notting hill

Life passes in a muted monotone, after that. Elphaba can’t find any way to reach Glinda, a desperate run to the hotel wasted when the clerk, with some hint of regret, informs her that ‘the Good Witch’ had checked out earlier that morning. Elphaba, huffing from practically running over, can only stand in silence and watch the animated hotel scene move around her. The glitz and glamor suddenly seems distinctly more faded and fake.

She trudges to work in silence, and not even Dillamond’s gentle prodding can get more than a few words out of her. He soon senses her foul mood will not be resolved by kind words, and wisely gives her a respectful bit of distance for the rest of the day. She sorts a new delivery of books robotically, mind stuck on the despaired expression on Glinda’s face the last time she saw her. How could such a beautiful night have soured in just a few short hours? Her stomach turns uncomfortably and she forces herself to focus back on the task at hand, placing a book down with a startling force that prompts Dillamond to ask if she’s alright. She shrugs in response.

When she leaves work the next day, another quiet day at the bookstore spent thinking about a certain blonde actress, she nearly has a heart attack when her eyes land on the newsstand on her walk home. Plastered on the front page, a picture of Glinda, head bowed, pushing through a crowd. And behind her is Elphaba’s little house, seeming so out of place in the chaos, and in the doorway Elphaba, still in her shirt and sleep shorts, pained expression trained on the retreating actress. The photo is really rather incriminating, framed in an unfortunately perfect way to highlight the two figures. The familiar churn of her stomach, that she’s come to get quite a lot since Glinda’s departure, is back, and she feels bile rise in her throat at the headline. GLINDA UPLAND SNAPPED LEAVING MYSTERY WOMAN’S HOME: HOLLYWOOD’S STAR PLAYING FOR THE OTHER TEAM? It’s so unnecessarily obnoxious she has half a mind to stomp over and tear them all apart, right there in the middle of the street. Instead she forces her feet to move again, head ducked as if the flashing cameras will jump out at any moment. She wonders if Glinda has seen these. She desperately hopes not.

That night, if Fiyero hears her quiet sniffles across the flat from behind her closed door, or notices her puffy eyes at the breakfast table the next morning, he valiantly gives her the courtesy of pretending he doesn’t.

Months pass. Spring turns to summer, the glimmering Emerald City now meltingly hot. Elphaba trades her slacks for linen pants, and exchanges her more strict button-ups for nicely cut t-shirts. Her hair, usually down, is now tied up and out of her face. Bookshop business increases as the tourists flock from around Oz for a dazzling week in the city, and for once she’s glad for the flood of work to keep her mind busy. And maybe there’s also some secret relief in not wearing her button-up shirts every day, now too much a reminder of what she wore that morning. Sunlight hitting her hair, Elphaba’s shirt far too big on her small frame, smile lazy and beautiful. Elphaba’s heart clenches, and she chastises herself. No point dwelling on it now. A chattering tourist approaches her, fluffy romance novel in hand, and Elphaba puts on her brightest customer service smile. No time to dwell on it now.

Summer shifts to autumn, the trees in Emerald City shifting to dazzling yellows and oranges and reds. The colors are bright and vivid, and against the green architecture the city is more colorful than ever. A slight chill has begun to hang in the air, and Elphaba breaks out her nice leather jacket. As she walks home, hands tucked in her pockets, she passes a bus stop with the Saturn Returns poster plastered on it. Glinda’s printed eyes seem to follow her across the street, and even once safely in her home she still feels their lingering weight. Those eyes once disbelieving and hurt, expression printed on behind her eyelids each time she closes her eyes. Another day after work, she stops in the coffee shop to escape the persistent cold. As she waits for her order, she muses that it must be fate, at least a little. To run into Glinda with her green tea all those months ago, to keep meeting again and again, to form their own little world despite Glinda’s stardom. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking to cope with the loss of someone she loved. The thought leaves a bitter taste in her mouth that even the tea can’t quite wash away.

She attends another dinner at Nessa’s, this time to celebrate Boq’s promotion at work. It’s a cheerful night, and Elphaba finds herself much happier than she has been in quite some time. Still, the fifth chair at the table is suddenly a loud and glaring emptiness, and judging from the occasional careful look her friends shoot her Elphaba can tell they sense it too. She pushes down this feeling and resolves to not let the bittersweet memory taint this fun night with her friends. It works, mostly.

And then autumn is fading into winter, the first snowfall covering the city in a gentle white blanket. As Elphaba walks to work, bundled in her coat and scarf and hat, the snowflakes fall quietly, muffling the buzz of the city. The sky, a soft grey, washes the gleaming city a muted green, bleak and dim. She rather relates to the feeling. The store is nearly empty all day, no one particularly interested in going out in this weather, and she packs up much earlier than usual. Once she’s back home, she busies herself with making a cup of coffee, eye bags prominent under her eyes. Come to think of it, she hasn’t been sleeping well for a few months now. The box of cereal she ate from stares at her forlornly as she searches her cabinet, kept there out of some unspoken sentimentality. As if any day now, Glinda will waltz back in and pour herself another bowl, sit at the breakfast table and smile at her again. She wonders faintly if the actress misses her too. She wonders if she even remembers her, or if she’s already been replaced by some actress who spilled her wine on her at some Hollywood mixer. She chastises herself for this misplaced jealousy. Glinda isn’t hers to lose, she must remember.

By the time spring has begun to roll back around, Elphaba has reached some sense of normalcy. Fiyero attempts to set her up for a couple of blind dates, but she never follows back up with any of them. They’re sweet girls, charming, sometimes with a swoosh of blonde hair or a small dimple when they smile, but nothing makes them quite enough to fill Glinda’s shoes. Elphaba has gotten better, at least somewhat, the thought of Glinda no longer voiced out loud but still the star of all her dreams at night. She mans her book store and sees her friends, the occasional dinner or movie night sprinkled in. She walks past the coffee shop, past the newsstand, past the small restaurant and the secret garden and the Diggs Hotel. The city is sprinkled with their stolen moments, Glinda’s twinkling laugh ringing in every little corner. It’s a blissful torture.

One spring day, Elphaba in a pleasant mood from the shining sun and chirping birds, Dillamond bursts into the bookstore in a frenzy. He is returning from his small coffee break, but he seems agitated as he moves quickly over to the dark-haired woman’s desk.

“Oh Elphaba, you’ll simply never believe what I’ve just heard.” His eyes are gleaming with excitement, and interest piqued Elphaba leans forward.

“A certain movie star is here– just nearby Notting Hill! Shooting a movie! Guess who, guess who.” Elphaba’s mouth suddenly feels very dry. Not seeming to notice her sudden worry, the goat nearly jumps with glee as he answers himself. “Glinda Upland! Oz this is exciting, I don’t think we’ve ever had an A-list star here in our neighborhood!”

She nearly laughs at the irony of it, thankful his usual skill of being in the know seems to have missed a certain headline from a year or so ago. Instead she nods, doing her best to seem enthusiastic, and smiles.

“Oh, that is rather exciting. Do you know where she’s filming?” The goat nods, happy to see his news has caught her interest, and replies, “The public gardens behind the city hall. It’s been all shut down while they film, but I’m sure you could get a peek from outside. Do you want me to man the shop a bit while you go look? I’ve heard it’s a very exciting sight.” Elphaba nods distractedly, grateful for his blissful ignorance, and practically leaps out the door.

By the time Elphaba reaches the city hall, the sweaty state she’s in is not only from the near sprint she made to get there. A tight knot of nerves has settled in her stomach, and she forces herself to take a deep breath. Yes, she’s about to see the woman who’s inhabited her thoughts for the past year again, but now is no time to get cold feet. As she rounds the building, following the path to the gardens, she finds herself nearly buzzing with anticipation. What would Glinda say? Would she still be mad? Worse, would she be indifferent?

Elphaba reaches the garden and finds an unexpected obstacle, which in hindsight she really should have expected; the filming has closed off the park, the entrance flimsily roped off while two rather intimidating security guards stand in front of it. Just past them, Elphaba can spot the trailers, crew members milling around, and now suddenly everything is fading away, insignificant, for in the middle of a small crowd she sees her.

She’s dreamed of this moment admittedly more times than she’ll ever admit in the past few months. Of seeing her again, their eyes meeting, some invisible thread pulling them back together where they’re meant to be. Glinda smiling, rushing to her arms, all problems from their last moments together magically forgotten. Elphaba sweeping her back home to her bed, to her kitchen table, that cereal box fished out from the pantry, Glinda in her clothes smiling and that night repeated and ended right. But now she finds that it’s hard to reenact any of that, and really do anything at all, when all she can hear is the drum of her heart and all she can see are Glinda’s wide brown eyes staring back at her.

And then the actress is whispering animatedly to an attendant next to her, who Elphaba recognizes to be Morrible. Morrible looks over and scans the awkward woman waiting outside the barrier skeptically, before walking over and whispering to one of the security guards. Now it is his turn to give Elphaba a doubtful once-over, and then the silver haired manager is tugging her by the arm across the threshold and the distance between her and the actress is quickly shrinking.

“Elphie. What are you doing here?” Glinda is dressed in some odd get up, her new project no doubt a period piece, and she fiddles with the white frills of her dress with what almost seems to be worry. Elphaba watches her closely, drinking her presence in like a starving animal. She notes the slight furrow between her brow, the way she still smells of vanilla and lilies, the way her small heels bring her to eye level. She notes the way Glinda’s eyes search her just as much, and she finds some small relief in the idea that the actress has missed her too. She smiles, tentatively.

“I heard you were in town, I only just found out today.”

Glinda winces slightly, and shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “I was going to call, I just..” She trails off and shrugs helplessly. In some odd way, Elphaba thinks she understands. She nods, trying to convey this, and continues.

“I thought I might.. well, I don’t know what I thought. I suppose I just wanted to say hello. And see you again.”

Glinda relaxes minutely at that, and if Elphaba hadn’t been watching she likely would have missed the way the tension seeps out of her shoulders. The small dimple in her cheek appears as she smiles back. “Well I’m glad you did.”

Morrible appears at her shoulder, her permanent scowl slightly deeper than usual. “Miss Upland, you’re needed on set.”

Glinda shoots the dark-haired woman an apologetic look, and asks, with almost a note of desperation in her voice, “Would you stay? I really do have to finish this, but there’s still things to be said. And talked about. Morrible could show you around until then?” She shoots her manager a pointed look, who somehow frowns deeper but nods reluctantly. When Elphaba nods in agreement as well, somewhat stunned, Glinda smiles again before rushing away, almost immediately enveloped by a small crowd of chattering crew members.

Morrible watches her retreat before turning back to Elphaba with a skeptical glare, who can only smile meekly in response.

“Well come on then, no time to waste. I’ll show you where to get some headphones to listen and then I have other things to attend to. Oz, who does she think I am, a tour guide?” She mutters the last part to herself, but Elphaba still narrows her eyes at the pointed barb towards Glinda. She bites her tongue and follows the older woman with no response.

Morrible leads her further into the set, trailers slowly fading into the rolling hills and picturesque scenery of the park. Camera men sit under tents to hide from the bright sun, and crew members mill around. In the center of all this, a small area is cleared, no doubt ready for filming. Glinda stands there looking rather bored, conversing with her co-star as they wait. Elphaba recognizes him vaguely as Chuffrey, another rising actor these days. She most definitely did not acquire this knowledge from religiously following Glinda’s name and casting announcements at the local newsstand.

Morrible ushers her under one of the canopy tents, talking to a cameraman and gesturing at Elphaba before whisking away. The cameraman smiles at her, already seeming more friendly than his coworker, and beckons her closer to the gear.

“A friend of Glinda’s? She should be done soon, they just have to film a scene here. Here, have some headphones, you can hear what the mics are picking up and follow the scene.” He hands a pair of chunky black headphones to her, which she gratefully accepts.

“Wow, thank you.” She slides them on and then turns to watch the actors, arms crossed as she stands.

Through the headphones, Glinda’s voice picks up, seemingly mid conversation with Chuffrey. The two are standing in the field, observing the crew frantically run around them.

“Oz, I do hope we wrap up soon. I have to be back in Frottica at the end of the week.”

“Oh stop showing off,” Chuffrey replies with no bite, to which Glinda smiles in amusement.

“So then you won’t be staying around the city?” He looks at her inquisitively and then adds with a small smirk, “not even for a certain green lady who crashed our set earlier? Who was she, anyway? You were looking at her rather fondly. Dare I say, hungri–”

Glinda cuts him off with a wave of her hand, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, none of that, you dirty minded fool. She’s nobody, really. Someone from my past, really a bit of an awkward situation to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what she’s doing here.” She shifts slightly, the only tell of her discomfort, and glances around the countryside casually as if she has not just punched Elphaba in the gut with her words.

Elphaba stands there a moment, reeling, and then slowly slides her headphones off her head. She places them gently on a small table, and turns to leave the set. In the busyness of the crowd, no one seems to notice her quiet retreat.

Of course, she should have realized. While she had spent all this time waiting for Glinda, of course the actress had already moved on. She would be a fool not to. But it’s still a bit of a twist in the gut, no matter how expected it may be.

That night, as she lies in bed, she wills herself to forget the doe eyes and twinkling laugh that so frequently star in her dreams. She wakes up decidedly disappointed in herself.

The next day, she goes to the shop more put out than she has been in nearly a year. Dillamond takes note of her quiet state and doesn’t pry, only dropping a tea quietly on her desk after his break and keeping to himself in the back of the shop. For that, she is grateful, and she tries her best to lose herself in her work.

Near the end of afternoon, quite near to closing time, she’s sorting books in the back when Dillamond hurries over, an excited gleam in his eyes.

“Oh Elphaba, you will not believe who is in the shop right now. She’s asking for you personally, don’t tell me you know her? Why, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me something so exciting.”

Her throat tightens, and she smiles awkwardly.

“I can’t imagine I know who you’re talking about, I’ll go greet our guest.”

She walks to the front of the store, palms sweating, and sure enough there stands Glinda, looking small between the towering shelves. When she sees Elphaba she smiles tentatively, and tucks her hair behind her ear. She’s in a simple outfit, a pink skirt and white cardigan that make her look oddly soft in the evening glow.

“Hi.” Glinda tilts her head and shuffles her feet. Elphaba finds it rather endearing, and smiles slightly. “Hello.”

“You disappeared, yesterday.” Glinda’s tone is light, but there’s a small undercurrent to her words that takes the taller woman by surprise. Had she been upset? Surely not, if Elphaba was just another nobody to her. She clears these thoughts from her mind and does her best to act cluelessly apologetic.

“Right, sorry. I had a matter to attend to, and anyhow I didn’t want to impose.” Glinda searches her face, a hint of doubt in her eyes, but accepts the excuse nonetheless.

“Right, right. Well, how have you been?”

“Oh, fine. Nothing too new around here, really your set is the most excitement we’ve had all year. And you, wow, I’ve been following you in the news every once in a while. Awards, glory.” She decides to omit the fact that she has never bought this many newspapers in her life.

Glinda smiles bashfully, and shakes her head. “Oh no, no, it’s all nonsense, believe me. I really had no idea before, but it’s really just all nonsense. Um, yesterday was our last day of filming, and I really had been meaning to call, I-”

Elphaba raises a hand, and Glinda trails off. “Glinda, it’s alright, I get it. You’re very busy, we’d only known each other for a fleeting moment- a wonderful moment yes, but I’m sure a fleeting moment in the blur of Hollywood. I understand, really. No hard feelings.”

Instead of the relief she had expected, Elphaba is dismayed to see Glinda’s face crumple.

“Oz, Elphie, no, no, that’s not what I meant to say at all. I just came to say- well the thing is,-”

Dillamond enters the room, and opens his mouth to address Elphaba. The green woman raises a finger, and without taking her eyes off Glinda, tells him, “No, not now. Don’t even think about it.” The goat seems to sense the tension in the air and only nods, silently backing out of the room. Glinda smiles slightly at the humor of it, but it quickly fades as she turns back to Elphaba.

“Go on,” the dark-haired woman prompts her nervously.

“Well I wanted to apologize, for blaming you the last time we saw each other. You know, I asked if you had.. well, anyhow, I realize it couldn’t have been you that called them. It wouldn’t have been. I hope we can put that behind us. And I suppose the thing is I have to go away tomorrow morning, but I was wondering if you might make some time to see me again. If I could see you a little, maybe a lot, see if you could like me again.”

Elphaba’s head is reeling as she tries to piece together exactly what Glinda is saying. She gets a sudden hit of deja vu, their first meeting in this very store, Glinda perusing the shelves with an air of faux nonchalance. Elphaba behind her desk, speechless, as the larger than life star trailed around her shop. And now here was that star again, only it wasn’t quite her, her faint image flickering over a woman who seemed awfully small in the shameful spotlight of being known.

Still, a small pit of doubt stays lodged in her gut. “But, yesterday, that actor asked you who I was and you dismissed me so quickly, I heard. You had a microphone and I had headphones.”

Glinda furrows her brow slightly, confused. “You expected me to tell the truth about my life and relationships to the most blabbermouth actor in Oz?”

There’s a small moment where Elphaba looks at her, carefully mulling over what to say. At last she clears her throat, and straightens her shoulders.

“Glinda, listen. What we had, what happened- it was wonderful. I cared- I care for you very deeply. But just once, could I just.. say no to you, and leave it at that?” She wrings her hands and watches Glinda’s face fall, before the actress pulls together a smile and nods tightly. “Of course you can.”

“It’s just with you, unlike any other.. anyone else in my life, I’m in real danger. It was a magical thing we had, but when you left I suppose it was really rather crushing. And I understand that was out of your control, and a misunderstanding really, but I’m afraid my relatively inexperienced heart would not recover if I was once again cast aside, as I would absolutely expect to be. It’s just you’re- well you’re everywhere. In the movies and the papers and the bus stops. I’d never find a way to get over you, I’m afraid. You’d leave and I’d be, well, done for.”

She stares at a point over Glinda’s shoulder determinedly as she speaks, a lump forming in her throat. It is the right thing to say, she knows, but it would likely shatter her heart a little further to see the hurt on Glinda’s face any longer. After she is done with her small speech, she forces herself to meet the actress’s eyes.

“Wow, that really is a no, isn’t it?” Glinda tries to smile humorously, but her eyes hold a crushed look that makes Elphaba’s stomach twist. She fights the urge to hug her close, instead squeezing her hand in a fist against her side.

“I just.. I live in Notting Hill, you live in the Pertha Hills. Everyone in Oz knows your name, meanwhile some days my neighbor of 3 years forgets my name.”

“No, I get it, Elphie, really. It’s alright.” She turns towards the door, but hesitates. She turns back with a last, almost pleading look in her eyes, and adds, “The fame thing isn’t really real, you know that? And don’t forget, I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love her.”

Elphaba can only stand in silence, agonizing over her decision, and after a moment passes Glinda approaches her and softly kisses her on the cheek. “Goodbye, Elphaba.”

And the green woman can only stand helplessly and watch as Glinda walks out of the bookstore and into the street, soon gone and lost in the crowd.

“Elphaba, let me get this straight. The woman you’ve been pining over for an entire year appears in your shop, asking you to love her, and you say.. No?” Fiyero fixes her with his most unimpressed glare, arms crossed.

Around the table at Nessa’s house, the 4 of them sit, and Elphaba shifts under the 3 pairs of eyes that watch her with ranging looks of disbelief and outrage.

“Elphie, I understand you’re afraid of getting hurt, but she quite literally asked to see you more. A lot, even. Glinda may be many things, but she seems to be true to her word. She likes you a lot, you like her a lot. I don’t see the problem,” Boq adds, an eyebrow raised as he gives Elphaba his best impression of a disapproving father.

“Well I suppose I was just worried by how much she meant to me. How am I supposed to get over her if she changes her mind? I couldn’t shake her from my mind for a full year! And yes she said she liked me, I suppose that means she couldn’t get over it either, but…” As she speaks, even to herself her words start to sound rather shallow. Fiyero watches her amusedly, and as she slumps back in defeat he can only laugh and nod.

“I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life, haven’t I?”

Nessa laughs and pats her arm, nodding before adding, “And anyhow, she must have been serious to come see you so close to her press conference downtown. She probably stopped by in the only free moment she had.” All eyes turn to her, and she looks around before shrugging. “Yeah, I heard about it from some client at the bakery, she’s holding a press conference at the Diggs Hotel today at 6:30.”

And then the realization seems to hit her, and she claps her hands excitedly. “Oh Elphaba, you must go! This could be the decision you regret forever if you don’t go after her, can’t you see?” Next to her Fiyero and Boq seem equally excited, and they lean towards their friend encouragingly.

“Elphie, I’ll drive you right now. There’s still a chance!” Fiyero jumps up, his keys already in hand, and Elphaba only hesitates a moment before following him in his gleeful sprint to the car. Glinda’s words ring in her head the whole drive there, and despite herself she smiles widely. After a rather ridiculous amount of traffic, he at last skids to a stop outside of the hotel, and with a quick thanks thrown over her shoulder she runs inside.

Slightly out of breath, she leans over the counter and asks the clerk, “Hello, I’m looking for the Upland press conference? Or, sorry, The Good Witch?” She faintly recalls the silly code names Glinda used, and wonders if she’s changed it, but thankfully the clerk seems to recognize her and fixes her with a pitying look before waving a hand towards the elevators. “Room 301.” She smiles gratefully before rushing to the elevator, punching the button for the 3rd floor with more force than strictly necessary. As the elevator climbs painstakingly slow, she examines her appearance in her reflection in the polished doors. Not her best, but good enough.

As the doors open with a ding, she hurries to 301, pushing inside. It’s a larger room, clearly intended for meetings rather than guests, and it’s packed. A few dozen reports crowd the floor in front of a long table at the head of the room, where Glinda, Morrible, and a couple others Elphaba doesn’t recognize sit at the front of the room. Glinda seems out of it, glancing at the table as she fidgets with her hands. Elphaba’s heart aches slightly at the sight.

Elphaba quietly weaves through the crowd as reporters clammer around her to be picked by Morrible, notepads and pens waving in an effort for her attention.

One, a tall Lion with small spectacles on his nose, is selected, and clears his throat before asking, “And how long will Ms. Upland be staying in the Emerald City?”

Glinda leans forward towards her microphone and flashes a wry smile. “No time at all, in fact. I fly out tomorrow morning.” This prompts another uproar of waving hands from the crowd, and cameras flash in an effort to capture tomorrow’s front page picture. Morrible gestures to a woman in the front who steps up to ask her question.

“Miss Upland, last time you were here some fairly personal photos of you were all over the news. What happened to the woman you were spotted with?”

Glinda blinks, surprised, and answers quietly, “She was just a friend, we’re still friends, I think.”

As the chatter of the crowd gets loud again, Elphaba pays them no mind, and pushes to the front, tentatively raising her hand. Morrible sees her, and with an unimpressed sigh waves at her to speak. “Yes, you, the green woman.”

Glinda looks up sharply at this, and her eyes widen slightly when she catches sight of Elphaba. Realizing she hadn’t in fact thought this through, she hesitantly steps forward and looks at Glinda.

“Would there be any circumstances, perhaps, where you might consider being.. more than friends with this woman?”

The crowd murmurs quietly at this and turns back to Glinda eagerly. The actress fixes her with an odd glance, and replies haltingly, “I hoped there would be, but I was.. assured there aren’t.”

Elphaba shakes her head slightly, and emboldened leans forward even more. “Well I was just wondering if this person-”

The woman from earlier leans in and helpfully adds, “Thropp, I believe was her name.”

Elphaba glances at her awkwardly and continues, “Right. Thropp. Well if Thropp were to change her mind, say, perhaps realize she’d been a real idiot, and got down on her knees and begged you to reconsider- well, would you?”

The crowd shifts at her words, and slowly a few start to realize why this reporter seems so invested in the affair. Amidst the whispers all eyes are now fixed on Glinda, who stares back at Elphaba with a slowly growing smile on her face.

“I believe I would.” And turning to Morrible, she whispers something in her manager’s ear. The older woman fixes her with a stare for a moment, then turns back to her microphone and points to the Lion. “Would you please repeat your question from earlier?”

The Lion, confused, asks, “How long will Ms. Upland be staying in the Emerald City?”

Glinda, beaming, replies, “Indefinitely.”