty hard. “It's just, I know you're not the best at school. So don’t get your hopes up for your O.W.L.S. that’s all.”
Whizzer face darkened, and he pulled away further, out of Marvin’s embrace. “What, am I just a pretty face?” Whizzer hissed and Marvin rolled his eyes. He was being such a drama queen right now.
“No Whiz, but it's not like Im dating you because your smart.” He said jokingly, leaning in for a kiss.
“No.” Whizzer said pushing him away. “I'm tired of this Marvin.”
Marvin frowned, scrambling to realize where he messed up. Whizzer was upset because he said he wasn’t that committed to school, but that was true. Whizzer much preferred to go out flying or practice spells higher than his skillset or just fool around with whoever’s closest.
“Whizzer, I just said the wrong thing. Forget about it.” Marvin soothed, sitting up taller.
“No this isn’t just a one-time thing Marvin. I’m tired of you constantly putting me down, constantly trying to pretend like I’m just a pretty face to you. I’m sick of you forcing me to be some stupid little boy toy for you look at and kiss and pretend like your better than me.” Whizzer said, crossing his arms and glaring Marvin down. Marvin had a feeling that this wasn’t spontaneous, that this had been brewing inside Whizzer for a long time now.
“I don’t know what your talking about.” He lied, because he had an inkling. But he wasn’t in the wrong here, he was right.
“Really? All the times you shoot me down when I’m talking about my classwork, whenever I’m talking about a good grade I got your suddenly jumping on the chance to say a mark that you got higher, constantly calling me a pretty boy and trying to control my every reaction. Your trying to stuff me into a box Marvin.” Whizzer ranted.
Marvin raised an eyebrow, practically ignoring everything Whizzer said. “Are you done yet?” He asked coolly.
Whizzer didn’t reply, only glared him down.
“I think we are done.” Marvin continued, dangling out the bait, waiting to see if Whizzer would take it hook line and sinker. To Marvin’s surprise he didn’t.
“We are not done Marvin; don’t think you can con me into calming down this time because I’m sick of this.” Whizzer stood up, brushing off his robes, Marvin moving to mirror him, anger stirring inside him. “I’m suppose to bow to your every command huh? Take the abuse, smile and kiss you and love you. Play the role of the dumb wizard who needs someone to protect him. This needs to end Marvin, it need to stop. I’m more than that. I’m more than your boyfriend.”
“Your being ridiculous Whizzer.” Marvin scoffed, his fingers twitching for his wand.
“Am I Marvin? You keep asking me for so much and yet you do nothing in return.” Whizzer rebutted.
“I do nothing in return, I do everything for you Whizzer. And all I want in return is for you to show that you love me. That you care, but no. That’s too much isn’t it. Instead you use me for entertainment, string me along. Go off at random times and don’t tell me where you're going. Making eyes at every cute boy you see and flirting like I’m not even there. All I want is you Whizzer and you’re being a massive dick about it.” Marvin said, his voice raising into a yell. Why couldn’t anyone understand that all he wants was a kiss, a hug, an I love you said by someone he cared about.
And yet it never came, first Trina, now Whizzer. It was all bullshit.
“Give me something to love Marvin, and then maybe I’ll do that.” Whizzer whispered, the tone so unlike Marvin’s yell.
“I stand by my decision Whizzer. It’s time this came to a stop.” Marvin replied, his voice deadly. “You obviously don’t love me, that’s the problem.”
“Oh stop explaining everything Marvin I’m not an idiot. And if that’s the biggest problem that you see in our relationship then that’s sad.” Whizzer let out a laugh, hollow and emotionless. “You can’t see what your doing can you?”
“For someone who claims he’s so smart you really don’t know what your saying do you.” Marvin scoffed, Whizzer ignored him, but Marvin could see his eyes darkening.
“You call me names, put me down, degrade me constantly. You’re always off with Trina, trying to somehow win her back even though you broke her heart. She’s happy now Marvin, give it up. You had me, but apparently that wasn’t enough. You had to go off and try to keep everything like I’m not enough for you. And then you demand my love, like you haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe I’ve been waiting for you to show you love me first.” Whizzer shot back.
Marvin was quite for a moment, debating what to say. Their entire relationship was based on well calculated hits, words thrown at the right time to rile each other up, to get the right sense of passion. They were both manipulative, both willing to do whatever to get what they wanted. And right now? Right now Marvin wanted this to stop, he was hurting, his unrequited feelings bubbling up and he wanted Whizzer to hurt the way he was.
“Maybe your just unlovable Whizzer.” He said calmly, staring Whizzer down. “Maybe there’s a reason I am why I am. Your just another pretty face to rile up, to kiss and to make me feel better. You got nothing else going for you.”
They stood in silence for a moment, both waiting to see who would break first.
“Get out of here Marvin.” Whizzer said, his voice cold and frustratingly under control. “I don’t want to see you again. We’re over.”
Marvin nodded, turning away and quickly leaving, anger and hurt and jealousy burning under his skin.
_____________________________
“Last year was a mistake Whizzer.” Marvin started, because honestly Whizzer might not want to talk about it but Marvin needed to. “I was a dick, I treated you horribly and refused to see you as you.”
He looked up at Whizzer, who was staring at him stone faced.
“I’ve changed, and I miss you Whizzer. I miss having you around. I know you probably hate me and don’t want anything to do, but give me a chance to repair what I ruined. We don’t have to be dating, I just want you around.”
They said nothing for a long time, Whizzer studying him and Marvin waiting for rejection, acceptance or whatever Whizzer threw at him.
Slowly, Whizzer stood up, clutching his ribs but determined. He walked over to Marvin, kneeling down in front of him and wrapping his arms around his neck. Marvin could barely breathe, Whizzers face inches from his, so close to him. It would be so easy to move forwards, to touch their lips together.
“I missed you too Marvin.” Whizzer whispered, and Marvin felt something flutter in his chest. “We both were in the wrong last year. We were a mess and I, I want to restart too. See what we can be.”
Marvin smiled, a weight lifting off his chest as a warmth filled it instead. Whizzer smiled at him, a true genuine smile, and then Whizzer was leaning forwards, their lips meeting and Marvin forgot how to think.
He forgot how much he had loved kissing Whizzer over the past few months. How sweet Whizzer’s lips felt against his, how soft and loving there were, how they made him feel welcomed, happy, loved.
He wrapped his arms around Whizzers waist, pulling him closer to him. But Whizzer pulled away. “I have homework to do.” Whizzer whispered to him, a mischievous smile on his face.
Marvin groaned, flopping back on the bed as Whizzer cackled, raiding Marvin’s desk for a sheet of paper. “Come on Marv, I had all of my O.W.L. classes to do work for.” Whizzer said, and Marvin flinched slightly.
It was a dig of course, Whizzer subtly rubbing it in Marvin’s face that he managed to get all of his O.W.L.S. despite Marvin telling him he couldn’t. He figured he kind of deserved that one. Marvin stood up, coming from behind Whizzer and wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s torso, his face resting on his shoulder.
“Or we can ignore the homework and go back to bed and cuddle instead?” He offered, kissing Whizzer’s neck softly.
“Mhm,” Whizzer hummed, ignoring him. “Someone’s needy.”
“I haven’t seen you in almost six months, let me be affectionate.” Marvin complained, pull Whizzer back towards the bed. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Whizzer said, finally giving in and turning around, capturing Marvin’s mouth in another kiss.
It was easy how they both immediately fell back into their roles, the affection and kisses and touches coming almost easily after months of not seeing each other. He didn’t kid himself, everything was different now, there was a wall between them, one they slowly had to take down brick by brick, but now? Now he was content to pretend that nothing happened, that he never said the horrible things he did and he never lost Whizzer.
So that’s what he did. He laid down in his bed, his arms wrapped around Whizzer and his head lying on Whizzers chest. And he pretended like he was okay, that everything was okay.