Lady Death
Updates: I've been trying to write HP for months, and I can't. Depression and being burnt out is making it agonizing. So if you like my writing and you like Star Wars may I direct you to The Queen Does Not Need to Know, that basically takes Rey and disregards all the Disney and reimagines the prequels, with, and you guessed it, time travel. It is hands down my best writing to date.
KEYnote: Rather than abandoning this story, I'm hitting the fast forward (I may come back one day and fluff out). I have had this plotted since I wrote this and I'll prove to you why this story's title is Natasha Romanoff and not Harry Potter ;)
WARNING: You are going to need to have a sense of humour in order to enjoy this chapter. Also, T/M rating for sexual implication and Marvel level violence :D
Chapter 17 - Lady Death
The kids, Sirius included, were asleep. Sirius had his own room, as did MJ, while Peter and Harry were sharing. It was one of the finest hotels in St. Petersburg, and the walls were thick.
Lily, James, and Natasha were on the couch, watching a movie that they weren't paying attention to. After a long down in the snow and ice, sightseeing, and not a few shots of vodka, James and Lily were worn out, even though it was Lily who wanted to talk.
That Natasha had worn her night attire under a satin robe was no mistake, just as Lily's frilly nightgown had been no mistake.
James Potter was left stuck between them, dressed decently in a T-shirt and loose fitting pants. He had nowhere safe to look.
He wasn't drunk, far from him, but he was this side of tired, this side of happy and relaxed -two descriptions that had not fit him in over a decade- to not be wholly unaffected by the two redheads that had begun this encounter ready for a fight, but where now leaning peacefully against his shoulders.
It was the sort of problem men might die for, men who weren't married to one of the women and the other woman being the witch who had -even if well meaningly- kidnapped his child.
When Lily nuzzled into his shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut and open, he knew he had to call it. James simply couldn't spend the night trapped between these two and remain unaffected. The day had been so pleasant -he wasn't going to ruin it because of an involuntary reaction that Lily might blow up on him for.
"Lils, I think we need to get you to bed."
"Hmm," she hummed, shutting her eyes, "You're warm though."
They were all fresh from showers, her hair smelled so...
"Come on, Lils," he said, shifting, causing Natasha to sit up. "I don't want to sleep on the couch when we are paying Merlin knows what for this fancy room."
Lily sat up, looking like a dazed kitten.
Natasha too, was oddly quiet, but her green eyes bright, looking more like a fully grown lioness rather than a cub.
"Natasha," Lily said lazily, "you should stay."
Natasha smiled, her sleek robe baring one shoulder as she leaned forward, giving James an unobstructed view of her creamy breasts, "I think that's the vodka talking."
Honestly, how did she make a Russain accent sound that sexy?
Lily seemed to come awake a little more at that comment, her pride peaked, "I am not intoxicated."
"Really?" Natasha asked, leaning closer. "Because we haven't talked like you wanted."
James was going to Lily's muggle Hell, he just knew it.
Lily looked at James, who gave her wide eyes in return. What did she want from him?
Lily said nothing, as if she were frozen in this suspended moment of possibilities.
They had been happy today, them, Harry, Sirius, even with the unexpected but not unpleasant addition of Michele and Peter. They had been happy being a part of their son's life. Actually living their own lives -that included Natasha Romanoff.
Natasha pushed, "But you want me to stay?"
Lily's eyes searched her face before looking back to James, wordlessly asking for permission.
He nodded, breath held as his life became suddenly much more complex, and much, much simpler.
Lily captured Natasha's lips, and they kissed.
When Natasha pulled away, she rested a hand on his shoulder.
Lily put a leg over James's thigh, and he put a hand to her waist as she bent to kiss him, he could taste the other woman on her lips.
When Lily pulled back she put a hand on Natasha's back, giving James the go ahead to also lay a hand on her waist as well. Natasha pressed herself against his chest, and they kissed as Lily pulled back Natasha's hair to kiss along her neck, her collarbone-
-Flipped to the next page-
"Yeah, yeah," the Death with manicured fingers muttered as she flipped through the Fate Books, "Two reds heads exploring their bi-sexuality with the husband being completely on board as he is allowed to participate. No one could have seen that coming."
The Death who had much more invested in the Potterverse, muttered, "Yes, well, the morning afterwards was interesting."
Lady Death gave him a scornful look, "Doubtful."
The more mature Death who had significantly fewer aliens to worry about, leaned over to flip back a few pages.
-Flipped back to previous pages-
Harry Nathaniel Romanoff was not in the least embarrassed or surprised to find that his parents, all three of them, had slept together last night.
He knew they had, despite no one saying a word because Mom looked pleased with herself, while Lily looked embarrassed, and his father was suspiciously quiet.
But, as to not lose points as an obnoxious teenager, he said at the breakfast table, "So, Lily, James, I hadn't realized you were into older women."
Sirius, who hadn't caught on, despite MJ and Peter assuredly had but not caring enough to remark on it, looked up. Searching James and Lily's faces, his jaw dropped, "You three-" he cut himself off glancing at MJ who gave him a bored expression.
Peter rolled his eyes, keeping his attention on his food.
Lily frowned, "Harry, what do you mean, older woman?"
"Nothing," Harry said unconvincingly.
Natasha swatted the back of his head, "He means, and I will definitely deny this if it is ever brought up again, that I am a hundred and eight years old."
James dropped his spoon, "Excuse me?"
"108!" Sirius exploded, he looked at James, "You slept with someone Dumbledore's age!?"
James glared at him, "Padfoot, we have talked about this, it's called tact."
"How is that even possible?" Lily asked.
"I'm a genetically engineered super soldier."
"I know you've told me some before, but was it the same as for Captain America?" Peter asked.
"I am a bit younger than him. I'm part of the Russians' experimentation trying to reproduce Steve."
"I'm sorry, can we backtrack to what the bloody hell you're talking about?" James asked.
"MJ, Peter, and I are from an alternate universe," Natasha said easily.
James, Lily, and Sirius exchanged looks.
Harry laughed, "And you all thought coming back to life was the craziest thing that could happen to you."
Lily gave Natasha a hard look, "Explain. Explain everything."
-Flip page-
"Yes, yes, hilarious, but why is this happening?" Lady Death asked, "Why did the stones bring back…" She shook her hooded head, "I don't understand."
Death who, again, had vested interest in his own universe said, "Would you stop flipping pages! You're giving me a headache? What happens when they get back from their vacation in Russia?"
"Yule Ball," Lady Death said uninterestedly, "Harry dances with Padma and charms her out of her-"
"And then what happens?"
"An uncomfortable dinner at the Longbottoms where Lily's friend 'Sev' makes a fool out of himself when it is revealed that Lily and Natasha are sleeping together, all the while he's been bonking with Remus Lupin for years. James is outraged, Lily has known since they developed feelings for each other. Clap, clap," she said drily.
He sighed, "And the second task?"
"It's wet."
Another sigh, "Alright, what is interesting to you?"
"Well, Natasha discovers Mad-Eye is a fraud by using that map with living names on it and Crouch Jr. kills himself with one of those glass devices in his office. It was very bloody, very marvellous," she purred.
"Great," Death with an unholy amount of river stones saved for the day he gets one of his Hallows back said, "Then what happens?"
"Oh!"
"Oh?" he repeated.
"This is interesting."
"What?" he asked, trying to lean over her shoulder to see in a place where time and matter didn't truly exist.
"Sirius Black DADA professor at Hogwarts gets arrested for murdering an Ex-Death Eater in cold blood."
"Excuse me?"
Lady Death huffed, "He's being framed, of course."
"By who?"
"By Dumbledore."
"Ah, yes, I forgot he is evil in this universe," Death of the Deathly Hallows said.
"How can you forget? You only have one universe."
"Two, actually, my counterpart in a more canonical-verse was murdered."
Lady Death put down the book, "You can be murdered?"
He nodded, "On occasion."
-Page left open-
"I didn't do it!" Sirius Black shouted from his chained seat. He had been given both a trial and veritaserum.
"But you don't remember that night," Dolores Umbridge interrogated sweetly.
"No, but-"
"And you hated Mr. Nott, did you not?"
"Yes, but that's because you bastards let him off!"
"So you admit to hating him?" Dumbledore asked.
"I hate all Death Eaters, but I wouldn't kill a man in cold blood!"
"But you have, and in doing so you have orphaned his son. Your lack of forgiveness has brought you here today, Mr. Black. And I can give you no more second chances."
Sirius looked at the old man he had looked up to his entire life, and felt his heart break, "I didn't do this, I swear it! I swear!"
The Dementors were closing in around him, Lily and James tried to speak out for him but he hadn't been with them that night.
"Remus! Remus, please! Tell them you didn't see me-"
"You were drunk," his once friend said too softly, believing Dumbledore over him, "You were drunk and angry that night."
Yes, he had been angry, angry because Crouch Jr. had been too close to Harry for too long, angry because Voldemort was on the loose still, and angry because Dumbledore had begun to show his real colours.
"Please! I'm innocent! I am an Auror! I wouldn't do this!"
But no one outside of Lily, James, and Natasha believed, because no matter what he did in his life, no matter who he became, he would always be a Black.
-Flips pages-
"Yawn, let's find out what happens to Voldemort, the Flight Risk," Lady Death said. "Oh, look! He got the cup to work as a Portkey still. I always laugh when your people say Hogwarts is secure."
Death who had a habit of making one Potter life, now Romanoff life, hellish, "I like the poetry of his victory being his downfall, when he seizes that cup for glory and then is whisked away into a graveyard."
"Ah, clever, he also had someone put some time of sleeping potion on the cup so he arrived unconscious," Lady Death said. "Still, I wonder how-"
"Just read it. Voldemort is one of those villains who tells their enemy the grand plan before killing them, inadvertently leading to their own downfall."
"Oh, I love it when they do that."
-Page being read-
Harry woke tied to a statue with a wound on his arm.
A bold, noseless man was before him, rubbing his hands together like a storybook villain.
His wand/bracelet/bo-staff was missing.
"Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived."
However, Harry's numerous hidden blades, courtesy of his assassin, superhero, ass-kicking Mom, were not missing.
Harry had the ropes cut through in moments.
Voldemort had his wand almost pointed as he said, "Ah, young fool, you think you will survive-"
A shuriken embedded itself in the would be baby-murder's throat.
And Lord Voldemort, Tom Marvola Riddle, dropped dead in the graveyard.
"My name," the fourteen year old Avenger-in-training said, "is Harry Nathaniel Romanoff."
-Looks at page-
Death who had seen many, many, many outcomes for Mr. Riddle's death said, "Huh, alright, that explained absolutely nothing."
"A bit anticlimactic, really," Lady Death mused.
"Okay," the Death who was most disappointed asked, "do they get Sirius out of prison?"
Lady flipped through more pages, "His and Ms. Jones' final year of Hogwarts. They found all the Horcruxes and Dumbledore had kept the knowledge of the last to himself."
-Page in what might have been the Seventh Book of a children's story or might have been the climax scene of the eighth movie which was part 2 of a children's book that had been separated to draw out the hype a little longer-
Harry didn't know why he had been called to the Headmaster's office.
He hadn't done anything wrong, and the lateness of the hour… he had sent Mom a crane patronus, and he knew she would be scaling the tower. He dragged his feet going into the room.
The Headmaster smiled at him, his blue eyes sparkling. "Harry, my boy."
Harry glared at him, "I am not your boy, don't call me that."
At seventeen years old, Harry had not exactly softened since the first time he had come to Hogwarts.
Sure, had he learned to be more social? What with three parents, two time-dimensional travelling siblings, and stuck in a small private school where the witches found him delectable, yes, he had learned to be more comfortable around people. He even enjoyed it on occasion though he would never be one to want for the centre of attention.
"Harry," Dumbledore said gently, "I want you to know how proud I am of you."
"Albus," Harry said in a patronizing tone, "I want you to know that I, honestly, don't care."
The Headmaster sighed, "You and your parents, destroying Voldemort and his Horcruxes… you should be known as the heroes you are."
Fawkes the Phoenix squawked.
Harry looked at the firebird, but was too slow to react to the warning the phoenix squawked at him.
He was throwing himself back as a green light filled his vision.
He just knew that if he survived this, his Mom was going to kill him.
~(0)~
Leaving Albus Dumbledore alive was the last time she didn't trust her instincts.
"Ms. Romanoff-" the old man said before she kicked the wand out of his hand.
Natasha put her hands on either side of his head.
And twisted.
She threw the old man's corpse out the window.
Falling to her knees, she searched for a pulse, and she found it.
Natasha let out a soft sob, "Harry, come on my baby, wake up."
"Mom?"
She pulled him into a hug, "Oh, I'm so happy you're graduating."
"Dumbledore…"
"He's dead."
"Good." He blinked emerald eyes at her, "you're crying?"
She laughed, "For a moment I thought I had lost you."
He brushed her cheek with a thumb, "Nah, you couldn't get rid of me that easily."
"Oh, you are," she shook him, "so grounded."
He laughed, and kissed her cheek. "Love you, Mom."
She hugged him tight, "I love you too, my son."
-Page flip-
Lady Death pouted, "Yes, but how did they get Sirius out of prison."
Death, who had recently acquired a new pet Phoenix said, "He broke out of prison that night. And he was given a second trial."
"But Natasha murdered the Headmaster."
"She did."
"And she got away with it?"
"Well, she snapped his neck and tossed him off a tower, but she did it in front of a hundred portrayed witnesses."
"That's a good thing?"
"The same hundred portraits that also saw the current Headmaster use the Killing Curse on a student. Pity no one will know he destroyed the last Horcrux."
"I thought you said he was evil?"
"From a certain point of view," he answered.
Lady Death began flipping faster through pages, through years.
"What happens to Harry? What happens to Harry and Padma?" Death with a Phoenix on his shoulder asked.
"Oh, he broke her heart at graduation."
"Really?" Death petting the firebird asked, "I thought his ship had sailed. Then went to the Yule Ball together."
"Yes, where he also danced with Fleur."
Death and the Phoenix laughed, well the bird warbled, "Ah, now that's a pairing I can get behind."
"He also danced with Susan Bones and Daphne Greengrass, and one single dance Hermione Granger."
"I'm sorry," he said, "All within the same night?"
"He's an excellent dancer, but no. Over the course of years he dated them. Though he was always sure to break up with a girl before moving on to the next. He almost got engaged to Nymphadora Tonks."
"Why didn't he marry her?"
"Restless heart. Aside from being a player, he could just never settle. He never found his calling as some would say. And well, when he and his family moved to Russia, that was the end of that."
"What about Luna Lovegood?"
"Oh, her? She's Harry's very best friend, outside of Michele and Peter. But they never got together, she likes women."
"And what about Peter and Michele?" Death asked, the Phoenix curled in his laps as they waited for years to pass.
"Oh, they got married, predictably," Lady Death sighed, "Peter became a very rich man by starting up a company known Parker Jones Medical. His inventions allow for free healthcare in America and save countless people."
Death sighed, "Horrible."
"I know, all those souls forced to live longer and healthier lives," Lady Death lamented.
"How old are they all now?"
"Well, Natasha Romanoff is a hundred and nineteen, her two lovers are spry forty-five, and the Parkers are twenty-seven years old, with four year old named Maisie Natasha-Jones Parker, known as Little May, and Benjamin Jones Parker." Lady Death hovered a finger over a page, "Benny turns two today."
Death with a feathered friend looked at the Death with black hair beneath her hood, "Why did you hesitate?"
"Natasha, Lily, James, Sirius, Harry, Peter, Michele, Luna, Little May, and Benny are all together for a party."
"Why is that a problem?"
"I don't understand the dating on this page."
"What's wrong with it?"
"It says -Year 1947, Season 2 of Agent Carter, Episode 10: Hollywood Ending, Alternate- Oh, no."
"Oh, no, what?" asked Death with a squawking phoenix on his shoulder.
"It's another universe!"
"How does this relate to me?"
"Howard Stark, Tony Stark's father, invents a machine that can create a rift through time and space. And unlike in my universe, in this one, Peggy gets sucked into the rift with the machine."
"Again, how does this relate to me?"
"Rift is constantly tearing holes through reality."
"And?"
"It opens on the birthday party at the Romanoff estate."
What Death said next was not fit for mortal ears, even Fawkes was upset by such rude language.
"Where do they get dropped?"
-Flips Page: In Spring of 2012, onboard a military carrier owned by an organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D-
Captain America, a.k.a. Steve asked Banner, "The Stark Tower? That big ugly-" looks at Tony Stark, and finished "...building in New York?
Smiling slightly, Dr. Banner, a.k.a. The lovable Hulk, answered, "It's powered by Stark Reactors, self-sustaining energy source. That building will run itself for what, a year?"
Tony, who is still ready to pick a fight with Steve, answered with no small amount of arrogance. "That's just the prototype. I'm kind of the only name in clean energy right now."
Banner nodded, looking to Steve indicating Tony, "So, why didn't SHIELD bring him in on the Tesseract project? I mean, what are they doing in the energy business in the first place?"
"I should probably look into that once my decryption programmer finishes breaking into all of SHIELD's secure files," Tony said off-handedly.
Steve glared, "I'm sorry, did you say...?"
Tony hid a smirk, "Jarvis has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours we'll know every dirty secret SHIELD has ever tried to hide." Then he held out a small silver bag of fruit, and asked, "Blueberry?"
Steve glared harder, "Yet you're confused about why they didn't want you around?"
And then a black rift in space opened up and one shy of a dozen people, and a bird, fell into the room.
Agent Peggy Carter landed in the love of her life's arms, "Steve?"
Captain American held her tight, "Peggy!?"
"Reducto!" several people said as they pointed at a rift creating machine which then was rendered to ash by sparkling lights.
"Mr. Stark!?" Spider-Man asked in shock as he got off the man he had just flattened to the floor.
Two small children started crying and the younger genius quickly forgot his personal hero in favour of checking on his children and wife.
"Where in Merlin's name are we?" Natasha asked in Russian.
Bruce answered her in Russian, "On a SHIELD craft flying over New York."
She looked startled, "Bruce?"
Bruce noticed her red hair was much longer than it had been not hours ago.
A young, dark haired man with notably emerald green eyes who was leaning on a bow-staff, asked in accented English, "Mom, are we back in your universe?"
A snowy owl landed on the young man's shoulder and hooted indicatively, her amber eyes full of reproach.
-Page almost torn-
"No!" Lady Death screamed, "This can't be happening!"
Death with the Phoenix roared with laughter, "They're your problem now!" And snapped his fingers.
She pointed her scythe at him, "What did you just do?"
"I took care of a problem."
"You just killed four people! Two of whom were children!"
"But no one cares about the old ladies," he said with a smile that could not exist.
"She was my old lady!"
"Look on the bright side, your universe has righted itself. The stones won't be destroyed and the rules of time travel that were broken will exist only in memory."
"Take your damn wizards and witches back!"
Death of the Hallows laughed, "Oh, no can do, they are all supposed to be dead, and now they are because they don't exist in my world."
"You bastard! What about my world!?"
"You're the one who wanted to play god," he said, beginning to fade away, "besides a few magic users isn't going to make that much of a difference in your fucked up universe."
Lady Death screamed at the retreating figure, his firebird the last light she saw from the Potterverse as the doors between their worlds closed permanently.
"Who are you?"
She whirled to face the problem that had sent her reality reeling, the problem that had turned her universe into a clusterfuck of epic proportions.
He gazed at her with open amazement and awe.
"Death," she answered, knowing she more than people who had just thrown back into this reality was about to start a hurricane in the chain of events.
Swallowing hard, Thanos told Lady Death, "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I will do anything for you."
The scary thing was, he meant every word.
Lady Death sighed, No rest for the wicked.
AN: Again, sorry for the overload, but it was this or I was never coming back to this story. Thoughts, reactions, or feedback please? More chapters to come! Stay safe and much love!