Thomas Marvolo Gaunt, the most feared man in the unsavory circles of the British underground, was currently resisting banging his head against the conference table currently, listening to Lucius drone on and on… and on…. and on about the newest shipment’s financial success. He loved Lucius as a brother, wouldn’t consider him his left-hand man if he didn’t; but if he had to hear about one more ‘impressively dodged tariff, might I say,’ he would be paying dear Narcissa a widow’s pension.
Before he had to off one of his highest-ranking officers, however, Severus burst into the room, followed hotly by Tom’s favorite person, nipping at the heels of his resident chemist.
“Gaunt, I believe it is my duty to inform you-“
“Tom! If you listen to what he is going to say, I swear-“
“His incessant yelling is only furthering my point that he is guilty-“
“Thomas, I swear to god sex will be off for a week!”
“Oh, yes, ever the mature argument, Potter!”
At this point, his right hand and his heart turned to one another, and instead of yelling at Tom himself, began lobbying their insults and voices at one another.
“Oh please! You wouldn’t know mature if it bit you in the ass, Severus!”
“Harry I swear I will clock you upside the hea-“
“Please, my boyfriend runs the largest crime syndicate in Western Europe, I don’t fear y-“
“He may run it, but I am equally skilled with melee combat, boy.”
“Do not call me boy!”
“Or what? Going to run to you dadd-“
“Enough! What in the hell are you both squabbling at?!”
“He ate the last of the animal crackers!” “He took away my snack!”
Thomas let his head thump against the desk, resigned to his fate as the most fearsome man in England, as well as the mediator of armed and dangerous children.