Playing With Fire
Chapter 13 - Playing With Fire
Lily Potter felt a lot of things in that moment, a deer in the headlights, a deep rage that felt like the ocean drowning out all sound, and even a simmering lust that she had kept buried, that she hadn't, wouldn't, acknowledge.
Until now.
Lily didn't feel trapped like she should have pressed against the wall, she felt held. Natasha, for all her muscles and grace, was far softer than James, and her lips were softer too, fuller.
Natasha's kiss wasn't invasive, it was an offering, a question, a temptation.
But Lily didn't answer it, her sense of self wouldn't allow it. She didn't know if she wanted this or not, and she resented like hell how… how… manipulative Natasha was.
When she pulled away, stepped back, Lily wanted nothing more than to curse the other witch into a pile of ash.
But Lily had seen her speed, felt her strength, and knew she would never reach her wand in time.
So Lily Potter played along. Grabbing Natasha's robe front, she pulled the other woman toward her, into her, and kissed her back open mouthed.
Natasha jerked but didn't pull away, giving as good as she got.
Lily had never kissed a woman before, and the sensation wasn't unpleasant.
Natasha let slip a small moan and Lily smiled into that kiss. They pulled away from each other in a slow synchronized movement.
This time, it was Natasha who was left wide eyed. Lily let go of Natasha's robes, and Natasha let her hands fall from where she had lifted them as though she had begun to cup Lily's face.
Lily put one foot back and turned as if she meant to run away, only to use the positioning to propel the twisting of her body. So that when her closed fist struck, it was with the energy sprang from the ground up.
Lily didn't aim for her face, she aimed for a spot two inches inside of the skull. Natasha only had time to register what was happening before Lily felt the sweet, sweet sensation of bone cartilage breaking under her fist.
The sound was crunchy, sharp, and wet, informing her that she had most definitely broken the other woman's beautiful face. The injury gushed blood almost instantly. Natasha for her part only let out a soft grunt.
"Harry didn't inherit his strength from you, you conniving bitch," Lily said, taking several steps back. She was pissed, and even vindictively happy, but she was not stupid.
Yet Natasha didn't lash out. Straightening and holding her nose as if she meant to put it back into place herself, she said in a nasally voice, "Touche, Potter, touche."
Then with a pain tolerance that would have done Sirius proud, jerked her nose back into place with a silent wince.
"Shall we go see how the boys are?" Natasha asked civilly. She would have come off as completely normal if she hadn't been holding her sleeve to her nose to help stem the bleeding.
Keeping her distance, Lily motioned with her hand, and said sweetly, "After you."
Nataha's eyes smiled at her and they walked together out into the cold day.
As Lily walked, she had time to wonder if what had just passed between them would hurt James. At the moment, she was too invigorated with one upping the impossibly suave Natasha Romanoff to feel overly guilty. And besides, not that she wanted to take James for granted but a kiss wasn't enough to infuriate him, not even two kisses.
By the time they reached the pitch, the bleeding had slowed.
Lily was sort of annoyed Natasha was still walking steadily, broken noses were usually enough to put most people off their game.
It was only made worse by the fact that she would have sworn Natasha was smiling at her behind her sleeve.
Harry spotted them first and he gave Natasha an exasperated look, "You let someone punch you?"
She lowered her sleeve to show her bloody and bruising face, though Lily -who had on occasion punched others before, thought the swelling wasn't as bad as it ought to have been.
Natasha spoke to Harry, "I didn't let her punch me, I just pushed the game too far."
By 'game' she meant their battle to simultaneously murder one another and not upset Harry -which of course meant not murdering one another. But Lily had no illusions about what Natasha would have liked to do to her if she didn't have to play a civilized modern woman.
Lily knew that because it was exactly how she felt in return. True, Natasha wasn't technically the injured party, but that's only because she had ensured that Harry could neither be nor ever want to return home to them. And part of that surety had been making sure that Lily had been too angry, too confused for all the wrong reasons.
"Merlin, Lily, what did you do?" James asked. He came close and touched Natasha's chin, tilting her face upward so he could see the damage.
"She had it coming," Lily answered without an ounce of regret.
"Wait," Harry said, "you're telling me that you managed to punch my mom, for real?"
"Yes," Lily said, her son's question punching a hole in her high.
Would he be mad at her?
James pulled his wand, "Natasha, let me fix your nose."
"If you change its shape or colour, you best be prepared to sleep with both eyes open."
Smiling, James healed her without pulling a prank, as Harry asked, "But how?"
James turned to him, "You don't sound upset."
"I'm not, I just want to know how you managed it. I can hardly ever manage a hit, much less break her nose."
Lily's heart swelled, far from being upset, Harry seemed impressed with what she had done. And was that respect shining in his eyes?
"Wait," James said, echoing Harry's initial response, "you've tried to break you mother's nose before?"
Natasha patted his chest, "Relax, I taught him to save innocents and to not punch them in the face."
"You are not an innocent," Lily stated.
Natasha smiled at her, a smile that lit up her face and promised nefarious things. She all but purred, "I'd never claim that, Lily Pretty."
Lily dearly wished to rebreak her nose.
James interceded before she could say something foolish in front of Harry, "We were wondering if you both wanted to come over for dinner at our home tonight? Sirius and Remus are coming with desserts."
"I can't tonight," Natasha said.
But before Lily had a chance to be disappointed, Harry spoke up, "I'll go, if that's okay?"
James's expression must have mirrored hers because both Harry and Natasha smiled at them, half laughing.
"It's alright with me," Natasha said.
Lily wondered if Harry would have been impressed if she had managed to beat the crap out of Natasha the moment they met.
Peter collapsed on the couch next to MJ who was curled into a ball reading book with a tiger on the front cover.
He tried to think of something to say, but for once, he had no words.
And the things he had lost in his life... his parents, then later his uncle who had raised him, not to mention his humanity, and then in Tony, he had lost his mentor. Now, Aunt May and his friends...
Peter had been to freaking space before, lost five years of his existence, but never, never, had he expected to lose his universe, his very reality.
In hindsight, maybe he should have. He should have realized in a multiverse, this was possible.
"I don't even want to know why it happened, I just want to undo it," MJ said from behind her book.
Peter sighed, slumping into the couch. "Black Widow said I can't attempt to make it back until…" he sighed again, "I've gotten into so much trouble for doing what people have told me not to do, but I've also saved the world ignoring their advice."
MJ put down the book and reached for his hand, "I think… I tell myself that I want more than anything to return home. But anything is a dangerous word. I know that I don't want to die. I don't want to try getting home if the odds are impossibly against us. My… someone once told me that learning to be happy where we are can feel harder than struggling to get somewhere we will never be, but when you're always struggling for something impossible, you'll never find happiness."
Peter closed his eyes, lacing his fingers with hers, "So you're saying we can give up all happiness on the whisper of a chance we might get home, or learn to be happy here?"
She squeezed his hand, "I like Natasha, I think we should trust her. I just have a feeling, you know, that she's on our side."
He opened his eyes and turned to meet her gaze, "Same. I honestly didn't think she would be this nice."
"Awe, thanks, Peter, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me."
Peter nearly jumped out of his skin.
Natasha laughed, "We are going to have to work on your spider senses."
"How did you do that? And why didn't you use the door?"
"You're not the only spider in the apartment," she said with a smile, "And your senses are only going to work if you're paying attention or in mortal danger. But I can train you to be more aware."
"You are mortal danger," MJ said deadpanned.
Natasha batted her big baby-greens, "You're the sweetest."
MJ rolled her eyes and went back to her book.
James was exuberant.
Harry was not progressing well with transfiguration, but he had called him dad three times that afternoon. And now he was coming home with them. Not permanently, but it was the first time he had shown interest in being around either him or Lily without Natasha.
Apparating into the hallway, Sirius opened their apartment door for them, asking, "How did it g- Harry!"
Harry pulled his hand out of James's and narrowed his eyes at the crazy wizard, "Sirius."
Merlin, help them, he sounded so much like Natasha. James didn't even know them that well yet, but a person would have to be daft to not understand that he was a Romanoff.
James consoled himself with the glimpses he had seen of himself and Lily in him too.
Entering the new apartment that was a far sight cheerier than their last, Remus came around the corner, clearly having been setting the table as Sirius did… whatever Sirius did when he wasn't working. Most of the time that was drinking, the man was just a hair's breadth away from being an alcoholic.
"Harry, this is our friend Remus Lupin, Remus, Harry Romanoff."
Harry held out his hand and they shook.
James tried to see Remus the way Harry would. A clean shaven man, with sandy blond hair, and pale eyes. He looked older than he was because of the scars and his humble, albeit clean, clothing, but it was almost impossible to dislike the librarian. Well, not unless they knew what he was and were prejudice.
But Harry didn't know, and as far as James knew, wasn't prejudice, and yet, Harry put distance between himself and Remus almost immediately.
Remus didn't take it personally and said, "We're all set to eat."
The table could seat four, six with two extra chairs. Again, James was pleased when Harry willingly sat between him and Lily with Sirius across from him.
"So, Harry, how are you liking Hogwarts?" Remus asked.
"I like learning more magic, and the library is cool."
"I see why you were sorted into Ravenclaw then, I myself work at a library. The Ministry Archives is thrice the size of the one at Hogwarts."
"Neat."
"Make any friends?" Sirius asked, and James just knew that if he was in his grim form his tail would be wagging.
Harry shrugged, and James watched with fascinated horror as he drew into himself. The boy he had spent the afternoon with vanishing behind a placid expression.
What had Natasha taught him?
"Harry is exceptionally skilled at Charms," Lily said hurriedly.
"Ah, so you take after your mother," Sirius said smiling.
Harry's shoulders visibly stiffened, and he pierced the next cube of potato very precisely with the fork, but he didn't verbally protest like he would have when they first met.
James wasn't sure this reaction was better. Lily and he exchanged a look and he knew she wasn't sure either.
"Do you have a date to the Yule Ball?" Sirius asked.
"No."
James suppressed a sigh, why were teenagers so difficult?
Before any of them could try again to force conversation, Harry asked, "How dangerous is Albus Dumbledore?"
They all exchanged looks.
It was Remus who said, "Dangerous enough that it was foolish of your parents to go against him publicly."
"Remus…" James warned.
"No, James, it was stupid what you three did. Dumbledore is a good person. A great person, but he does have a temper. You're going to regret going against him, just like you're going to regret teaming up with the Malfoys."
"Of course, so says the one of us most forgiving of those who got off on charges," Sirius half growled.
"You're always the one calling me the peacemaker, well guess what? Challenging Albus Dumbledore isn't going to end in peace. Do you all realize this has the potential to tear our country apart?"
Harry spoke up, "If he is in a place of authority, then he should be challenged."
Remus's face softened, "Harry, you don't know what Dumbledore has done for our world."
Harry glared, "I don't need to know him. Everyone in power should be challenged, maybe not overthrown as such, but just because someone did good things doesn't mean they are a good person at heart, just like it doesn't mean a good person isn't capable of mistakes. As for the 'Great' Albus Dumbledore, the 'Greatest Wizard of your Time'? I've met him, he's an arrogant bastard and he should be held responsible for his actions."
Remus's face went cold at the swear word, "And what actions are those? What exactly has he done wrong?"
Harry shook his head, "I don't know exactly, but he's hiding something, somethings, and I know he is an enabler. People who actively enable crimes are just as guilty."
And James understood then just how disturbed Harry had been at Moody invading his mind. Which shouldn't have been surprising, he was an extremely private kid who had been raised with self-defence being such a principle in his life that he was damn near independent.
That someone could easily steal that away… well, that was never a comfortable realization, and certainly not something that would be forgotten or forgiven anytime soon.
James still couldn't understand how Moody could do that to their son.
At this point, Remus had thoroughly lost his cool, which took a lot for him, "You are a child, you don't understand-"
"Watch it, Remus," Lily almost snapped his head off. "Harry isn't stupid, and neither are we. Albus Dumbledore is an extremely dangerous wizard. He is old, knowledgeable, crafty, and uncannily powerful, but as Harry said, he can't be allowed to go unchecked. He cannot continue to do whatever he pleases and face no consequences. As for the Malfoys, do you really think we trust them? We are only working with them in the public view because we share a common goal and they have influence. That by no means implies that we agree with everything they stand for or vise-versa."
"If it wasn't for Dumbledore, I would-!" Remus bit his tongue, shaking his himself. He sighed, bowing his head, "I guess it doesn't matter, the damage is done."
Sirius waved his hand, "Take a chill pill, Remy. If, as you believe, Albus is a good person then we have nothing to fear. And if there is something to fear it will be a good thing we exposed him."
Remus gave Harry a shrewd look, "I bet you had a good day. I bet your classmates have just been brimming with quiet solidarity."
Harry said nothing.
"Or maybe," Remus continued with more venom than James would have predicted. "Or maybe, you are here tonight not to be with your parents but to get away from Hogwarts."
James gaped at his friend, Sirius mirroring him.
"Get out," Lily said, her voice dangerously low.
Remus looked at her, "You don't know what you're doing, you're playing with fire and someone is going to get hurt."
Harry looked up at the man with an expression that was lethal in its evaluation, "Or maybe, what we should fear isn't the Headmaster, but fanatics like you."
Lily stood and pointed at the door, "Leave now, Remus."
"Thank you for dinner, James. Harry, it was nice to meet you, have a good night," Remus said tightly before departing.
"Harry, I'm so sorry-"
"Don't apologize, Lily," Harry cut her off, "you didn't do anything wrong. I'm glad you three stood up to the Headmaster."
James wondered how much of that gladness was because Natasha supported the choice. If he knew one thing about his son, it was that he trusted Natasha absolutely.
The rest of dinner was silent, James kept trying to catch Sirius's eye for help, but he was glaring down at his food, stabbing his veggies.
When they were done, James was not at all ready for Harry to go, especially on such a sour note. Did it matter that he might only have come to get away from the rumour mill at Hogwarts? A little, yes, but more than his reasons, James cared that Harry was here. As awkward as dinner had been, the space had felt…
It had been a long time since James could remember any place resembling home.
Sirius, however, finally got out of his own thoughts to save the evening.
"This house has electricity, I brought a movie if you wanted to stay a bit longer, Harry."
Harry looked relieved, and said, "Sure, I'll stay for a movie."
James wondered if it was relief about not returning to Hogwarts, or a desire not to have the night end so poorly.
James was going to kick Remus's butt for this one, the werewolf had no right to bring politics to the dinner table with their all but estranged son present for the first time since diapers.
"What movie is it?" Lily asked suspiciously.
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail," Sirius announced proudly.
Lily narrowed her eyes, "That came out a while ago. I think my sister saw it with her then boyfriend."
Sirius wiggled the VCR tape, the plastic clinking together, "It's a comedy. You know that thing that causes laughter and smiles?"
Lily's lips twitched, then she said, "My sister hated it, so I suppose it is a must see."
James grinned, "That's the spirit."
The movie was… interesting.
Harry actually sat between Sirius and Lily, James at the end beside Lily.
James got a few chuckles, at one point whisper asking Lily if she weighed as much as a duck, and she made a few noises that sounded almost pained at some of the ridiculousness unfolding on screen. But neither she nor he cared about watching the movie as much as seeing Harry relax around them.
Sirius, despite having seen the movie already, barked uproariously throughout, but Harry; Harry straight up giggled when the knight announced 'it is but a flesh wound'. Harry's laughter was a rich balm that healed things in James's heart he had thought he had drowned to death years ago.
This was his son, this was his family.
This was home.
Late that night, after Harry had been returned to Hogwarts, as they were getting ready for bed, James finally questioned her. "So," he began, back turned to her as he stripped off his shirt and stored it in the closet, "are you going to elaborate on why you broke Natasha's nose?"
Lily waited until he turned back to face her and said, "She kissed me."
He didn't look surprised or angry or anything that people might suspect a man to feel when another incredibly attractive woman hits on their wife. James asked, "Are you alright?"
Lily felt something loosen in her chest and in that moment she remembered why she had fallen in love with this man. This once infuriating, irritating man who had grown up and won her with a thousand small kindnesses and his unending, unwavering care for her, no matter the hell they had been through, the hell she had put him through.
"Yes, I'm alright," and before he could ask or drop the subject, she admitted, "I kissed her back."
Humour danced in his hazel eyes but he kept a straight face, "So you could land a punch or because you wanted to?"
Lily had to hide a smile, then answered truthfully, "Both. Are you angry?"
He sighed and sat down at the end of the bed, holding out his hand to her. She took it and sat on her knees beside him on the bed.
He smoothed his thumb over her hand, they were both pale but James could tan under the sun whereas she was and would always be fairest creme. Or bright pinkish red if she was foolish enough to venture under the sun too long without protection.
"No, I'm not mad, but I might have been if you hadn't told me."
"You're not jealous," it was more a statement than a question.
"No, I'm not. It's been a long time since we burned for each other. I don't blame you for feeling… I know there are things I don't inspire in you anymore."
Her heart hurt to hear him say that, though she couldn't argue that a part of her was interested in what the other woman had sparked in her. But none of that should have mattered, James was her person. "I don't-"
He squeezed her hand, "I know you love me, Lily Flower. It's why I'm not jealous, I don't doubt you. And I would be lying if I said haven't looked at other women over the years as well."
Looking wasn't a crime, but fear crept into her, and she found herself clinging to his hand like a lifeline. "Do you want a divorce?" she hated how normal she sounded, hated how the very idea broke her heart.
She didn't know what she would do without him, she didn't know who she would be without him.
He took both her hands in his, "No, Lily, never. There is no one on this planet I want to wake up beside but you. I love you more than I could ever possibly love another. But Lily, we are always together. We have worked nonstop for the last thirteen years, travelling around the world in our spare time tracking down a hopeless target. Despair and grief have had more of a presence in our lives than either of our individual desires, hobbies, or happiness. We've been going at an unsustainable pace for what feels like forever and now that we've finally found our son, we have to face the fact that we lost ourselves along the way."
She was crying, "I don't want to leave you. I'm so, so sorry, James, I-"
He cupped her face in his hands, "Don't apologize, Lils, don't you understand by now that I would do anything for you? That I would do anything to see you happy again. Even if it meant sharing, even if it meant giving you up."
She shook her head, her tears falling faster now, spilling onto his palms, "I don't want you to give me up."
He let out a breath and bent to put his forehead to hers, "Good, because I don't want to give you up."
"Then why is it okay that I- that I cheated on you?"
He pulled back with a soft smirk tugging on his lips, "Lily, do you think I didn't see her seducing you? Natasha wasn't exactly being subtle about it. I could have interfered more, hell, I could have told you or even Natasha that I wasn't comfortable with it. But I didn't. I didn't like the idea that she was manipulating you, but to be fair, if Natasha had played nice, you would have steamrolled her. If any other person had stolen our son, that person would probably be dead by now."
"I wouldn't-"
"Yes, Lily, you would have, the idea of Harry became more important to you than who he is as a person. You would have continued to fight tooth and nail for our son even if it meant you lost his respect. Natasha has given you something to be angry about, and frustrated you to the point where you can't keep up with her, much less succeed in separating her from Harry."
She took that criticism, took it, held it, and acknowledged that it was only truth between them tonight.
"You're not jealous because I already failed you. I've been failing you for years because I couldn't let us move on. We stopped living because of me."
"That's not why I'm not jealous," he said, though he didn't contradict the content of what she had said.
Lily flushed, "Then why are you okay with it?"
"Because I don't own you, Lils. I married you because I wanted to share a life with you, not because I wanted to keep you as a prisoner."
She was crying again, stupid tears, "If our marriage is a prison then it was of my making, not yours, I should have-"
He kissed her, shut her up with his mouth on hers. It was so different from kissing Natasha, but far more welcome. Familiarity and the safety that familiarity offered was its own type of fire. A steady hearth rather than a destructive forest fire.
He pulled back long enough to say, "Then don't leave me, Lily Flower, you have my permission, if you need it, to do whatever you want but always come home to me."
"Always," she breathed and lost herself in him as he pulled her down on the bedspread.
After they found their release, an act that was one of passion and love rather than their typical means to an end, James nuzzled his face into the bend of her neck.
She threaded her fingers through his wild hair and tangled herself more solidly around him.
He whispered in her ear, "Did you enjoy kissing another woman?"
Instead of slapping him, she tickled him until he begged for mercy. His deep, joyous laughter filled the room like a classroom full of cheering charms. Yielding, she said, "It wasn't awful, but I still prefer you."
"Awwwe," he teased, putting on a crushed expression that he had used in school when she said something scathing to him. An exchange which had resulted only ever in interesting him more, "I was sort of hoping you might bring her back with you. I mean I love you, but Harry's evil stepmom is smokin'."
This time Lily didn't stop tickling him until he was in tears.
AN: Thoughts, reactions, ideas, or harmless white bunny-rabbits ye should not cross lest ye be willing to die? Ni?