us
had i ever gotten everything i’ve ever wanted?
i was close.
katsuki wakes up, and takes a few seconds before getting out of bed.
why do i keep dreaming of him? it’s been years since i’ve talked to him last, so why is he still flooding my thoughts?
when we graduated our high school, i left and never looked back. he was in love with her. and i was still in love with him, even though izuku had gotten over it.
in college, i let new people enter my life, in order to drown him out. but nothing could drown it out. the thoughts of him.
i make my breakfast, and sit down at my table. in my empty apartment. i scroll through social media , and see a post i never wanted to.
it’s a picture of izuku, with the tokyo tower in the background. the tower that is fifteen miles away from my house.
but the problem; it’s evident. ochako is i’m the background, smiling.
she looks perfect, like someone he belongs with.
katsuki gets up, dressed, and starts heading out. on his way to work, he sees a katsudon shop.
izuku lived for that. it was his favorite food of all time.
everything ties back to izuku. every song, every show and every food leads back to the memories of him.
“kacchan! your so talented, i wish i could do that” he was pouting, since he didn’t know how to paint like katsuki. “nerd, don’t pout. i’ll teach you” he replied, and a smile appeared on his face.
back then, he had every single thing he could ask for. izuku loved him, and he loved him back.
but she showed up; and she made katsuki realise it could never be anything other than casual.
these flashbacks flood katsukis mind constantly, reminding him of the past.
the truth is, nothing could fix it. you can’t fix something that wasn’t even there.
you can't fix something imaginary.
while walking through the streets he gets a text. the number that pops up on the screen isn’t one he thought he’d see again.
ochako: hey bakugo, we’re in town until saturday. me and deku were wondering if we could visit when your free!
deku. the nickname i gave him.
katsuki: hey uraraka, im not free lately. have fun with him though.
the cruelty in the text comes from a heart of hurt. one that used to be full of love.
but now it’s barely beating. the love that once fueled it; was taken away.
continuing his walk to work, katsuki finally reaches his destination.
dynamite auto parts.
katsuki never thought he would work at an auto shop, but it brightens his day, even if he’d never admit it.
“hey bakugo!” sero yells, from across the room. you’d never think it, but katsuki enjoys his co workers company.
“what do you want soy sauce?” katsuki says, in an aggressive tone . he doesn’t mean to, but it’s always been this way.
he pushes everyone away on accident.
but they stay. no matter what he does, the friends he makes here, always stayed.
“woah chill bakubro, whats got your panties on a twist?” kirishima adds, who’s another one of katsukis co workers.
katsuki grunts, and walks away. he sits down at a bench, since it is thirty minutes to opening. he starts to arrange his tools to be neater, but gets another text.
its from him.
katsuki and izuku haven’t talked since their high school graduation, where they had a huge fight.
“why are you acting like this katsuki!” deku yelled, and he was so oblivious. he’s calling him by his actual name now. katsuki thought he knew that he was in love with him still. “don’t you know?” the blond haired teen replied, and deku looked at him with confusion.
“what am i supposed to know?” he asked quietly. so he didn’t know. he just thought it was casual to him. he didn’t know what katsuki felt towards him. “i love you izuku. i have for years! but you love her!” katsuki yells back, and a shocked expression comes upon his face.
“..you loved me?” the freckled boy asked. confusion evident in his eyes. wasn’t it obvious? everyone could see it. the way he looked at him, like he was the most beautiful person in the world.
“yes! i did” he yells. “didn’t you notice? even uraraka knew!” he continues. Uraraka knew, but she still took him. Was he ever really mine in the first place ?
“kat- katsuki!” Sero yells, bringing me back to the present. It's been happening more lately.
I thought I stopped having flashbacks, but the past couple of weeks, they’ve been non-stop.
“what do you want?” katsuki asks, in a wobbling voice. sero looks at him, confused. the confusion on his face turns to concern.
“are you okay bakugo?… you were spaced out.” sero asks, and katsuki rubs his eyes to clear his head.
katsuki looks back at his phone, and sero does too. now he understands why katsuki was upset.
“that sucks man..maybe talk to him.” sero suggests, like talking to him will make life easier.
katsuki unlocks his phone, and clicks on the unopened message.
izuku 🧡: hey katsuki, wondered if we could hang out sometime?
why does this keep happening to katsuki? why is the past coming back up with a visit?
—————————
izuku midoriya is a liar.
ever since high school graduation, he’s said he doesn’t miss his ex best friend.
he lied.
that day, he found something out. something he dreamed about happening, but it was too late.
katsuki was in love with him. he loved him throughout their relationship; if that’s what you wanted to call it.
when izuku found that out, he loved someone else. something he would never admit is that he did indeed still love katsuki at the time.
but now katsuki is ignoring his text. they haven’t talked in three years, so izuku didn’t expect him to be the kindest; but he didn’t expect him to blatantly ignore him.
right now, izuku is scrolling on social media when he comes upon a post.
it’s a picture of katsuki, and two other people he didn’t recognize. they look happy together, so why was he feeling an ache in his chest?
it was surely because he missed the blond haired man, and nothing else. izuku has always felt like he’s a dramatic person anyways.
he clicks on katsukis page, and sees tons of photos. some are with his friends, but there’s one that makes izuku stare for a little too long.
it’s a picture of him and another guy; probably one of his friends. but what sticks out about this picture is katsuki. his eyes have always been a way to see how he felt.
in the picture you can see it in his eyes; he’s broken. he past fixing. izuku has seen this look in his eyes before, when katsuki was ready to jump off the building.
to take his own advice.
back then, it was the end of both of their first years in high school, and katsuki had just apologized to izuku for bullying him all those years. “izuku, i’m sorry. for everything, i mean.”
that apology had meant more to izuku than any grand gestures he could’ve been given.
why is kacchan bringing me here? suddenly, he stopped walking. katsuki looked at izuku in the eyes and pulled him into a hug. “k-kacchan, what are you doing?” izuku had asked and katsuki replied with tears.
izuku had never seen him cry before, except for when he broke an arm at five, so he was baffled. he hugged the fiery teenager tighter.
“izuku.. i’m sorry. for everything, i mean.” he had bleary eyes, but they had this look. the look as if katsuki was the saddest person on earth; like he could never be happy.
remembering that brought chills down izuku's spine. the day after that, izuku had caught katsuki trying to end his life on top of a building.
they became inseparable after that; hanging out after school, getting food, and watching movie about heroes.
izuku was a big nerd for this hero called all might. him and katsuki used to pretend to be heroes with powers. they called themselves the wonder duo.
back then, everything was great. they got along, they both had good grades and good lives. nothing bad happened after that until mina’s birthday party.
“i-izuku, will you kiss me?”
they had made out at a birthday party, and became boyfriends. everyone they knew supported them, and they were happily in love for a year.
but then,
“deku!” izuku snapped out of his head, not realizing he was zoning out.
“yeah?” he asked, and ochako rolled her eyes in response. why was he think about katsuki so much now that he’s visiting the town katsuki lives in?
“i was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with me, mina, and kirishima?” she questioned the green haired man. would katsuki be there? he wondered, then pushed the thought from his head.
“uhm yeah, sure” he replied, and ochako give him a suspicious look.
“are you okay?” she asked, in a soft tone. izuku nodded and then smiled. he returned to going on his phone. izuku midoriya is a liar.
slipping his shoes on, izuku headed out the door with ochako. they had been together for three years, the same amount of time him and katsuki haven’t talked for.
many people have asked when they would get engaged, but they were only twenty-one. izuku felt like that was too early to get married; or even engaged.
izuku wouldn’t say ochako was one hundred percent the reason he and katsuki broke up, but she was a part.
izuku and ochako entered the car, and turned on the radio. a song started, and it caused izukus heart to ache.
it was their song. his and katsukis song. the one they first kissed to, and the one playing in the background when they got together.
Watching, I keep waiting, still anticipating love
Never hesitating to become the fated ones
Turning and returning to some secret place to hide
Watching in slow motion as you turn to me and say
My love
Take my breath away
the song makes izukus heart stop. memories of him and katsuki flood his head. them kissing in the rain, them talking for hours at night, and them being inseparable.
what happened to them?
izuku loved katsuki more then anything else in his life, and apparently katsuki returned that feeling. so who ruined it?
was it ochako?
—————————-
katsuki was lied to about this dinner. he was told it was just a hangout with him and kirishima.
so when kirishimas car pulled up to a restaurant, katsuki was more than confused.
“come on bakugo! i had a change of plans” he said, confidently. okay, so he just changed his mind. there was nothing to be nervous about, so why were katsukis hangs shaking?
katsuki was right, he was lied to. he was trucked into hanging out with izuku.
nearly the sight of him made katsuki want to run out the door, but izuku had already spotted him. izuku looked away after he got a sight of him.
on the way to the restaurant, their song started playing. out of nowhere, he had felt the memories of their relationship flood his head.
izuku really did take his breath away.
katsuki and kirishima sat down at the table, and he nodded at izuku. just so he would know he cared.
there was strong tension at the table, but everyone was engaged in conversation.
“what do you think bakugo?” kirishima asked, looking at him. katsuki suddenly became embarrassed, and everyone was loooking at him.
“uh, what were you asking?” he asks , and everyone laughs. except for izuku. he just looks and him, then quickly looks away.
“if ochako and deku should get engaged!” he says, but then realises what he said.
again, the nickname i gave him.
katsuki chokes on his drink, and starts coughing. izuku looks at him, concerned. katsuki hates when he looks at him like that, it makes him feel weak.
everyone is staring at him, waiting for an answer. he looks at izuku. “i don’t think they fit well together.” katsuki spits.
izuku's face went red, and ochako is mad. katsuki didn’t mean to say that, it just kind of slipped out. kirishima snickers, but then gets a bad look from mina.
“i think your just jealous katsuki” ochako says. she didn’t go there. katsuki starts to get really angry. why the hell would she say that?
izuku looks at her angrily. no one thinks that was the right thing to say, knowing their past.
———————
the next day, izuku texts katsuki again. this time, it was an apology.
izuku🧡: hey, im so sorry for ochako. she shouldn’t have said that.
katsuki: no problem, izuku.
this time , katsuki answered reluctantly. it wasn’t fair to keep leaving him on read.
katsuki was off today, so he was lying in bed thinking about everything that happened yesterday
did ochako really think that?
was he jealous?
no, he wasn’t jealous. he misses izuku, the love of his life.
“everything that happens is fate” izuku said, looking katsuki in the eyes. “does that mean us being together is fate?” katsuki asked, and pulled izuku in for a kiss.
that day, they were watching the meteor shower, and izuku started talking about fate. katsuki never really did believe in fate before he let izuku talk him into it.
. —————————-
izuku and ochako haven’t talked in two days.
uku starts heading back to the hotel he and ochako stayed in, feeling guilty. .
once he gets into the hotel room, he realizes she’s upset.
“hey ochako, i’m sorry for ignoring you.” he says, and she looks at izuku. her face shows no emotion, so he’s not sure how she feels.
“deku, you still love him.” she states. she walks closer to izuku and gives him a hug. izuku hugs back, confused. does he still love katsuki? he always will love katsuki. there was no changing that.
“what? what do you mean” izuku replies, confused. he breaks away from the hug, and looks at ochako.
“you love him, and i will not be with someone who doesn’t want only me.” she says, but there’s no aggression in her voice, only understanding.
ochako had bags packed, and she was ready to leave today no matter if izuku came back or not.
she leaves without another word, and the feeling of guilt deepens in his chest. he never meant to make ochako feel bad.
it wasn’t fair. what he did. he should’ve never got in a relationship when he loved someone else.
throughout the day, izuku lays on the couch and thinks about what he wants to do now.
izuku wants to stay in tokyo, and figure things out. it’s hard to figure yourself out when you’re in a relationship since high school graduation.
but he will not get back together with katsuki.
izuku wants to become friends with him again, but he’s scared of the consequences getting back together would bring. they’ll stay strictly friends, that’s it..
as he is walking to get a snack from the cupboard, his phone starts vibrating in his hand.
incoming call: kirishima (mina’s bf)
why was kirishima calling him?
“hey deku!” kirishima said, happily.
“hey kirishima, what’s up?” izuku asked, in a cautious tone.
izuku sat down on the couch as kirishima started talking.
“mina told me that you and ochako broke up, and i’m really sorry if i caused that.” kirishima started
“and i’m sorry on katsukis behalf for ruining the mood” he continued
“it’s okay, everything that happened was my fault. i did a lot of bad things to ochako and katsuki.” izuku replied. he truely felt guilty for what he’s done.
izuku wanted to make it up to katsuki with friendship between the two, and the same for ochako.
maybe here, he could get closure.
there was no way katsuki still loved him, maybe he had the lasting love that izuku did, but he didn’t want him romantically.
katsuki had gotten so upset because he was still salty about what happened.
“you still there deku?” kirishima asked, in a tone where it seemed like if he talked too loud, izuku would break.
“yeah, sorry.” izuku responded, distraught. he had been slipping into his thoughts more recently.
“you should talk to katsuki” kirishima suggests, carefully.
“i think i should give him time.” izuku says, then continues.
“im not sure if he hates me because of what happens.” izuku says softly, voice shaky.
in the couple moments of silence, izuku breaks into a sob. he can’t hold this in anymore.
this hurt has been here for years, and it’s just now coming out. this is what happens when you bottle up emotions.
“woah, izuku. it’s gonna be okay, he doesn’t hate you.” kirishima reassures izuku.
“o-okay, thanks kiri.” izuku says, then ends the call.
izuku has a lot to talk about with katsuki, and he’s not sure how to do it
— — — — — — — —