You were never prepared for what came with being a super star's kid. No one knew how hard it would be when you truly start growing up.
It had been just you and your mom for a couple of months now since her separation with your father. They never told you the reasons why. But you knew it was for the better. The house was filled with sadness and anger. Their fights echoed in your ears every night your mom gave you a goodnight kiss. How could you even forget?
"For her at least!" Your mom yelled in the living room and you just stood in the door frame out of their sight.
"No- Are you even listening to me? I can't keep on living like this," your father fought back.
"I don't want her to grow up without a father," Taylor lowered her voice a little and shook her head. They had been through this more than enough times but she couldn't let him go just like that.
"I will visit," he promised. He always promised things but never kept them.
Taylor already knew that he wouldn't and he was just saying it. She shook her head.
You just watched their fights without ever wanting to participate in them. You were only six when they started to become more often. Almost everyday. Your father found reasons to waste the time with them.
One night while you were sleeping Taylor watched him go. She didn't have the strength to stop him this time. She just let it happen.
The morning that came after that was silent and sad. All your mom said to you was that he needed to go away for some work thing. She never said more but you were big enough that he won't come back this time.
-
It's been ten years since and it's just been you and your mom, Taylor Swift. Her biggest tour, The Eras Tour was starting soon. You never told her but you were scared. You were scared that you won't be able to meet as often and that she would stop loving as much, even though that wasn't true.
"Baby, do you want to help pick songs out?" she opened the door to your room as you were sitting in front of your makeup table. You saw her in the reflection of the mirror.
"Sure," you shrugged your shoulders and offered a gentle smile.
You followed her into her office and sat down next to your mom. Hands folded and on your laps. You wanted to tell her about your fears but you didn't have the heart to upset her. She was the best mom you could've ever asked for even though she had her own mistakes you never loved her any less or started to distrust her.
Though, Taylor started to notice your silence whenever she brought up The Eras Tour. It didn't go unnoticed by how tense you got at the first mention of it, how long it will be.
"So, how do you want it to be?" you asked as you raised your gaze to look at her.
She put a small smile on her face, "I was thinking about starting it with Lover. Since the Loverfest got cancelled, I think that's a good idea."
You nodded. You remembered how excited she was to perform her first owned album and how sad she was when she had to cancel it thanks to the pandemic.
"The era would start with Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince," her voice faded into the void as you started to daydream.
The other day you were out with friends and you watched how one of your friends got dropped of by her dad. And how she got a cheek kiss and a big hug before she ran over to you. Then her dad and mom picked her up and they went on their way.
You never told anyone but you actually really carved your father's love and attention, even if he never played his part. There were good and unforgettable moments with him that you cherished and kept hidden from the whole world, even hidden from Taylor. They were just yours to keep.
"Look! She is taking her first step," your father yelled for Taylor to come into the living room. She came rushed in with a camera in hand to document your achievement.
"Oh, my baby," she melted behind the camera as you were starting to almost walk.
You fell but you just smiled and giggled happily. Then everything felt perfect even if you didn't remember too much only seeing on videos.
Your parents smiled and laughed with you. Nothing ever felt more happier than that moment before all the fighting and yelling.
"Y/N? Are you okay?" your mother worriedly asked as she pulled you out of the daydreaming.
You shook your head and stepped back into reality again, "Yes, of course- I'm fine," you assured her and soothed her worry a little bit.
Taylor let out a heavy sigh and fully turned to you in her seat.
"I know how hard it is for you, and how hard it has been ever since..." she couldn't really say it out but you knew what she meant. She was still not over it herself as well.
"But I am always here for you," she reached out for your hand and you let her take it, "though, I feel like something else is also bothering you."
You lowered your gaze, you couldn't keep looking into her eyes and see all love and understanding for you and when you didn't want to let her go on a world tour and just stay with you forever. You felt selfish. But you truly just didn't want to lose another parent. That was a nightmare that always came up late night when you were trying to sleep peacefully.
"Mom, I-" you fell into silence but soon after decided to fight yourself and say it out loud, "I don't want you to tour," you raised your head to meet her eyes.
Her eyes softened and let you continue.
"It's just- what if you won't have time for me anymore? What if you will start to love me less?" you looked down, "I don't want to lose you too," you softly admitted.
She cupped your cheeks and forced you to make eye contact with her.
"You are my baby, my child," she softly and slowly said so you would listen, "Nothing and no one will ever be as important as you are, my love," she smiled and started to giving you kisses all over your face.
You giggled at your mom's behaviour like you were still a little baby.
When she stopped giving kisses, she continued her speech, "I was actually thinking about taking you with me on tour. And if you want a few, only a few friends can come along," she said with a smile.
"And I will never ever love you any less and I will always have time for my little angel and you won't get rid of me for many years to come," she stopped and pulled you into a deep, loving hug. You haven't felt this happy in a while.